[LOG] and it's all just a game, it's a mask you put on [ACTIVE/CLOSED]

[crazysnakelady]

Who: Mitarashi Anko and Okuzaki Akira
Status: Closed
Style: Action
Where/When: Street in East Konoha / July 1st, 2009 - after this conversation.
Warnings: Anko has a potty mouth.

Comments

[crazysnakelady]

[ irritated slightly, no one likes to be interrupted ] I didn't say that.

[ There is a silence, a gap between knowing what to say and knowing how to say it. ]

I loved him so much that I didn't notice the way he treated other people, the methods he considered acceptable. I was too happy to be accepted by someone else.

[ Anko puts her right hand to her left shoulder unconsciously. ]

I let him take advantage of me.

[ Pauses, realizes how that sounds. ]

Not necessarily in a sexual way, Akira. But he did things to me, things that no one should ever do to anybody. Especially not a child of twelve.

[ Squeezes her shoulder. ]

But...

[ She knows what she's trying to tell him, but Anko is rarely this forthright, and the silence stretches longer as she struggled with words. ]

[ninjasecrets]

Kakashi-san isn't like that! [ He shakes his head violently, so red in the face it's like neon. ] He absolutely isn't like that!

[ Akira knows a thing or two about being taken advantage of. Some of it he's less aware of, like the way he was raised, but the sour taste of his defeat as a HiME still stings the back of his mouth. They'd all been misled, like they wouldn't have wanted to help save the world if they knew another way. ]

I don't know why I had that dream, Mitarashi-san, but you're mistaken about my feelings about him, anyway!

[ She's not. She's really, really not. ]

[crazysnakelady]

[ Anko acts like she didn't hear a word Akira just said. ]

...After that was all over, I was left in Konoha to fend for myself.

About a year later, I was thirteen or fourteen years old, and I had a dream very similar to yours.

I was shocked and angry and afraid and I kept it all bottled up inside me, thinking I was somehow to blame. 'What was wrong with me?' 'I hated that man, didn't I?' 'What did this dream mean?' Finally, I broke down and confessed it to one of the healers I knew, crying and sobbing and thinking that they might throw me out of the village after all.

[ Anko leans towards Akira. ]

Do you know what he told me?

[ninjasecrets]

[ The rest of Anko's story actually shuts down Akira's loudness and embarrassment. Rough around the edges as the young ninja is, he's actually pretty sensitive to other's emotions when he bothers to pay attention. And beyond his embarrassment there were more issues with shame than he was rightly aware of.

When Anko leaned closer, he scooted back just a smidgen. ]

What did he say?

[crazysnakelady]

He said it meant nothing at all.

[ Anko smiles at Akira, finally, reaching out and ruffling his hair. ]

Dreams are a subconscious mash-up of our inner feelings. Sometimes our brains choose symbols to represent our inner conflicts, symbols which aren't always to be taken literally. I think maybe I dreamt that way about my sensei because I was uncomfortable with my body after what he did to me. That's all. Once you understand yourself better, you'll understand what your brain is trying to tell you.

Oh, and there's puberty, too.

[ This time Anko laughs, leaning back and putting her arms behind her head, looking up at the clouds. ]

Your body's going to be doing all kinds of crazy things without your permission, Akira-kun. Don't take it seriously.