[Multi-chapter] 罪なストーリ (Part 3/??)

[tsuchi8562]

Title: Tsumi na STORY (Sinful story)
Authors: tsuchi8562
Beta : yuuki_saya Thank you so much~!
Pairing: SakurAiba, OhBa (mentioned)
Genre: BDSM, angst, AU
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own only the sick plot.
WARNING!!! This story contains many brutal and sexual abuse scenes. If you want to read it, you are doing it on your own responsibility!
All lyrics are translated by me. In this part: Kasia Kowalska - Wyznanie

*MASTERPOST*





Masaki woke up in white room, on quite comfortable bed and with something stuck in his throat. He tried to moved and, most important, get rid of the irritating object from his mouth, but gentle hand stopped him.

“Aiba-chan, don’t… Let me call a doctor!”

That voice… Soft, a bit sleepy and concerned… Satoshi… He was safe… Safe… He didn’t remember what happened after Sho’s departure; his last memory was delicate stroke on his hair… His body was sore, every part of it ached and he couldn’t move. He slowly touched his neck, on the right side, and when he felt small scar with his index finger he felt a bit better. At least mentally. After few minutes Ohno came back, bringing some doctor with him.

“Saturation 97, it’s good. We can remove the tube. Are you ready, Aiba-san? OK, on three you will blow with all your might… One… Two… Three!” The tube left his throat and Masaki coughed a bit. He drank some water that was handed by his boyfriend and looked at the doctor.

“What happened?” He asked with hoarse voice.

“Try not to speak for now. I’m sure that your friend will explain you everything. I will go now to my other patients, but I’ll be back in a while to tell you about your condition. Meanwhile, excuse me…” The medical left the room and Aiba looked on his hands. He gasped from shock; his body was covered with bruises and scratches, and his left wrist was stiffened. He tried to remember anything, but he couldn’t recall any image, just Sakurai’s face next to him.

“Are you OK, Aiba-chan?” Satoshi asked again, sitting on the edge of the bed. Masaki didn’t answer, he didn’t even nod… He was just sitting in silence, without a move, like he was afraid that Sakurai will punish him if he say a word. This fear was so irrational, so unbelievable, because Sho disappeared from his life… The rules weren’t applying anymore, he was free again. When Ohno noticed that he won’t receive any reply he sighed and started to explain. “You were found in the sea, after you jumped. You were very lucky, because you didn’t hit the rocks, just the water… And the cliff wasn’t that high. However you were under water quite long, but fortunately the coast guard managed to pull you out quick enough…”

“I… don’t remember a thing…” Masaki whispered, looking around with fear, or maybe hope, that he will feel strike… Nothing happened, so he lay down with eyes closed and shortly after he fell asleep. That was the only way to escape from reality, the safe one. He didn’t have any dreams, only darkness surrounded him along with quiet beeps made by some machine beside his hospital bed. Fortunately for him, because he was aware that he wouldn’t stand the silence.

The days were exactly the same, he was lying in his room, Ohno was coming with visit, spent with him most of the time and was leaving in the night. Aiba was silent almost all the time, except few words said somewhere in between the examinations. One week after Masaki recovered Satoshi brought some stranger with him.

“Masaki… This is doctor Matsumoto. He wants to talk with you a bit… And later someone from the police will come… I’ll leave you two alone.” Satoshi patted his boyfriend on the shoulder and left the room. For first few minutes neither of men talked; Aiba was sitting on the bed with his face turned to the window and piercing the floor with his eyes.

“Aiba-san, my name is Matsumoto Jun and I am a psychiatrist. Can you tell me how are you feeling right now?” The man asked, noting something on a piece of paper. Masaki was silent; he just shrugged and rubbed his eyes. In fact he wasn’t sure how he was feeling, it was something between pain and pleasure, confusing and disturbing, but not that bad. To be honest he didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, but he was aware that everything will have to be told to the policeman, or at least the version he wanted to share. Saying a thing about Sho was definitely out of the question. Meanwhile the doctor continued his interview.

“Do you think you can tell me a bit what happened there?”

“No.” This was only word he could say before the door was open and another man came it. He was shorter than Aiba, with hat on his head and without any greetings said man sat on the chair in front of Masaki.

“I’m afraid that you will have to tell me few things. Oh, how rude of me… I didn’t introduce myself… I’m Ninomiya Kazunari from Tokyo Police and I am solving the case of your kidnapping from the beginning. Now, tell me all the details. Where were you kidnapped and who did it?” The policeman leaned in the chair and waited for an answer. Masaki took a deep breath and dared to look at him without any feelings.

