Nine and a Half Years Later: Everybody's Pregnant
Title: Nine and a Half Years Later: Everybody’s Pregnant (1/2)
Author: kanedax
Spoilers: Deathly Hallows & Previous Chapters
Characters: Harry, Dudley, Neville, the Weasley men
Rating: R for language
Word Count: 3,821 words
Summary: The men get away
Notes: It’s now the future. And it's also... *does the math* halfway to 19 Years Later. Funky.
I don’t own these characters. They belong to JK Rowling.
München / Previous Chapters / Everybody’s Pregnant (2/2)
George Weasley raised his glass.
“I’d like to propose a toast,” he said, loud enough that everyone in the Hog’s Head turned toward their table, “to the year 2019! When the Weasleys will once again reclaim their throne as the rulers of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!”
“Hey!”
“Dursley can be our deputy,” George said, pointing at Dudley. “Or some kind of duke. But only if the kid ends up in Gryffindor. Otherwise he’s an enemy of the state.”
“Now, George,” Arthur Weasley said sternly as Charlie Weasley, Ron Weasley, and Harry Potter broke into laughter around him, “I hardly think that’s appropriate.”
“Okay, okay,” George said, rolling his eyes. “Dursley’s kid gets diplomatic immunity if he or she gets sorted into Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. But I’m drawing the line on Slytherin. Is that fair?”
“I just don’t think it should be a competition,” his father replied. The fireplace crackled warmly behind him as outside the wind howled, a December blizzard blowing through the darkened streets of Hogsmeade village.
“And what about Harry?” said Dudley. “He’s not a Weasley. His kids are Potters.”
“Yeah, but their Mum’s a Weasley,” said Ron. “And you don’t want to leave Ginny out of things unless you want horrible, horrible things to happen to your bogeys.”
“Besides, Harry’s an honorary Weasley,” said Percy. “No offense to your Mum or Dad, but he always liked it better at the Burrow.”
Dudley opened his mouth to argue, but then realized that he really didn’t have any response to that as it was a little too close to the truth.
“And, Dad, it’s not a competition,” George continued. “But you can’t argue that the numbers are going to be overwhelming. I mean, what’s the reason we’re all here, anyway?”
“To avoid the wives,” said Bill Weasley, taking a sip of his ale, “and the baby shower to end all baby showers. Except for Charlie.”
It was a week after Christmas, and the Weasley wives, along with Ginny Potter and Susan Dursley, all five to eight months pregnant, decided it would be a fun time to get together and exchange gifts, war stories, and the like. Molly decided it was a wonderful idea, and called the Burrow as ground zero for the party, allowing the children to play together while the mothers did their thing.
The husbands decided that was their cue to get a drink.
“Hey, don’t look at me,” Charlie, who was home for the holidays, replied. “As far as I know, I remain childless. I just don’t want be in the same room as that much pregnant estrogen. I’m afraid I’ll walk out with the hot flashes.”
“I don’t think I’m quite comfortable with the ‘as far as I know’ part,” Arthur said warily to his second-eldest.
“That’s because he’s too busy giving enemas to dragons to find himself a woman,” said George. “And as progressive as our government has become, it has yet to recognize the love between a wizard and a giant winged reptile.”
“George is right, though,” Ron said to his father. “I wish I could see the look on Flitwick’s face when that sea of Weasley first years step into the Great Hall.”
“Probably won’t be Flitwick by then,” said Harry. “Neville says that he’s retiring after this year.”
“Well, whoever it is,” Ron corrected. “What’s the count, anyway? Rose will be thirteen in 2019, plus the newcomer…”
“It’ll be three for us,” said Harry. “James will be fifteen, Albus thirteen, plus the third.”
“I’ll have two,” said Percy. “So will Bill…”
“No, I’ll only have one,” said Bill. “Victoire’s going to be well past school age by then.”
“And little Fred,” said George. “So that’s six Weasleys, three Weasleys pretending to be Potters, and one little Dursley who will do our bidding.” He laughed diabolically. “Scorpius doesn’t stand a chance. We will destroy everyone in our path.”
“George…” Arthur sighed, knowing he was fighting a losing battle.
“How are you so sure it’s going to be a Fred?” asked Dudley. “And not a Frederique?”
