[Week 33, Day 5] Leave my footprints on the sands of time
Who: Elfangor
Status: Closed (solo log)
Style: Prose
Where: The house in Mizusato
When: Week 33, day 5
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: The Ellimist meddles, and Elfangor is canon-updated.
He wasn't sure whether he was dreaming. Perhaps dreaming was too particular a term--there was nothing happening; he was just there, in an unknown place, a hazy, nondescript landscape. He seemed to be alone... until a voice, large as the universe boomed out.
YOUR PRESENCE IS REQUIRED ELSEWHERE, ELFANGOR.
No! It was as though icy daggers pierced him, the silent sound of that voice he had truly believed he would never hear again. Fear and desperation clutched him, seizing his heart, squeezing painfully.
No, you can't! Not again! I belong here! This is where I am needed, where I want to be! You cannot trick me this time, I won't agree to this!
HAVE I ASKED FOR YOUR ACQUIESCENCE?
That statement was more terrifying than the Ellimist's presence (incorporeal or otherwise) alone, but then the incomprehensible being chuckled, and the sound was just as nerve-wracking.
BUT THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY. YOU ARE NEEDED IN ANOTHER PLACE, ANOTHER TIME. JUST AS OTHERS AMONG YOUR PEOPLE HAVE BEEN NEEDED, FOR GENERATIONS UPON GENERATIONS.
What... What do you mean? What are you talking about?
He hated this, being toyed with by this being that played so well at being God. And he hated the confusion almost as much, the uncertainty of knowing just what the hell he wanted from him.
YOUR SON NEEDS YOU, ELFANGOR.
Yes, he does! He needs me here!
HE NEEDS YOU TO GIVE HIM STRENGTH IN HIS MOMENTS APPROACHING DEATH.
His was certain his heart stopped in that moment, that he stopped breathing as well. Had he been breathing at all? He didn't know, couldn't think, his mind clawing frantically for the meaning behind the Ellimist's words.
You mean-- No, no, there's no way. He couldn't have died, Loren said--
NO, HE WILL NOT DIE IN THE MOMENT HE WAS BROUGHT TO THIS WORLD. BUT HE IS VERY CLOSE TO IT. HE IS LOSING HOPE. GIVE HIM THE STRENGTH HE NEEDS. YOU WANTED TO BE A FATHER TO HIM. YOU ARE BEING GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO PROVE IT.
You... I need your word, that you will bring me back here after.
He felt the Ellimist's amusement. ARE YOU SO UNWILLING TO FACE THE REALITY OF DEATH IN YOUR WORLD?
Yes, I am. It came out fierce, angry. I will not leave Matt. If you cannot swear to me--
But the Ellimist cut him off. Still amused, but muted, his tone serious.
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME PROMISE? TO ALLOW YOU TO REMAIN WITH HIM IN THIS WORLD TOGETHER?
Elfangor swallowed, hard. Yes.
I CANNOT PROMISE YOU THAT. THIS WORLD IS NOT WITHIN THE SCOPE OF MY GAME.
Elfangor had suspected, even hoped as much, but the verification of that was still terrifying.
He was on the verge of despairing, when the Ellimist continued.
BUT IF THE GODS (the way he said 'gods' made it sound like he was saying 'children') OF THIS WORLD SHOULD EJECT BOTH OF YOU FROM THEIR SPHERE, THERE IS PERHAPS SOMETHING I CAN DO. I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT LIES BEYOND DEATH--
Why not? As soon as it was out, he knew he'd sounded like a petulant child, but he didn't care.
Once again, the Ellimist sounded amused. BECAUSE THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES.
YOU BOTH ARE DEAD IN THE WORLDS FROM WHICH YOU COME. I WILL NOT UNDO THAT. BUT IF YOU ARE COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO FACE WHAT LIES BEYOND, THEN I WILL ENSURE YOU EXPERIENCE IT WITHIN THE SAME WORLD.
The Ellimist's offer left Elfangor stunned, and unable to respond for a long time.
He had never been certain what existed beyond death, or even what he thought might exist beyond death. Oh, Kannagara was an exception, of course--it allowed for life beyond death, despite death. But it was a different form of life, not true death. But to consider what it meant to truly die... to face the possibility of an afterlife. It seemed too much to comprehend.
But he didn't need to comprehend it.
He only needed to reach out and grasp at this opportunity, this delicate thread of hope.
What would you have me do?
ACCEPT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO YOUR SON AND GO WHERE YOU ARE NEEDED. IT WILL NOT BE FOR LONG, AND I WILL RETURN YOU HERE SHORTLY.
And if I do, you will keep your word? You'll help us remain together?
THAT IS NOT A STIPULATION OF THIS. YOU WILL GO WHERE YOU ARE NEEDED, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU ACCEPT IT. BUT YES, I WILL.
It felt as though a great weight had lifted off of him, in that moment. He wasn't certain when he started crying, and he could only laugh at himself, grinning through the tears. Thank you.
But then, a thought occurred to him. Can I leave them a message, let them know that I will be back soon, that this isn't goodbye?
NO. WE MUST GO NOW.
Elfangor was about to argue, a protest already forming. But he stopped. The Ellimist had already offered him the most important thing he could have asked for. And he said he would return him in a short time.
So he just nodded.
And then they were gone.
((NOTE: The Ellimist is a being from Animorphs who is essentially God, and has meddled with Elfangor, Tobias, and the others numerous times. The event referred to here is in Book 33, when Tobias is nearly tortured to death, but experiences an utzum--a vision experienced when an Andalite is dying, when ancestors may help to ease the transition. I am effectively canon-updating Elfangor post-mortem.))
