[ The thing that Kakashi remembers hating most about this place is the way the gods dig their fingers into the things you fear the most and broadcast it to the world. He also remembers the last time the sky turned red like this and the rivers ran with blood. Dreams then were only nightmares, dredging up only the worst images and memories. It's not so surprising that the dreams he's seen on the network since his return have all been terrifying, filled with blood and fear and shame and gore.
And it's vivid, this one. Horrifying.
He watches Rukia for a while, listening to her shaking breath, and waits until it's calmed into something that sounds a little more normal to speak. ]
It was only a bad dream, Rukia-san.
[ Gently. Would much rather be saying, hello, I've returned. It seems you have too. ]
[ In relative silence, the voice coming from her Hitomi is loud in Rukia's ears. At first she thinks about ignoring it. She doesn't recognize the voice, even though the man is addressing her by name and she really doesn't want to talk about it.
After a moment, she rolls to face the hitomi and picks it up. She could throw it against the wall, but it would only come back. Futile. All of this, everything, futile.
Fine. ]
I don't know you.
[ Not at all polite. You have better manners than that, Rukia, you should be ashamed but she isn't. She doesn't care. It doesn't matter. She doesn't even blink her heavy eyes and only stares at the face in the video hollowly. ]
He's gone, anyway. And its my fault.
[ It's been two days. The screaming is over, the rage has passed, her eyes are dry and there is nothing left but this empty hole and only guilt to fill it. ]
[ People keep disappearing, Jessica had said. Dying is what she really meant, Kakashi is starting to realize. He is quiet for a long moment after she responds and doesn't immediately respond back. Renji dying wasn't something Kakashi had ever expected, or even thought possible. But even the strongest soldiers fall eventually. Kakashi wonders how long it's been, and can only hope it's a matter of time before Renji is returned.
You don't ever really stay dead in this world, after all.
After some time, he hits reply. ]
It isn't your fault that the gods are at war with one another and you were caught in it... Blaming yourself won't bring him back.
[ A slight pause. ]
In any case, when people die in this world, they don't stay dead forever. Renji-san will be back...
[ Hopefully, he doesn't add. ]
It seems you don't remember, but we've met before. You were here quite a while ago. My name is Hatake Kakashi. I'm your brother's... ally.
[ She puts the hitomi down on a table and lies back down. The video continues transmitting but she is out of frame. She doesn't want to look at the stupid device that has done nothing but make her life worse since the day she got here. ]
People don't come back from the dead.
[ She's been told they do. She doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't believe it. She watched him bleed out from a giant hole in his chest. He died in her arms, she saw the light go out of his eyes. She can't believe he can come back from that, no matter what anyone says.
Her voice sounds dead, too, as she continues. ]
I've been told I was here before. Apologies. I don't remember you or anything else about that time, Hatake-san.
[ Now this dream is really quite bothersome, if only because those creatures that the little girl appears to be fighting could well vie with his precious akuma over the taking of lives. And while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, he would prefer to be in control of such creatures, than-you-very-much.
But her grief, and the admission to that one-eyed man that her friend is dead…this he can use to his advantage.
So here, little girl, have a wide smile and a voice rich with fatherly concern as he speaks gently.]
So many…these wretched gods have reaped the lives of so many precious souls. And one that you cared about so much. Your loss, the pain of it, this damnable device let me feel it as if it were my own, you poor dear. ♥
[A slight hesitation as his gaze intensifies.]
But we can show them that we will not let them break us dear. ♥
We can show the them power of your…resolve. Because if your feelings are strong and true, I have the power to bring him back for you, this beloved Renji. ♥
[ She takes hold of the hitomi and even in the darkness of the room where she is staying the flashing of her eyes can be seen. She looks so small, wide sleeves hanging off of thin arms and her pale round face drawn, but there is fire in her still, somewhere. She doesn't want his consolation or his empty words. ]
You can't do that. No one can bring back the dead. He's gone.
[ If he says he can, it's probably a lie or a trick. He probably wants to bring Renji back as something like a hollow or a monster and the thought of it alone makes her sick.
But... what if he really can do it? Everyone says people come back from the dead here and she doesn't really believe them either, but... what if this is how it works? ]
And Rukia. No matter what he does, he can't protect her, can he? Not from idiots like Renji or Shiba Kaien, idiots who die like reckless fools, who bring her to her knees in tears because she cares about them.
He knows circumstances would have been different if he were there. But Byakuya shouldn't have to make sure Renji doesn't do stupid things, make sure he doesn't spill his blood on her and trap her in the sorrow she probably still hasn't let go of from that liberal vice-captain that fell on her blade.