“Because if it’s a Frederique, then my twin’s going to haunt me to the end of my days,” said George, scratching the side of his head where his ear used to be. “I have faith in the Weasley sperm. It’s a boy.”
“What a nasty way of putting it,” said Arthur.
“You have met Rose, right?” Ron asked George. “And Victoire? You do know that they’re girls, right?”
“Yeah, well, your Ys are weak,” said George. “And they fear the power of Hermione’s double Xs.”
“And Fleur’s part veela,” said Charlie. “Bill’s never going to have a son. His Ys faint dead away once they realize where they’re swimming.”
“Why am I in this conversation?” asked Arthur. “Is this how I raised my sons to talk?”
“Oh, you know we’re just joking around, Dad,” said Percy, nursing his cranberry juice between laughs. “I’m going to try my best to make sure Fabian won’t be as arrogant as George is letting on.”
“So he won’t be like his father, then?” said George, and ducked as Percy through a peanut at him.
The howling wind picked up as the door of the Hog’s Head opened and a cloaked figure entered. “Hey, Ab,” he said to the bartender as he knocked his boots on the doormat.
“Evenin, Longbottom,” Aberforth Dumbledore said from his usual place behind the bar. “The usual?”
“Nah, a firewhiskey’s sounding good tonight,” said Neville, hanging his cloak on the coat rack. “Bloody cold out.”
“Hey, he made it!” said Harry.
“Of course I did,” said Neville. “I told you I’d make a stop.”
“So they’re still letting the professors have a week off for Christmas?” asked Charlie. “Must be nice.”
“Tiberius would have a mutiny on his hands if he didn’t keep it going,” said Neville, taking his whiskey and walking to the table. “Most of us don’t have a lot of family to visit, but it’s still nice to be able to get away and stretch your legs.”
“Ogden’s a good man,” said Arthur. “He wouldn’t have started this in the first place if he didn’t think the school could handle it.”
“I wonder why Dumbledore never got around to it doing it,” said Percy. “Setting a Christmas vacation for the faculty, that is.”
“Because he knew better,” said Harry. “He always knew that Voldemort would come back. Plus he knew that there were still Death Eaters out there who believed it, too. He just didn’t know when it would happen. So he probably decided the students would be safer at full staff.”
“Things are easier now,” Neville agreed. “We still have to keep our guard up, of course. “But it’s not nearly what it was when Hogwarts had giant basilisks and double agents roaming the halls. And if anything bad starts happening again I’ll be back at Hogwarts full time, no problem.”
“It helps that the school is on the same page as the Ministry for once, too,” said Arthur. “If Kingsley or the Aurors smell anything funny, you know Tiberius will be the first to hear about it.”
“So what did I miss?” asked Neville.
“Not much,” said Charlie. “George here was telling us how Fredrique’s going to declare herself empress of Hogwarts.”
“Fredrique?”
“She’s not going to be Fredrique,” said George. “Hell, she’s not even going to be a she.”
“All self-assurance towards your little swimmers aside,” said Ron, “What’s little Fred going to be if he’s not going to be a he?”
“Winifred might work,” said Dudley. “That can shorted down to Fred…”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet,” said George. “Power of positive thinking, you know?”
“How’s Verity feel about your power?” asked Charlie.
“Well, what did the sonogram say?” Dudley asked. “Did you ask your doctor to let you know the gender?”
“A what now?”
“It’s an amazing piece of Muggle technology,” said Arthur, leaning forward excitedly as he always did when talking about his favorite hobby. “A sonogang--”
“Sonogram…” Dudley corrected.
“--Makes sound and turns it into pictures.”
“I don’t get it,” said Ron.
“Well, you know how a bat can tell where it’s going in the dark?”
“Magic?”
“No, nothing so mundane,” said Arthur, and Harry was once again amused by Arthur’s definition of mundane. “It makes a high-pitched squeal that bounces off objects and comes back to the bat’s ears.”
“I suppose I should have paid attention in Magical Creatures,” said Ron.
“Anyway, the somogam does the same thing,” said Arthur. “Except it records the sound that comes back from the baby and turns it into a picture. Absolutely fantastic what Muggles can invent if they have the drive. Dudley, do you have a stenogam machine?”
Dudley stared blankly at Arthur. “Um…”
“Most Muggles don’t have one, Mr. Weasley,” said Harry. “They’re big and expensive and pretty much useless to anyone but doctors.”
