(for showerlater) Painted Nocturne
For: showerlater
Title: Painted Nocturne
Pairings: Kai/D.O.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~7000
Warnings: inevitable forlorn, mild depression, major character death, suicide
Summary: Sad memories unconsciously stimulate the nightmares. The dream will disappear when the reality touches it.
Author’s Note: I want to say thank you very much to my awesome beta 'A'. Also, thank you to Modperor-nim for the chance and to 'showerlater' for the prompt idea. I modified the story from the original prompt. I suddenly had these angsty inspirations to be put and combined with the prompt. (cont. under cut; mod note: updated 8/28/14, revised version)
Author's Note (continued): I hope you will love this story. Some songs have been my inspiration for this tragedy. Everyone please listen to these songs while reading the story:
- Yiruma "Nocturne No. 1 in C - Summer Nocturne"
- Gabrielle Aplin "Start of Time"
- Birdy "Dream"
- EXO-K "Moonlight"
- Florence and The Machine "Never Let Me Go"
- Nell "Haven"
- Yiruma "Painted"
“PAINTED NOCTURNE”
Midsummer midnight, when it’s usually lively in some places, the silence falls on the other side of Seoul city. A warm zephyr blows through the window of a room on the 12th apartment floor in Jayang-dong area of Gwangjin district. People are busy during the day as night is shorter on summer. There is only a short time to sleep at the dark peaceful night.
Kyungsoo is sleeping on his desk. He sweats profusely that his sweats drop on the acrylic-paint stains on the desk. A paintbrush falls from his stained fingers. Kyungsoo’s eyes popeyed suddenly as he is awaken from the nightmare. His heart beats fast when he remembers the fragments of his dream.
“Damn, I overslept.”
A painting is done beside him, lies on a medium canvas in his bed room. Kyungsoo feels exhausted as he has been awake for 40 hours without sleep to finish the painting. But still, he is not really satisfied with the result. It is too bright, Kyungsoo thinks.
A glass of water on the kitchen table solemnly refreshes his dry throat. Desperately switching some channels, Kyungsoo manages to avoid sleeping by watching some late shows on TV. He throws himself on a black-leather sofa.
Painting is something Kyungsoo loves to do. He loves how he can combine the colors on the canvas. But his most favorite is the dark colors. Unfortunately, every time he paints any dark-colored paintings he will fall asleep and have a strange nightmare. He can’t use his favorite colors like Shades of Black, Midnight Blue, Dim Gray, Dark Green, or even Deep Maroon. He is constrained to paint with pastel and light colors if he wants to avoid having a nightmare.
Dreams usually are different in every sleep. But Kyungsoo always experiences a constant typical dark nightmares for a year. Thus, lately the nightmares come rather often, even disrupting Kyungsoo’s regular daily sleep. Sometimes it makes Kyungsoo having insomnia when he is too afraid to sleep.
In the morning, after having a refreshing shower and the paint stains on his body have been removed, Kyungsoo is going to do the laundry for his stained clothes. All of sudden, the bell is ringing and the door is knocked.
Kyungsoo receives a package on his apartment door.
It is from his mother, when he checks the letter on it.
“Dear Kyungsoo,” as he reads the words in the letter, “How are you? Do you have enough sleep? I found something that maybe useful for you. It can help you avoid nightmares.”
Kyungsoo hastily opens the package. He sees a craft in a form of a circular timber.
It is a wooden hoop on which is woven a loose net or web. Like a large wood ring with some strings tied like a web. It is also decorated with some feathers and beads.
Kyungsoo continues reading his mother’s letter, “This thing is a Dreamcatcher. It is believed to filter and cast out the nightmares from the dream. Hang it on the wall of your bed. I hope it will prevent you to have a nightmare.”
“So,” Kyungsoo raises his right eyebrow, “A dreamcatcher, huh? Let’s see if it can work well,” as he hangs the dreamcatcher on the wall near his bed.
“Nice. It looks artistic for my bedroom wall.”
The heat of summer sunshine is glimmering through the window and enlightening the gloomy bed room full of arts. Paintings and handicrafts are everywhere but Kyungsoo still can feel the solitude. There is emptiness in the middle of multicolored room.
Perhaps emptiness of his forlorn heart.