“I don’t remember a thing…” the patient whispered and lay down. That lie made him feel a bit sick and his stomach was a bit squashed.

“Aiba-san, you don’t think that I believe you that you lost your memories… It were four months, you have to remember something!”

Masaki opened his eyes and sat in millisecond. Four months?! How could that be possible?! He could swear that less day had passed since he was kidnapped, but he was in dark room all the time, and nights were similar to the days… After reconsidering everything he thought that it was possible. Four months with Sho… Too long to let it continue without any troubles and too short to be satisfied. Yes, most definitely too short…

“You didn’t know how long you were kept by the person who kidnapped you?” Matsumoto asked, writing down some observations.

“I don’t remember a thing.” Aiba repeated and clenched his hands on the blanket till his knuckles became white. Just in that moment he noticed that sakura blossoms were gone long time ago and that the air became colder than he remembered from the time before the kidnapping. He thought that it was because he was feeling lonely though. Meanwhile the policeman continued.

“Listen, don’t lie to me. You have to remember something: the place where you were kept, the face of the kidnapper, anything! For heaven’s sake, you were raped several times! You have to know something!!! Tell me, tell me now! I don’t have time for this!”

“Ninomiya-san, can you come out with me for a while?” Matsumoto asked, seeing how Masaki is trembling and stood up, going towards the door, but Kazunari didn’t move. The doctor stayed for a while without a word and then he coughed, making the policeman follow him.

“I would be grateful if you would be that kind and stop scaring my patient. Do you know what he’s been through?”

“That’s why I want to catch the bastard that did this! And I can’t do it without his testimonies!”

“But you can’t force him! Listen… I’ll be talking with him from now on, when I’ll notice that his memories are coming back I will call you. Now, excuse me but I need to check if you haven’t done any damage with that poor man’s mind. Goodbye.” Jun turned around and went into Aiba’s room closing the door properly. Ninomiya clicked his tongue and left, hoping that he will get to know the truth sooner or later.

~*~

Masaki was finally allowed to go back home and Satoshi decided to move in, because he wanted to take care of the man he loved. With bunch of prescribed pills (mostly painkillers for the body and soul) and scheduled appointments with Matsumoto, Aiba was sitting in his own bed, trying to go back to his previous life. He couldn’t believe that he had spent few months with Sakurai; everything seemed to happen so fast… However the most difficult and scary was to return to his ‘normal’ life. He didn’t want to wake up from the memories, catching every fading image of pain. It was so breathtaking that he stopped to have the HV attacks and begun to suffer from asthma. Slowly he stopped to eat, slept all day and all night and refused to take any medications. His body was healing very well in contrast to his soul. The sessions with Matsumoto didn’t help; how could they, if Masaki was sitting silent for all the time, watching the view behind the window or just look in the floor. When after few weeks Aiba didn’t make any progress and, what was the worst, Ohno noticed fresh cuts on his boyfriend’s arms, the psychiatrist decided to put Masaki in a mentally ill’s center, where he could work with his stubborn patient for more than few hours a week. Of course the sick man didn’t want to go there, probably because deep inside he didn’t want to recover, even if his current actions were bringing him closer to the death. He had no choice though; either locking up with other psychos or staying alone with Satoshi and the second option could slowly move them towards bed. That was the last thing he wanted for two reasons. First was the feeling that if he allows touching him, he will betray Sho. Aiba claimed that his body belonged to his master, nobody else, so the vision of own room was tempting. Second reason was an easy way to submerge in his own pain. Of course they will watch him and probably won’t let him have any razor blade or any other sharp object, but he thought that he will manage. In the worst case he will have a window glass.

As soon as he went into the center he realized that he was wrong. He had a roommate and windows were properly protected from damage. After making sure that Masaki doesn’t have any dangerous things with him, he was taken to his room. He ignored the man who he was supposed to live with and almost immediately he lay down on the bed. At that moment the thought that it’ll be the best if he could die came to him for the first time. He didn’t chase it away; he tasted it like good wine and reveled with it. As always while meeting with Jun he was silent or he was just simply stating that he didn’t remember a thing. Soon it occurred that this tactic won’t help him leave this place, so he started to reveal few things. Of course he didn’t say a word about Sho and that he really enjoyed the life with him, but because he made a progress he was allowed to receive a mail. He didn’t expect any other letters than Ohno’s and he put them into the drawer without reading. At this time he decided to break up with Satoshi. Somewhere deep in his heart some feelings for his boyfriend still existed and that’s why he was aware that he is hurting Ohno in so many cruel ways that he should stop right now. Because he wasn’t allowed to have any visitors and he couldn’t wait he just wrote a letter and sent it without any emotions. He didn’t expect that his doctor will know about this act and, moreover, that he will have to explain himself.

