Actor RPS: To Oscillation!
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Title: To Oscillation!
Author: Mistress Kat / kat_lair
Fandom: Actor RPS
Pairing: James Franco/Shia LaBeouf sort of. Well, it’s discussed.
Genre: Dialogue only, experimental Franco style?
Rating: PG-13??
Word count: 645
Disclaimer: Not mine and not true, just playing.
Summary: After the interview, Straight James and Gay James discuss the possibility of banging Shia LaBeouf. For art.
Author notes: I wanted to write ficlets in brand new fandoms. beedekka gave me this pairing and ‘cocky’ as a prompt. Which is hilarious because I know nothing about these guys. However, a brief stint with Google turned up this little gem on an 'interview' and the ficlet will make no sense unless you read that first. It probably won’t make much sense regardless. The quotes are from the Metamodernist Manifesto by Luke Turner and Shia LaBeouf and sourced via the Wiki entry of Metamodernism.
Straight James (SJ): Well, that was a nice kiss. Does it make me gay if I enjoyed it? Or just narcissistic?
Gay James (GJ): Weren’t you listening to a word I said? Kissing doesn’t ‘make’ you anything. Except maybe someone with chapped lips if you do it long enough.
SJ: No problem here; that mirror was smooth. Also, I appreciate you not making a crack about narcissism and actors.
GJ: Well it’s not like I have a leg to on stand here, seeing as I’m still talking to myself. Anyway, that reminds me that there’s one more thing we should discuss. Now that we’ve opened the dialogue so to speak.
SJ: What? You want to talk about us talking to ourselves? Or something? Fuck, pronouns get complicated.
GJ: At least there’s no time travel. I hear temporal fuckery really screws up your tenses.
SJ: Where’d you hear that?
GJ: Some guy in a bowtie told me once. Anyway, that’s beside the point.
SJ: Bowties are always beside the point.
GJ: Oh dude, no. You do not get to have opinions about fashion.
SJ: Isn’t that a little stereotypical?
GJ: No, it’s the truth. Also, I don’t care about bow- Wait a minute. Are you trying to derail this discussion?
SJ: No.
GJ: Yes you are! It’s because you know what I want to talk about, isn’t it?
SJ: Well, yes! It’s not particularly difficult when we’re the same person.
GJ: Yeah, but not at the same time. Not constantly. After all: “oscillation is the natural order of the world.”
SJ: Okay, but the oscillation has to happen around something. There’s got to be a baseline.
GJ: And you’re saying you’re the baseline?
SJ: Well I…
GJ: Go fuck yourself.
SJ: Wouldn’t that…?
GJ: One more word…
SJ: Okay, no, I’m not the baseline. But neither are you. Besides, how is it that when I talk about bowties I’m ‘derailing’ the conversation, but citing the Metamodernist Manifesto is somehow a valid point?
GJ: Because it is. I’m saying that we might know some things when we oscillate in my direction that we don’t know when we oscillate in your direction.
SJ: If you say ‘oscillate’ one more time I’m going to punch myself in the face.
GJ: Why would…? Oh, very funny.
SJ: Yeah, I thought so. Okay fine, let’s talk about Shia.
GJ: …
SJ: What, now you’re being coy? C’mon, ‘oscillation is the natural order…’? You might as well asked me what my thoughts on performance art were. It wasn’t exactly subtle.
GJ: There’s no need to get cocky just because you’ve developed some self-awareness. And, to be fair, he’s doing some interesting stuff.
SJ: And, to be honest, you don’t want to talk about his art.
GJ: I do, but granted not right now. I’d like to table a proposal.
SJ: You’d like to table him, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
GJ: Pot, kettle. Like you haven’t had a hard-on for him since he put that paper bag over his head.
SJ: It was a very worthy project.
GJ: Absolutely. Which is why I think we should make him our next very worthy project.
SJ: Well, if it’s for art…
GJ: Everything is for art. Doesn’t mean that some of those things can’t be for the benefit my libido too.
SJ: Our libido.
GJ: Alright, our li- Wait. Really? Our?
SJ: Sure, sure. After all, I’m pretty sure banging Shia LaBeouf qualifies as “pursuit of a plurality of disparate and elusive horizons.”
GJ: …You’re not wrong.
SJ: This calls for a toast. I’m opening… Okay, so there’s beer or carrot juice?
GJ: Let’s go with the latter, it’s vaguely phallic.
SJ: Here we go! Now, what shall we drink to? I know! To art!
GJ: To oscillation!
SJ: *punches self in the face*
They drink.
