[Multi-chapter] How can I love (5/??)
Title: How can I love
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: geminib <-- Thank you so very much!
Pairing: SakurAiba (main), Aimiya, JunBa (friendship), Juntoshi
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama
A/N: I am not able to listen to T.A.B.O.O peacefully again...
T.A.B.O.O lyrics translation credit: yarukizero @ LJ
*MASTERPOST*
The atmosphere in the room was really intense, however everything seemed to be calmer than Sakurai had expected. Ninomiya was sitting on the couch in silence, with the most bored face as you can imagine; Jun looked more guilty than mad and Ohno as always was quiet and half asleep. Aiba was the one shouting now, denying everything and repeating that it wasn’t any rape and that he wanted it. When Masaki finally finished his loud monologue Sho looked at his band mates.
“I can’t believe that you are so calm. Don’t you get it? Aiba-chan got hurt because of one of us and…”
“I will repeat it for the last time: it wasn’t any rape…” The tallest Arashi’s member probably started to believe that all of his attempts of convincing Sho are useless, because he whispered the sentence. Before Sakurai managed to continue Jun interrupted him.
“Why don’t you trust Aiba-chan? If he says that he agreed on that then I believe him.”
“Jun, you know that this guy cares about the band more than about himself. And I know what I saw!”
“You see things that don’t exist but the most important ones are invisible to you.” Nino spoke for the first time since the meeting started. “Listen, Masaki is grown up and he is also free. He can have sex with anybody he wants and in the way he wants. And you are acting like a jealous boyfriend.”
The last sentence made Aiba to hold his breath out of shock. Somehow he was irrationally afraid that Sakurai will know; will notice that Masaki loves him. It was so unbelievable that he laughed quietly, he had enough of this conversation. He stood up and before leaving the room, he looked at Sho again.
“I have enough of everything!” The tallest man hissed through the clenched teeth and left, leaving other members in shock. They have never seen Aiba in that state. He was rather the kind person that hides his emotions and never gets angry, at least not to that level. After Masaki had left, Sakurai looked at Jun, who was surprisingly calm and seemed that he really believes the lie that the tallest man said.
“Jun, do you really believe that he wanted it? I mean…” Sho couldn’t finish the sentence, because Nino interrupted him.
“Tell me Sho-chan, why are you so mad? Because you are shocked that Aiba likes it rough or because you would like to be in my place in that room?” The brat also left, leaving the unanswered question in the air.
***
Masaki was silent through all the way to Tokyo, pretending that he is napping. He didn’t even notice that he fell asleep before he felt somebody’s hand on his shoulder.
“Aiba-chan, we’re here. Wake up.” Jun’s soft voice brought him back to reality. He rubbed his eyes and went out the bus stopping only for a while to check something in his bag. He heard Matsumoto’s proposal for going out for a drink and passed his friends by, heading home. Nobody dared to stop him, not after they saw him that mad. Masaki was really grateful for that, because he didn’t want anything more than being alone with his thoughts; with disturbing thoughts to be precise . Everything fucked up and if there was a tiny chance solving this sick situation, now it disappeared. Sakurai preferred woman; that was certain. Aiba loved Sho; that also was sure. However those two truths contradicted themselves making the peace in the band shaking the balance between the band members. The tallest member felt that if the situation lasts a bit longer, their friendship will have to face the biggest obstacle they could even imagine and Masaki couldn’t let that happen. Time to hide his feelings in a match box and try to fix the things he had broken already. And next time, he will definitely choose somebody outside the band, maybe even outside the jimusho. If there will be next time …
The grey building rose in front of him, promising a warm bath and cozy bed. A few bottles of beer were still chilling in the fridge and that was almost an oath of oblivion. Masaki already had a plan - he will go home, get drunk and forget about the feelings he had for Sho. Starting tomorrow he will act like if nothing happened, but this time trying to believe in it with all his might. Smiling bitterly Aiba went to his apartment to spend the last night as a poor, heartbroken man with hope that this time he will go to sleep as a man that loves Sakurai very much and wake up as only his friend. Even if it won’t be that easy, the tallest Arashi’s member couldn't do anything else. Just close the door, leaving pain outside and drink until he won't feel anymore.
“Shit, I have stop thinking about it…” He whispered to the walls and went to the kitchen to get the said beer. Without turning his light on he sat on the floor in the bedroom, leaning against the bed and closed his eyes. Quiet fizz of the opened bottle filled the room and Masaki drank the whole beer in two gulps, coughing a bit after that. He opened another bottle and when the warmth and laziness started to fill his body he decided to climb on the bed. He didn’t eat much today, because of all events that happened during their “trip” so alcohol quickly hit him, filing his veins. It didn’t help in anything though; every time he closed his eyes images were mixing in his head. Nino’s touch with Sakurai’s warm smile; Kazunari’s kisses with Sho’s shocked face; Ninomiya’s eyes with the rapper’s… Those pictures made him feel even dizzier, so after finishing all the beer he had, he put his earphones on and press the play button on his player. The music invaded his ears and when he recognized the song he subconsciously set the player on repeat mode. Sakurai’s voice wrapped him in a tight embrace, filling his head with different images, opposite to the previous ones. Suddenly Nino’s face changed with Sho’s and now it was rapper that touched him, kissed him and fucked him. It seemed that all blood concentrated in one point of his body, making it harder and harder with every word rapped by Sakurai.
Close to me
A fragrance I can sense nearby
With you, there are no rules imposed
Masaki pressed his hand to his crotch, rubbing it through the material and soft moan left his throat. The air in the room became hotter and his jeans - tighter, so without a second thought he unzipped them and pulled down a bit, along with the boxers, letting his member out. When he felt the cold air wrapping it around, he gasped and widened his eyes craving for Sho’s caress. All that could touch him now was the music and the lyrics, so Aiba decided to use that, before he will completely go insane.
Please don't turn me off
Now, untie me from the chains of this trap
I'll commit the perfect crime with you
He licked his palm, feeling salty taste of his skin and then wrapped it around his member, and started to stroke it slowly, wriggling on the bed a bit, trying to find the most comfortable position and being careful on the earphones. The last thing he wanted now was to stop listening to Sakurai’s voice. When his ears began to hurt and he couldn’t focus on anything else, he whined loudly and connected speakers to his player and let the music spread around his room. He came back on bed and cleaned his mind from every thought.
It's too late, go back
An aphrodisiac that melts me with your lips, heavenly
Maybe, until the end
Masaki bit his lips and stroked himself, wandering with his other hand on his chest, under the T-shirt and finding its way to left nipple. When his fingers marked small circles around it he moaned and speeded up, adjusting the rhythm of his hand to the song’s tempo. Soon he felt warm pre-cum on his hand and rubbed the head, moaning Sho’s name continuously, wishing him to be here. A tear fell down his temple, but he didn’t care about it, getting closer and closer to the edge. All the years of loneliness finally stopped squeezing his heart and escaped through the door ajar by Ninomiya.
Night hunts me down again (yeah)
Your scent is left on my fingers (uh)
Dirtying me again with your innocent face (it's)
T.A.B.O.O.
(…)
Baby come
Aiba felt familiar, yet almost forgotten warmth in his lower stomach and after few more strokes he came with Sho’s name on his lips. When he opened his eyes, he felt strange. The song was still playing, echoing in his head and bringing the thought that he will never remain calm after listening to it again. Not now. Thank God they have a new tour with a new album now…