[Multi-chapter] How can I love (6/??)
Title: How can I love
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: geminib <-- Thank you so very much!
Pairing: SakurAiba (main), Aimiya, JunBa (friendship), Juntoshi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama
*MASTERPOST*
Something was different than before . Jun was looking at Masaki worried; Riidaa was asking him out more often and even proposed a fishing trip to Chiba on their free time, Nino was surprisingly nice and was sitting next to him more often than before and Sho… Sho was absentminded. He spaced out every single time he didn’t have to focus on work and was unexpectedly quiet. Aiba had a feeling that if the situation will continue, soon something bad will happen, but he couldn’t do anything about it. His every explanation ended with a fight; Kazunari was repeating one and the same sentence - that he should stop justify himself, then Sakurai mumbled something about knowing better and the rest was silent. All the tallest man could hope for now, was that the time will make this incident fade out.
Meanwhile Matsumoto probably had enough of this tension in the band. He could close his eyes on Ninomiya’s attempt to almost drag Masaki for a date, this could be considered as a continuation of his plan, but it was clear that it’s not working. The rapper was a bit sadder than usually, but he was still meeting his new prey and it didn’t seem to change anytime soon. Everything became more and more complicated, so Jun decided to intervene before it’ll be too late for any move. He dragged Aiba to the bathroom on one of the breaks during VS Arashi shooting and almost threw him at the wall.
“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on, but I have enough.”
“I don’t understand…”
“Oh, you know what I mean! You are in love with Sho and to fool your heart you are dating Nino. You are balancing on the edge! Put yourself together and tell frankly about your feelings!” Jun was walking around the bathroom back and forth, when suddenly he stopped and looked at his taller band mate, taking a deep breath. “That won’t help you forget…”
“Jun-kun, what are you talking about? I am not dating Nino, for heaven’s sake! We are just… going out for a beer or dinner…” Masaki blushed and looked at the floor as if it was the most fascinating view on the earth. “If you want to know, I didn’t… We didn’t…”
“I don’t care if you slept with Kazu again or not. You are adult and single; you can do whatever you want. But I can’t watch you hurting yourself… If I knew that this will end that way I wouldn’t…” The younger man paused. No, Aiba mustn’t know about the plan and the fact that probably Sakurai is not straight. The hope could kill him.
“You wouldn’t do what?” Curious Masaki asked when the silence became long.
“Nothing… I just can’t look at you right now. Do whatever you want, but think about yourself, OK?” Matsumoto smiled and left a bit shocked man behind.
Think about myself? Easier said than done… The tallest Arashi member sighed and stayed in the bathroom for a longer while, until AD called him to the set. The rest of recording went well and quite fast and after the shooting everybody prepared to go home, since it was almost midnight. Masaki grabbed his bag as quickly as he could and muttered a goodbye. He went out the dressing room, heading to his car, when suddenly Kazunari stopped him.
“Wait, Aiba-chan… Wanna go for a drink?”
“No, thank you, I am tired and want to go home.” Aiba wanted to go away, but Nino clutched his arm and smiled.
“Come on, I know that you have tough times now, but sitting alone at home won’t help you. Just for a while, please…” The younger member’s hand reached Masaki’s face and gently removed few disobedient wisps from his cheek. Aiba didn’t move, just blushed and smiled shyly. Why am I acting like this?! The thought flew across his mind as he moved away and bit his lips. To be honest he didn’t want to be alone now; he wanted to go back to his normal self from before that incident on Hokkaido. With a quiet voice opposing somewhere in the back of his head he nodded and without any word followed Ninomiya, passing somehow pale Sho by. The sight of the person, whom he still loved, no matter how deep in denial state he was, squeezed his heart. Kazunari seemed to notice it, because soon the tallest man felt a gentle touch on his hand and heard some comforting words, which he couldn’t catch, because he was still staring with a bit too shiny eyes at the rapper.
“Are you listening to me, Masaki?” Nino pulled him a bit to draw his attention. “I asked you where you wanna go…”
“I don’t care, you chose something…” Aiba’s weak voice was barely audible.
“Then I know where we can go… We won’t have enough privacy there though…” The brat squeezed his band mate’s butt and pushed him outside the building. The older member froze on the spot and stared at his friend. What was this all about? Does Nino have any hopes for… something more than drinking? Did this episode mean more to him that it should? Or maybe he just thinks that he found another lover? Masaki wanted to say something, but before he managed to utter a word, he was pushed in the car and taken for a ride around Tokyo. They were driving without any destination for around an hour in silence, when finally, after passing by the same bar for the third time Aiba asked where exactly were they going.
“Patience… Ah, we are here…” Kazunari smiled and glimpsed at his friend. “Come on, let’s drink!” The younger man went inside and looked around, as if he was looking for something and grinned, pulling Masaki to a free table located behind the pillars, which gave them some privacy.
