23.5
Look Both Ways
Chapter 23: Ten Years Ago
Part 5: Apollo and the Goldfish
Hikaru walked into the classy restaurant he was told to go to, feeling incredibly out of place. A waiter went over to speak with him and Hikaru felt too flustered to remember what he was supposed to say. “Ah yes, I have a reservation..?”
“He’s with me,” a familiar voice said from behind him and Hikaru nearly jumped. He hadn’t noticed his father there. But to his credit, it had been years since he last saw his father. Apparently, he had come from the bathroom.
“This way, please,” the waiter said, leading them to their table. His father had chosen to reserve them a place at the very back of the restaurant. Which is smart thinking, Hikaru thought. In case I need to punch his nose in, no one will have to notice.
“Hikaru,” his father said as amiably as a man who destroyed your entire family could. “I wasn’t sure if you would remember me.”
“I remember you fine, dad. I was eleven, not three.”
Dad. It felt like a filthy word in his mouth. Especially when referring to the sickening person sitting in front of him.
“I hope you don’t mind,” his father said. “But I decided to pre-order our meals before you arrived. They’ll be on their way soon. I already asked your mom if you had any allergies.”
Hikaru shook his head. “No, I’m fine. No allergies.” He probably wouldn’t be able to understand any of the things on the menu anyway. He tried not to think about what kind of parent wouldn't remember if their child had any allergies. Probably the same type that would leave, he concluded.
“Your mother tells me you’ve been working as an idol aside from simply attending school,” his father continued.
“That’s right. I’m doing rather well, actually.”
His father chuckled. “’Well?’” he echoed, amused. “Is that what you call it? Your brother was exemptional.”
“I’m not my brother.”
“Clearly.” Hikaru wondered if it was too early to punch him. “So what do you plan to do after High School?”
“What do you mean?” Hikaru asked. “I’m planning to keep doing this.”
“This idol thing, you mean?”
“Yes.”
And suddenly, all joy, or what resembled it, left his father’s face. “You’ve got to be joking, Hikaru.”
“Well, I’m not…”
“Hikaru, this is absurd. Think of your future.”
“I am thinking about my future. I’ve always been thinking about my future. What do you have against me being an idol? My group has done two concert tours already. We’ve got several singles out. We’re even talking about making a studio album once we have enough songs. I’ve starred on several dramas and I’m a regular on several TV shows.”
“It simply isn't practical,” his father spat out. “Nor is it sustainable.”
And then it dawned on Hikaru. It had been gnawing at his bones for years but he had tried to ignore it until it was right there, staring at him in the face. “You still don’t believe in me,” he realized. He could feel his appetite leaving him, even as the waiter started serving them their meals. Which was a shame because the food looked really good. Then again, considering who was in front of him, Hikaru didn’t have much of an appetite to begin with.
His father apparently had no qualms with digging on though. "You have to see it from my perspective. It isn’t a conventional or respectable occupation. You don’t know how embarrassing it is when someone from work mentions you.” Considering how similar they looked, Hikaru wasn’t surprised people would point it out.
“You’re embarrassed about me now?”
His father ignored that statement. “Is it the money you’re after? The fame? The women?”
Hikaru stared at him, horrified. “Dad, no.”
“I just don’t understand why you’re throwing your whole future away like this.”
“I’m not throwing it away,” Hikaru said. “My happiness shouldn’t be constrained to what’s conventional. Can’t you see that this gives me fulfillment? I’m happy doing this, that should be what’s important.”
But if he expected his father to understand that, he was sorely disappointed. “You’re not thinking straight. And I don’t expect you to. You’re just a child.”
“That’s why I have mom.”
“And look what good that did you.”
Hikaru was seething now. “Don’t you dare talk shit about my mother.”
“I will if I see that she’s not raising you right.”
“She’s raising me fine, dad. She was there. Which is why I don’t understand why I need to listen to a life sermon from you. You left.”
“We separated due to irreconcilable differences,” he said curtly. “And you still have to listen to me because I’m still your father.”
“My father?” Hikaru spat out. “I have your genes but you’re not my father. You’re never going to be my father. So leave me alone.”
And with that, Hikaru stood up.
“You still have to eat this dinner, Hikaru!” his father was calling after him.
Hikaru considered telling him to choke on it but he just couldn't be bothered to waste another breath on him. Instead, he kept walking away.
The minute he got out, he wanted nothing more than to blast Linkin Park into his ears. Because, at that moment, the only person in the world who could ever truly understand him was Chester Bennington.
But Chester never got the chance.
Because Hikaru nearly crashed into Kei the moment he stepped out of the restaurant.
“Hikaru!” Kei yelled.
“Kei! Sorry about that!” Hikaru yelped. “Got too distracted. What are you doing here?”
“Looking something to eat.” Kei looked at the building behind him. “Did you just have dinner over there?!”
Hikaru shook his head. “Oh, no, I was just checking something out. Way too expensive. They had some pretty rude customers there too. Definitely wouldn’t recommend it.”
“Got it,” Kei said. “Bad place. One star. I take it you haven’t eaten yet then?”
“Nope.”
“Why don’t we grab a bite together then?” He smiled.
Hikaru shrugged. Given his evening’s previous plans, anything was better. “Sure. What are you thinking?”
“Apparently, there’s an interesting shop that only sells dumplings close by.”
Kei wasn’t kidding about the shop. They only ever did sell dumplings. No rice. No beer. Just dumplings. But that was fine because it was the best dumpling Hikaru had ever tasted in his life. He easily ordered a platter of thirty just for himself.
“So what’s up with you?” Kei wondered.
“Nothing is up,” Hikaru replied, his mouth preoccupied.
“Don’t think you can lie to me,” Kei said. “You’ve been attacking those dumplings like you have a personal vendetta against them. What, I’m not Yabu enough for you?”
“That isn’t a good standard. I don’t tell Yabu everything.” But at that point Hikaru realized he needed to let some steam out anyway so he thought, what the hell. “Just mad at my dad. He left when I was eleven but the prick came barging back into my life, thinking he can tell me what to do. He’s convinced I’m never going to get anywhere by simply being an idol.”
“Sounds heavy. What did you do?” Kei wondered as he ordered another plate of the only thing on the menu: more dumplings.
“I told him to leave me alone,” Hikaru said.
Kei bit into his remaining dumpling. “Good.”
“Huh?”
“Do you want me to tell you you did the wrong thing?” Kei raised an eyebrow. “Because you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.”
Hikaru blinked. He was fully expecting Kei to tell him to stop being such a child and apologize to his dad. “You don’t think I should be making amends with him?”
“Why should you?”
“I dunno, because he’s family?”
“Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
“Doesn’t the saying go, blood is thicker than water?”
“That’s what most people think,” Kei said, winking.
“Okay... So what does this version of yours mean?”
“It means fuck your dad,” Kei replied simply. “The bonds you’ve made by choice are more important than those you’ve been born into.”
Hikaru stared at Kei, dumbfounded.
