The Big Bird Flu, for SchizoAuthoress (Sesame Street, PG-13)
Title: The Big Bird Flu
Author: kanedax
Recipient: D.L. SchizoAuthoress / schizoauthoress
Fandom: Sesame Street
Rating: PG13
Warnings (if applicable): Destruction & deconstruction of your childhood
Summary: Request from schizoauthoress: "The global pandemic has changed the lessons that Sesame Street has for us, especially since the creatures known as Muppets seem to be immune to the disease that is slowly wiping out humanity."
Also, a touch of scottique's unused request from last year's round.
I don't own these characters.
Pepper spray
Sweeping the mobs away
On their way
To where the air is clean
Can you tell me how to get
How to get my bird flu vaccine
---------
This episode of Sesame Street is brought to you by the number 99.9, and the letter Ω.
---------
Ext. Sesame Street. Street is deserted.
TELLY: Hello? Is anyone awake?
Appear: TELLY MONSTER from in front of HOOPER'S STORE. Wanders down street, confused and (as usual) nervous
TELLY: Luis? Susan? Gordon? Bob? Maria? Where is everyone? (to camera) Oh, this is no good. It's almost three in the afternoon, and everyone's still in bed. Gordon says that the early bird gets the worm, so why are they... Hey, maybe the Early Bird will know!
TELLY hustles to BIG BIRD's nest. BIG BIRD is sitting in his nest. A hot water bottle is on his head and a giant thermometer is in his mouth. MR. SNUFFLEUPAGUS stands beside the nest, patting BIG BIRD's head with a towel that SNUFFY is holding in his trunk.
TELLY: Hey, Big Bird!
BIG BIRD: Oh, hello Telly! Achoo!
SNUFFY: Gesundheit. Big Bird's sick.
TELLY: Oh no!
BIG BIRD: Yeah. Achoo.
TELLY: Gesundheit.
BIG BIRD: Being sick is no fun at all.
SNUFFY: Being sick can be fun, Bird. You just have to make a game of it.
BIG BIRD: Achoo.
SNUFFY: Gesundheit.
BIG BIRD: How would I do that?
TELLY: Big Bird, your sneezes sound strange.
BIG BIRD: Do they? Achoo.
SNUFFY and TELLY: Gesundheit.
TELLY: Yeah! You're just saying the word "Achoo" instead of actually sneezing!
BIG BIRD: Well, I don't feel like sneezing.
TELLY: Then why are you?
BIG BIRD: Because I have the Bird Flu.
SNUFFY: And it's a Big Bird Flu.
TELLY: Do you feel sick?
BIG BIRD: Well... no.
TELLY: Then why do you think you have the flu?
BIG BIRD: Well... Because I heard Susan and Bob and Maria talking about how there's a Big Bird Flu pan... pan...
SNUFFY: Pandemic.
BIG BIRD: Pan... dem... ick... going around, and how everyone's getting sick. So, well, I'm a bird, and I'm a big bird, so I thought I should have the Big Bird Flu, too.
OSCAR THE GROUCH appears beside the nest.
OSCAR: You stupid turkey! You don't have the flu!
BIG BIRD: Yes I do! I'm a Big Bird, and it's a Big Bird Flu, so I have it!
OSCAR: That's just you being a hypochondriac!
TELLY, BIG BIRD, and SNUFFY: What's that?
OSCAR: Oh, boy. Just because you think you should have the flu doesn't mean you have it. Bird Flu is just a name for it. You're not sick at all, Bird!
BIG BIRD: I'm not?
OSCAR: No! The Bird Flu can only be caught by humans.
TELLY: Is that why no one's on the street?
OSCAR: Yup. They're all sick. Maybe worse.
BIG BIRD: How can it get any worse than being sick?
-------
GROVER stands in front of a chain fence. Barbed wire runs along the top, and a sign hangs on the front reading QUARANTINE. Two Muppets in SWAT gear stand nearby.
GROVER: Oh, my. What is this big word? Q... U... A...
MUPPET 1: The sign says Quarantine.
GROVER: What does that mean?
MUPPET 2: It means you should get far away from here.
GROVER: Far away?
MUPPET 1: Yes, you should not come near.
GROVER: Near! Far! Near! Far! Near! Far! Near!
MUPPET 1 and MUPPET 2 shoot Grover.
MUPPET 1: I told him he should not come near.
