The goal was to make this essay more personal. I think I succeeded there, but I'm still not sure about it. Comments are extremely welcome
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Help wanted!...Only Hip Hop violinists apply!
anonymous
September 5 2016, 15:24:46 UTC
Maj. KJ, Excellent. You captured 'what you bring to the game' exquisitely. I thought you would mention your experience with your cultural experience with officers up the chain-of-command across the cultural divide but you can do that elsewhere. I can see the picture very clearly...the juxtaposition of the silhouetted soldier with violin in the foreground with admiring troops with rucksacks in the background. A picture only few would understand, could explain and even fewer - duplicate. With pride, The Homefront
Hey dude! Nice essay, and stronger than the first one to be sure. I'd maybe adjust wording in some bits like "I molded the band in my image" and "Our mission was to facilitate innovative materiel solutions". Is this in response to a particular prompt, and if so did you answer it? (I suspect it might not be the same as the last one.)
Comments 2
Excellent. You captured 'what you bring to the game' exquisitely. I thought you would mention your experience with your cultural experience with officers up the chain-of-command across the cultural divide but you can do that elsewhere. I can see the picture very clearly...the juxtaposition of the silhouetted soldier with violin in the foreground with admiring troops with rucksacks in the background. A picture only few would understand, could explain and even fewer - duplicate.
With pride,
The Homefront
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