“Oh, I would think it would be terribly useful,” Arthur corrected. “You could use it to see what’s in your refrigerator, or to discover if you have a mole problem in your garden.”
“I don’t think it works like that…” Harry said, glancing over at Dudley to see that he was trying to hold back his laughter.
“Of course it doesn’t,” said Ron. “Because pickles don’t make sounds. So you wouldn’t be able to listen to them like you could listen to a baby.”
“I… umm…,” Harry stammered. “Um, no… Just forget it.”
“So you talked Susan into getting one of those?” Bill asked Dudley. “One of those sonograms?”
”Yeah, she indulged me,” said Dudley. “After we went to St. Mungo’s, that is. What can I say? I just don’t trust some guy who points a stick at my wife’s stomach and says ‘the baby’s fine, here’s your bill.’”
“Well, Healers can find a lot of diseases and abnormalities that Muggles can’t,” said Arthur. “You just have to put a little more trust into what they say.”
“Call me stubborn, I guess,” Dudley shrugged. “I just want what’s best for my kid.”
“Like father like son, eh?” Harry said with a chuckle, which dropped off his face quickly when Dudley turned away nervously.
“So, um, Dursley,” George said, also recognizing Dudley’s reaction to the comment, “So you got the sonowhatsis. You know if you’re having a boy or a girl?”
“No,” said Dudley, returning to reality. “No, the doctor always asks the parents if they want to know. Suze and I don’t want to know until it’s born.”
“Healers run the same way,” said Harry. “Ginny and I want to be surprised, too. I told them the only thing I want them to say is if the baby’s healthy and if there’s more than one of them.”
“Is there?” asked Ron. “You haven’t said anything about twins.”
“No, no,” said Harry. “We’re flying solo again.”
“Did anyone ask?” asked Percy. “Anyone know if it’s a boy or a girl, George’s hubris notwithstanding?”
“It’s not hubris,” said George. “What’s hubris?”
“We already know,” said Bill, raising his hand slightly. “We’re having a girl.”
“Ha!” said Charlie. “Told you. Fainted dead away.”
“This is the first time I’ve heard about this,” said Arthur. “Congratulations on your girl, then, Bill. Have a name decided yet?”
“We’re going with Matilda,” said Bill. “Matilda or Briana, we’ll decide later.”
“More French, huh?” asked Neville.
“We decided that Fleur’s better at the girls names,” Bill replied. “And I’m better with the boys names. I think we might take one more shot after this for a William, Jr.”
“You have a better chance of seeing Harry make out with Malfoy, mate,” George said with a chuckle.
“Horrible mental image,” said Ron darkly, taking a long swallow of his ale.
“So how about you, Harry?” asked Percy.
“Not interested in snogging Draco, sorry, Percy,” said Harry.
“No,” Percy replied. “Names. You have any decided yet?”
“We’ve narrowed it down,” said Harry. “We’re going with Lily if it’s a girl, and Harry Jr. if it’s a boy. Ginny always liked the idea of having a boy named after the father, so that was her choice. How about you?”
“We haven’t thought of a girl’s name yet,” he replied. “But we’re looking at Gideon as a boy’s name. That was the name of Mum’s brother.”
“We’re going with Hugo,” said Ron confidently. “Hugo or Jennifer.”
“Hugo?” George snorted. “That’s what you’re going to name your kid?”
“Hey, come on,” Ron said, his face reddening. “You remember Uncle Hugo, don’t you? He was a blast!”
“He was weird,” said Percy. “Always tried to give me candy.”
“Like I said,” Ron pressed, “He was fantastic!”
“They had little hairs on them!”
“I suppose it shouldn’t be that bad,” said Dudley. “You could call him Hugh or something. Like the guy who played Wolverine.”
“I’m not even going to ask for an explanation of that one,” said George as he stared at Dudley. “I’m just going to write it off as more Muggle ramblings.”
“Yours is going to be a Dursley, right?” Harry asked Dudley. “You’re not going to put an end the name?”
“Yeah,” said Dudley quietly. “My Dad might not be all…” he paused. “Might not like my marriage, but there were a few decent Dursleys around when he and Mum were still together. I don’t want the name to end here. So it’s not going to be a Bones, or a Bones-Dursley, or anything like that.”
“Have any names thought out?”
“Yeah,” Dudley said with a small smile. “Evan.”
