23.2
Look Both Ways
Chapter 23: Ten Years Ago
Part 2: Borrowed Time
“Ehhhh, you can just call me Hikaru, you know.”
Konako blinked up at him, surprised. “Oh. Well, all right. Then you can just call me Konako then.”
“Konako,” he echoed, rolling the syllables off his tongue. “That’s an interesting name.”
“It doesn’t really mean anything,” she said, scrunching her nose with distaste. “I like yours better. It means to shine.”
“It does! But I think your name is nice like that too! It’s melodious,” he said, laughing. “Anyway, Konako-chan, do you wanna have a look around? Since you’re already here, you might as well enjoy your time. We can walk around the festival until we find your family.”
Konako blushed at the suggestion. “Is that really going to be okay? You don’t have to go out of your way for someone you just met, Hikaru-kun.”
“I don’t really have anything to do anyway. I’m actually here on my own. But now that you’re here, I figure it would be nice to walk around with someone. Have you been here before?”
“Not at all. It’s my first time!”
He beamed at her. “Then let’s enjoy this day together, Konako-chan! Before we find your family again.”
“Oh, here,” Konako offered, handing him a couple of polaroids. “I took these of them earlier. This one is my older sister, Mitsuha. And this is my cousin, Kuraki. They were with me today when I lost sight of them.”
“They must have been walking fast, huh,” he said as he ran his hand over the photos, studying the faces carefully.
“Not really, I just got caught up taking pictures,” she admitted shyly.
“Well, don’t be embarrassed, Konako-chan! They’re really nice pictures!” he exclaimed as he handed her back her photos. He raised a hand up in salute. “And don’t worry! I’ll keep my eyes peeled for them!”
“Ah no, I’m not embarrassed about the pictures. It’s just that I already got in trouble a couple of months ago with being left behind…”
“Oh? Was it at a festival like this as well?”
“No, actually, it was in an elevator…” she answered softly.
Hikaru realized just then that Konako must have been referring to the time she developed her claustrophobia. He hadn’t known then but looking back at it now, this would explain why she had been crying that day: she must have been scared of worrying her family again. He wanted so much to hold her now. But twelve-year-old Hikaru, who had absolutely no idea of the traumas of her past nor even of the mere existence of claustrophobia, wasn’t aware of what twenty-two-year-old Hikaru wanted. Instead his younger self said, “I see. Do you think it will be better to find them quickly then? We can look around for a megaphone that can announce your location.”
“Absolutely not!” Konako squeaked. “That’s way too embarrassing! Besides…” she trailed off. “I think it would be nice to walk around with you...” She looked away, blushing.
“Eh? Really?!” Hikaru asked, quickly turning scarlet.
“I didn’t mean it like that!” she clarified, her blush deepening. “It’s just that my family has been very protective of me lately…”
“Because of the incident in the elevator?” he pondered thoughtfully. She nodded. “I wonder how they lost of sight of you then. How old are you, by the way, Konako-chan?”
“Me? I’m ten. I’ll be turning eleven in a month though. How about you?”
“I’m twelve!”
“Ah, should I be calling you senpai, then?”
Hikaru waved a flat hand back and forth in front of his face, embarrassed. “Seriously, just Hikaru is fine. You can even drop the honorifics if you want. I wouldn’t mind.”
Konako thought that over carefully. “Okay then, Hikaru. Please take care of me.”
“All right then! Let’s take our time!” Hikaru grinned at her. He was already looking forward to the nice day ahead of them. “Is there anything you want to do, by any chance?”
“Oh, um.” Konako hesitated.
“Aha!” Hikaru exclaimed, pointing a long finger at her. “You’ve thought of something, haven’t you? It’s okay. We can take turns looking at something we like.”
Konako looked more at ease with that option. “Okay then. Will it be fine if we get candy apples?” she asked hopefully, politely even.
Hikaru was already leading the way. “Onward! Candy apples it is!”
-----
The moment Konako bit into the candied fruit, her face melted with euphoria. “Wah! These are so good!”
Hikaru agreed. “I know, right?!” he said through a mouth filled with what could very well be the physical manifestation of joy. “I usually don’t like sweets that much but this is amazing. Have you ever had a candy apple before, Konako?”
“No! That’s why I wanted to try this so much.” Her cheeks were stained with melted candy.
Hikaru snickered. “Konako.” He gestured to her face.
“I know!” she answered, laughing. “Let me finish my apple first.”
“What, no! Don’t wait until you’re finished!” He grabbed his handkerchief again. It was still a little soggy. “Here.”
But Konako dodged his hand stubbornly. “Leave it alone!”
“Absolutely not. If you won’t rub it off yourself, at least let me get that off you!”
“No!”
“You look funny!”
“Hey! I can do it myself! It will be harder work if I get my face dirty again from eating! I might as well finish this first before I wipe it all off!”
He huffed at her, more amused than irate, and took a step closer. “Ko. Na. Ko,” he said as menacingly as he could.
“Hi. Ka. Ru,” she giggled, taking a step back.
And then Hikaru was lunging after her. She screeched, dodging as he chased her. They ran, slipping past strangers, giggling as they went, into a garden, until he finally caught her just as she got the last bite of her treat.
He sighed, laughing, as he finally managed to hold her still. “I feel like this is the closest I’ll ever get to a younger sibling.”
“I don’t see why you have to get it off. I can perfectly manage to do it myself.” Konako was trying not to pout but desperately failing at it, which only made Hikaru want to squeeze her cheeks.
Which he did. Sort of. She wasn’t making the task any easier for him. Hikaru tutted, using one hand to hold her face still and the other to rub away the smears staining her face. “Is this because of the elevator thing and getting lost? Because I know you can. But I just want to help. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help, you know. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. Or that I’m going to think you’re weak.” He looked up then and, seeing that he was way too close for comfort to Konako’s flushed face, immediately let go, as if only realizing that he was holding on to hot potato. He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his head as nonchalantly as he could. “See? All done!”
“Thanks,” she mumbled, turning to look away from him.
Hikaru looked away as well, still scratching the back of his head. “You have really nice eyes, by the way.”
“Huh?”
“Your irises,” he stammered. “They have a pretty pattern when you look at it up close. It’s like… looking at a solar flare.”
“Oh…” Konako smiled softly. “Thanks! I-I like your teeth.”
Hikaru could tell from the way she hesitated that she was really trying to figure out what to say. “You don’t have to say you like something about me just because I gave you a compliment, you know. This isn’t a contest. I know for a fact that my teeth are terrible.”