Status: Closed (solo log)
Style: Prose
Where: The house in Mizusato
When: Week 33, day 5
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: The Ellimist meddles, and Elfangor is canon-updated.
He wasn't sure whether he was dreaming. Perhaps dreaming was too particular a term--there was nothing happening; he was just there, in an unknown place, a hazy, nondescript landscape. He seemed to be alone... until a voice, large as the universe boomed out.
YOUR PRESENCE IS REQUIRED ELSEWHERE, ELFANGOR.
No! It was as though icy daggers pierced him, the silent sound of that voice he had truly believed he would never hear again. Fear and desperation clutched him, seizing his heart, squeezing painfully.
No, you can't! Not again! I belong here! This is where I am needed, where I want to be! You cannot trick me this time, I won't agree to this!
HAVE I ASKED FOR YOUR ACQUIESCENCE?
That statement was more terrifying than the Ellimist's presence (incorporeal or otherwise) alone, but then the incomprehensible being chuckled, and the sound was just as nerve-wracking.
BUT THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY. YOU ARE NEEDED IN ANOTHER PLACE, ANOTHER TIME. JUST AS OTHERS AMONG YOUR PEOPLE HAVE BEEN NEEDED, FOR GENERATIONS UPON GENERATIONS.
What... What do you mean? What are you talking about?
He hated this, being toyed with by this being that played so well at being God. And he hated the confusion almost as much, the uncertainty of knowing just what the hell he wanted from him.
YOUR SON NEEDS YOU, ELFANGOR.
Yes, he does! He needs me here!
HE NEEDS YOU TO GIVE HIM STRENGTH IN HIS MOMENTS APPROACHING DEATH.
His was certain his heart stopped in that moment, that he stopped breathing as well. Had he been breathing at all? He didn't know, couldn't think, his mind clawing frantically for the meaning behind the Ellimist's words.
You mean-- No, no, there's no way. He couldn't have died, Loren said--
NO, HE WILL NOT DIE IN THE MOMENT HE WAS BROUGHT TO THIS WORLD. BUT HE IS VERY CLOSE TO IT. HE IS LOSING HOPE. GIVE HIM THE STRENGTH HE NEEDS. YOU WANTED TO BE A FATHER TO HIM. YOU ARE BEING GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO PROVE IT.
You... I need your word, that you will bring me back here after.
He felt the Ellimist's amusement. ARE YOU SO UNWILLING TO FACE THE REALITY OF DEATH IN YOUR WORLD?
Yes, I am. It came out fierce, angry. I will not leave Matt. If you cannot swear to me--
But the Ellimist cut him off. Still amused, but muted, his tone serious.
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME PROMISE? TO ALLOW YOU TO REMAIN WITH HIM IN THIS WORLD TOGETHER?
Elfangor swallowed, hard. Yes.
I CANNOT PROMISE YOU THAT. THIS WORLD IS NOT WITHIN THE SCOPE OF MY GAME.
Elfangor had suspected, even hoped as much, but the verification of that was still terrifying.
He was on the verge of despairing, when the Ellimist continued.
BUT IF THE GODS (the way he said 'gods' made it sound like he was saying 'children') OF THIS WORLD SHOULD EJECT BOTH OF YOU FROM THEIR SPHERE, THERE IS PERHAPS SOMETHING I CAN DO. I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT LIES BEYOND DEATH--
Why not? As soon as it was out, he knew he'd sounded like a petulant child, but he didn't care.
Once again, the Ellimist sounded amused. BECAUSE THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES.
YOU BOTH ARE DEAD IN THE WORLDS FROM WHICH YOU COME. I WILL NOT UNDO THAT. BUT IF YOU ARE COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO FACE WHAT LIES BEYOND, THEN I WILL ENSURE YOU EXPERIENCE IT WITHIN THE SAME WORLD.
The Ellimist's offer left Elfangor stunned, and unable to respond for a long time.
He had never been certain what existed beyond death, or even what he thought might exist beyond death. Oh, Kannagara was an exception, of course--it allowed for life beyond death, despite death. But it was a different form of life, not true death. But to consider what it meant to truly die... to face the possibility of an afterlife. It seemed too much to comprehend.
But he didn't need to comprehend it.
He only needed to reach out and grasp at this opportunity, this delicate thread of hope.
What would you have me do?
ACCEPT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO YOUR SON AND GO WHERE YOU ARE NEEDED. IT WILL NOT BE FOR LONG, AND I WILL RETURN YOU HERE SHORTLY.
And if I do, you will keep your word? You'll help us remain together?
THAT IS NOT A STIPULATION OF THIS. YOU WILL GO WHERE YOU ARE NEEDED, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU ACCEPT IT. BUT YES, I WILL.
It felt as though a great weight had lifted off of him, in that moment. He wasn't certain when he started crying, and he could only laugh at himself, grinning through the tears. Thank you.
But then, a thought occurred to him. Can I leave them a message, let them know that I will be back soon, that this isn't goodbye?
NO. WE MUST GO NOW.
Elfangor was about to argue, a protest already forming. But he stopped. The Ellimist had already offered him the most important thing he could have asked for. And he said he would return him in a short time.
So he just nodded.
And then they were gone.
((NOTE: The Ellimist is a being from Animorphs who is essentially God, and has meddled with Elfangor, Tobias, and the others numerous times. The event referred to here is in Book 33, when Tobias is nearly tortured to death, but experiences an utzum--a vision experienced when an Andalite is dying, when ancestors may help to ease the transition. I am effectively canon-updating Elfangor post-mortem.))