Kei was smiling at him. “We’re your family now, Hikaru. This group."
Hikaru snorted. "You say that like I had any choice in the matter."
"But you do have a choice," Kei pointed out. "You have the option of leaving any time. Are you thinking of leaving?"
"No."
"Then that's a bond by choice. And hey, it may not be perfect yet but we’ll get there. You’ll see." He held up the platter that was just given to him, offering its steaming contents to Hikaru. "Dumpling?”
Hikaru was fumbling around with his bass when Keito came sauntering over shyly. “Hey Hikaru-kun, what song was that?” His voice was so soft Hikaru could have pretended not to hear him. Keito the stupid kitten.
“Feel Good Inc,” he answered anyway. “From the band Gorillaz. Do you like it?” He was smiling now which made Keito smile.
He nodded, his eyes wide. “It sounds cool. I’m actually learning electric guitar so I was thinking it would be nice if I could learn some cool solos.”
Hikaru grinned. All right, so maybe he’s not such a stupid kitten after all. “Yeah? I’ll keep you updated then.”
It was strange but the moment Yabu started reprimanding people, it was like something inside him had switched on and gotten stuck there. He got so into it, Hikaru found it freaking hilarious, but only because he knew just how much of softie Yabu had grown into in the last five years they had been in the same group. He decided he needed to rev things up.
“Psst. Takaki.”
Takaki, whose eyes had glossed over, snapped his attention at him. “What?”
“Maybe you should tell Yabu to suck it.”
“What?!”
“I mean it,” Hikaru said, his eyes playful. “Tell him to shut up.”
“What, like to his face?”
“Yeah!” If smiles could hold signs, Hikaru’s would have been screaming MISCHIEF. “Wouldn’t it be fun?”
“Keito, Keito.”
Keito practically jumped from his seat. “Yes?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could.
Stupid weird kitten, Hikaru thought. This time, in amusement. “You were asking about songs to practice on electric guitar, right?”
“Yeah?”
Hikaru grinned. “Well, I’ve got a couple of songs for you.” He held up a USB.
Keito looked excited and apprehensive at the same time. “Yeah?”
“Yeah! And if you keep practicing, you might even get to play lead in one of our concerts, you know?”
Keito’s eyes were practically as big as half his face. He probably never looked as hopeful as he did then. “You think so?”
Hikaru was grinning so wide, the eyeteeth he was so famous for were poking out. “Let’s work hard, Keito!”
“Dai-chan! Takaki’s way too tired to play lately,” Chinen whined one day, plopping down Daiki’s leg.
Hikaru looked over at the two as Daiki hugged Chinen. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. He has been working hard in Gokusen. He must be burned out.”
Chinen pouted. “Do you think he’ll be okay soon?”
Hikaru sat back in his chair, thoughtful. Meanwhile, Daiki nuzzled Chinen’s head with his chin, which successfully got the latter giggling. “Of course! You’ll see. He’ll be back before you know it.”
The next day, Hikaru left a large tub of vitamins in Takaki’s bag. No note or letter attached. When Takaki found it, he asked everyone if they had any idea who left it there. Hikaru shrugged, saying he had no idea.
“It’s Takaki’s birthday tomorrow!” Daiki screamed, wrapping an arm around Hikaru’s neck.
Kei looked up, excited. “Really? We should go out then.”
Hikaru was trying to tear Daiki off his neck. “Seriously?”
“Seriously!” Daiki said. “I mean, come on. He’s starting to like you, you know.”
“Is he though?” Hikaru gasped, still trying to shove Daiki off.
“He’s been laughing at your pranks,” Kei pointed out.
“Of course he would! It’s a pie in a fucking bazooka. If that wasn’t epic, I don’t know what is!”
“Not to Yabu, it’s not,” Kei said, laughing.
Hikaru shrugged. “Maybe. But this is what he wanted, right? I am the guy who makes people laugh.”
“Except Yabu, apparently.”
“So you agree then?” Daiki interrupted, desperate to know.
Hikaru laughed. “If it literally gets you off my back, then fine, let’s do whatever.”
“Great!” Daiki said, finally jumping off, releasing his prisoner. “I’ll tell Yabu then.”
It was only when they were in the restaurant when Hikaru realized that the whole BEST subgroup was out together for the first time. And they were actually enjoying their company.
“You gave me those vitamins, didn’t you?” Takaki asked Hikaru later that night. They were lounging on the beach. Takaki had begged Yabu to take them all the way to Chiba and he had obliged, if only because it was his birthday.
“Did I?” Hikaru asked, smiling. It was still too cold to play in the water but there was a pleasant breeze and the sound of the ocean waves lapping against the shore was calming.
“Let me rephrase that. I know you’re the one who gave me those vitamins.”
“How do you figure?”
Takaki rolled his eyes. “You’re the only one who religiously chugs that stuff down. You’ve got that weird thing with those weights in your bag too.”
Hikaru laughed. “Ah, I’ve been found out! It was meant to be a secret.”
Takaki punched him lightly on the arm. “You dork, I’m not that smart. Chinen saw you sneaking it in.”
Hikaru laughed harder.
On one of their break times, Hikaru sat down to practice his bass. Recently, he had gotten into slapping and he was really enjoying it.
Yuto, who was already sitting across him, looked on with fascination. “That’s a pretty sick line, Hika.”
“Yeah?” He smiled, still slapping away, his fingers flying across the fret board. “You play the drums, right?”
Yuto nodded, ecstatic.
Hikaru grinned. “Think you can match a beat with this?”
Yuto didn’t have his drum set with him. Honestly, it would have been weird if he did. But he did have his sticks and he dropped a beat across the table that synced beautifully with the one Hikaru was playing. “That any good?”
“Fuck, that was better than good, Yuto,” Hikaru said, eyes wide. “That was awesome.”
Suddenly Hikaru was screaming. “Keito! Yabu! Kei!”
He ran around until he found the three of them. Yabu and Kei had been dozing off on the couches in the next room but he kicked them awake anyway. “Wake up! We’ve got ourselves a band!”
As soon as they got Yuto’s drum set on location (and convinced Kei to bring his keyboard), the five of them started regularly meeting at breaktime to play while the rest of the group watched.
“It’s not like we’re using this for the concert, you know,” Yabu reminded them.
“We should though,” Hikaru said. “It would get the fans pumped up.”
“Maybe with original songs,” Keito suggested.
“That’s fair,” Hikaru said.
Kei giggled. “Keito should play shirtless. He would definitely be a god.”
Keito immediately turned crimson at the comment. “Ehhhh!”
“Maybe we can get Yama-chan to play the sax too,” Chinen remarked.
Yamada laughed at that. “You know I’ll just be tossed center stage again if you guys let me do that.”
“Not if everyone gets a solo,” Yuto pointed out as he twirled his drumsticks across his fingers.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Yamada said, brushing his bangs back. “Who wants to see a drum solo?”