“Yeah, they are…” she admitted. “But they look nice on your face anyway.”
“Konako, I’m not sure you know how compliments work.”
That sent her giggling. “Didn’t you just say you didn’t want a compliment? Anyway, you got it the wrong way: I do think they’re cute.”
Hikaru shook his head, trying to dissipate the heat building within his cheeks. “Can we forget about my teeth for a moment? It’s my turn, right? Let’s go check out one of those games.”
They settled at a ball tossing game first. When Hikaru was given three balls to use, he decided on a whim to start juggling them, just to show off, much to Konako’s surprise and obvious delight. Emboldened, Hikaru started doing more complicated tricks: walking back and forth, tossing it from under a lifted leg, making a full 360 degree turn before catching the ball. He ended his show with a flourish that had Konako clapping and cheering.
“Thank you!” he panted, feeling pleased despite himself. “You’re far too kind! As a reward for your patronage, I’ll be sure to win you the grand prize.”
Hikaru didn’t win the grand prize. In fact, he didn’t win any prize.
He puffed his cheeks, frustrated. Konako giggled. “Can I have a go?” she asked the assistant who nodded and handed her three balls. She landed her third shot and won herself a Hello Kitty sticker pack.
Hikaru ogled. “Konako, your aim is hella amazing. Do you play baseball?” It would have been embarrassing if he tried to impress an athlete at his skill level.
“Not really... My cousin is just annoying so I’ve been throwing things at him so he leaves me alone. I guess I got better with the constant practice.”
“You should keep doing that,” he encouraged. “It’s mighty impressive! Though I am sorry I couldn’t get you a prize myself…”
“It’s all right. I did get this sticker set.”
“That’s exactly why I’m sorry,” he said, scrunching his nose with distaste.
She tilted her head curiously. “Hikaru-kun doesn’t like Hello Kitty?”
“Hikaru-kun doesn’t like cats,” he corrected.
She blinked up at him. “Why would anyone not like cats?”
“Why would anyone like them?” he countered.
“I like how huge their eyes get. And their soft paws. And the way their tails swirl like question marks.”
Hikaru groaned. “Oh no, you’re one of those people. Don’t tell me you have a lot of them at your place.”
“No… Just a dog. Tatsuya. He’s an absolute delight. My dad got him for me. To help…” For a second, she looked like she was reliving a nightmare but she quickly moved on before twelve-year-old Hikaru could even notice. “But my uncle is a vet. And he owns a pet store. He has a lot of cats there.”
“I shudder to imagine that,” Hikaru said, convulsing dramatically.
Konako rolled her eyes. “I suppose you wouldn’t agree to my pink Hello Kitty bicycle either.”
“You have a pink Hello Kitty bicycle?”
“It’s cute,” she said. As if that alone perfectly explained why she had a pink Hello Kitty bicycle in the first place.
“Just as I thought,” Hikaru said, shaking his head melodramatically. “Konako-chan, you have a serious problem with your definition of cute.”
Konako snorted. “And I suppose a guy would know what’s cute.” Sarcastic.
“As a matter of fact, I do. For example, I think you’re cute.”
And as Konako blushed, Hikaru couldn’t believe he had ever been this straightforward. His current self would have been mortified to say such a thing if Konako wasn’t already his girlfriend. Nonetheless, he felt his heart swell with pride. Apparently, Yamada and Takaki weren’t the only ones who were cool with the ladies.
-----
They continued exploring, eventually forgetting to take turns. Or at least, Konako did. Hikaru certainly hadn’t forgotten his original proposition. He just didn’t bother pointing it out as Konako gained more and more confident in articulating what she wanted. And so he followed her obediently through the festival, jumping from one stall to another, stopping if anything piqued her fancy. At some point, Hikaru realized that Konako was mostly just pulling him around to get food. They had already gotten imagawayaki, oyaki, taiyaki, omusoba, okonomiyaki, shaved ice, and chocolate bananas. Just now, she stopped to help herself to some cotton candy.
She was all smiles when she offered the bag up to him. “Here.”
“You’re really only here to eat, aren’t you?” He laughed as he helped himself.
“I just had no idea there would be so much amazing food!” she gushed, unabashed.
Her eyes were so wide, she looked like an anime character. Hikaru had to look away to stop his heart from bursting. There should be a limit to how much cuteness the human being can tolerate. “Are you full? Do you mind if we check out some games?” Not that he was bored. He just badly needed to release some nervous tension.
Konako gasped, suddenly remembering their arrangement. “Hikaru, you could have just told me you wanted to play!”
“And have you miss out on all these amazing food? What kind of a gentleman would I be?”
She shoved him. “We were supposed to be taking turns!”
“I’m telling you it’s fine,” he said kindly, taking her hand as he did. “But if you’re so worried about it, we should go then.”
That was a bad move. Konako’s face pinkened, which only made his jitters worse.
She nodded. “Let’s go!”
Hikaru wove them through the crowd until they came across a goldfish scooping game and he felt Konako tugging on his hand.
“Oh, let’s do this one, Hikaru,” she said excitedly.
But Hikaru hesitated. “Oh, I don’t think my mom would approve.”
Konako spun her head back at him so fast, Hikaru was certain she got whiplash. “She doesn’t let you keep pets?” she asked, the surprise evident in her voice. That was understandable. She had a dog and an uncle who took care of animals for a living. She must have assumed this was normal.
“Unfortunately, no.”
“Not even a goldfish?” Her hands were over her mouth.
He had to laugh at her genuine disbelief. “Not even a goldfish.”
“There’s an option for turtles too,” she pointed out helpfully.
“Konako, I’d love a turtle, but until I’m old enough, I don’t think I should get one. I can’t risk bringing one home only to have my mother tell me I can’t keep it.”
She nodded. “Your mother must be really strict.”
“I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of my mom. She’s really nice and supportive. She means well. It’s just that she can’t handle the extra work right now, especially now that we can’t really ask my dad for help.”
“What do you mean?”
And even though Hikaru would now know better than to relay such private matters to a stranger, young Hikaru apparently had no qualms on doing the same. “My parents just got divorced,” he explained. Not sadly, not regretfully, not even resentfully. He stated it like it was a matter of fact and the world would do better to simply accept it and move on.
Konako stared at him for a few milliseconds before looking down, apologetic. “Oh…”
Hikaru laughed. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s better for them to be separated than to stay in a loveless marriage.”