MUPPET 2: Yes. If you see a sign that says Quarantine, then you should stay away.
GROVER stands up. His face is covered in black soot, and one eye is crooked.
GROVER: That's right, kids. If you see a sign that says Quarantine, then you should stay away.
MUPPET 2: Or else you will be shot and killed.
GROVER: Or else you will be shot and killed. Unless you are Super Grover!
MUPPET 1 and MUPPET 2 shoot Grover.
MUPPET 1: Even if you are Super Grover!
---------
Stay away
Everything's not okay
The Marines are there
They're armed and mean
Can you tell me who's in there
Who's inside of the quarantine
---------
Int. BERT and ERNIE's APARTMENT. ERNIE is pacing back and forth, worried, while BERT is sitting at the wall reading a book.
BERT: Ernie, will you stop pacing back and forth. You're bothering me.
ERNIE: I'm sorry, Bert. I'm just so worried.
BERT: Why are you worried, Ernie?
ERNIE: I'm worried I'm going to get sick, Bert. That I'm going to get sick and fall asleep and never wake up, like Maria. And Bob. And Gordon. I'm afraid that you're going to get sick, and I'm going to get sick, and Prairie Dawn, and Guy Smiley, and...
BERT: Ernie, you don't have to worry. You're not going to get sick. Neither is Prairie Dawn or Guy Smiley.
ERNIE: How do you know, Bert?
BERT: Because only humans can get sick.
ERNIE: I know that. That's why I'm worried.
BERT: What?
ERNIE: What?
BERT: (to camera) Oh, dear. I knew this day would come sooner or later. (sets down his book) Ernie, it's time for you and I to have... The Talk.
ERNIE: The Talk?
BERT: Yup.
ERNIE: But we talk all the time, Bert.
BERT: This is a special talk, Ernie.
ERNIE: What about?
BERT: Ernie... Do you remember one day when we were at Mr. Hooper's, and he was cutting taffy, and he cut his finger with the knife?
ERNIE: I sure do, Bert! He said it hurt like the dickens!
BERT: He did say that, Ernie. And watch your language.
ERNIE: Sorry, Bert.
BERT: Do you remember what the cut look like? What came out of it?
ERNIE: Red stuff, right, Bert? Mr. Hooper said it was something called... blood.
BERT: That's right! Now, Ernie, do you remember when I was clipping coupons last month, and cut my finger with the scissors?
ERNIE: Yeah, your stuffing came out!
BERT: That's right! Now what do you think the difference was between Mr. Hooper's cut and mine?
ERNIE: Um... Mr. Hooper's older, and his stuffing had gotten all goopy!
BERT: Oh, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie. How do I put this... Do you know what Oscar is?
ERNIE: He's a Grouch!
BERT: Rrrright... He is that. But what about Grover? And Herry? And Telly and Elmo?
ERNIE: Oh, they're Monsters, Bert!
BERT: How about Big Bird and Snuffleupagus and Baby Bear?
ERNIE: Well, they're animals, aren't they, Bert?
BERT: Oh, this is so difficult. He's so young...
ERNIE: Who are you talking to, Bert?
BERT: I don't know anymore, Ernie. I just. Don't. Know.
ERNIE: You're scaring me, Bert.
BERT: Ernie, it's for your own good. Ernie, Big Bird and Oscar and Prairie Dawn aren't animals or monsters or people. They're all... Muppets.
ERNIE: What are they?
BERT: Well, they're different than regular humans, Ernie. We're different than regular humans. Gordon and Susan and Maria, they're regular human. We're Muppets.
ERNIE: What's the difference, Bert?
BERT: Well, they're made of different stuff than us, Ernie. They're not filled with stuffing, but with... goop. Like blood and bones..
ERNIE: Like skeletons?
BERT: Now you're catching on!
ERNIE: Skeletons are scary, Bert.
BERT: (aside) Well, we'll be seeing plenty in the months to come...
ERNIE: What's that, Bert?
BERT: Nothing, Ernie. They're bigger than us, and they get older--
ERNIE: Like Billy and Bobby and Julie?
BERT: That's right, Ernie. And, most importantly, they can get sick with the bird flu. And we can't. So we're safe.
ERNIE: We are?
BERT: We are.
ERNIE: Wow, that's a relief. And here I let Bernice go for nothing.
BERT: ... What?
ERNIE: Bernice. I let her go this morning.