And the worst part is, the only thing he can think of saying is to forget it and move on, as he did the last time was was caught in a terrible web of pain and loss that she couldn't escape.]
Do you need something, Rukia? [It's nothing. It's not helpful, but he doesn't pretend to be. Byakuya shut himself away from loss and all that remains is anger for Renji's sacrifice.]
[ This voice. She doesn't move at first, remains lying down and considers never moving. Part of her is still angry, but it is more at herself than at her brother. And full of guilt and shame. She and Renji had been one another's responsibility, she was sure that was the understanding Byakuya had left them with that day. And she had failed. She had failed both of them. She almost wondered how he could bear to speak to her after what she had done. ]
No, Nii-sama. I am fine.
[ Her words are as empty as her eyes and she holds the hitomi limply. Much as she feels she has been shattering disappointment to him, she doesn't have the strength to pull on her masks right now. Her face is its own mask, emotionless and impassive. She doesn't look up to meet his eyes. ]
[What is revealed to him on the screen is enough. It helps that anger seethes, breathes into that fire and helps it grow hotter. Look, Renji, at what you've done. Will he see this face he's caused, know the pain he's inflicted on her because he didn't think things through a little more?
If things were getting to be overwhelming, it would be easy to tell before the death strike. Renji had his hitomi. They always do. Why had he not made a call for assistance? All Byakuya can see with this is a wasted death and a heavy heart on someone who had already had plenty of it. And there's nothing he and Hisana can do until Renji returns. Telling her he'll come back is so... pointless, really. But he doesn't know what to do. This isn't something that is taught. It's learned through repeated experiences, through loss in it's most terrible forms.
He should probably leave this to Hisana. She is better at this.]
... You must rest. There are still enemies to fight. [His tone is as emotionless as hers, that seemingly uncaring one. He doesn't need
( ... )
[ It is a hollow assent. She knows she'll never get back to sleep tonight. And no matter what she does she'll never be strong enough to fix what she has already broken. All she can do is go through the motions. She lies down and pretends. There is nothing else. ]
[Hisana had caught the transmission but instead of contacting her over the network, she moved to her sister's room, quietly opening the door before she entered, pausing at seeing the girl before she moves to sit beside her, one hand gently smoothing her hair in hopes of calming her. The loss of her friend had been a blow for her that Hisana had seen ever since they'd brought her home.]
[ Rukia considers pretending to be asleep when Hisana comes in. She could just lie still and close her eyes and breathe evenly until her sister left again. But she shudders a little when that comforting hand touches her hair. The dream has still left her feeling physically ill and she can still taste death in her mouth. ]
He's gone.
[ It's a whisper, shaky and full of guilt. She turns her head and looks up, meeting Hisana's eyes. She has refused to talk about it until now, preferring to suffer silently. But maybe Hisana can understand in a way that Byakuya can't what it is like to feel you've failed someone you care so deeply for.]
Re: [Action]hisana_kuchikiNovember 29 2010, 18:56:17 UTC
[Hisana pulls the girl into her arms, just holding her.]
I know, Rukia, but...he wouldn't want to see you like this, if he were here, would he?
[Her voice was quiet but certain and she lightly ran a hand down her sister's back trying to comfort her, even though she knew there was nothing she could do to make this easier on Rukia.] I wish there was more I could do to help you with this.]
[ She shudders and her hands take hold of the fabric of Hisana's clothing, clutching tightly with shaking fists. She hides her face in the curve of Hisana's neck and trembles with the effort to control her grief. ]
Comments 29
And it's vivid, this one. Horrifying.
He watches Rukia for a while, listening to her shaking breath, and waits until it's calmed into something that sounds a little more normal to speak. ]
It was only a bad dream, Rukia-san.
[ Gently. Would much rather be saying, hello, I've returned. It seems you have too. ]
Reply
After a moment, she rolls to face the hitomi and picks it up. She could throw it against the wall, but it would only come back. Futile. All of this, everything, futile.
Fine. ]
I don't know you.
[ Not at all polite. You have better manners than that, Rukia, you should be ashamed but she isn't. She doesn't care. It doesn't matter. She doesn't even blink her heavy eyes and only stares at the face in the video hollowly. ]
He's gone, anyway. And its my fault.
[ It's been two days. The screaming is over, the rage has passed, her eyes are dry and there is nothing left but this empty hole and only guilt to fill it. ]
Reply
You don't ever really stay dead in this world, after all.
After some time, he hits reply. ]
It isn't your fault that the gods are at war with one another and you were caught in it... Blaming yourself won't bring him back.