“That’s a really mature way of thinking about it.”
He shrugged. “Well, I don’t want her to be unhappy.”
“Is she happier now?”
“Oh, she still gets sad but I think it’s kinda like when you rip a knife off your chest. You bleed and it hurts and it’s going to need a lot of work but at least you got the knife out and you can actually work on healing.” Konako stared up at him, surprise and understanding brimming in her eyes. Hikaru cleared his throat self-consciously, realizing their conversation had taken a dark turn. “Anyway, that’s why I can’t get a goldfish. Or a turtle.”
Konako looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, if you do decide to get a turtle, I’ve got the perfect name for it.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?”
“Ruru-chan~”
Hikaru wanted to laugh then. “Ruru-chan? Why?” He was expecting something clever like Shelldon.
“I got it from your name. HikaRU.”
“Ruru-chan!” he guffawed. “I love it! I’ll make sure to take note of that.”
Hikaru picked a ball scooping game next, where he managed to win a whole bowl of colorful bouncy balls. He took the opportunity to show off more of his juggling prowess. And he didn’t just juggle. He added hilarious facial expressions as he pretended to miss the balls, which successfully sent his audience of one giggling. Konako, he found, was a treat to entertain. Her happiness was so transparent and she took forever to stop laughing. At some point, she was begging him to stop because her cheeks were starting to hurt.
He stopped to stare at a stall selling masks. “Hey, you want any of these?” Hikaru asked, jerking his head to the merchandise.
Konako tilted her head to one side. “Sure… But I don’t think I should make it any harder for my sister and my cousin to find me.”
“Oh!” Hikaru had almost forgotten. It was so easy to forget that he and Konako weren’t actually there together and that at best, he was only ever borrowing her for the day. He was surprised to feel a pang of disappointment spreading across his chest. “Of course. You’re right. Forget I mentioned it.”
“You can get one if you want to though.”
“But how will I make you laugh if you can’t see my face?”
She giggled. “I’m sure you can manage.”
He grinned, up for the challenge. “All right then, what will you have me wear?”
Konako stared up at the options before her. After careful deliberation, she pointed at a Yellow Ranger mask.
“The Yellow Ranger is a girl,” Hikaru protested.
“I know. But I think the color reminds me of you. Since you’re always shining away with that smile.”
Hikaru took the mask, swearing to love the color yellow for all eternity.
They eventually found themselves at a courtyard surrounded by stalls. Behind them was a lake with row boats, swan boats, and actual swans. A stage stood in the center where the shrine dance would take place later on the night but on that late afternoon, it was empty, save for a couple of people ballroom dancing? It seemed like they were practicing for a performance.
Hikaru stopped, twisting his new mask backward to see better. “Woah.”
Konako stared in awe. She grabbed her camera and looked into the viewfinder, ready to take a photo of the strange scene, when Hikaru poked his eye directly in front of her lens.
“Hey, whatchu doing?” he asked. He had stood up on the cemented border that surrounded the courtyard and had leaned forward so he was looking at her upside down.
“Ah!” She ended up snapping the photo and Hikaru almost fell on her from surprise.
“Oh, sorry about that,” he moaned, rubbing his eye as the film slid out of Konako’s camera with a wrrr. “I didn’t realize you were trying to take a picture. I must have messed up your shot, huh?”
Konako stared at the film as the photo grew darker before her, revealing its content. She grinned. “Ah, it’s no problem. At least I ended up getting a nice one of your eye right here.”
Hikaru took one look at the polaroid and laughed. “Damn. Throw that away, Konako. That just looks creepy.”
“It’s a perfectly fine photo, Hikaru. At the very least, I get something to remember you by.”
Hikaru could feel his blush extending from its normal jurisdiction to his ears. He looked away. “Um, so, anyway, do you want to dance?”
Konako whipped her head to his direction. “Really?! Can we?”
Hikaru shrugged, smiling more confidently than he felt. “I don’t see why not.” He took her hands, arranging them so her left was over his shoulder and her right was secured in his left. He settled his right on her back.
He immediately regretted the decision. He was sweating way too much. But Konako’s eyes were far too bright, her smile just as blinding, that he didn’t dare wipe all that joy out.
Breathing deeply, he led her forward, keeping his steps simple so Konako wouldn’t have trouble following. He didn’t need to worry though. Konako was moving along with ease. “Seems like you’re born for this.”
She shook her head. “My mom always says you’re only as good as your lead.”
“That’s insane.”
“She might just be telling my dad he sucks though.”
Hikaru laughed. “That would make more sense.” He extended his right arm forward, letting go of her waist, so she could turn in place before pulling her back.
Konako giggled as she settled back into step with him. “You’re good, Hikaru.”
“Thanks!” he said, pleased. “I’ve been taking ballroom dancing lessons with my mom.”
“That sounds nice,” she sighed. “You and your mom sound close.”
“Yeah,” he said, smiling softly. He was feeling more at ease now. Snapping his right arm forward now, he made Konako’s body spin until her left arm was completely extended. She gasped, surprised, and Hikaru grinned before reeling her back in. “Sorry. Did that freak you out?”
“What was that thing you said earlier?” Konako thought as she shook her head, laughing. “Ah, right. Just peachy.”
Hikaru laughed.
“Was it your mom who one who wanted to do the lessons?” Konako wondered curiously.
“Ah no. Actually, I pushed for it.”
“Oh!” She sounded surprised. And yet appreciative. “So you really are interested in dancing. No wonder you’re so good!”
“I am!” Hikaru exclaimed. But realizing that he must have sounded obnoxious, he cleared his throat. “Interested in dancing, I mean, I’m not going to go around claiming I’m good or whatever.”
But Konako beamed at him encouragingly. If she thought he was thinking too highly of himself, she didn’t show it. “Well, as far as I’m concerned, you can go ahead and claim it. Because you really are good, Hikaru.”
Hikaru blushed. “Thanks. Um… This might sound stupid but the thing is, the reason I really wanted to learn dance in the first place is because I’m thinking on becoming an idol.” He didn’t know what compelled him to confess that to her. Perhaps it was the kindness in her eyes. Konako seemed like she wouldn’t judge him.
“But why would that be stupid?”
“I dunno.” He shrugged as he led them around a corner. “Because it’s unconventional? Besides, I’m really not all that good.”