“Nino… We passed this pub a few times… Why didn’t we go here at the first place?”
“Because I wanted to sit next to this particular table and it’s available only at this hour. Now, don’t ask any questions, just relax and drink…” The shorter man pushed a glass with tequila in his direction. “Don’t think today.”
“I’ll try…” Masaki smiled shyly and drank a big gulp, biting the lime soon after and winced. When the alcohol spread in his veins all problems and frustrations seemed to disappear and finally he could laugh and cool off, forgetting about his broken heart. After the fifth glass Aiba even started to fawn to Kazunari, without understanding and worrying about his action. Ninomiya didn’t seem to be bothered by it, because soon he pressed his band mate to the leather couch they were sitting on and kissed him almost brutally. When some common sense came back to its place Masaki tried to push Kazunari away, but he managed to do it after longer while.
“Stooooop…” The taller man giggled and wiped his lips. “I don’t want you to fuck me again…” His voice was a bit too loud, so the brat pressed fingers to his lips. “This was just one night stand…” Aiba whispered and leaned back, closing his eyes. Soon he felt short fingers, touching his neck in the same way like in Hokkaido and giggled, trying to push them away. “I said stop…”
“Kazu, didn’t you hear him? He doesn’t want you to touch him.” Surprisingly a familiar voice invaded Masaki’s ears and he opened his eyes, staring at the source of that sound. Sakurai stood firmly with his arms crossed on the chest and tried not to explode; or at least Aiba thought that way. The tallest man couldn’t stand this view so he emptied the glass in one gulp, doing the same with Nino’s one, which was still full. “Aiba-chan that’s enough. Come on, I’ll take you home…”
“Leave him, he came with me and he will leave with me. It’s not your business anyway. Go back to your… girl…” Kazunari moved closer to Masaki and put a hand on his thigh possessively. The tallest Arashi member didn’t move, staring at the floor in silence.
“Kazu, stop it. If you want to fuck, find somebody else. Aiba-chan, I’ll take you home.” Sho’s gentle hand pulled Masaki up and before anyone managed to protest he dragged him out of the bar, holding him firmly. The night was cold and it started to rain, people that dared to go out in such weather, ran to their homes and didn’t seem to notice them. The younger man was silent, afraid to say a word; this situation along with the cold rain didn’t sober him. His legs didn’t want to cooperate and the last thing he wanted now was the rapper’s presence so close to him, so with one determined move he swayed away, trying to be as far from Sakurai as possible. Somehow he was mad at himself that he let Kazunari drag him for a drink and all this anger made him walk faster.
“Slow down!” The older man tried to grab Masaki’s arm, but just then the taller man tripped and fell straight in muddy puddle close to his home, wallowed in the mire, giggling each time when his every attempt to get up ended with fail. Sho finally managed to help him up and soon both of them were in Aiba’s apartment. The younger man leaned against the door, shivering and trying to clean his jacket a bit.
“Thank you Sho-chan… I’m fine, you can go home already.” Masaki mumbled and went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer.
“Masaki, don’t you think that it’s enough already… You will regret it tomorrow… Come on, I’ll help you clean yourself and put you in bed.”
“I will handle myself…” The taller man took off his jacket and threw it on the floor. Sakurai lifted it up and hang it on the chair.
“I don’t want you to drown. Come on, let me help you and I promise that after I put you in bed, I’ll go.” The rapper took off his parka, went to the bathroom and filled the tub with warm water. When he came back to the kitchen, Masaki was sitting on the floor and tried to free himself from his jeans, which was difficult regarding the state he was in. Sho smiled and crouched next to his band mate, trying to give him a hand, but Aiba pushed him away gently.
“I’m fine…”
“Aiba-chan, don’t make it difficult. Come on…” The older man pulled him up and after removing Masaki’s pants he leaded him to the bathroom. The taller member started to tremble a bit, both from cold and Sho’s presence so close while he was almost naked. The fact that he was drunk didn’t help him at all; he became braver and slowly moved closer to his beloved man, “accidentally” brushing against his body. Stop, you pathetic idiot! Stop or you will hurt again, even more! He scolded himself in his head, pulling his boxer shorts down as quick as he could and jumped in the bathtub, slipping inside and almost diving under water. Sakurai’s steady arm tried to support him, but Aiba pulled him, so Sho landed in water, fully clothed. The rapper wiped his face, started to laugh softly and wanted to get out when Masaki’s clenched his hands on Sakurai’s wet shirt and pulled him even closer, looking at him with lips gently parted and red cheeks.
“Masaki, wha-?” The older man didn’t manage to finish the sentence, because Aiba joined their lips in heated kiss and moaned softly. He felt Sho’s oppose, but he couldn’t stop. It was like a rock that freed the avalanche; tears welled in his eyes when finally he let Sakurai go.
“I love you Sho-kun… I love you so much…” His voice was just a tiny bit louder than a whisper.