“A little boring, isn’t it?” asked George. “Not very magical.”
“Doesn’t have to be,” said Harry, his smile matching Dudley’s. “I think it’s brilliant.”
“My Mum and her family deserve at least a little credit for me being where I’m at,” Dudley explained. “For me meeting Susan and being in the middle of all of… all of this. I think it’s the least I could do.”
Harry patted his cousin on the back. “I only wish I had thought of it myself.”
“And how about Charlie?” George said loudly. “What have you and Mrs. Dragon decided to name your little hatchling?”
“Funny,” said Charlie, giving George the fingers. “Very funny.”
“Someone had to say something,” George replied. “The sap was running thick with the two little girls over there. I was about two seconds away from punching Bill just to get things back on track.”
“You know I could take you, kid,” Bill chuckled.
“You’re not allowed to use your walker as a blunt weapon, old man,” said George. “Fair’s fair.”
“Hey!” said Arthur indignantly. “If Bill’s an old man, what does that make me?”
“You’re Dad,” said George quickly. “You’re an immortal.”
“And one of the most popular grandfathers in England by the time all is said and done,” said Bill, patting his father on the shoulder.
“One of the most popular grandfathers, yeah,” said Arthur. “You just wait until your mother gets going, she’s going to spoil all ten of them until we’re in the poorhouse.”
“Yeah, but you’ll get crayon-drawn thank you cards every day,” said George. “You can use them to keep your fireplace going when you can’t afford coal.”
“What a heartwarming thing to say…” Arthur said dryly.
“Aw, you know I love ya, Dad,” said George. “Just making you’re fully aware of what we’ve gotten you into.”
“How thoughtful…”
“So how long is this party going, anyway?” asked Neville. “I still have to make a stop to say hello to the girls tonight.”
“What, leaving already?” asked Ron. “You’re just getting started!” He pointed down at Neville’s firewhiskey, which was only half-consumed.
“Well, I want to catch them all tonight,” Neville replied. “Same with you guys. It’s easier when they’re all in one place.”
“They’re all huge,” said George. “They’re not going anywhere fast.”
“Why do you need to see them all tonight, anyway, Neville?” asked Harry. “You have all week.”
“Actually, I don’t,” said Neville. “I’m heading out tomorrow morning for most of the week.”
“Oh, really?” asked Harry. “I didn’t know you were doing anything other than hanging out with us sloths?”
“Last minute plans, actually,” said Neville, standing up. “Uri and I decided we haven’t had much or, well, any time alone since we started dating. So she’s making her prerequisite visit to her aunt and uncle tonight. I spent the morning and afternoon with Gran. And tomorrow morning we’re off to Venice for the week.”
“Oh, good choice,” said Arthur. “Venice is lovely any time of the year. And anywhere beats this tundra.”
“That’s the plan,” said George with a twisted smirk. “Somewhere warm, somewhere pretty, where the clothing can be purely optional at night…”
“George!” said Percy. Neville blushed slightly, but didn’t really have any reason to disagree with George’s reasoning.
“So how’s it working out, anyway?” asked Ron. “Any chance that there’s going to be a little Longbottom joining our legion of Weasley?”
“We’ve only been dating since the school year started,” Neville replied. “I really don’t think that either of us are ready to discuss that yet.”
“I suppose it can’t be going that badly if you’re spending a week alone with her. You didn’t even do that with Luna.”
“Well, we do get to see each other a lot,” said Neville. “Just not… you know… quality time’s hard to come by when you’re sharing a building with a couple hundred other people.”
“And I’m sure Professor Ogden wouldn’t look too kindly on the example set by two professors slipping off into a dark corner at night,” said Percy.
“Exactly,” said Neville. “I get to see her more than I got to see Luna. But we can’t get much… umm…” he cast a nervous glance at Arthur, trying to word himself carefully around his elders. “We haven’t been able to be together together as much as when I was with Luna. We can’t both leave the grounds at the same time.”
“Are you regretting breaking up with Luna?” asked Arthur. “And you’re happy with Uriela?”
We’ve only just begun
White lace and promises
Every head in the bar turned toward the table, where words and music seemed to be coming from under the table.
A kiss for luck and we’re on our way
“What the bloody hell is that?” asked George. “You have a singing pixie in your pocket?”
“Sorry,” Dudley said, quickly reaching for his pocket. “It’s Mum.”