“What are you talking about?!” she exclaimed. The solar flares in her eyes were boring into him. “Hikaru, you are! I mean, at least, I think you are. And anyway, even if you do feel like you still have a long way to go, a wise person once told me: all it takes is a bit of practice.”
Hikaru was quiet. He had never told anyone apart from his family members that he had planned on becoming an idol. “To be honest, it just kind of feels selfish to even say it out loud.”
“Is it? Didn’t you say it was fine to ask for help?”
“That’s different.” He wasn’t asking for assistance. He needed acceptance. From someone who was unwilling to grant it.
“Not really. Also, I don’t think your happiness should be based on what’s conventional,” Konako said.
Hikaru sighed. “It’s just that my dad doesn’t want me to go into it…”
“Ah… So that’s how it is…” she said softly. “His opinion still matters quite a lot to you, huh.”
“It shouldn’t, really, considering he won’t be looking out for me anyway. I mentioned it to him though, when my mom and I were demonstrating what we learned. He said dancing is only ever good as a hobby but not as a profession.”
“I’m sorry…”
It took him a while to realize that they were dancing slower now. “Hey, don’t be. What do you have to be sorry for? I’m sorry, for boring you with this.”
“Not at all. You should be able to let your problems out. If I’m only in your life to listen to your pain, then at least I know I got lost for a good reason today.”
“Don’t say that, Konako…” He was beginning to like her. He really didn’t want to think about not seeing her again.
“What does your dad want you to do anyway?” she wondered, her head tipped to one side again. Too pure, too good. It would have set Hikaru’s insides on fire if he wasn’t careful.
“Oh, to be a businessman like him. Not like I’ll be inheriting his business either way, anyway, but he feels like it’s more respectable to have that kind of job.”
“Maybe so, but can you imagine yourself managing a business?”
“Like something I’ll be doing for the rest of my life?” He didn’t even need to think about it. He already knew the answer. “Absolutely not. I like entertaining people.”
“Then you should do that. You’ve been nothing but entertaining today! I think it’s nice that you know what to do with the rest of your life.”
Hikaru thought about that quietly. They were barely moving now. The world’s slowest slow dance.
“Hikaru…” Konako said, drawing him away from his reverie.
“Yeah?”
“I do think you’re quite cool…”
He stared at her, uncertain of what to say. He was about to reply when he felt something brush against his leg. He looked down - only to find an orange cat stretching against shin, and he screamed so animatedly, practically jumping a foot back before running away.
“Hikaru, it’s just a cat!” Konako yelled, chasing after him. The cat, thankfully, didn’t bother pursuing.
“That’s exactly why I’m jumping back!” he screamed from behind a tree.
Konako blinked, not sure if she should laugh or be worried. “Huh. So this is what you meant when you said you don’t like cats.”
“Why, what did you think?”
“I don’t know, just that you don’t like them? I didn’t expect you to run away like that.”
“Yeah, well, still think I’m cool?” he asked, laughing self-consciously.
He wasn’t expecting Konako to nod so vigorously in reply. “I do! You dance well and you juggle too.”
“Thanks, but I think the most important thing with being an idol is being handsome and singing well while dancing. Juggling isn’t really a priority.”
“Well, is Hikaru confident with singing?”
“Fairly so,” he admitted.
“Then that’s fine. Because you’re already plenty handsome.”
Hikaru blinked at her, surprised. “Eh, really? You think I’m handsome? Even with my crazy teeth? And after witnessing me jumping away lamely from a cat?”
“I told you already,” she sighed, laughing. “I like your teeth. They’re cute. It’s only going to set you further apart from everyone else. Also, don’t forget, you helped me back there.”
“What does that have to do with being an idol?”
“Isn’t it an idol’s job to make their fans smile? To make them feel like everything is going to be okay?”
Hikaru had to pause before chuckling. He wasn’t sure if he heard that right. “I appreciate the effort but I don’t think you count, Konako.”
“Well, why not?” she asked, suddenly indignant. “So what if I’m your first fan?”
Hikaru blinked at her in disbelief. “My… First fan?” he echoed. Did she really just say that?
“Yeah!” she said, her eyes wide with determination. “Now you don’t have to worry about getting a fanbase because you already have one! All you have to do now is go on up there and do it!”
Hikaru stopped, staring at her with a new light then. “Konako…” he whispered.
It felt like she had just moved closer in his field of vision, which was impossible because she was still right there. It was as if his eyes, no, his whole world, had suddenly shifted focus, so everything else had blurred and Konako was the clearest thing he could see.
“Let’s go!” she cried, pulling at his hand.
Hikaru didn’t object. Or rather, he couldn’t. He was too enthralled to put up any semblance of an argument. “Where are we going?”
“To the shrine,” she replied, grinning back at him. “I want to pray for your good fortune.”
And that she did. She made Hikaru ring the bell for them and after leaving a small donation, they prayed. In the light of the dying sun, Hikaru couldn’t stop staring at her as she earnestly went through the motions of bowing twice, clapping twice, and bowing once again. Then she dragged him over to write an ema. She was particularly careful to use her best handwriting. To make it as legible as possible. Once the ink had thoroughly dried, she handed it to Hikaru so he could hang it up.
“Now you’re on your way,” she said, beaming up at him.
At that point, Hikaru could no longer stop himself. He felt like if he didn’t do anything, he would spontaneously combust. So he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her.
“Hi-Hikaru-kun?” Konako stuttered. He didn’t have to see her face to know that it had turned completely red. When he didn’t let go, she placed two hesitant arms around him, hugging him right back. “Hikaru?” Her voice was ringing with concern.
“Thank you,” he whispered, still holding on, not only to her, but to this memory, to the emotions welling up inside of him.
“For what?” she asked, her voice quiet, fetal.
“For everything,” he said and meaning it. Hikaru’s heart was pounding so hard against his rib cage, he was sure Konako must have felt it hammering away against her own chest. His intestines were up in knots, coiling and uncoiling, like snakes on a frenzy, dancing to the sound of her voice.
His twelve-year-old self didn’t have a word for those feelings yet but even he understood. Nothing else - nobody else - was ever going to, or could ever hope to, come close to this. To her. He was always going to be searching for her.
Which was why he wanted to cling so desperately to this one grandiose titular moment.
“Silly boy,” she whispered, a smile in her voice now, as she rubbed his head.
Hikaru sighed, with a mixture of contentment and melancholy, because he knew: time was running out and he would have to fulfill his promise of bringing Konako back. And he could never be ready for that.