Yuto flipped his sticks in the air before slamming them across the toms. “You wanna bet?” he screamed over the rhythm he was pounding.
Everyone had gone home except for Kei. Kei was sitting in the middle of the stage, staring at the center Tokyo Dome solemnly. Hikaru squatted down next to him. “You okay?”
Normally, Kei was the type to brush that type of remark off with a laugh but this time, he sighed. His legs were folded in front of him and he leaned his head into his knees. “I dunno.”
“Anything you can tell me?”
Kei was quiet for a minute, mulling his thoughts over in his head. “Okay, but this might sound crazy.”
“Good,” Hikaru said. “It’s not going to be any different from how you are every day then.”
Kei let out a laugh, shoving Hikaru back. When he spoke again, he sounded wistful. “I like being an idol but do you ever feel like you want to do something more?”
“Not really… I’ve always wanted to be an idol.” Hikaru thought of the young boy who wanted to entertain people and of the little girl who urged him on. He wondered what Kei wanted and if he had anybody who did the same. Or if he needed anybody to do the same. “The only other thing I could even contemplate myself as is a father, one that’s better than my asshole dad, but I reckon that isn’t what you’re thinking about. Unless it is, in which case, that’s fine. I won’t judge.”
Kei dropped his fist on Hikaru’s head playfully. “No. Well, actually, I don’t really know. Maybe. But I just keep staring at this dome and I found myself thinking, wouldn’t it be nice if I could take up Architecture?”
Hikaru stared at Kei. “You want to be an architect?”
“I want to study Architecture. I don’t know if I can actually be an architect. I like being an idol too much.”
“Then why don’t you?”
Kei chuckled. “I’m probably the lamest member in JUMP already.”
“What?!” As far as Hikaru could tell, Kei was one of the more beautiful members of the group. Hikaru had always envied how naturally good Kei looked in their magazine spreads. “What makes you say that?”
“Hika, I barely get any solo lines in our songs.”
“The solo lines come when you get yourself out there,” Hikaru pointed out. “Is that what’s holding you back? You’re afraid of fading away into oblivion if you go to College?”
“That and it’s not going to boost my idol work anyway.”
“So why do you want to do it?”
Kei sighed. “Because… I like the idea of designing something, to see it come to life and then stand the test of time. I like how it bears witness to the growth and progression of humanity’s endeavors. To bring order to space in a way that not only provides structure and stability but also visual pleasure, that’s what it means to be an architect.”
Hikaru smiled. “If it makes you speak poetry, you should go for it.”
Kei snorted. “It’s not going to be as simple as writing poetry.”
“Tell that to the millions of people who struggle with writing poems. Poetry isn’t simple. And neither is chasing after a dream. I couldn’t always imagine that I could be where I am now but someone pushed me to believe in the infinite possibilities within me. And it was hard. It’s still hard. But I feel like I would be worse off if I never even tried.”
Kei smiled at him. “Is this about your first fan again?”
Hikaru groaned. “Seriously, how do you still even remember that?”
“Your eyes always gloss over when you talk about her, dumdum. I don’t think you’re completely over her.”
Hikaru shook his head. “That’s not it…“
Kei laughed softly. “To believe in the infinite possibilities within me, huh?” Kei echoed as stared up the center of dome. “I think I can do that.”
“Hikaru-kun,” Ryutaro whined. “Don’t you feel like Yamada-kun is looking down on the rest of us?”
“Eh? Is he?” Hikaru looked up from his bass. Ryutaro normally didn’t approach him. This was a first.
As Hikaru stared, he accidentally slapped his finger too hard across his bass, snapping the G string. It flicked to his finger. “Ow! Oh fuck! Fuck!” He didn’t even realize bass strings could snap.
Ryutaro stared. “Oh my God.” Hikaru could have sworn he almost looked fascinated.
“Language,” Yabu called from the other room.
“I’m freaking bleeding here!” Hikaru roared back.
Chinen was already on the way with bandages. “Here you go, Hika-kun,” he said cheerfully.
Hikaru sucked through his teeth but managed to smile anyway. “Thanks, Chii.”
“That’s going to leave a nasty scar,” Ryutaro said.
“Tell me about it,” Hikaru muttered. “Anyway, you were saying something about Yamada looking down us, Ryuu?”
“He does,” Ryutaro groaned, melodramatically laying on the couch, despite not being the one in obvious pain. “He mostly keeps to himself.”
Hikaru shrugged, wrapping the bandage around his finger. “Maybe it comes from the pressure of being a center.”
“He doesn’t look down on me,” Chinen noted, tilting his head.
“That’s because you’re on a different level, Chii,” Ryutaro said. “You’re a genius.”
Hikaru frowned. “What does that make me?”
Chinen and Ryutaro looked at each other hesitantly then.
“What?”
“No offense, Hika,” Ryutaro started.
“But you’re actually pretty stupid,” Chinen finished.
“How exactly does someone take that with no offense?!”
“Exactly,” Ryutaro said empathically. “That’s how he looks at most of us. Don’t you just feel bad about it?”
Hikaru pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Not really...” he said. “If I can make him laugh at me, that’s fine.”
“Eh? Really? Is that sort of arrangement okay with you?”
“I think this is part of the beauty of being stupid,” Chinen whispered.
Hikaru laughed. “Hey! Look, I never wanted to be the lead. I joined Johnny’s to be a backup dancer that can make the center shine brighter.”
Ryutaro rolled his eyes. “See, that right there is stupid.”
“Maybe? But maybe you can take this as an opportunity to challenge him instead.” He poked Ryutaro squarely on the chest.
Ryutaro looked at him, confused. “Challenge him?”
“Yeah, be his rival. You’re the youngest junior to debut, aren’t you?”
“Yeah?”
“Aren’t you just as good then?”
Ryutaro’s eyes widened with realization.
But Chinen was shaking Ryutaro’s shoulders. “You can’t be his rival. Yuto is already his rival.”
“I feel like Yuto doesn’t even know Yamada thinks of him as a rival.”
Hikaru shrugged. “Either way, can’t see why he can’t have two.”
“Hey Hika,” Takaki said, coming to him during one of their breaks. “Chinen says you can’t say the months of the calendar in English.”
The rest of the group turned to look at Hikaru, shocked. Chinen poked his head from behind Takaki, waving innocently.
Hikaru shrugged. He didn’t see what the problem was. “Well, I’m Japanese, so of course I can’t.”
Takaki looked like he wasn’t ready to believe it. “That’s not really a very solid argument but I’ll take it. What’s the first month of the year?”
“Uh. There’s a lot of snow then, right? Snowday.”
The group burst into laughter.
“What the heck?!” Takaki wasn’t sure if he was kidding around. Hikaru looked serious enough.
“I told you! I told you!” Chinen exclaimed, giggling.
Yabu looked at Takaki in warning. “Don’t encourage him. It’s only going to hurt your brain if you allow him to go on.”
But Takaki wanted to know. “So what comes after that?”
“Nosnow.”
