The Dork Legacy 8.2
Previously, on The Dork Legacy:
[ Older Dork Entries ]
We begin with me wondering why Alana got a haircut. I mean, I deleted her hair, but shouldn't it show as a Maxis hair? Not complaining, mind.
That looks...soothing. Also please note that that is Clive standing IN the tub.
Meet Harker's doomed home-run get-her-dates business! I didn't take any pictures of her running it, because nothing interesting happened. Poo.
Trenton: Oh my god! My food is on fire! I'm strangely enthusiastic! *plusplus*
Trenton: Oh, there's water.
Yes, there's water. What a darn shame.
Alana achieved her LTW! To be totally honest, I could possibly care less.
One thing Harker's business was good for was feeding the cowplant (as yet unnamed, I am not cool).
Which in turn keeps Q with us for another couple days.
Oh, you bitch.
However, Katu did get promoted, and brought home an AWESOME coworker. KRONOS? IS THAT COOL OR WHAT?!
Your enthusiasm for rain redeems you slightly as well.
And what better way that in the rain to get engaged?
Henry: Oh shit.
Surprise, surprise.
Surprise, sur - What?!
Sure enough; they each got swapped memories of the event. Henry thinks that "Yes," is the best word in the world and Katu is (understandably, actually), wondering what she's gotten herself into.
Figured I might as well marry them while I'm at it. With bebes on the way and all.
Katu: This is wonderful! We're married! Kiss me!
Henry: Ew, no, you smell like barf.
wtf is with this juggling nonsense?
FINE. JUGGLE. SEE IF I CARE.
Zzort.
Katu: Do I have to do this?
Yes. I feel bad.
Katu: *presses Power button*
Katu: I hope I don't regret this.
GlaDos: Oh, she is going to regret this.
Well, it's innocent enough so far.
Heyyy, since you're reactivated now...you mind cleaning up those moldy burned pancakes? You know, from the beginning of the update?
GlaDos: Don't feel like it.
ADASHJKLFSD. Seriously, GlaDos has become the most useless servo ever. She makes meals constantly when no one's hungry, eats most of it herself (hence the pudge), lets the rest go bad, and then DOESN'T clean it!
Since the business is going nowhere fast; yes. Yes we do.
You know, I actually kind of like this template. If not for the nonexistant upper lip, I think he'd be pretty hot.
Oh NICE. Thanks, matchmaker.
Fun story! He went and examined the pay-per-hour thing for the business, and then decided we ~weren't fun enough~...
And the date ended. However, I was feeling cheaty and experimental, and decided to inflict this on Harker. XD Figured if anyone could make that kid hot, Harker is the one.
I got Harker another date.
UH EXCUSE ME THAT IS NOT FAIR. THIS DUDE IS NOT A $10000 DATE.
Henry: How am I looking?
GlaDos: Absolutely superb. You must be the heartthrob of Town Name Here.
Henry: Yeah, you know...I think you're right!
Katu: Oh, goddamit.
Katu: *Charlie Brown style* I can't stand it. I just can't stand it!
Katu: You lily-livered pig swill!
Katu: You...you EEL! In SNAKE'S CLOTHING!
(brb peeing pants in fear)
Katu: *jabs thumb in Henry's eye as though she were repelling a shark*
Katu: Haha! And you can't hit me back, cuz I'm pregnant! HOW'S THEM APPLES, ROMEO?!
Henry: Oh, God, Katu, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me! But you are my moon! My sun! My starlit sky!
Henry: Without you, I dwell in darkness.
Katu: You stole that from Willow.
Henry: Well...yeah. But I mean it!
Katu: Dude, just chill. I felt better after smacking you around a little. We can Talk about this later.
Henry: *gulp*
As punishment, I'm going to ignore Henry's fear of making Katu a witch. XD
Unnnnfortunately, she had the same problem as with Harker's dates. And left.
So, we reinvited her.
CHIN UP. DON'T LET THEM SEE YOU CRY.
Harker: Hey, everyone! I'm closing the business forever! Go home!
Good Witch: :[ But I just got here!
Harker: Haha, yeah, sorry about that. But we're closed. GTFO.
Good Witch: If you insist. *flies off*
DAMMIT HARKER.
FINALLY. And no, I would NOT like to start a new business. -.-
Katu: Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage? Why doesn't he respect me?
Good Witch: Honey, he's a man. And a Romance sim, at that. You gotta expect stuff like this.
Good Witch: All though between you and me, a few evils spells cast in the right way won't hurt you none. If you catch my drift.
Katu: Wow, that sounds awesome!
April: I'M HOME! AGAIN! THIS IS SOMEHOW DIFFERENT FROM EVERY OTHER DAY THAT I COME HOME AT THE SAME TIME FROM THE SAME JOB HAVING DONE THE SAME THINGS!
Gizka: *spidey senses tingle* Where the hell is Trenton?!
Gizka: What the fuck, grandma?! Can't I keep ONE of my husbands?!
Gizka: *smacks upside the head* Dumbass! What the hell did you do that for?
Trenton: Ow!
Q: Oooh, my old legs aren't up to this stuff anymore.
Gizka: I was gonna be home in like 30 seconds! You couldn't wait for ME?!
Trenton: Oh, by the way, how was your day at work?
Gizka: Oh, it was okay. I think I bungled the Christeller account, though. Sucks.
Meanwhile, Katu and the Good Witch are still bonding.
Katu: You're right, your hat IS delicious!
Both: Heehee! Let's give each other makeovers!
And while I was watching them, THIS happened. I didn't even get a popup. Possibly because no one seemed to care.