Chapter 23: Ten Years Ago
Part 2: Borrowed Time
“Ehhhh, you can just call me Hikaru, you know.”
Konako blinked up at him, surprised. “Oh. Well, all right. Then you can just call me Konako then.”
“Konako,” he echoed, rolling the syllables off his tongue. “That’s an interesting name.”
“It doesn’t really mean anything,” she said, scrunching her nose with distaste. “I like yours better. It means to shine.”
“It does! But I think your name is nice like that too! It’s melodious,” he said, laughing. “Anyway, Konako-chan, do you wanna have a look around? Since you’re already here, you might as well enjoy your time. We can walk around the festival until we find your family.”
Konako blushed at the suggestion. “Is that really going to be okay? You don’t have to go out of your way for someone you just met, Hikaru-kun.”
“I don’t really have anything to do anyway. I’m actually here on my own. But now that you’re here, I figure it would be nice to walk around with someone. Have you been here before?”
“Not at all. It’s my first time!”
He beamed at her. “Then let’s enjoy this day together, Konako-chan! Before we find your family again.”
“Oh, here,” Konako offered, handing him a couple of polaroids. “I took these of them earlier. This one is my older sister, Mitsuha. And this is my cousin, Kuraki. They were with me today when I lost sight of them.”
“They must have been walking fast, huh,” he said as he ran his hand over the photos, studying the faces carefully.
“Not really, I just got caught up taking pictures,” she admitted shyly.
“Well, don’t be embarrassed, Konako-chan! They’re really nice pictures!” he exclaimed as he handed her back her photos. He raised a hand up in salute. “And don’t worry! I’ll keep my eyes peeled for them!”
“Ah no, I’m not embarrassed about the pictures. It’s just that I already got in trouble a couple of months ago with being left behind…”
“Oh? Was it at a festival like this as well?”
“No, actually, it was in an elevator…” she answered softly.
Hikaru realized just then that Konako must have been referring to the time she developed her claustrophobia. He hadn’t known then but looking back at it now, this would explain why she had been crying that day: she must have been scared of worrying her family again. He wanted so much to hold her now. But twelve-year-old Hikaru, who had absolutely no idea of the traumas of her past nor even of the mere existence of claustrophobia, wasn’t aware of what twenty-two-year-old Hikaru wanted. Instead his younger self said, “I see. Do you think it will be better to find them quickly then? We can look around for a megaphone that can announce your location.”
“Absolutely not!” Konako squeaked. “That’s way too embarrassing! Besides…” she trailed off. “I think it would be nice to walk around with you...” She looked away, blushing.
“Eh? Really?!” Hikaru asked, quickly turning scarlet.
“I didn’t mean it like that!” she clarified, her blush deepening. “It’s just that my family has been very protective of me lately…”
“Because of the incident in the elevator?” he pondered thoughtfully. She nodded. “I wonder how they lost of sight of you then. How old are you, by the way, Konako-chan?”
“Me? I’m ten. I’ll be turning eleven in a month though. How about you?”
“I’m twelve!”
“Ah, should I be calling you senpai, then?”
Hikaru waved a flat hand back and forth in front of his face, embarrassed. “Seriously, just Hikaru is fine. You can even drop the honorifics if you want. I wouldn’t mind.”
Konako thought that over carefully. “Okay then, Hikaru. Please take care of me.”
“All right then! Let’s take our time!” Hikaru grinned at her. He was already looking forward to the nice day ahead of them. “Is there anything you want to do, by any chance?”
“Oh, um.” Konako hesitated.
“Aha!” Hikaru exclaimed, pointing a long finger at her. “You’ve thought of something, haven’t you? It’s okay. We can take turns looking at something we like.”
Konako looked more at ease with that option. “Okay then. Will it be fine if we get candy apples?” she asked hopefully, politely even.
Hikaru was already leading the way. “Onward! Candy apples it is!”
-----
The moment Konako bit into the candied fruit, her face melted with euphoria. “Wah! These are so good!”
Hikaru agreed. “I know, right?!” he said through a mouth filled with what could very well be the physical manifestation of joy. “I usually don’t like sweets that much but this is amazing. Have you ever had a candy apple before, Konako?”
“No! That’s why I wanted to try this so much.” Her cheeks were stained with melted candy.
Hikaru snickered. “Konako.” He gestured to her face.
“I know!” she answered, laughing. “Let me finish my apple first.”
“What, no! Don’t wait until you’re finished!” He grabbed his handkerchief again. It was still a little soggy. “Here.”
But Konako dodged his hand stubbornly. “Leave it alone!”
“Absolutely not. If you won’t rub it off yourself, at least let me get that off you!”
“No!”
“You look funny!”
“Hey! I can do it myself! It will be harder work if I get my face dirty again from eating! I might as well finish this first before I wipe it all off!”
He huffed at her, more amused than irate, and took a step closer. “Ko. Na. Ko,” he said as menacingly as he could.
“Hi. Ka. Ru,” she giggled, taking a step back.
And then Hikaru was lunging after her. She screeched, dodging as he chased her. They ran, slipping past strangers, giggling as they went, into a garden, until he finally caught her just as she got the last bite of her treat.
He sighed, laughing, as he finally managed to hold her still. “I feel like this is the closest I’ll ever get to a younger sibling.”
“I don’t see why you have to get it off. I can perfectly manage to do it myself.” Konako was trying not to pout but desperately failing at it, which only made Hikaru want to squeeze her cheeks.
Which he did. Sort of. She wasn’t making the task any easier for him. Hikaru tutted, using one hand to hold her face still and the other to rub away the smears staining her face. “Is this because of the elevator thing and getting lost? Because I know you can. But I just want to help. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help, you know. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. Or that I’m going to think you’re weak.” He looked up then and, seeing that he was way too close for comfort to Konako’s flushed face, immediately let go, as if only realizing that he was holding on to hot potato. He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his head as nonchalantly as he could. “See? All done!”
“Thanks,” she mumbled, turning to look away from him.
Hikaru looked away as well, still scratching the back of his head. “You have really nice eyes, by the way.”
“Huh?”
“Your irises,” he stammered. “They have a pretty pattern when you look at it up close. It’s like… looking at a solar flare.”
“Oh…” Konako smiled softly. “Thanks! I-I like your teeth.”
Hikaru could tell from the way she hesitated that she was really trying to figure out what to say. “You don’t have to say you like something about me just because I gave you a compliment, you know. This isn’t a contest. I know for a fact that my teeth are terrible.”