“What?!”
“Then March, April,” Hikaru enumerated.
“Oh!” Ryutaro shouted, jumping. “He got that right!”
“Five-ril, Six…” Hikaru continued.
The group was practically roaring by then.
“Hika, stop! You’re making Keito look bad!” Kei said.
“Be serious, Hika!” Yamada screamed, tears running down his face. “I wasn’t born in the middle of Five-ril!”
But Hikaru was smiling, clearly enjoying the moment. “Monday! Ah then it gets sunny so Sunday.”
Keito was clutching his stomach. “Hika, I think you’re confusing the months with the days of the week.”
“He’s confused, period!” Daiki howled.
“How did this guy even pass basic English?!” Yuto screamed, slapping his knee.
“Oh, like you can do better?” Yamada chided.
“Probably better than Hikaru here.”
Hikaru laughed. “Shut it, Yuto. I’m being serious. No Such Day… Hot… Then it starts to get a bit cold so Snowman’s Day…”
“That’s not…” Takaki looked like he wanted to give up. “What’s the last month of the year?”
Hikaru blinked. “Oh damn, that’s my birth month.”
“Exactly, so you’re bound to know.”
Yabu shook his head again. “Don’t be so sure.”
Hikaru snapped his fingers. “Easy! Everyday.”
“That’s not how it works!”
“EVERYONE!” Hikaru hollered into the audience. “THANK YOU FOR COMING HERE TONIGHT! JUMP WILL MAKE SURE YOU'RE THE HAPPIEST FANS ON EARTH!”
Most of his groupmates were tearing up at the massive support they were receiving but Hikaru was too awe-struck to cry. And as he basked in the roar of the arena, Hikaru knew he would never trade this for anything else in this world.
“Hikaru’s like the sun of the group,” Keito said when they were eating out, celebrating the end of their tour.
Hikaru almost spat out his drink. “What?”
“He’s not the sun,” Ryutaro said. “That’s obviously Yama-chan.”
Yamada grinned at him. “Gee, thank you, Ryuu.” He leaned over to pat his head.
Ryutaro growled. “I hate myself for saying it already.”
Chinen sat back, introspective. “I agree. Hikaru’s not the sun. He’s the light around it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Takaki said.
“You know how in Greek mythology, you’ve got Helios, the personification of the sun, and Apollo, who rides in a chariot to carry that light across the earth? Well, Yama-chan is Helios. Hikaru is Apollo bringing the light to the rest of us.”
Kei nodded. “That makes sense. Hika is the type to announce his fellow members during concerts instead of bringing all the attention to himself. The only time he takes center stage is to run the gag section.”
Hikaru was still confused. “Wait, why are we talking about me?”
“Shut it, Hikaru, can’t you see we’re trying to be appreciative?” Yabu snapped. “Though actually, now that we’re on the topic, I’d just like to add that we wouldn’t really be at this level of closeness if Dai-chan wasn’t here either.”
Yuto slapped his hand on the table. “That’s right! Dai-chan bridges the gap between our age groups.”
“That’s because you’re short,” Yamada told Daiki.
“Oy…” Daiki wanted to retort but decided to let it slide. Instead he said, “Oh, oh, so what am I to the group then?”
Kei already had his hand up in the air. “If Hikaru’s the goldfish, you’re the poop that trails after him.”
“HEY!”
“Hey, you know how Yamada and Yuto don’t seem to get along well?” Yabu prompted.
Hikaru snapped his head up. “Huh? Really?”
Yabu sighed. “Why do I even bother? Obviously, you don’t pay attention.”
“I don’t see how you’ve never noticed. They’re always trying to get one up each other during live performances,” Takaki pointed out.
“Hmmm. I don’t think of it that way,” Kei said thoughtfully. “They just both seem like serious people who see each other as rivals.”
“Like me and Takaki here,” Daiki concluded.
Takaki rolled his eyes. “Get real. It will take a million years before you get to where I am now with that ugly face of yours.”
“Oy, who you calling ugly?”
Hikaru shook his head as Takaki and Daiki started wrestling. “I just don’t think Yuto sees it that way. He’s a nice kid. Driven. Passionate.”
“I’d call him pure of heart,” Kei said.
“Exactly,” Hikaru agreed, snapping his fingers.
“So is Yamada,” Yabu pointed out.
“Yamada can get really serious though,” Takaki said.
“They both do,” Daiki corrected, grunting underneath Takaki’s weight. “Have you seen Yuto practice with the drums? Also, get your fat ass off me!”
“I feel like Yamada is working with the pressure of being the center,” Kei said, ignoring the tussle behind them. “He has to shine. If someone else shines brighter than him then it would only reflect badly on him. And it’s not like Yuto can help himself either. That kid’s constantly working to be better.”
“I mean, aren’t we all?” Hikaru asked.
“Eh, with different levels of intensity,” Kei said, wiggling a flat hand in front of him.
“Regardless,” Yabu interrupted. “I think we should get them together somehow.”
Hikaru thought about the pleasant dinner he had with BEST. “Why don’t we get them to share a meal then?”
Yabu looked at him oddly, his nose bunched up. “What, like get them on a date? That sounds weird.”
Hikaru was grinning. “Not when there are ten of us.”
Hikaru clapped his hands. “All right, now that we’re all together, why don’t we tell each other ‘I like you. Please take care of me.’”
The group stopped chewing and stared at him, mouths open, midchew. “What?”
Hikaru grinned before turning to Yuto. “Why don’t we start with you, Yutti? Tell Yamada here you like him while holding hands.”
Yamada’s jaw dropped even lower. “Ha?! Dude.”
Yuto was laughing as he gripped Yamada’s hand gamely. “Okay. Just don’t expect us to fall in love or something.”
Yamada snorted. “Yeah, right. As if I’d ever resort to someone as ugly as you.”
“Why don’t you check the mirror, pal?” Yuto asked, still smiling.
“I have and I can tell you with all honesty right now: I’m gorgeous!”
Yabu leaned over to Hikaru, exasperated, as the two boys just started arm wrestling. “So. This was your Big Plan?”
“Well, I don’t see you coming up with any clever ideas.”
Kei was laughing. “Shhh. This is all part of the healing process.”
Yabu tipped his head back against the couch, groaning. “Good Lord.”
But it was all good since the group did end up laughing and making fun of each other. And as the beacon was passed, one after another, and everyone said their lines, Hikaru suddenly felt the world slow amidst the boisterous merriment. He turned in his seat and as he did, he saw a familiar face pass by the restaurant window. He sat up in attention almost immediately, staring after the retreating figure.
She was taller now, thinner, her hair longer and flying behind her. And yet for all those differences, she still had the same large eyes… The same bright smile…
Hikaru stood up, his eyes wide, his heart beating wildly in his ribcage. It can’t be…
“Konako-chan~!” a petite girl called as she ran after her. Not that he needed validation. He already knew.
And suddenly Hikaru’s heart was back to that summer festival all those years ago.