*
Effectively, Kyungsoo can sleep soundly and peacefully that night. No nightmares, no sweats on bed, and no uncontrollable throbbing heart.
He has enough quality sleep that he wakes too early at 5 in the morning.
“It’s still dawn,” Kyungsoo stretches up on his bed.
Kyungsoo wakes from his bed and walks to the kitchen. He checks his refrigerator to find something edible. But when he turns back, he subsequently notices a glimpse of someone walking in his living room.
“W-who? Who’s that?” asked Kyungsoo in the middle of silent dawn.
Goosebumps chill his back. There should not be anyone here beside himself, Kyungsoo thinks.
He carefully opens his apartment door and looks at the hallway. There is nobody there.
Kyungsoo closes the door and goes back to his bedroom.
Suddenly he sees a silhouette among the shadows in his bedroom. There is a strange silvery figure of a man with a cloak and a white mask on his face.
“Whoa! H-how can you come in? Who are you?” Kyungsoo shrieks.
Soon when Kyungsoo approaches the mysterious man, he vanishes as the sun rises.
Kyungsoo feels eerie. He is shaking and everything looks dark then he loses his consciousness.
*
Kyungsoo wakes on his bed. The clock on the wall shows it’s 7 in the morning.
“Am I dreaming? I thought I have been awaken at 5.”
Confused, he thinks he has been dreaming.
*
It has been a week since Kyungsoo uses the dreamcatcher, he never has a nightmare anymore. Even now he can paint using some dark colors. However, he is still wondering the mysterious silvery figure with a mask that he saw last week.
One night, when Kyungsoo is half asleep and half awake, he is almost swallowed in the darkness of his dream. Sometimes Kyungsoo feels like he can’t wake from his sleep. As if something presses his chest so he can’t wake up. His eyes are half opened but his body is paralyzed. The room is almost like a hallucination when Kyungsoo sees dark mist swirls in the air. The dark mist flows and sucked into something, a figure of a man, the mysterious man with a mask on his face. Kyungsoo feels hard to breathe.
It feels like forever until Kyungsoo can control his paralyzed body. Kyungsoo is awake from his sleep, but his body is still helplessly lying on the bed. He tilts his head as he stares to the silvery figure of a mysterious man that is still standing in the corner of his room. Kyungsoo manages to move his mouth.
“H-hey... W-who are you? What are you doing here?” asked Kyungsoo.
The mysterious figure walks closer.
“I am Kai. I am a nightmare-eater,” said Kai as he pulls away the dark mist from Kyungsoo’s dream. He has strange deep voice that sounds like whispering.
Kyungsoo realizes that the dark mist is his own nightmare. As the dark mist is being pulled, the silvery figure absorbs it until nothing left. Soon after the dark mist disappears, Kyungsoo can control his body again. However, he feels like losing energy after the sleep paralysis.
“Thank you.” The corner of Kyungsoo’s lips is shaking. He is between amazed and afraid, yet he is relieved.
Looking at the silvery figure with a mask, Kyungsoo still cannot believe he is talking with the nightmare-eater.
“You are not afraid with me?” asked Kai.
The mysterious man keeps a distance between them.
“Now I know that it’s you who save me from my nightmare every night,” said Kyungsoo with a low breath.
Kyungsoo is still staring at the man even though his heart is throbbing and his adrenaline rushes because he can’t deny that he is a bit afraid. Despite that, he is so thankful with the mysterious existence that casts away the nightmare. He doesn’t feel he struggles the nightmare alone anymore.
“Now go back to your sleep,” said Kai as his ethereal hands swift the air and makes Kyungsoo asleep.
*
Another night, after Kyungsoo attacked by the sleep-paralysis, he meets Kai again.
Kyungsoo is dazzled when he sees the dark mist from his nightmare is absorbed by Kai’s silvery hands. He sees a pair of beautiful misty grey eyes behind Kai’s mask.
“Are you coming from the dreamcatcher?”Kyungsoo is curious.
Kai is not answering.
“Are you a ghost? Or are you alive?” Kyungsoo is asking again.
Kai looks down to the curious Kyungsoo on the bed.
“I am the spirit of the dreamcatcher,” answered Kai.
Still curious, Kyungsoo wants to know the face behind Kai’s mask.
