Possessive Vampire Boyfriends are Not Romantic
My prior posts about Twilight and why Bella is not a good role model led me to the following article, which is related to why Edward is not a good boyfriend. Edward is jealous, manipulative, possessive, "controlling dick". Though some may find this endearing and a sign that he cares, it's actually quite frightening. Maybe because I've seen the ugliness that can fester beneath a smiling facade, Dr. Jekyll's Hyde, that I feel so strongly about the issue and this character's flaw.
Possessive behaviour has nothing to do with love. It stems from insecurity, low self-esteem and can sometimes be the sign of greater psychological illnesses such as narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Possessive partners are great manipulators and can turn even the most black-and-white situations into something that is to their advantage. The key to finding out if your boyfriend is possessive is to take a long, hard look at your relationship and decide if you feel stifled, or if you’re afraid to do anything without your partner’s ‘permission’.
Many girls mistake a possessive boyfriend for a loving boyfriend. There is a big, thick black line between caring behaviour and stifling behaviour. The caring boyfriend is genuinely concerned for you and will be able to back this up with facts. For example, if you are regularly experimenting with drugs and he expresses to you that he thinks you have a problem, this is not possessiveness, it’s love. If he says you’ve been out with your friends too often lately, followed by sulkiness and general bad behaviour for days on end to punish you, this is possessiveness, not love.
[...] It’s not romantic if your boyfriend calls you all the time ‘just to see how you are doing’. If he sends you texts in the middle of the night even after you’ve informed him that you’ve gone to sleep, or rings you constantly when you’re out with friends, that is not romantic. It is manipulative behaviour designed to control who you see, what you do and how much time you spend away from him. It is also not romantic if he claims to have no other friends apart from you and that’s why he needs to see you all the time. He’s trying to guilt you into making the relationship your entire life. [1]
I can't convey just how miserable and sickening it is having to walk on eggshells around such a person, because you're afraid the wrong word or wrong look will set such a person off. To make matters worse, he tries to turn it around such that it's your fault until you're convinced you are the one to blame and no one will believe you. You shouldn't have said that or done that or breathed or typed so loud.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 months. At first, he was really sweet, but then he started to change. He isolates my social life. I am not allowed to contact all of my guy friends. He dislike my friends because my friends influence bad habits to me. He told me not to contact my best gay-friend just because he's afraid that I will fall in love with him. For Christ's sake, my friend's GAY!! How could I possibly fall in love with him? I've known him for 7 years and he is so “female”. Then again, I almost lost my job just because he's jealous of my boss..
The thing is he doesn't TRUST me, he always has this negative thinking over me ( everything he thinks of me just leads to negativity, he's too afraid that I will cheat on him ), he always has this freakin' tests for me just to prove that I am not like what he's thinkin', he wants to have me just for him solely! I never had a single thought that I will cheat on him. I just don't know how to show him to make him trust me. I almost broke up with him twice, but he always said that he would change. Yesterday, he told me that if I cheat on him, not only me that he would “chase”, but my family as well.. That sounded like a threat to me.. Truthfully speaking, I am so stressed with this thing and I don't know what to do..[2]
This is what I think of when I read about Edward the Sparkling Vampire. It's not romantic. It's scary, which I guess would qualify Twilight as a horror book after all.
Possessive behaviour has nothing to do with love. It stems from insecurity, low self-esteem and can sometimes be the sign of greater psychological illnesses such as narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Possessive partners are great manipulators and can turn even the most black-and-white situations into something that is to their advantage. The key to finding out if your boyfriend is possessive is to take a long, hard look at your relationship and decide if you feel stifled, or if you’re afraid to do anything without your partner’s ‘permission’.
Many girls mistake a possessive boyfriend for a loving boyfriend. There is a big, thick black line between caring behaviour and stifling behaviour. The caring boyfriend is genuinely concerned for you and will be able to back this up with facts. For example, if you are regularly experimenting with drugs and he expresses to you that he thinks you have a problem, this is not possessiveness, it’s love. If he says you’ve been out with your friends too often lately, followed by sulkiness and general bad behaviour for days on end to punish you, this is possessiveness, not love.
[...] It’s not romantic if your boyfriend calls you all the time ‘just to see how you are doing’. If he sends you texts in the middle of the night even after you’ve informed him that you’ve gone to sleep, or rings you constantly when you’re out with friends, that is not romantic. It is manipulative behaviour designed to control who you see, what you do and how much time you spend away from him. It is also not romantic if he claims to have no other friends apart from you and that’s why he needs to see you all the time. He’s trying to guilt you into making the relationship your entire life. [1]
I can't convey just how miserable and sickening it is having to walk on eggshells around such a person, because you're afraid the wrong word or wrong look will set such a person off. To make matters worse, he tries to turn it around such that it's your fault until you're convinced you are the one to blame and no one will believe you. You shouldn't have said that or done that or breathed or typed so loud.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 months. At first, he was really sweet, but then he started to change. He isolates my social life. I am not allowed to contact all of my guy friends. He dislike my friends because my friends influence bad habits to me. He told me not to contact my best gay-friend just because he's afraid that I will fall in love with him. For Christ's sake, my friend's GAY!! How could I possibly fall in love with him? I've known him for 7 years and he is so “female”. Then again, I almost lost my job just because he's jealous of my boss..
The thing is he doesn't TRUST me, he always has this negative thinking over me ( everything he thinks of me just leads to negativity, he's too afraid that I will cheat on him ), he always has this freakin' tests for me just to prove that I am not like what he's thinkin', he wants to have me just for him solely! I never had a single thought that I will cheat on him. I just don't know how to show him to make him trust me. I almost broke up with him twice, but he always said that he would change. Yesterday, he told me that if I cheat on him, not only me that he would “chase”, but my family as well.. That sounded like a threat to me.. Truthfully speaking, I am so stressed with this thing and I don't know what to do..[2]
This is what I think of when I read about Edward the Sparkling Vampire. It's not romantic. It's scary, which I guess would qualify Twilight as a horror book after all.