Chapter 23: Ten Years Ago
Part 5: Apollo and the Goldfish
Hikaru walked into the classy restaurant he was told to go to, feeling incredibly out of place. A waiter went over to speak with him and Hikaru felt too flustered to remember what he was supposed to say. “Ah yes, I have a reservation..?”
“He’s with me,” a familiar voice said from behind him and Hikaru nearly jumped. He hadn’t noticed his father there. But to his credit, it had been years since he last saw his father. Apparently, he had come from the bathroom.
“This way, please,” the waiter said, leading them to their table. His father had chosen to reserve them a place at the very back of the restaurant. Which is smart thinking, Hikaru thought. In case I need to punch his nose in, no one will have to notice.
“Hikaru,” his father said as amiably as a man who destroyed your entire family could. “I wasn’t sure if you would remember me.”
“I remember you fine, dad. I was eleven, not three.”
Dad. It felt like a filthy word in his mouth. Especially when referring to the sickening person sitting in front of him.
“I hope you don’t mind,” his father said. “But I decided to pre-order our meals before you arrived. They’ll be on their way soon. I already asked your mom if you had any allergies.”
Hikaru shook his head. “No, I’m fine. No allergies.” He probably wouldn’t be able to understand any of the things on the menu anyway. He tried not to think about what kind of parent wouldn't remember if their child had any allergies. Probably the same type that would leave, he concluded.
“Your mother tells me you’ve been working as an idol aside from simply attending school,” his father continued.
“That’s right. I’m doing rather well, actually.”
His father chuckled. “’Well?’” he echoed, amused. “Is that what you call it? Your brother was exemptional.”
“I’m not my brother.”
“Clearly.” Hikaru wondered if it was too early to punch him. “So what do you plan to do after High School?”
“What do you mean?” Hikaru asked. “I’m planning to keep doing this.”
“This idol thing, you mean?”
“Yes.”
And suddenly, all joy, or what resembled it, left his father’s face. “You’ve got to be joking, Hikaru.”
“Well, I’m not…”
“Hikaru, this is absurd. Think of your future.”
“I am thinking about my future. I’ve always been thinking about my future. What do you have against me being an idol? My group has done two concert tours already. We’ve got several singles out. We’re even talking about making a studio album once we have enough songs. I’ve starred on several dramas and I’m a regular on several TV shows.”
“It simply isn't practical,” his father spat out. “Nor is it sustainable.”
And then it dawned on Hikaru. It had been gnawing at his bones for years but he had tried to ignore it until it was right there, staring at him in the face. “You still don’t believe in me,” he realized. He could feel his appetite leaving him, even as the waiter started serving them their meals. Which was a shame because the food looked really good. Then again, considering who was in front of him, Hikaru didn’t have much of an appetite to begin with.
His father apparently had no qualms with digging on though. "You have to see it from my perspective. It isn’t a conventional or respectable occupation. You don’t know how embarrassing it is when someone from work mentions you.” Considering how similar they looked, Hikaru wasn’t surprised people would point it out.
“You’re embarrassed about me now?”
His father ignored that statement. “Is it the money you’re after? The fame? The women?”
Hikaru stared at him, horrified. “Dad, no.”
“I just don’t understand why you’re throwing your whole future away like this.”
“I’m not throwing it away,” Hikaru said. “My happiness shouldn’t be constrained to what’s conventional. Can’t you see that this gives me fulfillment? I’m happy doing this, that should be what’s important.”
But if he expected his father to understand that, he was sorely disappointed. “You’re not thinking straight. And I don’t expect you to. You’re just a child.”
“That’s why I have mom.”
“And look what good that did you.”
Hikaru was seething now. “Don’t you dare talk shit about my mother.”
“I will if I see that she’s not raising you right.”
“She’s raising me fine, dad. She was there. Which is why I don’t understand why I need to listen to a life sermon from you. You left.”
“We separated due to irreconcilable differences,” he said curtly. “And you still have to listen to me because I’m still your father.”
“My father?” Hikaru spat out. “I have your genes but you’re not my father. You’re never going to be my father. So leave me alone.”
And with that, Hikaru stood up.
“You still have to eat this dinner, Hikaru!” his father was calling after him.
Hikaru considered telling him to choke on it but he just couldn't be bothered to waste another breath on him. Instead, he kept walking away.
The minute he got out, he wanted nothing more than to blast Linkin Park into his ears. Because, at that moment, the only person in the world who could ever truly understand him was Chester Bennington.
But Chester never got the chance.
Because Hikaru nearly crashed into Kei the moment he stepped out of the restaurant.
“Hikaru!” Kei yelled.
“Kei! Sorry about that!” Hikaru yelped. “Got too distracted. What are you doing here?”
“Looking something to eat.” Kei looked at the building behind him. “Did you just have dinner over there?!”
Hikaru shook his head. “Oh, no, I was just checking something out. Way too expensive. They had some pretty rude customers there too. Definitely wouldn’t recommend it.”
“Got it,” Kei said. “Bad place. One star. I take it you haven’t eaten yet then?”
“Nope.”
“Why don’t we grab a bite together then?” He smiled.
Hikaru shrugged. Given his evening’s previous plans, anything was better. “Sure. What are you thinking?”
“Apparently, there’s an interesting shop that only sells dumplings close by.”
Kei wasn’t kidding about the shop. They only ever did sell dumplings. No rice. No beer. Just dumplings. But that was fine because it was the best dumpling Hikaru had ever tasted in his life. He easily ordered a platter of thirty just for himself.
“So what’s up with you?” Kei wondered.
“Nothing is up,” Hikaru replied, his mouth preoccupied.
“Don’t think you can lie to me,” Kei said. “You’ve been attacking those dumplings like you have a personal vendetta against them. What, I’m not Yabu enough for you?”
“That isn’t a good standard. I don’t tell Yabu everything.” But at that point Hikaru realized he needed to let some steam out anyway so he thought, what the hell. “Just mad at my dad. He left when I was eleven but the prick came barging back into my life, thinking he can tell me what to do. He’s convinced I’m never going to get anywhere by simply being an idol.”
“Sounds heavy. What did you do?” Kei wondered as he ordered another plate of the only thing on the menu: more dumplings.
“I told him to leave me alone,” Hikaru said.
Kei bit into his remaining dumpling. “Good.”
“Huh?”
“Do you want me to tell you you did the wrong thing?” Kei raised an eyebrow. “Because you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.”
Hikaru blinked. He was fully expecting Kei to tell him to stop being such a child and apologize to his dad. “You don’t think I should be making amends with him?”
“Why should you?”
“I dunno, because he’s family?”
“Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
“Doesn’t the saying go, blood is thicker than water?”
“That’s what most people think,” Kei said, winking.
“Okay... So what does this version of yours mean?”
“It means fuck your dad,” Kei replied simply. “The bonds you’ve made by choice are more important than those you’ve been born into.”
Hikaru stared at Kei, dumbfounded.
