[Multi-chapter] The Watches Series: Affinity (9/??)
Title: The Watches Series: Affinity
Authors: tsuchi8562
Beta: andreja1989 <-- as always arigatou ♥
Pairing: SakurAiba
Genre: Fantasy, Drama, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: No, we don't own anything... We're just Border Watch's glaziers
*MASTERPOST*
It was different than usually… Instead of hard floor he was feeling a comfortable mattress under his back and something heavy on his chest. When Masaki opened his eyes he saw the familiar ceiling of their bedroom and after turning his head he saw Sho’s pale a bit and sleeping face. Wait Masaki, think a bit… You left to the bathroom, as always… The pain came…Then… Ah, yes… This terrible dream that Sho saw all this and then… Then… Don’t remember… Slight headache appeared, but that was natural after such effort. Aiba wriggled a bit, trying not to wake his lover up, but he failed, catching a pair of dark brown, worried eyes. So it wasn’t a dream - came across the taller man’s mind and he bit his lower lip trying to find the right words, but he couldn’t do it.
“Are you all right, Masaki?” soft whisper invaded his ears and there was no chance to avoid the questions. Not from the Border Watch’s officer whose everyday equaled interrogations.
“I am fine.” Aiba even smiled and sit up. It seemed that the pain was getting worse, since even now he felt shadow of yesterday’s burning pain in his lungs. “Wanna eat some breakfast?” The younger man wanted desperately to avert more questions, but he failed.
“Don’t even try to change subject.” Sakurai’s strong arms stopped Masaki in bed. “Care to explain what happened last night?”
“It was nothing…” He could lie, of course he could, he was the vessel, the person who can hide everything within his mind, yet he didn’t want to. Masaki trusted Sho, he loved him more than his own life, and of course hiding the truth was out of question. This thought was fighting with a great desire of protecting Sakurai from the truth. What if the Border Watch’s officer will decide to stop touching him? Somehow the thought of lack of Sho’s touch and kisses hurt more than the actual pain caused by the Treaty.
“Don’t lie to me, I saw you! All burning up, writhing in pain, pushing me away…” Did Masaki saw tears in Sho’s eyes or was it only his imagination? “I want to know everything, please… Don’t hide anything from me…”
“I don’t want to hide anything… I just… Don’t want to scare you…”
“You already did that yesterday. No please, tell me what that was?”
“It was just… an attack…”
“Did you have them earlier?”
“Yes.” Masaki nodded.
“Every time after we made love?”
Nod.
“Tell me about those… attacks… I wanna know more.” Sho didn’t want to give up that easily. As expected.
“It’ll be better if you don’t know.”
“Masaki, please…”
“Sho-chan it’s something that can’t be changed, so why do you need such knowledge? Can’t you just let it go and let me make you a breakfast?”
“No, Masaki, I can’t just let it go! I saw you and it wasn’t something I can ignore. Please, tell me.”
“I don’t want it to change everything between us. Please, Sho…” Aiba touched his beloved man’s cheek, desperately desiring to kiss those full lips and simply make them stop asking. Unfortunately that trick didn’t work.
“Masaki…” Only the sound of his name made him aware that all attempts of avoiding sharing the truth are useless. The problem was how he should describe the pain he felt back then…
“Imagine that you are lying on hot coals and somebody is putting more of them on your chest, but it’s not burning your skin. You feel everything from the inside… The pain fades away after… some time… and…”
“How long does it last?”
“Not long…” Masaki bit his lips.
“How long?”
“Two… hours…? Sometimes more…” The taller man looked at the floor and sighed. He didn’t have any courage to rise up his gaze afraid of the fear he could spot in Sakurai’s eyes. This was tough for him, making such confession, especially when this could mean no making love until… Right, until when? How long will he be the Treaty? How long this nightmare will last? A loud gasp woke him up from those thoughts and finally he managed to look at Sho. He saw the most surprised, shocked and sad expression he could even imagine. This view made tears fill his eyes and he couldn’t hold them any longer. Masaki started to cry heavily and he hid his face in Sho’s chest, trying to apologize, but all words drowned in sobs. He cried not because of the pain he felt, but because of the one he caused Sakurai - this one was far worse. Aiba thought that he shouldn’t have been hiding anything from his lover; that he should say everything, but from the other hand this would change everything. How can he explain that he can bear a lot more just to stay in Sho’s arms? Now the fear that Sakurai will leave him appeared in his mind, causing the golden letters’ escape again. It was good, because now he could focus on trapping them again and calm down. After a while he was able to look at the Border Watch’s officer again; the sadness on his face didn’t disappear.