“Your Mum’s a singing pixie?”
“It’s her ringtone,” said Dudley, standing up and digging through his pocket.
“Why would you have The Carpenters as your ringtone?” asked Harry.
“It’s her favorite song,” Dudley said with an uncomfortable smile.
“Thank God I don’t have a phone,” said Harry as Dudley flipped open his mobile phone. “I don’t want to know what you decided my favorite song was.”
“DragonForce, probably,” said Dudley. “Or something trippy like White Album or Sergeant Pepper’s. Hey, Mum. What’s up?”
“I’m very happy with her,” Neville continued, speaking to Arthur.. “And, no, I’m not regretting with happened with me and Luna. We’re still friends.”
“Then let me give you this piece of advice,” said Arthur, “as a man with decades of experience under his belt: Don’t compare. Luna was your first girlfriend. Uriela’s your second. But they’re completely different people. Don’t start saying ‘well, one girl was better with this, one was better with that.’ That way leads to madness. Just be happy with who you’re with.”
“What?” Dudley said into his phone, sitting back down again.
“I thought Mum was the only girl you were ever with, Dad,” said Charlie.
“Okay…” Dudley continued.
“Just because she was the only girl I ever dated doesn’t mean that I don’t have experience raising six boys and one girl,” said Arthur. “Trust me, I’ve had to deal with enough second-hand drama to last any man three lifetimes.”
“Okay…”
“I’m not comparing,” said Neville. “You don’t have to worry, Mr. Weasley. I’m happy where I am. I still care about Luna, might always love her in some way. But this is better for everyone. I’m happier now…”
“Yeah, okay,” Dudley said quietly. “I’ll… yeah… yeah, I’ll be right over…”
“And from what her owls have been saying she’s feeling the same way.”
“Well, that’s good to hear, Neville,” said Arthur with a smile. “I’m proud that you two were able to make such a mature decision.”
There was a slight snap from Dudley’s hand as he flipped his mobile phone closed.
“Dudley?”
Harry was staring at his cousin, and everyone else at the table followed Harry’s gaze. Dudley was staring out the window at the snow, now no longer blowing through the dark. It was still thick, but was now more serene.
“Dudley?” Harry repeated. This time Dudley Dursley heard him, and turned slowly to look at Harry. His face was slack. Still distant.
“Is everything okay?”
“What?”
“What happened?”
Dudley sat in silence. Harry’s cousin had gotten better in the time that he and his mother had returned to Harry’s life. He seemed more intelligent. More compassionate. This facial expression was the one that Harry recognized from the old Dudley. The kind of face that seemed like he was trying to connect two jigsaw puzzle pieces together.
“I…” he said quietly. “I have to go.” With that, he stood up.
“Dudley, what happened?” Harry asked. “Is it Susan? Is it Aunt Petunia?”
“It’s…” Dudley’s throat clicked. “It’s Dad…”
“What about him?” asked Harry. “Did something happen?”
“Dudley…”
Harry turned to Arthur Weasley’s voice. Ron’s father was gazing intently at Dudley. Dudley turned to face him. Their eyes met. They stared at each other, their eyes having some sort of silent conversation that Harry wasn’t a part of. He could see from the faces of everyone else at the table that they were as in the dark as he was.
They barely know each other, Harry thought. What is this?
“No,” Dudley said to Arthur after a few moments. “No. It has nothing to do with that, I don’t think. It’s not your fault…”
“If there’s anything we can do…”
“No,” Dudley repeated. “There’s not.” He turned back to the rest of the table. “Look… umm… I have to go. I’m going to my Mum’s place.”
“Dudley, what happened?” Harry repeated.
“Can someone get Suze home?” Dudley continued. “She’s not supposed to do any teleportation while she’s pregnant, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to…”
“I can drive her,” said Bill. “I can drive her home, no problem. Or do you want me to drive her to your Mum’s place?”
Dudley’s face went slack. Once again Harry was watching two puzzle pieces being worked together, and it scared him.
“You can ask her,” he said. “She probably shouldn’t be straining herself, but I’ll leave it to her.”
“What should I tell her?”
“It’s my Dad,” Dudley said quietly, telling Harry as much as everyone else. “He had a heart attack. He… he didn’t make it.”
München / Previous Chapters / Everybody’s Pregnant (2/2)