Kei was smiling at him. “We’re your family now, Hikaru. This group."
Hikaru snorted. "You say that like I had any choice in the matter."
"But you do have a choice," Kei pointed out. "You have the option of leaving any time. Are you thinking of leaving?"
"No."
"Then that's a bond by choice. And hey, it may not be perfect yet but we’ll get there. You’ll see." He held up the platter that was just given to him, offering its steaming contents to Hikaru. "Dumpling?”
Hikaru was fumbling around with his bass when Keito came sauntering over shyly. “Hey Hikaru-kun, what song was that?” His voice was so soft Hikaru could have pretended not to hear him. Keito the stupid kitten.
“Feel Good Inc,” he answered anyway. “From the band Gorillaz. Do you like it?” He was smiling now which made Keito smile.
He nodded, his eyes wide. “It sounds cool. I’m actually learning electric guitar so I was thinking it would be nice if I could learn some cool solos.”
Hikaru grinned. All right, so maybe he’s not such a stupid kitten after all. “Yeah? I’ll keep you updated then.”
It was strange but the moment Yabu started reprimanding people, it was like something inside him had switched on and gotten stuck there. He got so into it, Hikaru found it freaking hilarious, but only because he knew just how much of softie Yabu had grown into in the last five years they had been in the same group. He decided he needed to rev things up.
“Psst. Takaki.”
Takaki, whose eyes had glossed over, snapped his attention at him. “What?”
“Maybe you should tell Yabu to suck it.”
“What?!”
“I mean it,” Hikaru said, his eyes playful. “Tell him to shut up.”
“What, like to his face?”
“Yeah!” If smiles could hold signs, Hikaru’s would have been screaming MISCHIEF. “Wouldn’t it be fun?”
“Keito, Keito.”
Keito practically jumped from his seat. “Yes?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could.
Stupid weird kitten, Hikaru thought. This time, in amusement. “You were asking about songs to practice on electric guitar, right?”
“Yeah?”
Hikaru grinned. “Well, I’ve got a couple of songs for you.” He held up a USB.
Keito looked excited and apprehensive at the same time. “Yeah?”
“Yeah! And if you keep practicing, you might even get to play lead in one of our concerts, you know?”
Keito’s eyes were practically as big as half his face. He probably never looked as hopeful as he did then. “You think so?”
Hikaru was grinning so wide, the eyeteeth he was so famous for were poking out. “Let’s work hard, Keito!”
“Dai-chan! Takaki’s way too tired to play lately,” Chinen whined one day, plopping down Daiki’s leg.
Hikaru looked over at the two as Daiki hugged Chinen. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. He has been working hard in Gokusen. He must be burned out.”
Chinen pouted. “Do you think he’ll be okay soon?”
Hikaru sat back in his chair, thoughtful. Meanwhile, Daiki nuzzled Chinen’s head with his chin, which successfully got the latter giggling. “Of course! You’ll see. He’ll be back before you know it.”
The next day, Hikaru left a large tub of vitamins in Takaki’s bag. No note or letter attached. When Takaki found it, he asked everyone if they had any idea who left it there. Hikaru shrugged, saying he had no idea.
“It’s Takaki’s birthday tomorrow!” Daiki screamed, wrapping an arm around Hikaru’s neck.
Kei looked up, excited. “Really? We should go out then.”
Hikaru was trying to tear Daiki off his neck. “Seriously?”
“Seriously!” Daiki said. “I mean, come on. He’s starting to like you, you know.”
“Is he though?” Hikaru gasped, still trying to shove Daiki off.
“He’s been laughing at your pranks,” Kei pointed out.
“Of course he would! It’s a pie in a fucking bazooka. If that wasn’t epic, I don’t know what is!”
“Not to Yabu, it’s not,” Kei said, laughing.
Hikaru shrugged. “Maybe. But this is what he wanted, right? I am the guy who makes people laugh.”
“Except Yabu, apparently.”
“So you agree then?” Daiki interrupted, desperate to know.
Hikaru laughed. “If it literally gets you off my back, then fine, let’s do whatever.”
“Great!” Daiki said, finally jumping off, releasing his prisoner. “I’ll tell Yabu then.”
It was only when they were in the restaurant when Hikaru realized that the whole BEST subgroup was out together for the first time. And they were actually enjoying their company.
“You gave me those vitamins, didn’t you?” Takaki asked Hikaru later that night. They were lounging on the beach. Takaki had begged Yabu to take them all the way to Chiba and he had obliged, if only because it was his birthday.
“Did I?” Hikaru asked, smiling. It was still too cold to play in the water but there was a pleasant breeze and the sound of the ocean waves lapping against the shore was calming.
“Let me rephrase that. I know you’re the one who gave me those vitamins.”
“How do you figure?”
Takaki rolled his eyes. “You’re the only one who religiously chugs that stuff down. You’ve got that weird thing with those weights in your bag too.”
Hikaru laughed. “Ah, I’ve been found out! It was meant to be a secret.”
Takaki punched him lightly on the arm. “You dork, I’m not that smart. Chinen saw you sneaking it in.”
Hikaru laughed harder.
On one of their break times, Hikaru sat down to practice his bass. Recently, he had gotten into slapping and he was really enjoying it.
Yuto, who was already sitting across him, looked on with fascination. “That’s a pretty sick line, Hika.”
“Yeah?” He smiled, still slapping away, his fingers flying across the fret board. “You play the drums, right?”
Yuto nodded, ecstatic.
Hikaru grinned. “Think you can match a beat with this?”
Yuto didn’t have his drum set with him. Honestly, it would have been weird if he did. But he did have his sticks and he dropped a beat across the table that synced beautifully with the one Hikaru was playing. “That any good?”
“Fuck, that was better than good, Yuto,” Hikaru said, eyes wide. “That was awesome.”
Suddenly Hikaru was screaming. “Keito! Yabu! Kei!”
He ran around until he found the three of them. Yabu and Kei had been dozing off on the couches in the next room but he kicked them awake anyway. “Wake up! We’ve got ourselves a band!”
As soon as they got Yuto’s drum set on location (and convinced Kei to bring his keyboard), the five of them started regularly meeting at breaktime to play while the rest of the group watched.
“It’s not like we’re using this for the concert, you know,” Yabu reminded them.
“We should though,” Hikaru said. “It would get the fans pumped up.”
“Maybe with original songs,” Keito suggested.
“That’s fair,” Hikaru said.
Kei giggled. “Keito should play shirtless. He would definitely be a god.”
Keito immediately turned crimson at the comment. “Ehhhh!”
“Maybe we can get Yama-chan to play the sax too,” Chinen remarked.
Yamada laughed at that. “You know I’ll just be tossed center stage again if you guys let me do that.”
“Not if everyone gets a solo,” Yuto pointed out as he twirled his drumsticks across his fingers.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Yamada said, brushing his bangs back. “Who wants to see a drum solo?”
