Fanfiction: catch me [SPN]
Title: catch me
Genres: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Dean Winchester/Castiel, Charlie Bradbury
Warnings/Spoilers: S08E23, i.e. the season 8 finale.
Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to The CW Network.
A/N: So I came across the song Tears Of An Angel by RyanDan as I was browsing YouTube. It is so appropriate for Castiel right now - and Destiel by extension - that I had it on repeat while finishing this up. Go listen if you can.
Summary: [One Shot | Part 3 of as I fall] Heaven had fallen. He had Fallen, but it was as if he still had a long way to go before he would hit the unforgiving ground. Hit the ground, break and shatter. It'd be just what he deserved...
It was raining angels. It was raining angels all across the world and he had played a key role in it, had aided in the spell that forced all of his brethren from their home and down onto Earth. He'd tried to fix his mistakes, only to compound them, and lead to the worst happening. But still, the worst part...
The worst part was the silence.
He couldn't hear them, couldn't hear their agonized cries as they plummeted from the skies, as their wings were forcibly ripped away to burn bright in the night sky like bursts of starlight. He couldn't hear anything when he deserved to hear it all, deserved to bear the damning consequences of his actions by having the Host's screams, their bitter resentment seared into his memory for the rest of his now-mortal existence. Because he was the reason why the angels no longer had a home.
He could only watch in silence as the clouds opened up and let it all fall to the Earth to crash and to burn. He could only bear a silent vigil as he watched and watched and felt emotions begin to well up, nigh unstoppable, inside of him.
Emotions weren't foreign to him, no, not really. He had always been able to feel more than the rest of the Host, he knew. But emotions had never felt so intense, so strong and with the honest threat of overwhelming him and rendering him a useless baby. He had never been so afraid of his emotions, of feeling more than he should as an angel. Not even during the not-Apocalypse that had long since passed.
How was it possible that those years now seemed like the simplest, happiest times of his existence?
Now despair was rising up, threatening to devastate him like a tsunami sweeping everything away in its path. And he could see no way out. No light at the end of the tunnel. There was no one (no Dean, a part of his mind whispered) to save him, no one to catch him in his free-fall.
Castiel did not know how long it took for the sun to rise, for the light to banish the darkness and the sight of his falling brethren. Once, he would've been able to tell for certain where he was, when it was... Once, not so long ago, he could feel the world around him, feel the thrum of life of all Creation, could feel planes of existence that mortals could not perceive.
Once upon a time... it could've been a lifetime ago.
He next found himself standing by the side of a road, having no recollection of how he'd even gotten there. He hadn't been able to take his eyes off the sky, even though he could no longer see the falling stars, and longer still had he been unable to hear them.
It was so, so silent.
It could've been a moment, it could've been eternity, and then a bright yellow car pulled up in front of him.
"Castiel? Um, you're Castiel, aren't you?"
He finally looked away from the sky to the woman who'd spoken to him, who'd said his name. He didn't recognise her, and he couldn't tell if she were human, demon or just... other. It would be ironic but fitting, though, he supposed, to die at the hands of some supernatural creature now that he was not.
"Do I know you?" he asked instead.
"I don't think we've met. But I know Dean and Sam, after helping them with the Leviathans and then a couple of cases a while back... and I found and read the "Supernatural" series, including a whole bunch of unpublished chapters from this encrypted online database that I found and... You can call me Charlie."
Though Castiel could not be sure, now that he was without his grace, he did not think this woman was lying about knowing Dean and Sam.
"It is nice to meet you, Charlie," he replied politely.
Charlie looked a little uncertainly at him before offering, "I was on my way to find the boys. Do you... want a ride?"
Hope filled Castiel. Now that he was without his powers, he had no idea where he was and no idea how he could begin looking for Dean and Sam. He wasn't sure if he would be welcome too, especially on Dean's part but... but he couldn't think of anyone else to go to.
He didn't have anyone to turn to.
"You know where they are?"
"Not exactly. I called Dean when I saw the meteor shower last night and didn't have a good feeling about it. But he didn't pick up, nor has he contacted me since. I was thinking to check out their HQ."
"That sounds... logical. I will join you. Thank you for your offer."
"Okay then. Hop on."
It was a long drive. He had never been overly fond of traveling by human transport, though he had come to understand their need over time. Especially in times when he had been incapable of flight, or had not dared risk flying for fear of being traced.