***
Title: To Oscillation!
Author: Mistress Kat / kat_lair
Fandom: Actor RPS
Pairing: James Franco/Shia LaBeouf sort of. Well, it’s discussed.
Genre: Dialogue only, experimental Franco style?
Rating: PG-13??
Word count: 645
Disclaimer: Not mine and not true, just playing.
Summary: After the interview, Straight James and Gay James discuss the possibility of banging Shia LaBeouf. For art.
Author notes: I wanted to write ficlets in brand new fandoms. beedekka gave me this pairing and ‘cocky’ as a prompt. Which is hilarious because I know nothing about these guys. However, a brief stint with Google turned up this little gem on an 'interview' and the ficlet will make no sense unless you read that first. It probably won’t make much sense regardless. The quotes are from the Metamodernist Manifesto by Luke Turner and Shia LaBeouf and sourced via the Wiki entry of Metamodernism.
Straight James (SJ): Well, that was a nice kiss. Does it make me gay if I enjoyed it? Or just narcissistic?
Gay James (GJ): Weren’t you listening to a word I said? Kissing doesn’t ‘make’ you anything. Except maybe someone with chapped lips if you do it long enough.
SJ: No problem here; that mirror was smooth. Also, I appreciate you not making a crack about narcissism and actors.
GJ: Well it’s not like I have a leg to on stand here, seeing as I’m still talking to myself. Anyway, that reminds me that there’s one more thing we should discuss. Now that we’ve opened the dialogue so to speak.
SJ: What? You want to talk about us talking to ourselves? Or something? Fuck, pronouns get complicated.
GJ: At least there’s no time travel. I hear temporal fuckery really screws up your tenses.
SJ: Where’d you hear that?
GJ: Some guy in a bowtie told me once. Anyway, that’s beside the point.
SJ: Bowties are always beside the point.
GJ: Oh dude, no. You do not get to have opinions about fashion.
SJ: Isn’t that a little stereotypical?
GJ: No, it’s the truth. Also, I don’t care about bow- Wait a minute. Are you trying to derail this discussion?
SJ: No.
GJ: Yes you are! It’s because you know what I want to talk about, isn’t it?
SJ: Well, yes! It’s not particularly difficult when we’re the same person.
GJ: Yeah, but not at the same time. Not constantly. After all: “oscillation is the natural order of the world.”
SJ: Okay, but the oscillation has to happen around something. There’s got to be a baseline.
GJ: And you’re saying you’re the baseline?
SJ: Well I…
GJ: Go fuck yourself.
SJ: Wouldn’t that…?
GJ: One more word…
SJ: Okay, no, I’m not the baseline. But neither are you. Besides, how is it that when I talk about bowties I’m ‘derailing’ the conversation, but citing the Metamodernist Manifesto is somehow a valid point?
GJ: Because it is. I’m saying that we might know some things when we oscillate in my direction that we don’t know when we oscillate in your direction.
SJ: If you say ‘oscillate’ one more time I’m going to punch myself in the face.
GJ: Why would…? Oh, very funny.
SJ: Yeah, I thought so. Okay fine, let’s talk about Shia.
GJ: …
SJ: What, now you’re being coy? C’mon, ‘oscillation is the natural order…’? You might as well asked me what my thoughts on performance art were. It wasn’t exactly subtle.
GJ: There’s no need to get cocky just because you’ve developed some self-awareness. And, to be fair, he’s doing some interesting stuff.
SJ: And, to be honest, you don’t want to talk about his art.
GJ: I do, but granted not right now. I’d like to table a proposal.
SJ: You’d like to table him, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
GJ: Pot, kettle. Like you haven’t had a hard-on for him since he put that paper bag over his head.
SJ: It was a very worthy project.
GJ: Absolutely. Which is why I think we should make him our next very worthy project.
SJ: Well, if it’s for art…
GJ: Everything is for art. Doesn’t mean that some of those things can’t be for the benefit my libido too.
SJ: Our libido.
GJ: Alright, our li- Wait. Really? Our?
SJ: Sure, sure. After all, I’m pretty sure banging Shia LaBeouf qualifies as “pursuit of a plurality of disparate and elusive horizons.”
GJ: …You’re not wrong.
SJ: This calls for a toast. I’m opening… Okay, so there’s beer or carrot juice?
GJ: Let’s go with the latter, it’s vaguely phallic.
SJ: Here we go! Now, what shall we drink to? I know! To art!
GJ: To oscillation!
SJ: *punches self in the face*
They drink.
***