Yuto flipped his sticks in the air before slamming them across the toms. “You wanna bet?” he screamed over the rhythm he was pounding.
Everyone had gone home except for Kei. Kei was sitting in the middle of the stage, staring at the center Tokyo Dome solemnly. Hikaru squatted down next to him. “You okay?”
Normally, Kei was the type to brush that type of remark off with a laugh but this time, he sighed. His legs were folded in front of him and he leaned his head into his knees. “I dunno.”
“Anything you can tell me?”
Kei was quiet for a minute, mulling his thoughts over in his head. “Okay, but this might sound crazy.”
“Good,” Hikaru said. “It’s not going to be any different from how you are every day then.”
Kei let out a laugh, shoving Hikaru back. When he spoke again, he sounded wistful. “I like being an idol but do you ever feel like you want to do something more?”
“Not really… I’ve always wanted to be an idol.” Hikaru thought of the young boy who wanted to entertain people and of the little girl who urged him on. He wondered what Kei wanted and if he had anybody who did the same. Or if he needed anybody to do the same. “The only other thing I could even contemplate myself as is a father, one that’s better than my asshole dad, but I reckon that isn’t what you’re thinking about. Unless it is, in which case, that’s fine. I won’t judge.”
Kei dropped his fist on Hikaru’s head playfully. “No. Well, actually, I don’t really know. Maybe. But I just keep staring at this dome and I found myself thinking, wouldn’t it be nice if I could take up Architecture?”
Hikaru stared at Kei. “You want to be an architect?”
“I want to study Architecture. I don’t know if I can actually be an architect. I like being an idol too much.”
“Then why don’t you?”
Kei chuckled. “I’m probably the lamest member in JUMP already.”
“What?!” As far as Hikaru could tell, Kei was one of the more beautiful members of the group. Hikaru had always envied how naturally good Kei looked in their magazine spreads. “What makes you say that?”
“Hika, I barely get any solo lines in our songs.”
“The solo lines come when you get yourself out there,” Hikaru pointed out. “Is that what’s holding you back? You’re afraid of fading away into oblivion if you go to College?”
“That and it’s not going to boost my idol work anyway.”
“So why do you want to do it?”
Kei sighed. “Because… I like the idea of designing something, to see it come to life and then stand the test of time. I like how it bears witness to the growth and progression of humanity’s endeavors. To bring order to space in a way that not only provides structure and stability but also visual pleasure, that’s what it means to be an architect.”
Hikaru smiled. “If it makes you speak poetry, you should go for it.”
Kei snorted. “It’s not going to be as simple as writing poetry.”
“Tell that to the millions of people who struggle with writing poems. Poetry isn’t simple. And neither is chasing after a dream. I couldn’t always imagine that I could be where I am now but someone pushed me to believe in the infinite possibilities within me. And it was hard. It’s still hard. But I feel like I would be worse off if I never even tried.”
Kei smiled at him. “Is this about your first fan again?”
Hikaru groaned. “Seriously, how do you still even remember that?”
“Your eyes always gloss over when you talk about her, dumdum. I don’t think you’re completely over her.”
Hikaru shook his head. “That’s not it…“
Kei laughed softly. “To believe in the infinite possibilities within me, huh?” Kei echoed as stared up the center of dome. “I think I can do that.”
“Hikaru-kun,” Ryutaro whined. “Don’t you feel like Yamada-kun is looking down on the rest of us?”
“Eh? Is he?” Hikaru looked up from his bass. Ryutaro normally didn’t approach him. This was a first.
As Hikaru stared, he accidentally slapped his finger too hard across his bass, snapping the G string. It flicked to his finger. “Ow! Oh fuck! Fuck!” He didn’t even realize bass strings could snap.
Ryutaro stared. “Oh my God.” Hikaru could have sworn he almost looked fascinated.
“Language,” Yabu called from the other room.
“I’m freaking bleeding here!” Hikaru roared back.
Chinen was already on the way with bandages. “Here you go, Hika-kun,” he said cheerfully.
Hikaru sucked through his teeth but managed to smile anyway. “Thanks, Chii.”
“That’s going to leave a nasty scar,” Ryutaro said.
“Tell me about it,” Hikaru muttered. “Anyway, you were saying something about Yamada looking down us, Ryuu?”
“He does,” Ryutaro groaned, melodramatically laying on the couch, despite not being the one in obvious pain. “He mostly keeps to himself.”
Hikaru shrugged, wrapping the bandage around his finger. “Maybe it comes from the pressure of being a center.”
“He doesn’t look down on me,” Chinen noted, tilting his head.
“That’s because you’re on a different level, Chii,” Ryutaro said. “You’re a genius.”
Hikaru frowned. “What does that make me?”
Chinen and Ryutaro looked at each other hesitantly then.
“What?”
“No offense, Hika,” Ryutaro started.
“But you’re actually pretty stupid,” Chinen finished.
“How exactly does someone take that with no offense?!”
“Exactly,” Ryutaro said empathically. “That’s how he looks at most of us. Don’t you just feel bad about it?”
Hikaru pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Not really...” he said. “If I can make him laugh at me, that’s fine.”
“Eh? Really? Is that sort of arrangement okay with you?”
“I think this is part of the beauty of being stupid,” Chinen whispered.
Hikaru laughed. “Hey! Look, I never wanted to be the lead. I joined Johnny’s to be a backup dancer that can make the center shine brighter.”
Ryutaro rolled his eyes. “See, that right there is stupid.”
“Maybe? But maybe you can take this as an opportunity to challenge him instead.” He poked Ryutaro squarely on the chest.
Ryutaro looked at him, confused. “Challenge him?”
“Yeah, be his rival. You’re the youngest junior to debut, aren’t you?”
“Yeah?”
“Aren’t you just as good then?”
Ryutaro’s eyes widened with realization.
But Chinen was shaking Ryutaro’s shoulders. “You can’t be his rival. Yuto is already his rival.”
“I feel like Yuto doesn’t even know Yamada thinks of him as a rival.”
Hikaru shrugged. “Either way, can’t see why he can’t have two.”
“Hey Hika,” Takaki said, coming to him during one of their breaks. “Chinen says you can’t say the months of the calendar in English.”
The rest of the group turned to look at Hikaru, shocked. Chinen poked his head from behind Takaki, waving innocently.
Hikaru shrugged. He didn’t see what the problem was. “Well, I’m Japanese, so of course I can’t.”
Takaki looked like he wasn’t ready to believe it. “That’s not really a very solid argument but I’ll take it. What’s the first month of the year?”
“Uh. There’s a lot of snow then, right? Snowday.”
The group burst into laughter.
“What the heck?!” Takaki wasn’t sure if he was kidding around. Hikaru looked serious enough.
“I told you! I told you!” Chinen exclaimed, giggling.
Yabu looked at Takaki in warning. “Don’t encourage him. It’s only going to hurt your brain if you allow him to go on.”
But Takaki wanted to know. “So what comes after that?”
“Nosnow.”