BERT: Bernice? My pet pigeon?
ERNIE: And here I thought I'd get sick with her around. I sure do feel foolish, Bert.
BERT: ERNIE!
---------
COUNT: One! One mass grave! Ha ha ha ha ha! Two! Two mass graves! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! One hundred thousand mass graves! Ha ha ha ha ha!
---------
Ext. SESAME STREET. TELLY, BERT, ERNIE, BIG BIRD, SNUFFY, PRAIRIE DAWN, and BRUNO are circled around OSCAR'S TRASH CAN. OSCAR is packing a suitcase. SLIMEY is nearby.
BIG BIRD: You're running away, Oscar?
OSCAR: I'm not running from anyone or anything, Bird.
TELLY: Then where are you going?
OSCAR: Paradise.
ERNIE, BIG BIRD, SNUFFY: What's that?
OSCAR: The greatest place you can imagine. You see over there? Over the fence? All that smoke?
BERT: How can that be paradise, Oscar? That's Manhattan! It was demolished by the militias days ago, it's nothing but-- Oh.
OSCAR: Nothing but one giant pile of trash! It's like heaven!
DAWN: Wow. That sounds... great, Oscar.
OSCAR: Doesn't it, though? I got a letter from Grungetta--
BERT: I didn't know mail was still--
OSCAR: Cram it, football. I got a letter from Grungetta saying that all of the Grouches in New York are congregating there. It's a Grouch Mecca!
BIG BIRD: I don't know what that means, Oscar, but it sure sounds like you're going to have a lot of fun.
DAWN: Sounds dangerous to me.
OSCAR: Oh, don't worry about me, Prairie Dawn. I'm one tough cookie.
COOKIE MONSTER pops up behind OSCAR
COOKIE: Did someone say cookie?
OSCAR: Oh, for the love of--
BIG BIRD: Hello, Cookie Monster!
COOKIE: What going on? Where Oscar going?
ERNIE: Oscar's going to Paradise, Cookie Monster.
COOKIE: Where that?
BERT: Columbus Circle, apparently...
COOKIE: Are there cookies there?
OSCAR: No, there aren't...
OSCAR pauses, looks COOKIE MONSTER up and down thoughtfully
OSCAR: You know what? There are a lot of cookies. Yeah, lots of stores abandoned, there's probably plenty of cookies for you to eat. Lots of other stuff, too.
COOKIE: Really?
DAWN: Wow, Oscar. You're really going to let Cookie Monster come with you?
BERT: Oscar the Grouch is being nice. It really is the end of the world.
OSCAR: Oh, nuts to that. Look at him! He's big and brawny! With him and Bruno by my side, I could establish a new power structure in Manhattan!
DAWN: That sounds more like our Oscar.
OSCAR: Hey, Wooly Mammoth, you wanna come with, too?
SNUFFY: I'm not an wooly mammoth. I'm a Snuffleupagus.
OSCAR: Whatever. Hey, Bruno, let's get out of here, alright?
BRUNO nods and picks up OSCAR's trash can. OSCAR sets the lid on his head like a hat.
OSCAR: Onward!
BRUNO carries OSCAR offstage. COOKIE MONSTER follows. The others wave goodbye.
OSCAR: (off) Hey, where's that mutt, Barkley? He could tear off a few limbs, couldn't he?
BIG BIRD: Well, there goes Oscar.
ERNIE: And Cookie Monster.
TELLY: I'm sure going to miss him.
ERNIE: Me, too.
DAWN: Do you guys hear something?
BERT: Well, back to it.
TELLY: What are we supposed to do now?
DAWN: It sounds like a plane...
BIG BIRD: I'm going to go take a nap.
SNUFFY: I hear it too, Prairie Dawn.
DAWN: Look! Up there!
ERNIE: Where'd he get a plane like that?
BERT: Oh, brother...
---------
Int: FIGHTER JET COCKPIT
ELMO: The blight of humanity has been washed from our lands! The blight of Muppet remains! The gods have decreed, and it must be so! All shall burn in the purifying flame! All shall burn in Saint Elmo's Fire!
ALL: Nooooooo!
ELMO: CIABOLA! MY LIFE FOR YOU! YAAAAAAAY!
Presses button. Mushroom cloud.
