Comments | kayden_eidyak: Loathing in Las Vegas

kayden_eidyak

Loathing in Las Vegas

Feb 06, 2011 09:17

The slot machines jangled raucously as Marissa stormed past the casino entrance. Her shoes clacked staccato on the marble tile and her black clutch swung wildly by its gold chain.

“Oh, baby, come on. Don’t be like this!”

“I can’t believe you would do that, Danny!” Marissa shoved her way through a group of party-goers towards the entrance.

“ ( Read more... )

writing, brigits flame

Comments 5

katden February 7 2011, 16:30:25 UTC

Bwahaha! Don't mess with MY CAKE!

The build up on this was terrific. I really thought we were going to have an "Indecent Proposal" type thing on our hands :D

Welcome back, Kayden!!

kayden_eidyak February 16 2011, 08:36:55 UTC

Thanks Kat! I wasn't sure if the ending was cheesy or not. Glad it worked for you. :)

belluminabyssus February 8 2011, 05:05:35 UTC

Very cute! It's nice to see something light-hearted for a prompt so heavy, and you did it well.

One quibble: I sets me a little on edge to see a title that is a take-off on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; it's very odd that with such a direct reference to the book, there is no such connection in the text. It could take place in Anywhere, USA and nothing would change about the story. This is something where the characters and situation take precedence over the setting, and I think it's a little weird that so much emphasis is placed on the setting (and on Hunter S. Thompson) in the very first glimpse of the piece when it doesn't actually have any relevance.

Of course, that's just a pet peeve, and probably I find it jarring because I'm a huge HST fan and Fear and Loathing is one of my personal favourites.

That aside, the twist was great! I thought it was going to be something a lot more serious, and I found myself smiling when I realised it was just a hissy fit about some silly cake. Nice work!

kayden_eidyak February 16 2011, 08:40:46 UTC

Erm...I honestly never thought of it. lol It was supposed to be a little more Vegas specific, but my memory was failing me in too many instances, so I took out the specific references lest someone come and say "hey, it isn't like that!"

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was the very first thing that popped in my head when I saw the prompt so I just...went for it. lol

Anyway, glad you liked it otherwise. :)

(The comment has been removed)

kayden_eidyak February 16 2011, 09:03:06 UTC

Thanks very much! I appreciate it. :)