“What?!”
“Then March, April,” Hikaru enumerated.
“Oh!” Ryutaro shouted, jumping. “He got that right!”
“Five-ril, Six…” Hikaru continued.
The group was practically roaring by then.
“Hika, stop! You’re making Keito look bad!” Kei said.
“Be serious, Hika!” Yamada screamed, tears running down his face. “I wasn’t born in the middle of Five-ril!”
But Hikaru was smiling, clearly enjoying the moment. “Monday! Ah then it gets sunny so Sunday.”
Keito was clutching his stomach. “Hika, I think you’re confusing the months with the days of the week.”
“He’s confused, period!” Daiki howled.
“How did this guy even pass basic English?!” Yuto screamed, slapping his knee.
“Oh, like you can do better?” Yamada chided.
“Probably better than Hikaru here.”
Hikaru laughed. “Shut it, Yuto. I’m being serious. No Such Day… Hot… Then it starts to get a bit cold so Snowman’s Day…”
“That’s not…” Takaki looked like he wanted to give up. “What’s the last month of the year?”
Hikaru blinked. “Oh damn, that’s my birth month.”
“Exactly, so you’re bound to know.”
Yabu shook his head again. “Don’t be so sure.”
Hikaru snapped his fingers. “Easy! Everyday.”
“That’s not how it works!”
“EVERYONE!” Hikaru hollered into the audience. “THANK YOU FOR COMING HERE TONIGHT! JUMP WILL MAKE SURE YOU'RE THE HAPPIEST FANS ON EARTH!”
Most of his groupmates were tearing up at the massive support they were receiving but Hikaru was too awe-struck to cry. And as he basked in the roar of the arena, Hikaru knew he would never trade this for anything else in this world.
“Hikaru’s like the sun of the group,” Keito said when they were eating out, celebrating the end of their tour.
Hikaru almost spat out his drink. “What?”
“He’s not the sun,” Ryutaro said. “That’s obviously Yama-chan.”
Yamada grinned at him. “Gee, thank you, Ryuu.” He leaned over to pat his head.
Ryutaro growled. “I hate myself for saying it already.”
Chinen sat back, introspective. “I agree. Hikaru’s not the sun. He’s the light around it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Takaki said.
“You know how in Greek mythology, you’ve got Helios, the personification of the sun, and Apollo, who rides in a chariot to carry that light across the earth? Well, Yama-chan is Helios. Hikaru is Apollo bringing the light to the rest of us.”
Kei nodded. “That makes sense. Hika is the type to announce his fellow members during concerts instead of bringing all the attention to himself. The only time he takes center stage is to run the gag section.”
Hikaru was still confused. “Wait, why are we talking about me?”
“Shut it, Hikaru, can’t you see we’re trying to be appreciative?” Yabu snapped. “Though actually, now that we’re on the topic, I’d just like to add that we wouldn’t really be at this level of closeness if Dai-chan wasn’t here either.”
Yuto slapped his hand on the table. “That’s right! Dai-chan bridges the gap between our age groups.”
“That’s because you’re short,” Yamada told Daiki.
“Oy…” Daiki wanted to retort but decided to let it slide. Instead he said, “Oh, oh, so what am I to the group then?”
Kei already had his hand up in the air. “If Hikaru’s the goldfish, you’re the poop that trails after him.”
“HEY!”
“Hey, you know how Yamada and Yuto don’t seem to get along well?” Yabu prompted.
Hikaru snapped his head up. “Huh? Really?”
Yabu sighed. “Why do I even bother? Obviously, you don’t pay attention.”
“I don’t see how you’ve never noticed. They’re always trying to get one up each other during live performances,” Takaki pointed out.
“Hmmm. I don’t think of it that way,” Kei said thoughtfully. “They just both seem like serious people who see each other as rivals.”
“Like me and Takaki here,” Daiki concluded.
Takaki rolled his eyes. “Get real. It will take a million years before you get to where I am now with that ugly face of yours.”
“Oy, who you calling ugly?”
Hikaru shook his head as Takaki and Daiki started wrestling. “I just don’t think Yuto sees it that way. He’s a nice kid. Driven. Passionate.”
“I’d call him pure of heart,” Kei said.
“Exactly,” Hikaru agreed, snapping his fingers.
“So is Yamada,” Yabu pointed out.
“Yamada can get really serious though,” Takaki said.
“They both do,” Daiki corrected, grunting underneath Takaki’s weight. “Have you seen Yuto practice with the drums? Also, get your fat ass off me!”
“I feel like Yamada is working with the pressure of being the center,” Kei said, ignoring the tussle behind them. “He has to shine. If someone else shines brighter than him then it would only reflect badly on him. And it’s not like Yuto can help himself either. That kid’s constantly working to be better.”
“I mean, aren’t we all?” Hikaru asked.
“Eh, with different levels of intensity,” Kei said, wiggling a flat hand in front of him.
“Regardless,” Yabu interrupted. “I think we should get them together somehow.”
Hikaru thought about the pleasant dinner he had with BEST. “Why don’t we get them to share a meal then?”
Yabu looked at him oddly, his nose bunched up. “What, like get them on a date? That sounds weird.”
Hikaru was grinning. “Not when there are ten of us.”
Hikaru clapped his hands. “All right, now that we’re all together, why don’t we tell each other ‘I like you. Please take care of me.’”
The group stopped chewing and stared at him, mouths open, midchew. “What?”
Hikaru grinned before turning to Yuto. “Why don’t we start with you, Yutti? Tell Yamada here you like him while holding hands.”
Yamada’s jaw dropped even lower. “Ha?! Dude.”
Yuto was laughing as he gripped Yamada’s hand gamely. “Okay. Just don’t expect us to fall in love or something.”
Yamada snorted. “Yeah, right. As if I’d ever resort to someone as ugly as you.”
“Why don’t you check the mirror, pal?” Yuto asked, still smiling.
“I have and I can tell you with all honesty right now: I’m gorgeous!”
Yabu leaned over to Hikaru, exasperated, as the two boys just started arm wrestling. “So. This was your Big Plan?”
“Well, I don’t see you coming up with any clever ideas.”
Kei was laughing. “Shhh. This is all part of the healing process.”
Yabu tipped his head back against the couch, groaning. “Good Lord.”
But it was all good since the group did end up laughing and making fun of each other. And as the beacon was passed, one after another, and everyone said their lines, Hikaru suddenly felt the world slow amidst the boisterous merriment. He turned in his seat and as he did, he saw a familiar face pass by the restaurant window. He sat up in attention almost immediately, staring after the retreating figure.
She was taller now, thinner, her hair longer and flying behind her. And yet for all those differences, she still had the same large eyes… The same bright smile…
Hikaru stood up, his eyes wide, his heart beating wildly in his ribcage. It can’t be…
“Konako-chan~!” a petite girl called as she ran after her. Not that he needed validation. He already knew.
And suddenly Hikaru’s heart was back to that summer festival all those years ago.