End credits
Holy flame
Bringing the End of Days
The gods say
To purge the strong and weak
Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Smoldering Street
How to get to Smoldering Street
How to get to Smoldering Streeeeeeeeet
Author: kanedax
Recipient: D.L. SchizoAuthoress / schizoauthoress
Fandom: Sesame Street
Rating: PG13
Warnings (if applicable): Destruction & deconstruction of your childhood
Summary: Request from schizoauthoress: "The global pandemic has changed the lessons that Sesame Street has for us, especially since the creatures known as Muppets seem to be immune to the disease that is slowly wiping out humanity."
Also, a touch of scottique's unused request from last year's round.
I don't own these characters.
Pepper spray
Sweeping the mobs away
On their way
To where the air is clean
Can you tell me how to get
How to get my bird flu vaccine
---------
This episode of Sesame Street is brought to you by the number 99.9, and the letter Ω.
---------
Ext. Sesame Street. Street is deserted.
TELLY: Hello? Is anyone awake?
Appear: TELLY MONSTER from in front of HOOPER'S STORE. Wanders down street, confused and (as usual) nervous
TELLY: Luis? Susan? Gordon? Bob? Maria? Where is everyone? (to camera) Oh, this is no good. It's almost three in the afternoon, and everyone's still in bed. Gordon says that the early bird gets the worm, so why are they... Hey, maybe the Early Bird will know!
TELLY hustles to BIG BIRD's nest. BIG BIRD is sitting in his nest. A hot water bottle is on his head and a giant thermometer is in his mouth. MR. SNUFFLEUPAGUS stands beside the nest, patting BIG BIRD's head with a towel that SNUFFY is holding in his trunk.
TELLY: Hey, Big Bird!
BIG BIRD: Oh, hello Telly! Achoo!
SNUFFY: Gesundheit. Big Bird's sick.
TELLY: Oh no!
BIG BIRD: Yeah. Achoo.
TELLY: Gesundheit.
BIG BIRD: Being sick is no fun at all.
SNUFFY: Being sick can be fun, Bird. You just have to make a game of it.
BIG BIRD: Achoo.
SNUFFY: Gesundheit.
BIG BIRD: How would I do that?
TELLY: Big Bird, your sneezes sound strange.
BIG BIRD: Do they? Achoo.
SNUFFY and TELLY: Gesundheit.
TELLY: Yeah! You're just saying the word "Achoo" instead of actually sneezing!
BIG BIRD: Well, I don't feel like sneezing.
TELLY: Then why are you?
BIG BIRD: Because I have the Bird Flu.
SNUFFY: And it's a Big Bird Flu.
TELLY: Do you feel sick?
BIG BIRD: Well... no.
TELLY: Then why do you think you have the flu?
BIG BIRD: Well... Because I heard Susan and Bob and Maria talking about how there's a Big Bird Flu pan... pan...
SNUFFY: Pandemic.
BIG BIRD: Pan... dem... ick... going around, and how everyone's getting sick. So, well, I'm a bird, and I'm a big bird, so I thought I should have the Big Bird Flu, too.
OSCAR THE GROUCH appears beside the nest.
OSCAR: You stupid turkey! You don't have the flu!
BIG BIRD: Yes I do! I'm a Big Bird, and it's a Big Bird Flu, so I have it!
OSCAR: That's just you being a hypochondriac!
TELLY, BIG BIRD, and SNUFFY: What's that?
OSCAR: Oh, boy. Just because you think you should have the flu doesn't mean you have it. Bird Flu is just a name for it. You're not sick at all, Bird!
BIG BIRD: I'm not?
OSCAR: No! The Bird Flu can only be caught by humans.
TELLY: Is that why no one's on the street?
OSCAR: Yup. They're all sick. Maybe worse.
BIG BIRD: How can it get any worse than being sick?
-------
GROVER stands in front of a chain fence. Barbed wire runs along the top, and a sign hangs on the front reading QUARANTINE. Two Muppets in SWAT gear stand nearby.
GROVER: Oh, my. What is this big word? Q... U... A...
MUPPET 1: The sign says Quarantine.
GROVER: What does that mean?
MUPPET 2: It means you should get far away from here.
GROVER: Far away?
MUPPET 1: Yes, you should not come near.
GROVER: Near! Far! Near! Far! Near! Far! Near!
MUPPET 1 and MUPPET 2 shoot Grover.
MUPPET 1: I told him he should not come near.
MUPPET 2: Yes. If you see a sign that says Quarantine, then you should stay away.
