I feel you. You are not alone in this. I watched late Friday night my time, started crying during the barn scene, cried for the rest of the episode and for an hour afterwards. Went to bed. Got up with a headache from crying so much and have been tearing up periodically all day. Show...see how you've effected people? This feels like genuine grief. The loss of something so very loved. Last time I came close to this degree of emotionally wrecked my mama had just died...
I'm conflating this with my dad dying - it feels a bit wrong but it's how I feel. That theme the episode had about telling people it's ok to let go of life is what happened when my dad was in his coma. I read all this information and advice about dealing with dying and one of the things they said was sometimes people needed permission to give up. So I told my dad we'd be okay, he could go - and he died a few hours later.
Of course that's not just it, but Dean and Sam feel real to me now, after all these years with them, and yeah. Still hurting inside.
Maybe it feels a bit wrong, but what is powerful fiction for if not to sit with you in moments of need--in the moment or in the lifetime after. <33333333 Sending you much love!!!!!!
I think I was doing that a bit too...conflating the two griefs. And with you having used those exact words yourself, I can really imagine the massive impact the scenes had on your emotions. [Big virtual hug]. At least we all have each other to understand the strong emotional reactions we're all having. They feel real to me too. 💔
It's interesting for me, because I don't know that it matters to me on most levels that Dean ends up dying, because I'm very much through the looking glass re: fan fiction and the ownership I feel in being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. Which like you say is true for any loved one and for fictional ones is very true, but even with that caveat SPN feels very different to me than like, other shows I watch when similar things happen. Maybe SPN just invites that feeling of being the all-powerful self-serving creator, LOL.
Watching the episode was--continues to be--a hugely affecting experience, and I definitely haven't come anywhere near watching it more than the one time (though my GOAL is to get through an S15 rewatch this summer), but I think for me it's more just BIG EMOTIONS but the emotion is not necessarily sadness. JUST "BIG."
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via Gfycat
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Of course that's not just it, but Dean and Sam feel real to me now, after all these years with them, and yeah. Still hurting inside.
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Watching the episode was--continues to be--a hugely affecting experience, and I definitely haven't come anywhere near watching it more than the one time (though my GOAL is to get through an S15 rewatch this summer), but I think for me it's more just BIG EMOTIONS but the emotion is not necessarily sadness. JUST "BIG."
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