“Yeah, they are…” she admitted. “But they look nice on your face anyway.”
“Konako, I’m not sure you know how compliments work.”
That sent her giggling. “Didn’t you just say you didn’t want a compliment? Anyway, you got it the wrong way: I do think they’re cute.”
Hikaru shook his head, trying to dissipate the heat building within his cheeks. “Can we forget about my teeth for a moment? It’s my turn, right? Let’s go check out one of those games.”
They settled at a ball tossing game first. When Hikaru was given three balls to use, he decided on a whim to start juggling them, just to show off, much to Konako’s surprise and obvious delight. Emboldened, Hikaru started doing more complicated tricks: walking back and forth, tossing it from under a lifted leg, making a full 360 degree turn before catching the ball. He ended his show with a flourish that had Konako clapping and cheering.
“Thank you!” he panted, feeling pleased despite himself. “You’re far too kind! As a reward for your patronage, I’ll be sure to win you the grand prize.”
Hikaru didn’t win the grand prize. In fact, he didn’t win any prize.
He puffed his cheeks, frustrated. Konako giggled. “Can I have a go?” she asked the assistant who nodded and handed her three balls. She landed her third shot and won herself a Hello Kitty sticker pack.
Hikaru ogled. “Konako, your aim is hella amazing. Do you play baseball?” It would have been embarrassing if he tried to impress an athlete at his skill level.
“Not really... My cousin is just annoying so I’ve been throwing things at him so he leaves me alone. I guess I got better with the constant practice.”
“You should keep doing that,” he encouraged. “It’s mighty impressive! Though I am sorry I couldn’t get you a prize myself…”
“It’s all right. I did get this sticker set.”
“That’s exactly why I’m sorry,” he said, scrunching his nose with distaste.
She tilted her head curiously. “Hikaru-kun doesn’t like Hello Kitty?”
“Hikaru-kun doesn’t like cats,” he corrected.
She blinked up at him. “Why would anyone not like cats?”
“Why would anyone like them?” he countered.
“I like how huge their eyes get. And their soft paws. And the way their tails swirl like question marks.”
Hikaru groaned. “Oh no, you’re one of those people. Don’t tell me you have a lot of them at your place.”
“No… Just a dog. Tatsuya. He’s an absolute delight. My dad got him for me. To help…” For a second, she looked like she was reliving a nightmare but she quickly moved on before twelve-year-old Hikaru could even notice. “But my uncle is a vet. And he owns a pet store. He has a lot of cats there.”
“I shudder to imagine that,” Hikaru said, convulsing dramatically.
Konako rolled her eyes. “I suppose you wouldn’t agree to my pink Hello Kitty bicycle either.”
“You have a pink Hello Kitty bicycle?”
“It’s cute,” she said. As if that alone perfectly explained why she had a pink Hello Kitty bicycle in the first place.
“Just as I thought,” Hikaru said, shaking his head melodramatically. “Konako-chan, you have a serious problem with your definition of cute.”
Konako snorted. “And I suppose a guy would know what’s cute.” Sarcastic.
“As a matter of fact, I do. For example, I think you’re cute.”
And as Konako blushed, Hikaru couldn’t believe he had ever been this straightforward. His current self would have been mortified to say such a thing if Konako wasn’t already his girlfriend. Nonetheless, he felt his heart swell with pride. Apparently, Yamada and Takaki weren’t the only ones who were cool with the ladies.
-----
They continued exploring, eventually forgetting to take turns. Or at least, Konako did. Hikaru certainly hadn’t forgotten his original proposition. He just didn’t bother pointing it out as Konako gained more and more confident in articulating what she wanted. And so he followed her obediently through the festival, jumping from one stall to another, stopping if anything piqued her fancy. At some point, Hikaru realized that Konako was mostly just pulling him around to get food. They had already gotten imagawayaki, oyaki, taiyaki, omusoba, okonomiyaki, shaved ice, and chocolate bananas. Just now, she stopped to help herself to some cotton candy.
She was all smiles when she offered the bag up to him. “Here.”
“You’re really only here to eat, aren’t you?” He laughed as he helped himself.
“I just had no idea there would be so much amazing food!” she gushed, unabashed.
Her eyes were so wide, she looked like an anime character. Hikaru had to look away to stop his heart from bursting. There should be a limit to how much cuteness the human being can tolerate. “Are you full? Do you mind if we check out some games?” Not that he was bored. He just badly needed to release some nervous tension.
Konako gasped, suddenly remembering their arrangement. “Hikaru, you could have just told me you wanted to play!”
“And have you miss out on all these amazing food? What kind of a gentleman would I be?”
She shoved him. “We were supposed to be taking turns!”
“I’m telling you it’s fine,” he said kindly, taking her hand as he did. “But if you’re so worried about it, we should go then.”
That was a bad move. Konako’s face pinkened, which only made his jitters worse.
She nodded. “Let’s go!”
Hikaru wove them through the crowd until they came across a goldfish scooping game and he felt Konako tugging on his hand.
“Oh, let’s do this one, Hikaru,” she said excitedly.
But Hikaru hesitated. “Oh, I don’t think my mom would approve.”
Konako spun her head back at him so fast, Hikaru was certain she got whiplash. “She doesn’t let you keep pets?” she asked, the surprise evident in her voice. That was understandable. She had a dog and an uncle who took care of animals for a living. She must have assumed this was normal.
“Unfortunately, no.”
“Not even a goldfish?” Her hands were over her mouth.
He had to laugh at her genuine disbelief. “Not even a goldfish.”
“There’s an option for turtles too,” she pointed out helpfully.
“Konako, I’d love a turtle, but until I’m old enough, I don’t think I should get one. I can’t risk bringing one home only to have my mother tell me I can’t keep it.”
She nodded. “Your mother must be really strict.”
“I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of my mom. She’s really nice and supportive. She means well. It’s just that she can’t handle the extra work right now, especially now that we can’t really ask my dad for help.”
“What do you mean?”
And even though Hikaru would now know better than to relay such private matters to a stranger, young Hikaru apparently had no qualms on doing the same. “My parents just got divorced,” he explained. Not sadly, not regretfully, not even resentfully. He stated it like it was a matter of fact and the world would do better to simply accept it and move on.
Konako stared at him for a few milliseconds before looking down, apologetic. “Oh…”
Hikaru laughed. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s better for them to be separated than to stay in a loveless marriage.”
