Moonlight Monday!

[katicalocke]

The only reason to like Mondays, lol! Now we finally get to find out if Izeri drowns or if Charias saves him. ^_^ But first, some business.

Broken Wings is a Smashwords bestseller! #1 in the Gay Erotica category. Buy Broken Wings now! And if you don't like Smashwords, you can get it on Amazon for Kindle. And that's enough book pimpage for today. ^

Comments

[amindaya]

I can't speak for anybody else, but I was shaking my head at the screen and thinking "this is NOT okay" and "please tell me Izeri is having an attack of unreliable narrator and that his wtf calculating lie is just denial." He was likeable in Broken Wings and he's been likeable throughout the story, and in this chapter he abruptly makes me want to throw up. I understand that as a writer your characters sometimes take you in a direction you can't control, and that your vision for the character is the only one that matters, but as someone who's been reading these characters over the past couple of years now (I think it's been that long), I have to tell you that I don't know if this is an Izeri I want to read, and that I would have appreciated knowing ahead of time that this is where it was going.

[katicalocke]

Thank you. This was how I was afraid readers would react, and it's not how I want the character to be. While I was writing this scene and the next (and I would have posted them both together if I managed to finish the next one, which might have been better context) I wasn't sure if I liked it

[mee_eep]

Hmm I'm really not sure; I like Izeri and his friendship with Charias has been sweet so far, the feel being that their falling for each other but that Izeri is in denial. The way he stands up for Charias in class and the swimming exhibition show a loyalty/decency

[katicalocke]

Thank you. This was how I was hoping readers would react. It's not a good situation and Izeri is acting out of fear and helplessness -- he doesn't know what to do, he's backed into a corner, and he's falling back on what would be culturally acceptable to his people, because that's how he was raised

[mee_eep]

I've had a little back read, the first chapter and the last one posted on ficpress - adopting faerie thought process is Izeri's standard behaviour. He makes friends through caculation. Even the swim in the pool - he was equal parts defending Charias and standing up to the mage that would dare to question a faerie.

I think you've done good job of protraying both sides of his character.

I'm glad you say Charias doesn't learn of his deception though. Charias is emotionally vulnerable/defensive, not trusting anyone, opening up to Izeri is a big thing for him and I couldn't see him recovering from that.

[katicalocke]

Exactly. His motivations are never completely altruistic. He always has something to gain, or something to lose. With the pool, he needs to prove that he's not wrong about Charias.

I wasn't sure if keeping Izeri's mental and emotional breakdown a secret from Charias would be well taken or not. In all the cliche romantic movies, the main character makes a stupid decision, immoral choice, or mistake, the love interest finds out, there's the big break-up scenes, and then the grand gesture/speech, and everything works out. I don't want this to be like that, but I'm afraid it's what people will expect. I agree with you, Charias has enough worries, he doesn't need to know this, too. And Izeri's inner turmoil over what he did will be enough angst for the story anyway, lol.

When Charias bites Izeri

[anonymous]

What is happening here is logically very curious. Charias' spirit says it destroyed the invading spirit. This implies that Charias knows that Izeri is were already. It is not reasonable that Charias' were spirit cannot or would not pass this information on

Re: When Charias bites Izeri

[katicalocke]

Um, I think you misunderstood something. This story is from Izeri's POV, so it was Izeri's spirit that destroyed the invading spirit, because Izeri got bitten. Izeri's spirit talks to him, not to Charias.

I know I don't need to get dark, but this has been the way I envisioned the story progressing from the very beginning.

The point you bring up about Izeri belonging to another community now is something that is addressed in the next chapter. It's one of the revelations that he has once he realizes what a mistake he has made.

Thank you for you comment and opinion. I really appreciate it. ^_^

Re: When Charias bites Izeri

[anonymous]

My apologies. I did make a mistake in the direction. The point I wanted to make is that it seems unreasonable that both spirits should not know that something is not as expected. The shival knows that it wasn't driven out, of course. But wouldn't the shark spirit know that it had not placed a copy of itself into Izeri?
In short, Charias shouldn't have to wait 28 days to discover the truth. That knowledge should come as soon as he talks to his were spirit. Hence, Izeri is were or something not defined yet in the story. Charias should be talking to Izeri about this and soon.

Sorry to belabor the point. The author is God and you may have good reason to keep Charias in the dark. Keep up the good work.

Re: When Charias bites Izeri

[katicalocke]

Well, I do want to keep Charias in the dark because I have a wonderful, emotional, angsty scene that I can't write unless he doesn't find out, lol, but I appreciate you pointing these things out to me. I suppose I haven't really gone in depth into the details of being a Were and how it happens and all that.

I can have Charias and Izeri talk about that stuff soon, since Charias will want to teach Izeri all he needs to know, so I can make those things clear then. Basically, the Werespirit has no connection to anyone or anything except the person it inhabits. It is not aware of its host's thoughts or feelings, and only perceives the world through the host's senses.

The spirit also has no connection to the piece of itself that it passes on to whoever was bitten. It doesn't pass on a complete duplicate copy, more like a seed which needs time to grow.

I hope that makes sense and clears up any confusion. Again, thank you for your comment. I do truly appreciate it. ^_^

[cattails]

I really, really like this turn of events. Because, as you said, Izeri technically *isn't* a likeable character. I remember thinking that in Broken Wings (I mean, I liked him, obviously, but his character wasn't like, say, Jak's). I feel like this makes far more sense than Izeri just accepting Charias' feelings from the get-go and having an easy, sweet romance blooming

[katicalocke]

Thank you. That's very interesting. I really appreciate you sharing your opinion.

I wanted Izeri to be different, because he is, and I do like him (he's one of my favorites), but he isn't always "nice". As a faerie, he often acts too human, but that's not something I've really focused on. He gets weird looks from other faeries when he's eating lunch with Charias, but Darike was supportive of their relationship (although Darike is somewhat of a black sheep in his own right, so he could have just been being catty, or he was trying to gain an ally). Definitely something I'm going to have to consider.

I was afraid some of his "fey-ness" had gotten lost. It's too easy to write human characters (maybe because I am one, lol) and forget to make Izeri different. That's a very good suggestion.

The last thing I would give one of my character is an easy time, lol. I'm terrible to them! And Izeri's real troubles are just starting. But anything worth having is worth suffering for, or something like that. ^_^

Thanks for the comment!

Hopefully constructive criticism...

[anonymous]

First, thank you for this wonderful story. I purchased Broken Wings and am absolutely in love with this universe you have created. I also embrace the idea of Izeri manipulating Charias's guilt and attraction/love but I must admit this chapter did not work for me

Re: Hopefully constructive criticism...

[katicalocke]

That's it! Oh, thank you! The second I read your comment, (thank you for buying Broken Wings, BTW, I'm glad you liked it ^_^) I realized what was bothering me about this chapter, and you're right, it's too fast, too sudden, too much happening inside Izeri's head, and it's too rational.

I want Izeri to be confused, desperate, panicked, scared--that's what I was trying to show, but it just doesn't work. That's not how it seems in the story. He needs to slow down, to have a few more 'What the hell am I going to do?' moments. I can't really give him a lot of time--the events are happening quickly and he has to act on what he believes are his only options--but maybe if I slow down his thinking, have him deliberate on his choices, worry about making the wrong one, it'll slow the scene down and it won't seem so rushed.

Thank you again for sharing your opinion. I really appreciate it. ^_^