“I am sorry Sho-chan… I…”
“I have to be alone for a while. Stay here and don’t leave, I will definitely go back. I’ll lock the door. Rest.” Sakurai stood up, pulled on some sweatpants and T-shirt, put sneakers on bare feet and left the apartment. Quiet click of the lock sounded louder than a dynamite explosion and suddenly the air become colder. Masaki wrapped himself in blanket and went to the kitchen to drink some water. Definitely everything will change now. He didn’t even have a chance to explain the whole situation, but he will do it as soon as Sho will come back. He will come back, right? He said so… Sudden chills ran down Aiba’s spine, so he covered better in the blanket and went back to the bedroom. If not that stupid girl his beloved man wouldn’t see anything and nothing would change. Sachiko… What did she want to achieve? Of course, she wasn’t accepting the fact that Masaki is the Treaty and as a newbie she still believed blindly in ideals that she was taught. Probably her teachers didn’t tell her about the fact that the most important is finding the perfect vessel. The Treaty has to be safe, no matter in whose body it’ll be. It happened before that the vessel was a murderer, thief or even rapist. No matter of the person, if he is the vessel, the Treaty is passed on. Comparing to the other holders of the Treaty Aiba’s sins was nothing. Shouge should pay more attention on the history classes, maybe then she would understand everything. Now it was too late for changing anything, so all he could do was wait for Sho and try to talk things over again. He didn’t even notice when the sleep came and he drowned in some strange, colorless dreams.
Masaki woke up and rubbed his eyes, looking around to check if Sho came back already. When he didn’t notice the older man anywhere near him, he stood up and walked around the apartment to find his lover in the terrace. All pain was finally gone and Aiba’s mind was clear; he was ready for the serious conversation.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” The taller man smiled and sat next to Sakurai on a wooden bench.
“You need your rest. Are you feeling better?”
“I am perfectly fine Sho-chan.” Masaki smiled even more, to show Sho that he is more than fine; to prove that last night’s events were nothing. “I think I owe you some explanations…”
“Later. You should recover… I’ll make…” Sakurai stood up, but Aiba stopped him.
“No, now.” No matter what he has to stop his eyes color from changing again. “I want you to understand everything. Please…” Masaki’s eyes became amber.
“Okay, talk.” The Border Watch’s officer sat down and looked at his lover.
“It is true, that I feel… like yesterday… every time we make love. But it’s alright, I am bearing it. I don’t want anything to change, so please, don’t worry. I will be fine…”
“What the hell are you thinking? That I will make love to you knowing that you will be in pain afterwards?! Are you really that crazy?”
“Sho-chan, we can’t do anything about it, so at least let’s try to live with it.” Aiba moves closer and grabbed Sho’s hands. “If you don’t want to see it, I will go away and…”
“Are you really that stupid?!” Sakurai was apparently mad. Masaki didn’t see him in that state before, well maybe only during Ohno’s trial not so long ago. “You think that if I won’t see it it’ll be OK?! Masaki, do you think that only I can think about is to feel good physically with you? That I don’t care about you?”
“No, Sho-chan, of course I don’t think like that! But we won’t change anything. And I’ll die without your touch…” The last sentence was whispered. Masaki truly believed that lack of Sakurai’s caresses will hurt him a lot more. “It’s nothing, Sho-chan, really. Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because I saw you. You were burned up. Masaki, please stop it already.”
“Sho… But I am the Treaty and I was prepared on this…” Aiba looked at beloved face and he felt like some giant hand is squeezing his heart. Why couldn’t he be more resistant? Why he had to leave every time they were making love? Why couldn’t he hide the pain better? Now all was broke because he couldn’t pretend better… No. This can’t end like that, he won’t allow it. Without wasting more time the taller man kneeled in front of Sakurai and took the older man’s face in hands. Masaki pressed their lips together and when his tongue parted the latter’s lips suddenly he was pushed away.