“That’s a really mature way of thinking about it.”
He shrugged. “Well, I don’t want her to be unhappy.”
“Is she happier now?”
“Oh, she still gets sad but I think it’s kinda like when you rip a knife off your chest. You bleed and it hurts and it’s going to need a lot of work but at least you got the knife out and you can actually work on healing.” Konako stared up at him, surprise and understanding brimming in her eyes. Hikaru cleared his throat self-consciously, realizing their conversation had taken a dark turn. “Anyway, that’s why I can’t get a goldfish. Or a turtle.”
Konako looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, if you do decide to get a turtle, I’ve got the perfect name for it.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?”
“Ruru-chan~”
Hikaru wanted to laugh then. “Ruru-chan? Why?” He was expecting something clever like Shelldon.
“I got it from your name. HikaRU.”
“Ruru-chan!” he guffawed. “I love it! I’ll make sure to take note of that.”
Hikaru picked a ball scooping game next, where he managed to win a whole bowl of colorful bouncy balls. He took the opportunity to show off more of his juggling prowess. And he didn’t just juggle. He added hilarious facial expressions as he pretended to miss the balls, which successfully sent his audience of one giggling. Konako, he found, was a treat to entertain. Her happiness was so transparent and she took forever to stop laughing. At some point, she was begging him to stop because her cheeks were starting to hurt.
He stopped to stare at a stall selling masks. “Hey, you want any of these?” Hikaru asked, jerking his head to the merchandise.
Konako tilted her head to one side. “Sure… But I don’t think I should make it any harder for my sister and my cousin to find me.”
“Oh!” Hikaru had almost forgotten. It was so easy to forget that he and Konako weren’t actually there together and that at best, he was only ever borrowing her for the day. He was surprised to feel a pang of disappointment spreading across his chest. “Of course. You’re right. Forget I mentioned it.”
“You can get one if you want to though.”
“But how will I make you laugh if you can’t see my face?”
She giggled. “I’m sure you can manage.”
He grinned, up for the challenge. “All right then, what will you have me wear?”
Konako stared up at the options before her. After careful deliberation, she pointed at a Yellow Ranger mask.
“The Yellow Ranger is a girl,” Hikaru protested.
“I know. But I think the color reminds me of you. Since you’re always shining away with that smile.”
Hikaru took the mask, swearing to love the color yellow for all eternity.
They eventually found themselves at a courtyard surrounded by stalls. Behind them was a lake with row boats, swan boats, and actual swans. A stage stood in the center where the shrine dance would take place later on the night but on that late afternoon, it was empty, save for a couple of people ballroom dancing? It seemed like they were practicing for a performance.
Hikaru stopped, twisting his new mask backward to see better. “Woah.”
Konako stared in awe. She grabbed her camera and looked into the viewfinder, ready to take a photo of the strange scene, when Hikaru poked his eye directly in front of her lens.
“Hey, whatchu doing?” he asked. He had stood up on the cemented border that surrounded the courtyard and had leaned forward so he was looking at her upside down.
“Ah!” She ended up snapping the photo and Hikaru almost fell on her from surprise.
“Oh, sorry about that,” he moaned, rubbing his eye as the film slid out of Konako’s camera with a wrrr. “I didn’t realize you were trying to take a picture. I must have messed up your shot, huh?”
Konako stared at the film as the photo grew darker before her, revealing its content. She grinned. “Ah, it’s no problem. At least I ended up getting a nice one of your eye right here.”
Hikaru took one look at the polaroid and laughed. “Damn. Throw that away, Konako. That just looks creepy.”
“It’s a perfectly fine photo, Hikaru. At the very least, I get something to remember you by.”
Hikaru could feel his blush extending from its normal jurisdiction to his ears. He looked away. “Um, so, anyway, do you want to dance?”
Konako whipped her head to his direction. “Really?! Can we?”
Hikaru shrugged, smiling more confidently than he felt. “I don’t see why not.” He took her hands, arranging them so her left was over his shoulder and her right was secured in his left. He settled his right on her back.
He immediately regretted the decision. He was sweating way too much. But Konako’s eyes were far too bright, her smile just as blinding, that he didn’t dare wipe all that joy out.
Breathing deeply, he led her forward, keeping his steps simple so Konako wouldn’t have trouble following. He didn’t need to worry though. Konako was moving along with ease. “Seems like you’re born for this.”
She shook her head. “My mom always says you’re only as good as your lead.”
“That’s insane.”
“She might just be telling my dad he sucks though.”
Hikaru laughed. “That would make more sense.” He extended his right arm forward, letting go of her waist, so she could turn in place before pulling her back.
Konako giggled as she settled back into step with him. “You’re good, Hikaru.”
“Thanks!” he said, pleased. “I’ve been taking ballroom dancing lessons with my mom.”
“That sounds nice,” she sighed. “You and your mom sound close.”
“Yeah,” he said, smiling softly. He was feeling more at ease now. Snapping his right arm forward now, he made Konako’s body spin until her left arm was completely extended. She gasped, surprised, and Hikaru grinned before reeling her back in. “Sorry. Did that freak you out?”
“What was that thing you said earlier?” Konako thought as she shook her head, laughing. “Ah, right. Just peachy.”
Hikaru laughed.
“Was it your mom who one who wanted to do the lessons?” Konako wondered curiously.
“Ah no. Actually, I pushed for it.”
“Oh!” She sounded surprised. And yet appreciative. “So you really are interested in dancing. No wonder you’re so good!”
“I am!” Hikaru exclaimed. But realizing that he must have sounded obnoxious, he cleared his throat. “Interested in dancing, I mean, I’m not going to go around claiming I’m good or whatever.”
But Konako beamed at him encouragingly. If she thought he was thinking too highly of himself, she didn’t show it. “Well, as far as I’m concerned, you can go ahead and claim it. Because you really are good, Hikaru.”
Hikaru blushed. “Thanks. Um… This might sound stupid but the thing is, the reason I really wanted to learn dance in the first place is because I’m thinking on becoming an idol.” He didn’t know what compelled him to confess that to her. Perhaps it was the kindness in her eyes. Konako seemed like she wouldn’t judge him.
“But why would that be stupid?”
“I dunno.” He shrugged as he led them around a corner. “Because it’s unconventional? Besides, I’m really not all that good.”