GROVER stands up. His face is covered in black soot, and one eye is crooked.
GROVER: That's right, kids. If you see a sign that says Quarantine, then you should stay away.
MUPPET 2: Or else you will be shot and killed.
GROVER: Or else you will be shot and killed. Unless you are Super Grover!
MUPPET 1 and MUPPET 2 shoot Grover.
MUPPET 1: Even if you are Super Grover!
---------
Stay away
Everything's not okay
The Marines are there
They're armed and mean
Can you tell me who's in there
Who's inside of the quarantine
---------
Int. BERT and ERNIE's APARTMENT. ERNIE is pacing back and forth, worried, while BERT is sitting at the wall reading a book.
BERT: Ernie, will you stop pacing back and forth. You're bothering me.
ERNIE: I'm sorry, Bert. I'm just so worried.
BERT: Why are you worried, Ernie?
ERNIE: I'm worried I'm going to get sick, Bert. That I'm going to get sick and fall asleep and never wake up, like Maria. And Bob. And Gordon. I'm afraid that you're going to get sick, and I'm going to get sick, and Prairie Dawn, and Guy Smiley, and...
BERT: Ernie, you don't have to worry. You're not going to get sick. Neither is Prairie Dawn or Guy Smiley.
ERNIE: How do you know, Bert?
BERT: Because only humans can get sick.
ERNIE: I know that. That's why I'm worried.
BERT: What?
ERNIE: What?
BERT: (to camera) Oh, dear. I knew this day would come sooner or later. (sets down his book) Ernie, it's time for you and I to have... The Talk.
ERNIE: The Talk?
BERT: Yup.
ERNIE: But we talk all the time, Bert.
BERT: This is a special talk, Ernie.
ERNIE: What about?
BERT: Ernie... Do you remember one day when we were at Mr. Hooper's, and he was cutting taffy, and he cut his finger with the knife?
ERNIE: I sure do, Bert! He said it hurt like the dickens!
BERT: He did say that, Ernie. And watch your language.
ERNIE: Sorry, Bert.
BERT: Do you remember what the cut look like? What came out of it?
ERNIE: Red stuff, right, Bert? Mr. Hooper said it was something called... blood.
BERT: That's right! Now, Ernie, do you remember when I was clipping coupons last month, and cut my finger with the scissors?
ERNIE: Yeah, your stuffing came out!
BERT: That's right! Now what do you think the difference was between Mr. Hooper's cut and mine?
ERNIE: Um... Mr. Hooper's older, and his stuffing had gotten all goopy!
BERT: Oh, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie. How do I put this... Do you know what Oscar is?
ERNIE: He's a Grouch!
BERT: Rrrright... He is that. But what about Grover? And Herry? And Telly and Elmo?
ERNIE: Oh, they're Monsters, Bert!
BERT: How about Big Bird and Snuffleupagus and Baby Bear?
ERNIE: Well, they're animals, aren't they, Bert?
BERT: Oh, this is so difficult. He's so young...
ERNIE: Who are you talking to, Bert?
BERT: I don't know anymore, Ernie. I just. Don't. Know.
ERNIE: You're scaring me, Bert.
BERT: Ernie, it's for your own good. Ernie, Big Bird and Oscar and Prairie Dawn aren't animals or monsters or people. They're all... Muppets.
ERNIE: What are they?
BERT: Well, they're different than regular humans, Ernie. We're different than regular humans. Gordon and Susan and Maria, they're regular human. We're Muppets.
ERNIE: What's the difference, Bert?
BERT: Well, they're made of different stuff than us, Ernie. They're not filled with stuffing, but with... goop. Like blood and bones..
ERNIE: Like skeletons?
BERT: Now you're catching on!
ERNIE: Skeletons are scary, Bert.
BERT: (aside) Well, we'll be seeing plenty in the months to come...
ERNIE: What's that, Bert?
BERT: Nothing, Ernie. They're bigger than us, and they get older--
ERNIE: Like Billy and Bobby and Julie?
BERT: That's right, Ernie. And, most importantly, they can get sick with the bird flu. And we can't. So we're safe.
ERNIE: We are?
BERT: We are.
ERNIE: Wow, that's a relief. And here I let Bernice go for nothing.
BERT: ... What?
ERNIE: Bernice. I let her go this morning.
BERT: Bernice? My pet pigeon?