“Aiba-san… Why did you write in the letter that you want to break up with Ohno-san?”

“Because I can’t tell him that in the face.”

“But you could wait until you will feel better and do it then.”

“I don’t want him to suffer anymore because of me…” Masaki whispered, holding his knees and staring on the floor. This was the first time he told the truth.

“And how do you hurt him?”

“Look at me, I’m not a human anymore… He deserves something better that…”

“Than what?”

“Than a boyfriend in psycholand.” He lied again, this time his voice trembled a bit. That was partly truth, but the fact that he hid the real reason made this truth a lie.

“He’s worried about you, and he loves you so he doesn’t mind that. He begged me to let him see you. I said ‘no’, because this might effect on your treatment. However I promised him to ask you about the reasons.”

Aiba was silent, squeezing his legs a bit and sure that he won’t tell another word. Meanwhile Jun continued the conversation.

“You don’t want to tell me about the details of your life with the… man that kidnapped you, but can you tell me something about the house, or the room you were held in?”

“It was dark.”

“Go on…”

“Dark and small… The room… I had a bathroom… Practically that’s it.”

“And you were allowed to take a bath, right?”

Masaki looked at him with an empty glance and became silent. This was the part that he promised himself to keep as a secret. Nobody will know about his relation with Sakurai, and most important, nobody will know who kidnapped him. He will protect his master no matter what.

“I understand; this is the part you won’t reveal.” Matsumoto continued. “But you can answer on one question: why? Think about the way you want to answer me.”

“I don’t remember a thing.” Aiba repeated for the nth time

“You don’t remember the life with this man but you remember the place. Either the man did some awful things to you or… you’re trying to protect him.”

Masaki opened his mouth widely, shocked because Jun hit the bull’s eye. He quickly took a deep breath and said:

“Why should I protect the person who kidnapped me? It’s illogical!”

“Not exactly… Did you hear about the Stockholm syndrome?” Matsumoto leaned a bit towards his patient and started to explain. “In 1973 in Sweden some men tried to rob a bank, but unfortunately something went wrong and they held hostages for five days. When the police freed the people, they even defended their attackers, feeling some illogical bond with them. I won’t explain everything, because it’s complicated. Anyway it is possible, so that’s not that illogical… Victims can sympathize with he attacker, especially when the attacker treats them good and don’t use the physical violence… However you were raped, there are no doubts. Defending and covering your attacker in that case is illogical indeed, don’t you think?” Jun watched Aiba carefully to check if he will make any move that will show his true feelings. Masaki bit his lips and he just mumbled that their meeting should be over five minutes ago. The taller man stood up and left, heading to his own bedroom lost in thoughts. It was over; that psychiatrist with sharp mind discovered everything… Well, maybe not everything; he just caught some details and he had an unclear clue that will bring him to the right conclusions. It’s just the matter of time. Aiba has to think of something, he can’t remain silent because this will confirm that he is in love with his torturer… The man stood in the middle of the hall, astonished. Love? How’s that possible? He felt dizzy and sick, so he decided to stop thinking about it and rushed to his room, to lie down. On the table next to the bed he noticed his mail, but something was different this time. There was a letter from Satoshi, as always, but there were also a thick envelope from Masaki’s boss. He opened it slowly and noticed a green notebook and a letter. He quickly read the note and felt that his stomach is squirming. There was only one sentence: ‘Write me your dreams…’ Nothing more. When he looked closer at the notebook he almost immediately recognized it. This was the notebook he received from Sakurai. Without thinking he opened it on the last page and saw Sho’s beautiful handwriting…

I can give you everything,
Everything that you need
Just to be with you again
So close
Just say that you want it
Even if my touch causes pain
Only pain

Today you will see me
The way you want to see me
I’ll give you the strength
And you will believe that
You’ll go everywhere
I want to see you and take you
Even if my touch will cause you pain
Only pain

Let me be so close
To let you feel my love
I want you to live what I am living
I want to give you that
I know now how badly I want you
And I feel it
I want you to feel and desire, like me
Don’t let me go when I want you
So much...

