Ficlet: Regrets (1/1)
Title: Regrets
Author: karenor
Characters/Pairing: Doctor and Martha, about Doctor/Rose
Rating:PG-13
Summary: Post Utopia ficlet, the Doctor and Martha have a much needed chat. Spoilers up till Utopia, but nothing after.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC, etc.
Author's Notes: Be warned: angst ahead. The Doctor's not exactly nice, but then, he's under a fair amount of stress. No Martha bashing intended or endorsed. Also, thanks to my beta, faythbrady.
Martha had something to get off her chest. She knew this probably wasn’t the best time. Emotions were running high after everything that had happened in the year 100 trillion. But they were in a holding pattern for now, holed up in her flat, figuring out how to deal with the Doctor’s arch nemesis. He was sitting on her couch working on a small glass gadget of some sort with the sonic screwdriver and Jack was out working his considerable resources. It was a rare quiet moment and she wasn’t sure she’d have another chance like this again soon, so she approached him timidly. This wouldn’t be easy.
“Doctor.”
“Hang on, I’ve nearly got this.”
“Doctor, I wanted to apologize for something.”
“What could you possibly have to be sorry for?” He didn’t look up.
“I’ve been…Well, I’ve been a bit unfair to you.”
“Hmm?”
“About Rose.”
That got his attention. He looked up sharply and froze in what he was doing.
“I didn’t know. I mean, I didn’t know what happened. I thought she was just an old girlfriend that left you. You said, when we met, you said she was with her family and that she was happy.”
“Yeah. I did.” He said it dismissively, as he went back to his fiddling. Clearly he didn’t want to discuss this, but she pressed on.
“Doctor, I overheard you and Jack talking when he was in the radiation room.”
“Oh.” He said like it didn’t matter at all. Like she was discussing what kind of detergent to put in the wash.
“I heard you say she was trapped. And I didn’t know it was…I mean when you two split up, I didn’t know it was against your will. Hers too.”
“Well, it was. Now you know. Lovely to chat-” He got up with the gadget and crossed the room, making to leave, signaling he was quite done.
But she raised her voice and was herself surprised as she heard the desperation that it was tinged with. It caused him to stop.
“So I’m sorry, okay. I’ve been insensitive, said some things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean it. I couldn’t figure out why you were so hung up on her and-”
“Hung up?!” He raised his voice and turned on her, his look menacing.
“Well, I,” she stumbled, taken aback, “I just mean that-”
“Hung up! Let me tell you something, Martha Jones. Against my will! I sent her there, that other place. I knew I’d never see her again and I sent her there. And she came back! Cracked reality just that bit more to get back to me. She left them behind, her whole family, to be with me. Because she knew I needed her.”
His voice cracked and tears welled up in his eyes on the last words but he continued on.
“She was the bloody love of my life, all my lives, and I couldn’t be arsed to rig up a damned harness. Not that there was time for that, but I could have done something. I couldn’t keep her safe when she was with me. I nearly sent her to hell. Instead someone else saved her. And took her away from me, forever. She’s out there, right now on the other side of that void. Alive. And I’ll never ever see her again.”
“I’m…I’m sorry,” she stuttered again.
He continued as if he hadn’t heard, approaching her with each word, and with each she was fearfully backing into the wall behind her.
“So when you say I’m hung up. Well maybe I am. Maybe,” a dangerous look crept back into his moist eyes, “Maybe I’ve still got a right to be. Ever think of that? No?”
He was right in front of her now, she could see the torment in his dark eyes close up and she was deeply regretting ever starting this conversation.
“Well, here’s something to think on,” he said looking in her eyes directly. “This crush of yours we’ve been ignoring? Do yourself a favor, Martha. Forget it. Loving me is a dangerous position to be in. It will get you killed. Or worse.”
She could say nothing, only stare as his eyes flashed with pain, and his tongue darted out to moisten his lips. He looked at her expectantly, as if he was waiting for a response. When after a few moments none came, he whirled around in a huff and hurled his gadget of glass and brass at the nearby wall and it shattered into a hundreds of tiny pieces.
“There! That should do it,” he said with mock joviality, leaving the room and the flat, slamming the door behind him.