[ A slight pause. ]
In any case, when people die in this world, they don't stay dead forever. Renji-san will be back...
[ Hopefully, he doesn't add. ]
It seems you don't remember, but we've met before. You were here quite a while ago. My name is Hatake Kakashi. I'm your brother's... ally.
Reply
People don't come back from the dead.
[ She's been told they do. She doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't believe it. She watched him bleed out from a giant hole in his chest. He died in her arms, she saw the light go out of his eyes. She can't believe he can come back from that, no matter what anyone says.
Her voice sounds dead, too, as she continues. ]
I've been told I was here before. Apologies. I don't remember you or anything else about that time, Hatake-san.
Reply
But her grief, and the admission to that one-eyed man that her friend is dead…this he can use to his advantage.
So here, little girl, have a wide smile and a voice rich with fatherly concern as he speaks gently.]
So many…these wretched gods have reaped the lives of so many precious souls. And one that you cared about so much. Your loss, the pain of it, this damnable device let me feel it as if it were my own, you poor dear. ♥
[A slight hesitation as his gaze intensifies.]
But we can show them that we will not let them break us dear. ♥
We can show the them power of your…resolve. Because if your feelings are strong and true, I have the power to bring him back for you, this beloved Renji. ♥
Reply
You can't do that. No one can bring back the dead. He's gone.
Reply
[ He is utterly unperturbed by your anger, a mere child in his eyes. and continues to grin as he adds sagely]
Not even the One God can take away the power I've wielded for many a millennia now. ♥
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[ If he says he can, it's probably a lie or a trick. He probably wants to bring Renji back as something like a hollow or a monster and the thought of it alone makes her sick.
But... what if he really can do it? Everyone says people come back from the dead here and she doesn't really believe them either, but... what if this is how it works? ]
How?
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And Rukia. No matter what he does, he can't protect her, can he? Not from idiots like Renji or Shiba Kaien, idiots who die like reckless fools, who bring her to her knees in tears because she cares about them.
He knows circumstances would have been different if he were there. But Byakuya shouldn't have to make sure Renji doesn't do stupid things, make sure he doesn't spill his blood on her and trap her in the sorrow she probably still hasn't let go of from that liberal vice-captain that fell on her blade.
And the worst part is, the only thing he can think of saying is to forget it and move on, as he did the last time was was caught in a terrible web of pain and loss that she couldn't escape.]
Do you need something, Rukia? [It's nothing. It's not helpful, but he doesn't pretend to be. Byakuya shut himself away from loss and all that remains is anger for Renji's sacrifice.]
Reply
No, Nii-sama. I am fine.
[ Her words are as empty as her eyes and she holds the hitomi limply. Much as she feels she has been shattering disappointment to him, she doesn't have the strength to pull on her masks right now. Her face is its own mask, emotionless and impassive. She doesn't look up to meet his eyes. ]
Reply
If things were getting to be overwhelming, it would be easy to tell before the death strike. Renji had his hitomi. They always do. Why had he not made a call for assistance? All Byakuya can see with this is a wasted death and a heavy heart on someone who had already had plenty of it. And there's nothing he and Hisana can do until Renji returns. Telling her he'll come back is so... pointless, really. But he doesn't know what to do. This isn't something that is taught. It's learned through repeated experiences, through loss in it's most terrible forms.
He should probably leave this to Hisana. She is better at this.]
... You must rest. There are still enemies to fight. [His tone is as emotionless as hers, that seemingly uncaring one. He doesn't need ( ... )
Reply
[ It is a hollow assent. She knows she'll never get back to sleep tonight. And no matter what she does she'll never be strong enough to fix what she has already broken. All she can do is go through the motions. She lies down and pretends. There is nothing else. ]
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Rukia...
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He's gone.
[ It's a whisper, shaky and full of guilt. She turns her head and looks up, meeting Hisana's eyes. She has refused to talk about it until now, preferring to suffer silently. But maybe Hisana can understand in a way that Byakuya can't what it is like to feel you've failed someone you care so deeply for.]
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I know, Rukia, but...he wouldn't want to see you like this, if he were here, would he?
[Her voice was quiet but certain and she lightly ran a hand down her sister's back trying to comfort her, even though she knew there was nothing she could do to make this easier on Rukia.]
I wish there was more I could do to help you with this.]
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[ She shudders and her hands take hold of the fabric of Hisana's clothing, clutching tightly with shaking fists. She hides her face in the curve of Hisana's neck and trembles with the effort to control her grief. ]
... it's my fault.
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