“What are you talking about?!” she exclaimed. The solar flares in her eyes were boring into him. “Hikaru, you are! I mean, at least, I think you are. And anyway, even if you do feel like you still have a long way to go, a wise person once told me: all it takes is a bit of practice.”
Hikaru was quiet. He had never told anyone apart from his family members that he had planned on becoming an idol. “To be honest, it just kind of feels selfish to even say it out loud.”
“Is it? Didn’t you say it was fine to ask for help?”
“That’s different.” He wasn’t asking for assistance. He needed acceptance. From someone who was unwilling to grant it.
“Not really. Also, I don’t think your happiness should be based on what’s conventional,” Konako said.
Hikaru sighed. “It’s just that my dad doesn’t want me to go into it…”
“Ah… So that’s how it is…” she said softly. “His opinion still matters quite a lot to you, huh.”
“It shouldn’t, really, considering he won’t be looking out for me anyway. I mentioned it to him though, when my mom and I were demonstrating what we learned. He said dancing is only ever good as a hobby but not as a profession.”
“I’m sorry…”
It took him a while to realize that they were dancing slower now. “Hey, don’t be. What do you have to be sorry for? I’m sorry, for boring you with this.”
“Not at all. You should be able to let your problems out. If I’m only in your life to listen to your pain, then at least I know I got lost for a good reason today.”
“Don’t say that, Konako…” He was beginning to like her. He really didn’t want to think about not seeing her again.
“What does your dad want you to do anyway?” she wondered, her head tipped to one side again. Too pure, too good. It would have set Hikaru’s insides on fire if he wasn’t careful.
“Oh, to be a businessman like him. Not like I’ll be inheriting his business either way, anyway, but he feels like it’s more respectable to have that kind of job.”
“Maybe so, but can you imagine yourself managing a business?”
“Like something I’ll be doing for the rest of my life?” He didn’t even need to think about it. He already knew the answer. “Absolutely not. I like entertaining people.”
“Then you should do that. You’ve been nothing but entertaining today! I think it’s nice that you know what to do with the rest of your life.”
Hikaru thought about that quietly. They were barely moving now. The world’s slowest slow dance.
“Hikaru…” Konako said, drawing him away from his reverie.
“Yeah?”
“I do think you’re quite cool…”
He stared at her, uncertain of what to say. He was about to reply when he felt something brush against his leg. He looked down - only to find an orange cat stretching against shin, and he screamed so animatedly, practically jumping a foot back before running away.
“Hikaru, it’s just a cat!” Konako yelled, chasing after him. The cat, thankfully, didn’t bother pursuing.
“That’s exactly why I’m jumping back!” he screamed from behind a tree.
Konako blinked, not sure if she should laugh or be worried. “Huh. So this is what you meant when you said you don’t like cats.”
“Why, what did you think?”
“I don’t know, just that you don’t like them? I didn’t expect you to run away like that.”
“Yeah, well, still think I’m cool?” he asked, laughing self-consciously.
He wasn’t expecting Konako to nod so vigorously in reply. “I do! You dance well and you juggle too.”
“Thanks, but I think the most important thing with being an idol is being handsome and singing well while dancing. Juggling isn’t really a priority.”
“Well, is Hikaru confident with singing?”
“Fairly so,” he admitted.
“Then that’s fine. Because you’re already plenty handsome.”
Hikaru blinked at her, surprised. “Eh, really? You think I’m handsome? Even with my crazy teeth? And after witnessing me jumping away lamely from a cat?”
“I told you already,” she sighed, laughing. “I like your teeth. They’re cute. It’s only going to set you further apart from everyone else. Also, don’t forget, you helped me back there.”
“What does that have to do with being an idol?”
“Isn’t it an idol’s job to make their fans smile? To make them feel like everything is going to be okay?”
Hikaru had to pause before chuckling. He wasn’t sure if he heard that right. “I appreciate the effort but I don’t think you count, Konako.”
“Well, why not?” she asked, suddenly indignant. “So what if I’m your first fan?”
Hikaru blinked at her in disbelief. “My… First fan?” he echoed. Did she really just say that?
“Yeah!” she said, her eyes wide with determination. “Now you don’t have to worry about getting a fanbase because you already have one! All you have to do now is go on up there and do it!”
Hikaru stopped, staring at her with a new light then. “Konako…” he whispered.
It felt like she had just moved closer in his field of vision, which was impossible because she was still right there. It was as if his eyes, no, his whole world, had suddenly shifted focus, so everything else had blurred and Konako was the clearest thing he could see.
“Let’s go!” she cried, pulling at his hand.
Hikaru didn’t object. Or rather, he couldn’t. He was too enthralled to put up any semblance of an argument. “Where are we going?”
“To the shrine,” she replied, grinning back at him. “I want to pray for your good fortune.”
And that she did. She made Hikaru ring the bell for them and after leaving a small donation, they prayed. In the light of the dying sun, Hikaru couldn’t stop staring at her as she earnestly went through the motions of bowing twice, clapping twice, and bowing once again. Then she dragged him over to write an ema. She was particularly careful to use her best handwriting. To make it as legible as possible. Once the ink had thoroughly dried, she handed it to Hikaru so he could hang it up.
“Now you’re on your way,” she said, beaming up at him.
At that point, Hikaru could no longer stop himself. He felt like if he didn’t do anything, he would spontaneously combust. So he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her.
“Hi-Hikaru-kun?” Konako stuttered. He didn’t have to see her face to know that it had turned completely red. When he didn’t let go, she placed two hesitant arms around him, hugging him right back. “Hikaru?” Her voice was ringing with concern.
“Thank you,” he whispered, still holding on, not only to her, but to this memory, to the emotions welling up inside of him.
“For what?” she asked, her voice quiet, fetal.
“For everything,” he said and meaning it. Hikaru’s heart was pounding so hard against his rib cage, he was sure Konako must have felt it hammering away against her own chest. His intestines were up in knots, coiling and uncoiling, like snakes on a frenzy, dancing to the sound of her voice.
His twelve-year-old self didn’t have a word for those feelings yet but even he understood. Nothing else - nobody else - was ever going to, or could ever hope to, come close to this. To her. He was always going to be searching for her.
Which was why he wanted to cling so desperately to this one grandiose titular moment.
“Silly boy,” she whispered, a smile in her voice now, as she rubbed his head.
Hikaru sighed, with a mixture of contentment and melancholy, because he knew: time was running out and he would have to fulfill his promise of bringing Konako back. And he could never be ready for that.