FIN
Author: karenor
Characters/Pairing: Doctor and Martha, about Doctor/Rose
Rating:PG-13
Summary: Post Utopia ficlet, the Doctor and Martha have a much needed chat. Spoilers up till Utopia, but nothing after.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC, etc.
Author's Notes: Be warned: angst ahead. The Doctor's not exactly nice, but then, he's under a fair amount of stress. No Martha bashing intended or endorsed. Also, thanks to my beta, faythbrady.
Martha had something to get off her chest. She knew this probably wasn’t the best time. Emotions were running high after everything that had happened in the year 100 trillion. But they were in a holding pattern for now, holed up in her flat, figuring out how to deal with the Doctor’s arch nemesis. He was sitting on her couch working on a small glass gadget of some sort with the sonic screwdriver and Jack was out working his considerable resources. It was a rare quiet moment and she wasn’t sure she’d have another chance like this again soon, so she approached him timidly. This wouldn’t be easy.
“Doctor.”
“Hang on, I’ve nearly got this.”
“Doctor, I wanted to apologize for something.”
“What could you possibly have to be sorry for?” He didn’t look up.
“I’ve been…Well, I’ve been a bit unfair to you.”
“Hmm?”
“About Rose.”
That got his attention. He looked up sharply and froze in what he was doing.
“I didn’t know. I mean, I didn’t know what happened. I thought she was just an old girlfriend that left you. You said, when we met, you said she was with her family and that she was happy.”
“Yeah. I did.” He said it dismissively, as he went back to his fiddling. Clearly he didn’t want to discuss this, but she pressed on.
“Doctor, I overheard you and Jack talking when he was in the radiation room.”
“Oh.” He said like it didn’t matter at all. Like she was discussing what kind of detergent to put in the wash.
“I heard you say she was trapped. And I didn’t know it was…I mean when you two split up, I didn’t know it was against your will. Hers too.”
“Well, it was. Now you know. Lovely to chat-” He got up with the gadget and crossed the room, making to leave, signaling he was quite done.
But she raised her voice and was herself surprised as she heard the desperation that it was tinged with. It caused him to stop.
“So I’m sorry, okay. I’ve been insensitive, said some things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean it. I couldn’t figure out why you were so hung up on her and-”
“Hung up?!” He raised his voice and turned on her, his look menacing.
“Well, I,” she stumbled, taken aback, “I just mean that-”
“Hung up! Let me tell you something, Martha Jones. Against my will! I sent her there, that other place. I knew I’d never see her again and I sent her there. And she came back! Cracked reality just that bit more to get back to me. She left them behind, her whole family, to be with me. Because she knew I needed her.”
His voice cracked and tears welled up in his eyes on the last words but he continued on.
“She was the bloody love of my life, all my lives, and I couldn’t be arsed to rig up a damned harness. Not that there was time for that, but I could have done something. I couldn’t keep her safe when she was with me. I nearly sent her to hell. Instead someone else saved her. And took her away from me, forever. She’s out there, right now on the other side of that void. Alive. And I’ll never ever see her again.”
“I’m…I’m sorry,” she stuttered again.
He continued as if he hadn’t heard, approaching her with each word, and with each she was fearfully backing into the wall behind her.
“So when you say I’m hung up. Well maybe I am. Maybe,” a dangerous look crept back into his moist eyes, “Maybe I’ve still got a right to be. Ever think of that? No?”
He was right in front of her now, she could see the torment in his dark eyes close up and she was deeply regretting ever starting this conversation.
“Well, here’s something to think on,” he said looking in her eyes directly. “This crush of yours we’ve been ignoring? Do yourself a favor, Martha. Forget it. Loving me is a dangerous position to be in. It will get you killed. Or worse.”
She could say nothing, only stare as his eyes flashed with pain, and his tongue darted out to moisten his lips. He looked at her expectantly, as if he was waiting for a response. When after a few moments none came, he whirled around in a huff and hurled his gadget of glass and brass at the nearby wall and it shattered into a hundreds of tiny pieces.
“There! That should do it,” he said with mock joviality, leaving the room and the flat, slamming the door behind him.
FIN