“Masaki, stop. I won’t…”
“Shhh…” Aiba smiled. “Kissing won’t do any harm.” And he pecked Sakurai’s lips again. He perfectly knew where he wants it to lead; no matter what he wanted to show the Border Watch’s officer that he is not afraid of the suffering and practically he doesn’t care about it. The younger man was sure that if he will play it good enough, Sho will throw himself on him. Just a bit more… Masaki’s hand landed on the latter’s thigh and slowly was going up when Sakurai grabbed his wrist and pushed him away, this time using more force.
“I said stop it.” The Border Watch’s officer was in a mess. He was breathing fast and his eyes were shiny - a sign that he is really very close from the edge. Masaki knew that one more second and they would end in bed. This had to take a lot of will power to move him away like that. “You may be prepared for this, I am not. From now on, until this whole situation will clear no kissing and touching. My final answer.”
“But…”
“No buts! This is my final decision. I am sleeping on couch since today.” Without letting Aiba protest in any way Sho stood up and went to the kitchen, probably to prepare the dinner. Masaki stayed on the terrace’s floor, lost in thoughts. Probably this was the first time when the taller man started to hate the Treaty. Till now everything was OK, he understood the responsibility he had on his shoulders, he knew well everything about the balance and he was prepared (more or less) to be the perfect vessel. He was fully aware that he can pass the Treaty to anyone; he knows the mechanism of the exchange by heart. A sudden idea came across his mind. There is a person who wants to be the Treaty; a person who claims for the perfect vessel, even is she doesn’t know a thing about it. Shouge Sachiko - a new Tokyo’s Border’s Watch’s officer. He can pass the Treaty to her, without any problems, but he knew very well that this solution is out of question. Leaving the fact that the girl was not a real vessel and she would end up like Sakurai before aside, this answer was unmoral. As if the Treaty wanted to show his opinion about it, two golden letters blinked in front of his eyes, creating a big and screaming “NO”. This time the letters were more difficult to catch, but finally they got back to their trap. Masaki started to suffocate in the apartment suddenly and he wanted to go out so desperately that it hurt. He couldn’t go out alone, and he wanted to wander around the city with accompany of only his thoughts. It should be fine, if he will talk with Sho, so he went to the kitchen and coughed gently to catch the latter’s attention.
“Yes?”
“Sho-chan I am going for a walk. I don’t know exactly where yet, but I have to be alone for a while, to sober up. If I call you or text you every half an hour will it be OK?”
“Make it every fifteen minutes. And Masaki… Please, try to understand me… I just can’t…”
“I know and I am sorry, I’ll be back…” The taller man smiled and went to the bedroom; put his clothes on and making sure that his phone is inside his pocket he left the apartment, drowning in the early evening’s air. He didn’t know how long he wandered, but probably it took around six phone calls later he was standing in the genkan, taking his shoes off. Sho was busy with some papers, so Masaki after eating something (what looked more like playing with his food than actual eating) went to the bedroom and curled up in the empty bed. The same question appeared again in his mind - how long he will stay like this - alone, lonely and sad? Knowing Sakurai he won’t agree on staying in the same bed, even if Aiba will swear on the Treaty that he will behave. Masaki suspected that there will be no hugs and kisses will be limited to required minimum. Soon they relationship will be destroyed and he will feel that it’s all because of the Treaty. Well, it is its fault, right? This was the causer of the pain, the main reason of current situation.
“I don’t want you…” The taller man whispered and squeezed his head, pulling his hair. “I really don’t want you in me… You’re destroying everything…”
“Masaki…” This one word, Sho’s voice and the look in his eyes was too much to endure so Aiba started to sob, like previously, with the same reason. When Sakurai didn’t move an inch, the younger man just shouted. “Hold me already! I won’t do anything, just stay…” As if the Border Watch’s officer waited for that, he closed the distance between them in three steps and embraced crying man as tight as he could. Masaki would give a lot to know what was going on in his beloved man’s mind right now, but even if he wasn’t sure, he could guess that a similar storm makes destruction there.
“Sho… Please, stay with me. I promise, I won’t even try to… Just… Stay with me…”
“I will… Calm down, I won’t leave you. Now sleep, baby…” The Border Watch’s officer lay down next to his lover and hugged him, whispering some soft words of love. With this accompaniment Aiba fell asleep, dreaming about cold snow and icicles.