[ backdated to week 14, day 5 | video]
[The feed cuts on as the Hitomi hits the floor. It's indoors, that much is for certain, and the black leather pants you all get a nice view of step hurriedly to what might be a makeshift bed. Mello drops to his knees, though from the angle of the feed his face still isn't visible, and he stares at the figure on the bed. Not much can be seen so far
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She smells blood far off.
She couldn't help herself but follow the scent. It's probably nothing, a wounded refugee, and she still promises herself that it'll be better for her to takes Matt's blood only. If she goes after anyone else it'll be pointing a big fat trail to her.
But even so, she is still following the scent.
A scent that is leading her to a very familiar room.
What the fuck?
She sees the body, but she doesn't recognize at first because of so much blood and the broken bones it has -
oh god.
oh god oh god.
She sees that striped shirt.
Jessica has pulled that shirt off of Matt's body many times to know that shirt.Now she's not so drawn to the scent anymore ( ... )
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She now realizes that while this is M, it is an entirely different M the one she knows. This M would possibly never would have approached her about V or bitch to her about using video on the Hitomi instead of audio.
The M she knows is gone.]
Oh, god, M, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.
[Nevermind M not forgiving Matt . . . Matt won't forgive her, would he? For messing M up so bad. For telling things about Matt that Matt alone should say.
Her fingers tighten her hold on the cold scalp as the tears start to flow again.]
I am, so, so, so sorry.
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Fuck, I should've- [his voice cracks, because he knows it's his fault, it's his fault Matt died, he died for his lost fucking cause-] -should've known, that-
[That they're not the same one. Of course they're not. Of course. Obviously. But that doesn't mean he feels any better about it.] Stop apologizing for fucks sake!
[He snaps at her instead. Because it's not her fault Matt died, and then went and got himself killed all over again. If it's anyone's fault, it's his.]
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[Jessica would have flinched at his yelling, or would have been yelling back, or even cry harder, except the words 'I saved him' are now bouncing around in her mind. She can feel everything being spun around them chaotically, but it doesn't matter, all that matters is Matt is alive - ]
You saved him?
You mean he's not actually dead?
[Oh god, M, please tell her that's true. Please tell her this, because even though she know realizes that there's no way for her and Matt can be together back in their homes, at the very least the important thing is that Matt is around to live his life, kick Light's ass, and play some poker at the end of the day.]
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And what fucking difference does it make now, huh?
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She looks down at Matt again, the weight of his body weighing heavily on her lap. If she can reach that max peak of delusion, then she might think that Matt is taking a nap, ready to wake up any moment now. But she can't, there's nothing in the world that can make delude in her mind, without that important biochemistry in her dead mind.
The Matt M knows is not the Matt Jessica knows.
And that Matt possibly doesn't know Jessica even existed.
The tears came back again and this time, they won't stop. There's no sobbing, no moaning. Just silent crying and the occasional hiccup.
Matt's dead, through and through, and if M can't stop it, nothing can.]
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M hangs his head in defeat. (again. He never seemed to be able to help when it mattered, except once, but here that didn't make any difference whatsoever.) How he hates defeat. He's always been the one to make a choice, to take the first step. Be the aggressor, too, if that's what it took, because ultimately it doesn't matter to him that it may make him look like the bad guy. What drives him crazy is that there is nothing to do, no action of any kind that will change the facts anymore.
It's too late.
M turns toward the door, wants to leave her to her mourning.]
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