[Elfangor is already emotionally exhausted from dealing with Tobias' crisis, so when that is finally over, all he wants to do is crawl back into bed with Matt.
He is on his way to their room when he is checking through the network, and sees-- oh, god. A chill sweeps through him, and he stands there, frozen in the hallway as he watches the dream. He knows it must be a recording, not a live broadcast, because the sensations from the dream do not pass to him. But he can feel it all the same, the unbearable weight of that fear, because it lurks deep within himself as well. Shoved away to dark corners, not allowing himself to think on it because to do so would be all but paralyzing, but still there, still something he hopes against with all that he is. And when he sees the blood, his own blood, he swears he can feel it rushing away from him, out of him again, leaves him dizzy with a sickening panic
( ... )
[Something cracks inside him when he hears his real name, even though Matt knows, knew all along, Elfangor was still here, checked his Hitomi the second he woke up alone, still gripped by the woozy weakness of panic just past, until he remembered half-waking before, when Elfangor left.
He knows it's silly, he really does, but the dream still feels so immediate. He feels like he came so close to losing them all.
He sits up halfway in the bed, and just holds his arms out.]
[The distress evident on Matt's face, the vulnerability in that simple gesture of need, it breaks Elfangor's heart. Before he can even think to move, he's already across the room, pulling Matt into his arms as he climbs into bed beside him. Unshed tears burn his eyes, constricting his throat, as he tightens his arms around Matt.]
< Oh baby, I'm so sorry, I should have been here-- It's okay, you're okay, I'm still here. We're still here... >
[Elfangor strokes his fingers through Matt's hair, wanting nothing more than to soothe him, to chase away any lingering fears.]
[He does, but he still clings, unashamedly, nuzzling his face against Elfangor's neck, breathing in his scent, familiar and comforting. The relief is overwhelming, and brings the tears Matt's fought until now surging back.]
[He feels the burn of Matt's tears against his skin, and it's all he can do to hold him close, gently pressing his lips against his ear and the side of his face, everywhere he can reach without dislodging Matt from where he is.]
Can't lose you either... [It comes out rough, his voice cracking, but he needs to say this, say it out loud.] I could never be okay without you.
[Matt's grip shifts, from clinging to something more urgent, more desperate, and he turns his head all but blindly, trying to catch Elfangor's lips. He's blushing, but he's not embarrassed, or anything, how could he be? This feeling is raw, but it's real, and so much more than he ever imagined he'd have.]
You won't, you won't lose me. Not if there's anything I can do about it.
[Elfangor meets Matt halfway, ever drawn to him like this, and his breath leaves him, stolen between the kiss and the promise. He's just as desperate, needing this reassurance just as much, for the both of them.]
Anything, I would do anything to keep us here, just like this--
[He doesn't usually believe in terms like forever; they are too abstract, too indefinite. But in this, he clings to the term wholeheartedly.
Elfangor brings his hands up to cup Matt's face, the gentleness of the gesture offset by the way he seeks out Matt's lips again, all but frantic in his need to pour everything into the kiss. Tries not to think about the fear of losing him to some force beyond their control, focusing only on this, this moment, them, Mail.]
[Matt leans back, tugging at Elfangor to follow him down, moans into the kiss, loving his hands against his face, loving what the touch means, like a language just for them (like magic).
It never fails to astonish and humble him, the strength of this connection between them; how hot and fast heat can flare, but there's always, always the tenderness behind it.
When Matt finally pulls back, he tries to catch his breath, knowing the effort's futile.]
He is on his way to their room when he is checking through the network, and sees-- oh, god. A chill sweeps through him, and he stands there, frozen in the hallway as he watches the dream. He knows it must be a recording, not a live broadcast, because the sensations from the dream do not pass to him. But he can feel it all the same, the unbearable weight of that fear, because it lurks deep within himself as well. Shoved away to dark corners, not allowing himself to think on it because to do so would be all but paralyzing, but still there, still something he hopes against with all that he is. And when he sees the blood, his own blood, he swears he can feel it rushing away from him, out of him again, leaves him dizzy with a sickening panic ( ... )
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He knows it's silly, he really does, but the dream still feels so immediate. He feels like he came so close to losing them all.
He sits up halfway in the bed, and just holds his arms out.]
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< Oh baby, I'm so sorry, I should have been here-- It's okay, you're okay, I'm still here. We're still here... >
[Elfangor strokes his fingers through Matt's hair, wanting nothing more than to soothe him, to chase away any lingering fears.]
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[He does, but he still clings, unashamedly, nuzzling his face against Elfangor's neck, breathing in his scent, familiar and comforting. The relief is overwhelming, and brings the tears Matt's fought until now surging back.]
I can't lose you... not ever.
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Can't lose you either... [It comes out rough, his voice cracking, but he needs to say this, say it out loud.] I could never be okay without you.
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You won't, you won't lose me. Not if there's anything I can do about it.
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Anything, I would do anything to keep us here, just like this--
[He doesn't usually believe in terms like forever; they are too abstract, too indefinite. But in this, he clings to the term wholeheartedly.
Elfangor brings his hands up to cup Matt's face, the gentleness of the gesture offset by the way he seeks out Matt's lips again, all but frantic in his need to pour everything into the kiss. Tries not to think about the fear of losing him to some force beyond their control, focusing only on this, this moment, them, Mail.]
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It never fails to astonish and humble him, the strength of this connection between them; how hot and fast heat can flare, but there's always, always the tenderness behind it.
When Matt finally pulls back, he tries to catch his breath, knowing the effort's futile.]
Oh, I need you--
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