ERNIE: And here I thought I'd get sick with her around. I sure do feel foolish, Bert.
BERT: ERNIE!
---------
COUNT: One! One mass grave! Ha ha ha ha ha! Two! Two mass graves! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! One hundred thousand mass graves! Ha ha ha ha ha!
---------
Ext. SESAME STREET. TELLY, BERT, ERNIE, BIG BIRD, SNUFFY, PRAIRIE DAWN, and BRUNO are circled around OSCAR'S TRASH CAN. OSCAR is packing a suitcase. SLIMEY is nearby.
BIG BIRD: You're running away, Oscar?
OSCAR: I'm not running from anyone or anything, Bird.
TELLY: Then where are you going?
OSCAR: Paradise.
ERNIE, BIG BIRD, SNUFFY: What's that?
OSCAR: The greatest place you can imagine. You see over there? Over the fence? All that smoke?
BERT: How can that be paradise, Oscar? That's Manhattan! It was demolished by the militias days ago, it's nothing but-- Oh.
OSCAR: Nothing but one giant pile of trash! It's like heaven!
DAWN: Wow. That sounds... great, Oscar.
OSCAR: Doesn't it, though? I got a letter from Grungetta--
BERT: I didn't know mail was still--
OSCAR: Cram it, football. I got a letter from Grungetta saying that all of the Grouches in New York are congregating there. It's a Grouch Mecca!
BIG BIRD: I don't know what that means, Oscar, but it sure sounds like you're going to have a lot of fun.
DAWN: Sounds dangerous to me.
OSCAR: Oh, don't worry about me, Prairie Dawn. I'm one tough cookie.
COOKIE MONSTER pops up behind OSCAR
COOKIE: Did someone say cookie?
OSCAR: Oh, for the love of--
BIG BIRD: Hello, Cookie Monster!
COOKIE: What going on? Where Oscar going?
ERNIE: Oscar's going to Paradise, Cookie Monster.
COOKIE: Where that?
BERT: Columbus Circle, apparently...
COOKIE: Are there cookies there?
OSCAR: No, there aren't...
OSCAR pauses, looks COOKIE MONSTER up and down thoughtfully
OSCAR: You know what? There are a lot of cookies. Yeah, lots of stores abandoned, there's probably plenty of cookies for you to eat. Lots of other stuff, too.
COOKIE: Really?
DAWN: Wow, Oscar. You're really going to let Cookie Monster come with you?
BERT: Oscar the Grouch is being nice. It really is the end of the world.
OSCAR: Oh, nuts to that. Look at him! He's big and brawny! With him and Bruno by my side, I could establish a new power structure in Manhattan!
DAWN: That sounds more like our Oscar.
OSCAR: Hey, Wooly Mammoth, you wanna come with, too?
SNUFFY: I'm not an wooly mammoth. I'm a Snuffleupagus.
OSCAR: Whatever. Hey, Bruno, let's get out of here, alright?
BRUNO nods and picks up OSCAR's trash can. OSCAR sets the lid on his head like a hat.
OSCAR: Onward!
BRUNO carries OSCAR offstage. COOKIE MONSTER follows. The others wave goodbye.
OSCAR: (off) Hey, where's that mutt, Barkley? He could tear off a few limbs, couldn't he?
BIG BIRD: Well, there goes Oscar.
ERNIE: And Cookie Monster.
TELLY: I'm sure going to miss him.
ERNIE: Me, too.
DAWN: Do you guys hear something?
BERT: Well, back to it.
TELLY: What are we supposed to do now?
DAWN: It sounds like a plane...
BIG BIRD: I'm going to go take a nap.
SNUFFY: I hear it too, Prairie Dawn.
DAWN: Look! Up there!
ERNIE: Where'd he get a plane like that?
BERT: Oh, brother...
---------
Int: FIGHTER JET COCKPIT
ELMO: The blight of humanity has been washed from our lands! The blight of Muppet remains! The gods have decreed, and it must be so! All shall burn in the purifying flame! All shall burn in Saint Elmo's Fire!
ALL: Nooooooo!
ELMO: CIABOLA! MY LIFE FOR YOU! YAAAAAAAY!
Presses button. Mushroom cloud.
End credits
Holy flame
Bringing the End of Days
The gods say
To purge the strong and weak
Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Smoldering Street
How to get to Smoldering Street
How to get to Smoldering Streeeeeeeeet