Gizka: Oh, look, my stocks are going up. Awesome.
Q: OMG, I stacked them SO HIGH AND THEY DIDN'T FALL! WOOHOO! 8DD
Henry: Did something just happen?
GlaDos: No, but something is about to.
Henry: Say that thing you say, that gets me so hot.
GlaDos: Once you finish this test, there will be cake.
Henry: Oooh, that's the stuff.
But by far the most heartless, was Clive's.
Clive: My husband who cheated on my wife with the woman I was cheating on my wife and husband with died! Woo!
Gizka: I like this. It's...modern, yet primitive. And it looks like Trenton. Stupid asshole.
Finally, after pedicures and that game where you fold the piece of paper and put it on your fingers, and you pick a number or a colour, and inside it tells you who you'll marry; Katu achieves her dream.
Katu: I'm a vampire!
Not...quite.
Henry: *looks up* I think my wife just did something I'm not going to like.
Katu: I'M A WITCH, BITCH.
Katu: You want me to WHAT?
Just do it. Trust me. You'll like my plan.
Katu: If you say so...
Katu: Look...I'm sorry for becoming a witch. I know you didn't want me to. But maybe...you'd feel better if you joined me?
Henry: NEVER. I HATE MAGIC, IT IS THE DEVIL'S WORK.
Henry: Heehee, oh, I'm all tingly! What's happening?
Henry: Sweet! New clothes! But why -
Henry: Oh shit.
HAHAHAHA. TAKE THAT YOU CHEATING JERK.
I mean. Uh. Not that I am taking this at all personally. >.> Because I don't even care. Uh. Really.
UH QUICK, A DISTRACTION.
No, seriously, I think he is a ~saixy~ warlock. Mmm.
Katu: XD
I told you you'd like my plan.
Katu: No, I'm just happy that I get to sleep now! XD
You know, GlaDos...I'd be happier about you cleaning the dishes...if you hadn't served them to the bathroom.
(Where, conveniently, Henry is currently bathing.)
Since they were boring, and babies were on the way, I moved April, Alana, and Clive out to their own place (and plan to resurrect Trenton there, so that Gizka can have her happy OT3 back.
Oh. You...want that, do you?
;-; Fiiiine.
Henry: Heh, heh, I just thought of the things I could do with this wand.
Another date for Harker...this one is reverse-crosseyed!
Go Maxis! Way to be accepting of all types of deformity! XD
GOD DAMMIT HENRY, MUST YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!
It looks like Katu may have forgiven him, though. >.>
Yet another date for Harker. Perhaps I ought to generate some new townies. >.>
We seem to have exhausted the supply of good ones.
Harker: You want me to flirt with him? He's like fifteen.
Do you want to be on this date or not?
Harker: Heehee, so, like, I bet you're good at...maths.
Teen: Actually, I'm head of my class!
Harker: *zzort*
Teen: What was that?
Harker: Oh...I'll tell you when you're older.
Harker: Anyway, keep telling me about that pop quiz you had!
Teen: OH, yeah, and she was like, "This counts towards your grade" and we were like "omg that's so bogus" but she was like "if you do well you get a pizza party" and we were like "omg we love pizza" and -
Teen: Dude. Your boobs look awesome in that shirt.
Harker: Uh. Thanks.
Teen: Can I touch 'em?
Harker: Well, why don't we go inside and we'll see?
Teen: Heehee, okay.
Teen: So, like, does this mean you're gonna buy me booze, too?
Harker: *is obviously having second thoughts*
But she needed the aspiration points.
Uh, Henry? That's a drinking fountain.
Henry: Ugh, whatEVER. Isn't this GlaDos' job anyway?
Yes. Yes it is. Too bad she has BECOME UTTERLY USELESS.
Henry: This smells like Red Bull.
Henry: Oh, hey, I...can feel the witchery leaving my body!
~omg huag difference~
GlaDos: +++OUT OF COUNTERS ERROR. REBOOT FROM START+++
Dude, that's because you're on the front lawn. There are no counters here.
Do you want to know what happens now? Now she drops the food on the lawn. And leaves it there. And then goes to the kitchen, to make a meal? Goes to the other yard. Complains about no counters. Leaves it on the ground. I AM AT MY WITS' END.
However, Harker's latest date cheers me up a little. Hi, Zoid.
Zoid: Hello, ladies!
Harker: Hey there. omg it's a spicoli omg famous.
Harker: Oh, wait, you want me to FLIRT with him?
You paid the $5000. Might as well use it.
Harker: Heeeey. Zoooiddd. How ya doin'...?
Zoid: Oh my flowering blossom, your words are tender nectar in my ears.
That sounds uncomfortable.
No words.
Harker: OMG boyfrain you would NOT believe what I just did. I'm totes gonna update mah twitter about dis.
(the guy in the bottom is who's on the phone, idk why I felt that was important.)
You thought my boobs were big last update? CHECK OUT THESE SUCKAS.
No comparison photo this time, sorry. Needless to say it's not ENTIRELY accurate. >.>
Townie: Dude, check out this lame ass who totally farted!
Teen: OMG, are you FRAMING ME?
Why the hell are you both in the house?!
Awww, ain't that cute. I guess it's meant to b -
Error Message: Hey, I know we haven't spoken in a while, but is it cool if I crash on your couch for a few days? You'll barely even notice I'm here.
-.-
Well, that's all for today. Potts update later, possibly? I'd like to reply to the comments from the LAST one, first. >.> I AM TERRIBLE AT THIS I'M SORRY.