Flames

[kayden_eidyak]

Written for January week one contest on brigits_flame.

Prompt: Starting over
Word count: 400

The commas were getting the better of me this week so feel free to point out errors of their usage or lack thereof.

Flames
by Kayden Eidyak

From the ashes I was born, and ashes again I will become. The fires bred me, and the fires will consume me.

I lived in the forests of

Comments

[rephen]

Beautiful imagery, and the ending line was incredible.

There is something ancient captured with the Phoenix's thoughts and lines. I really enjoyed this. Very beautiful work.

[kayden_eidyak]

Oh, great! Ancient is what I was going for. Thanks Reph!

[kayden_eidyak]

Ack! Where did that where come from! LOL! I think at least one of those always make it into every thing I write and it always takes someone else's eyeballs to spot it!

I agree with your thought on the greed of people. When I wrote it, I felt that the people who had him thought he was "just a bird," and it doesn't even occur to them that he's anything more than something pretty and one-of-a-kind possession to flaunt about to others.

Thanks!

[vyfailaccount]

Oh wow Kay! That was amazing.. but so sad. The way you wrote the phoenix's sorrowful wisdom was really beautiful. I liked this very much :)

[vyfailaccount]

Oops, I'm still logged in on this account. Well, it's vyvyan_wilde here, just in case you were wondering. XD Sorry.

[kayden_eidyak]

Thanks V! And thanks also for the name clarification. I thought it must be you, but I didn't want to assume. ;)

Re: editor here! :D

[kayden_eidyak]

Er...sorry to be quite ignorant, but what does blank metre mean, exactly?

Editing

[randomria]

Hi! This was such a wonderful read. It was very lyrical and well-paced. It kept me wondering about who the speaker was, and in the end it all made sense.

This definitely is a more "human" take on the phoenix. I thought I felt sorry for this character...

Well, as far as editing is concerned, I don't think I have anything to point out. It was a great read.

Good luck! :)

Re: Editing

[kayden_eidyak]

Thanks very much for the feedback!