Charlie had tried a few times, a little awkwardly, to draw him into conversation but he hadn't really been in the mood to talk and he didn't know her. So most of the journey passed in silence, broken only by when they'd stopped to get him food and water because he had forgotten about basic human needs.
When they finally reached the bunker, Castiel felt a strong wave of relief wash over him when he saw the Impala, looking none the worse for wear, parked there. The brothers were home then, and they were most likely unharmed. Or at least, Dean was likely to be unharmed. He could not say the same for Sam, who had already been damaged and changed in ways that not even his angelic powers could've healed before everything else had happened.
He followed behind Charlie as she headed to the door. With every step he took, he felt apprehension creeping up on him. He would be seeing Dean again, and... and he wasn't sure if he would be welcome after all that he had messed up once again. Had trusted the wrong person once again. Had made everything even worse when he had only been trying his best to do the right thing and fix his mistakes.
One would think he would learn from his past wrongs, but he clearly hadn't. Would Dean even want to see him now? Now that he was human and useless and... just a baby in a trench coat.
Charlie knocked on the door, calling out simultaneously, "Hey, Dean? Sam? I hope you got my message! Open up!"
In a few short moments, the door opened and Castiel finally laid his now-human eyes on Dean. The first thing that he realized was that he could no longer see Dean's soul. Logically, he had known that would be the case, but faced with the reality of it? It robbed him of his voice, and felt like it would paralyze him and root him there as he stood.
He had thought he was deaf in the silence of Heaven crumbling around him. Now... he was blind too.
"Charlie, what are you-"
Dean's voice cut off as the hunter's verdant eyes locked with Castiel's. For all that the human saying was that the eyes were the windows to one's soul, he still... He still could not see Dean's soul. But he could not take his gaze off Dean either.
"I brought you a present? Come on, we wanna enter. The reunion can happen indoors."
Then they were all inside the bunker and Castiel didn't really register what Charlie said before she was moving away from them and down the stairs, further into the bunker. Like how he could not look away from the sky the previous night, he couldn't look away from Dean now.
But that wasn't all too odd for Castiel. Dean had always fascinated him, and he'd always found himself attracted to the man, found it difficult to look away from the man when his soul had been so bright and beautiful... and even in the absence of that, Castiel found that he still could not look away.
Perhaps he'd never be able to.
Dean took a careful step forward, as if he did not want to spook Castiel. Or perhaps Dean was uneasy too.
"Cas..."
"Dean."
"You're..."
"Human," Castiel finished quietly. "Yes, I... Dean, I'm... I'm human."
Nothing could've prepared him for how his voice cracked as he finally admitted to Dean that he was no longer an angel, even if he'd never been all that good as one either way. Nothing could've prepared him for how his body began to shake uncontrollably and how all his emotions, that he had somehow managed to keep under control throughout his journey with Charlie, were now forcing themselves upon him and refusing to be locked down anymore. Nothing could've prepared him from how he was, once again, in an ocean of turbulent emotions without a lifeboat.
Then Dean was reaching out to him and Castiel was enveloped in warm arms, pressed firmly against Dean's warmth. Almost like when they had reunited in Purgatory. But this time, this time Castiel could not hold still. He forgot about how he'd been near-terrified that Dean would not welcome him, and maybe he would worry about whether he really should stay later, but not now. Just, not right now. Castiel returned the embrace, his hands flying up to desperately clutch at Dean's shirt as silent tears made their way down his cheeks and his body still couldn't stop trembling like a dying leaf caught in a windstorm.
"Dean..."
"It's okay, Cas. Shh... it'll be okay. You're here, you're safe," Dean murmured in low, soothing tones. "You're home."
Home.
Family.
Dean.
"...don't let go... please..."
"I won't. I'm here, Cas. Just... just let it all out. I'm here."
He was safe. He was home, because home was where family was. Where Dean was.
Slowly, slowly but surely, the fear ebbed away and the despair became a muted shadow, not gone but not overwhelming him either. Castiel relaxed incrementally as the seconds ticked by and he found that he was still carefully ensconced in Dean's arms. Dean's warmth seemed to permeate him, seeping under his skin and warming him up from the inside, from the depths of the soul that he now had...
Castiel was Fallen... but he hadn't hit rock bottom and he knew he wouldn't. He had found his lifeline.
Dean Winchester.
His saving grace.
This possibly marks the end of my first mini-series for Supernatural. "Possibly" because I am uncertain if I will do a companion piece to this in Dean's POV. We'll see.
Hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to comment!
x-posted to:
deancastiel
sn_slash
spn_beyond
Genres: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Dean Winchester/Castiel, Charlie Bradbury
Warnings/Spoilers: S08E23, i.e. the season 8 finale.
Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to The CW Network.
A/N: So I came across the song Tears Of An Angel by RyanDan as I was browsing YouTube. It is so appropriate for Castiel right now - and Destiel by extension - that I had it on repeat while finishing this up. Go listen if you can.
Summary: [One Shot | Part 3 of as I fall] Heaven had fallen. He had Fallen, but it was as if he still had a long way to go before he would hit the unforgiving ground. Hit the ground, break and shatter. It'd be just what he deserved...
It was raining angels. It was raining angels all across the world and he had played a key role in it, had aided in the spell that forced all of his brethren from their home and down onto Earth. He'd tried to fix his mistakes, only to compound them, and lead to the worst happening. But still, the worst part...
The worst part was the silence.
He couldn't hear them, couldn't hear their agonized cries as they plummeted from the skies, as their wings were forcibly ripped away to burn bright in the night sky like bursts of starlight. He couldn't hear anything when he deserved to hear it all, deserved to bear the damning consequences of his actions by having the Host's screams, their bitter resentment seared into his memory for the rest of his now-mortal existence. Because he was the reason why the angels no longer had a home.
He could only watch in silence as the clouds opened up and let it all fall to the Earth to crash and to burn. He could only bear a silent vigil as he watched and watched and felt emotions begin to well up, nigh unstoppable, inside of him.
Emotions weren't foreign to him, no, not really. He had always been able to feel more than the rest of the Host, he knew. But emotions had never felt so intense, so strong and with the honest threat of overwhelming him and rendering him a useless baby. He had never been so afraid of his emotions, of feeling more than he should as an angel. Not even during the not-Apocalypse that had long since passed.
How was it possible that those years now seemed like the simplest, happiest times of his existence?
Now despair was rising up, threatening to devastate him like a tsunami sweeping everything away in its path. And he could see no way out. No light at the end of the tunnel. There was no one (no Dean, a part of his mind whispered) to save him, no one to catch him in his free-fall.
Castiel did not know how long it took for the sun to rise, for the light to banish the darkness and the sight of his falling brethren. Once, he would've been able to tell for certain where he was, when it was... Once, not so long ago, he could feel the world around him, feel the thrum of life of all Creation, could feel planes of existence that mortals could not perceive.
Once upon a time... it could've been a lifetime ago.
He next found himself standing by the side of a road, having no recollection of how he'd even gotten there. He hadn't been able to take his eyes off the sky, even though he could no longer see the falling stars, and longer still had he been unable to hear them.
It was so, so silent.
It could've been a moment, it could've been eternity, and then a bright yellow car pulled up in front of him.
"Castiel? Um, you're Castiel, aren't you?"
He finally looked away from the sky to the woman who'd spoken to him, who'd said his name. He didn't recognise her, and he couldn't tell if she were human, demon or just... other. It would be ironic but fitting, though, he supposed, to die at the hands of some supernatural creature now that he was not.
"Do I know you?" he asked instead.
"I don't think we've met. But I know Dean and Sam, after helping them with the Leviathans and then a couple of cases a while back... and I found and read the "Supernatural" series, including a whole bunch of unpublished chapters from this encrypted online database that I found and... You can call me Charlie."
Though Castiel could not be sure, now that he was without his grace, he did not think this woman was lying about knowing Dean and Sam.
"It is nice to meet you, Charlie," he replied politely.
Charlie looked a little uncertainly at him before offering, "I was on my way to find the boys. Do you... want a ride?"
Hope filled Castiel. Now that he was without his powers, he had no idea where he was and no idea how he could begin looking for Dean and Sam. He wasn't sure if he would be welcome too, especially on Dean's part but... but he couldn't think of anyone else to go to.
He didn't have anyone to turn to.
"You know where they are?"
"Not exactly. I called Dean when I saw the meteor shower last night and didn't have a good feeling about it. But he didn't pick up, nor has he contacted me since. I was thinking to check out their HQ."
"That sounds... logical. I will join you. Thank you for your offer."
"Okay then. Hop on."
It was a long drive. He had never been overly fond of traveling by human transport, though he had come to understand their need over time. Especially in times when he had been incapable of flight, or had not dared risk flying for fear of being traced.