Under the entry there was a date, two weeks from now. Masaki read it one more time, and started to wonder about one line… “Today you will see me.” Today… Is it possible? Is it? Does Sho want to meet him on the day he wrote? It is highly likely that Sakurai set a date… However Aiba didn’t know the place of the meeting and, what was the worst, he was in closed health center… Nobody will let him out that easily! He needs to escape, there is no other way. Some small voice in his head was trying to convince him that it’s not a good idea; that he should go back to Satoshi, apologize and tell that mean policeman everything he knows. This voice was quickly drowned by simple plan of escape. Masaki has to run away in the day of the meeting; he doesn’t have a place to hide and also he signed the documents that if he will escape Matsumoto has a right to bring him back using force. Aiba thought that the only place where Sakurai could be was the house near the sea, although it was illogical, because probably the building was observed by the police. Probably… Or maybe that was the ideal place, because everybody was thinking like Masaki… From those thoughts his head started to ache, so he asked for a painkiller and fell asleep.

He dreamed about his meeting with Sho. Dark room, candles, fire, rope, blindfold… Touch that was bringing him physical pain on his chest, stomach, inner thighs, hardening manhood… Quiet moans when he felt hot wax drops on his smooth skin… Darkness, but no silence. Sakurai whispering his name. Repeating how beautiful he is, how good is to touch and taste him… Wet lips and frisky tongue on his swollen member and fingers inside, bringing him on the edge of senses… He couldn’t move an inch or even speak… He wanted to beg Sho to enter him, but he was afraid that if he will say a word his master will stop… The confusing feeling between pleasure received from Sakurai’s lips and pain caused by his fingers was mind-blowing and when Sho bit gently Masaki’s manhood Aiba couldn’t help it.

“Please… I want to feel you inside… Master… Please…” He groaned, but at the same moment everything vanished and he was in his own bedroom, at his house with Ohno kissing him. In that second he woke up, sweating and crying quietly, craving for an orgasm. He slowly touched his crotch through the sweatpants and when he felt a bulge he moaned. He was torn between obeying the rules and the fact that now those rules didn’t apply. Masaki slowly stood up and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and praying for his roommate not to wake up. When he was inside he put his hand inside his pants and gently stroked himself, recalling his first time with Sakurai; however that wasn’t enough. He didn’t feel any pain, so with desperation he started to look for any sharp object. Fortunately his colleague was obsessed with knives made from glass and he hid one in the flush. Aiba took it and still touching himself he made a small cut on his neck. The pain rushed his blood in veins and when he felt the drops flowing on his collarbones he increased the rhythm. After that he slashed himself again, this time on his arm, making the red fluid to run down his fingers and reach his erection. This feeling made him even more aroused and while later he felt one more warm juice on his hand. He was so incredibly happy and sad at the same time; he was torn between laugh and cry so in the end he curled up and sobbing wholeheartedly whispered apologies to emptiness.

He made a huge mistake; he fell asleep on the bathroom’s floor, covered with his own blood. As expected he was found by some nurses and transferred to the dispensary; fortunately he managed to hide the journal under his mattress before the incident. In the afternoon Matsumoto paid him a visit with serious expression on his face.

“Could you tell me what happened? You were doing so well…”

“I don’t know…” Masaki whispered and tried to become invisible. He was sure that he either has to be silent or make up some story that Jun will believe in. Unfortunately the psychiatrist didn’t stop talking.

“Think, Aiba-san. You did this after our conversation about the Stockholm syndrome. There is only one option: I was right and you are covering your kidnapper. You’re trying to protect the person who hurt you physically and mentally. And that means that you are a masochist. That’s not a bad thing, unless it is in safe boundaries. You crossed them in the moment when you started to cut yourself. It transformed from simple bedroom kink to a thing that is threatening your life. That makes you a real psycho!”

“Are you allowed to say that?!” Masaki shouted, mad probably more at himself. Matsumoto hit the bull’s eye and that was taking the last protection wall away from Aiba. The desire to escape was more tempting, but also it became more and more impossible. He was now closed in the separate cell with one small window protected by thick bars, without a bathroom… It was then when he stopped taking the pills. He was watched carefully so hiding the medication was difficult, but luckily Masaki liked some American series about Canadian policeman, he learned a trick from there and soon his organism was clean. That made him the strength to thinking about the escape and shortly after he had a great plan. Window was a definitely out of question; it was too small and the bars were insurmountable. However the ventilation duct was big enough and it leaded outside, to the garden and from there straight to freedom, behind the fence. If he will do it fast and cautiously, he will manage to escape. He’s fast; he was the best runner in high school, and he often run to work, so he was sure that he will handle. All that left was to wait for the perfect moment.

The night has come; Masaki went to bed as always, but he didn’t fall asleep. When he was sure that the last round was finished, he slowly stood up, lifting the linoleum and opened the hatch. Surprised how it could go so smoothly, man jumped into the darkness and remembering the plan of the hospital went slowly in the direction he thought he should go. Nothing could be seen, he crawled as quietly as he could, losing his way few times, but finally after seemed-to-be-never-ending wandering the scuttle that lead outside was reached. There was only one thing that he didn’t though of before… His room was on second floor; Aiba wasn’t afraid of heights but it was scaring that he will fall and broke some bones. Then, all he would be able to do is to kill himself… Without Sho… Without his touch… He is nothing… Quickly pushing those thoughts away he slowly opened the hatch and looked down. 25 feet to the ground, and one, single tree that could help him. It was extremely thin and Masaki was afraid that it’ll break, but there was no choice. With one clumsy jump he hang on the tree, that stooped with loud crack sound, but hopefully instead of breaking, it helped Aiba to reach the ground safely. The man looked around and when he noticed that nobody saw him he ran towards the fence. The center wasn’t guarded, because it was one of the fancy ones, where celebrities are curing their lost souls. Nobody with healthy mind would lock them up behind electrical fence or with guards handing a gun. That was the benefit that Masaki had now; without thinking he jumped over and ran in the unknown direction. Fortunately he had his own clothes, not hospital’s ones. As soon as he had reached the place where most probably he wouldn’t be spotted the fugitive slowed down and took few deep breaths. The meeting didn’t had set place or exact hour, just the day, so Aiba decided to go to the mall and buy some candles. The dream was still in his memory and he wanted to do this in exact the same way. There was only one small problem: he didn’t have any money nor credit cards. Masaki desperately needed those candles so going to his work and asking his boss for loan sounded reasonable. The man was surprised to see Aiba, but agreed, probably having in mind all bad things that happened to his employee. Happy and full of hope Masaki run to the mall and started to look for a store, when something caught his attention. A tall man was standing in front of a clothes’ shop; very familiar figure… Aiba’s heart skipped a beat when he noticed beloved face and ran towards it, but the silhouette disappeared somewhere in the crowd. Without wasting his time for thinking Aiba rushed towards the place he thought that the man went, looking around, desperate, but he lost him. When his reasonable side started to blame his own twisted mind for showing him nonexistent pictures, the man appeared again in his sight, this time he couldn’t see his face. He ran again with hope that he will finally meet his master, but when he thought that he would reach Sakurai, the man in front of him vanished like some kind of mirage. Masaki knelt and in order to prevent another asthma attack he started to breath deeply.

“It’s OK; you’ll meet him a bit later. Calm down…” He was repeating in his mind, trying to slow down his heartbeat. Surprisingly this thought gave him enough strength to stand up, buy those darn candles and went to the only place he could think of - the house near the sea. To reach there he needed a car; the house was too far away to get there by foot. Aiba owned a car, old and barely moving one, but he was sure that it’s enough. With tons of candles he rushed to his house, took the keys quietly, not to wake up Ohno and then he sat behind the wheel, driving in the only desired destination. The way didn’t take long; the previous time he was unconscious for almost the entire trip there, so he thought that this house was further, however after twenty minutes he reached the destination point. Fortunately he knew the right place; there was only one house near the sea in the neighborhood. The building was empty and Masaki could easily look around, because this time every door was open. He didn’t found anything interesting though, every room looked the same, so he came back downstairs and started to light the candles up and put them on the floor all over the place. Couple of minutes later the room was bright and Aiba laid down on the floor, waiting. The rules came back with him to that building, so he wasn’t moving, just staring in the ceiling. Time was passing by really slowly and expectation was torturing, but Masaki didn’t care, he was sure that he would meet his master soon. Very soon…

He didn’t realize that he fell asleep, tired, when all emotions had cooled off. When he woke up the sky was becoming bright and all of the candles were burned out. He was alone, and to make sure that his master really didn’t came he started to wander around the empty house only to get back to his place, founding nothing. His heart ached and Aiba wanted to cry but tears didn’t want to fall. He knew only one way to get rid of this burning pain from his chest; the knife he had in his bag was taken with his hand and slowly cut his arm. The red liquid marked the milky-white skin and Aiba felt a bit relieved, but still couldn’t cry. He took his pants of and looked at his scars on thighs, touching them gently. He made them himself, but he always believed that it was Sakurai’s hand that was holding the blade. From all this frustration and disappointment he did a thing which he didn’t do ever before: he put the knife to his inner thigh and in one extremely slow move he marked the flesh, feeling burning pain and warm blood flowing down. As soon as he saw the red stains on his skin something cracked inside and he sobbed hardly clenching hands on the handle of the knife. He wanted to become the pain, like before, when Sho was touching him and taking him whenever and however he wanted. He wanted to submerge himself in the suffering again… Without any unneeded thought he cut deeply the skin on his wrists and waited for the unknown.

TO BE CONTINUED