Charlie had tried a few times, a little awkwardly, to draw him into conversation but he hadn't really been in the mood to talk and he didn't know her. So most of the journey passed in silence, broken only by when they'd stopped to get him food and water because he had forgotten about basic human needs.
When they finally reached the bunker, Castiel felt a strong wave of relief wash over him when he saw the Impala, looking none the worse for wear, parked there. The brothers were home then, and they were most likely unharmed. Or at least, Dean was likely to be unharmed. He could not say the same for Sam, who had already been damaged and changed in ways that not even his angelic powers could've healed before everything else had happened.
He followed behind Charlie as she headed to the door. With every step he took, he felt apprehension creeping up on him. He would be seeing Dean again, and... and he wasn't sure if he would be welcome after all that he had messed up once again. Had trusted the wrong person once again. Had made everything even worse when he had only been trying his best to do the right thing and fix his mistakes.
One would think he would learn from his past wrongs, but he clearly hadn't. Would Dean even want to see him now? Now that he was human and useless and... just a baby in a trench coat.
Charlie knocked on the door, calling out simultaneously, "Hey, Dean? Sam? I hope you got my message! Open up!"
In a few short moments, the door opened and Castiel finally laid his now-human eyes on Dean. The first thing that he realized was that he could no longer see Dean's soul. Logically, he had known that would be the case, but faced with the reality of it? It robbed him of his voice, and felt like it would paralyze him and root him there as he stood.
He had thought he was deaf in the silence of Heaven crumbling around him. Now... he was blind too.
"Charlie, what are you-"
Dean's voice cut off as the hunter's verdant eyes locked with Castiel's. For all that the human saying was that the eyes were the windows to one's soul, he still... He still could not see Dean's soul. But he could not take his gaze off Dean either.
"I brought you a present? Come on, we wanna enter. The reunion can happen indoors."
Then they were all inside the bunker and Castiel didn't really register what Charlie said before she was moving away from them and down the stairs, further into the bunker. Like how he could not look away from the sky the previous night, he couldn't look away from Dean now.
But that wasn't all too odd for Castiel. Dean had always fascinated him, and he'd always found himself attracted to the man, found it difficult to look away from the man when his soul had been so bright and beautiful... and even in the absence of that, Castiel found that he still could not look away.
Perhaps he'd never be able to.
Dean took a careful step forward, as if he did not want to spook Castiel. Or perhaps Dean was uneasy too.
"Cas..."
"Dean."
"You're..."
"Human," Castiel finished quietly. "Yes, I... Dean, I'm... I'm human."
Nothing could've prepared him for how his voice cracked as he finally admitted to Dean that he was no longer an angel, even if he'd never been all that good as one either way. Nothing could've prepared him for how his body began to shake uncontrollably and how all his emotions, that he had somehow managed to keep under control throughout his journey with Charlie, were now forcing themselves upon him and refusing to be locked down anymore. Nothing could've prepared him from how he was, once again, in an ocean of turbulent emotions without a lifeboat.
Then Dean was reaching out to him and Castiel was enveloped in warm arms, pressed firmly against Dean's warmth. Almost like when they had reunited in Purgatory. But this time, this time Castiel could not hold still. He forgot about how he'd been near-terrified that Dean would not welcome him, and maybe he would worry about whether he really should stay later, but not now. Just, not right now. Castiel returned the embrace, his hands flying up to desperately clutch at Dean's shirt as silent tears made their way down his cheeks and his body still couldn't stop trembling like a dying leaf caught in a windstorm.
"Dean..."
"It's okay, Cas. Shh... it'll be okay. You're here, you're safe," Dean murmured in low, soothing tones. "You're home."
Home.
Family.
Dean.
"...don't let go... please..."
"I won't. I'm here, Cas. Just... just let it all out. I'm here."
He was safe. He was home, because home was where family was. Where Dean was.
Slowly, slowly but surely, the fear ebbed away and the despair became a muted shadow, not gone but not overwhelming him either. Castiel relaxed incrementally as the seconds ticked by and he found that he was still carefully ensconced in Dean's arms. Dean's warmth seemed to permeate him, seeping under his skin and warming him up from the inside, from the depths of the soul that he now had...
Castiel was Fallen... but he hadn't hit rock bottom and he knew he wouldn't. He had found his lifeline.
Dean Winchester.
His saving grace.
This possibly marks the end of my first mini-series for Supernatural. "Possibly" because I am uncertain if I will do a companion piece to this in Dean's POV. We'll see.
Hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to comment!
x-posted to:
deancastiel
sn_slash
spn_beyond