“Why are you eating nightmare? Why are you wearing mask?”
Kai walks closer to the corner of Kyungsoo’s bed. He has that mysterious cold face. Unexpectedly, Kai is smiling to Kyungsoo. “I was created to protect dreams. Nightmares are my energy.”
Kyungsoo tries to touch Kai’s arm. Too late, the sun is rising and Kai vanishes into the glittering air.
*
The smell of oil paint melts with the smell of summer. The air-conditioner is turned off. The floor is messy as the paint stains are everywhere. Kyungsoo brushes another black and blue on the canvas. He doesn’t use any light colors. It’s dark on every corner of his canvas, contrasts with the summer.
“I need to meet him again. I need to have nightmares again,” muttered Kyungsoo between his focus.
Kyungsoo invites his own sorrow. He opens the darkness in his heart as he draws each dark-colored paint with his paintbrush. It is not usual that Kyungsoo wishes to have nightmare just to summon the mysterious spirit of dreamcatcher. His curiosity defeats everything. Sometimes he thinks that he is pathetic but that is how he through his life for a year.
The presence of Kai makes Kyungsoo feels like he sees a light of hope.
At night, the painting is done. It shows a drawing of a black hole sucking asteroids and dead planets. Kyungsoo is very tired. The sweats and the stains are melting together on his milky skin. Kyungsoo falls asleep on the wooden floor.
He knows the nightmare is coming.
He knows he has evoked the nightmare even though he is never ready for this.
It is such a bizarre view of a surreal city.
Kyungsoo is running on the street, among the crowds of people. The sky is dark, the moonlight hides. Everything is red. A drop of blood falls from the sky and touches his white cheek.
“No… Don’t… Please not again…,” Kyungsoo cringes.
The landscape is distorted. A flood of blood is coming to Kyungsoo, ready to drown him away.
Kyungsoo screams, but everyone disappears. Nobody saves him.
Kyungsoo is wide awake. His eyes are getting wider. He sees a dark mist is being pulled out from his head. A silvery man with a cloak and a mask sucks the dark mist with his hands.
“Sad memories, unconsciously stimulate the nightmares,” said the man.
Kyungsoo tries to sit properly. He feels a bit dizzy.
“Kai,” Kyungsoo holds his own head, “you’re coming.”
When Kai has done his business with the dark mist. He approaches Kyungsoo.
“Why are you having bad memories?”
Such an unexpected question, Kyungsoo thinks.
“Everyone has their own bad memories,” answered Kyungsoo.
“Then what is yours? Why does it affect you to have nightmares?” asked Kai.
Kyungsoo exhales his breath. “Someone died.”
“Who?” asked Kai again.
Kyungsoo silences. He tries to hold a tear drop from his eyes.
“My best friend,” he replies.
That time Kai does not reply, as if he understands the sorrow of Kyungsoo’s heart.
“Hey.” Kyungsoo deeply looks at Kai. “Why are you wearing a mask?”
Kai steps back. “I can’t answer this.”
Confused, Kyungsoo winces. “I’ve told you my secret, why don’t you tell me your secret?”
“I can’t reveal myself to humans. I am just a spirit of a dreamcatcher,” said Kai.
“Alright. Don’t be offended. I’m just asking. You can stay mysterious as you want,” Kyungsoo pouts.
Kai smiles a little, “Just don’t worry about my mask. Don’t worry about anything. Don’t stimulate the nightmare in your mind.”
Kyungsoo starts to feel comfortable with the presence of the nightmare-eater.
“Please stay. Don’t leave me alone.”
Kai stands still. “I always stay. I never leave. You just cannot see me around.”
Kyungsoo holds his breath. “Then don’t disappear.”
Kai looks at the window. The dawn is coming. The dark sky is turning violet.
“The daylight disguises me, the reality erases me.”
Kai’s figure slowly blurs with the shadows of the dawn.
*
Another night, another dream Kyungsoo has to experience.
It is not a nightmare that Kyungsoo is familiar with. This dream is quite peculiar that it is almost feels like real.
Kyungsoo steps on a green grass. The heat of summer touches his skin. He brings a basket full of sandwiches on his left hand and a canvas on his right hand. Someone is waiting for him. A man who is taller than him. He sits on a checkered blanket on the grass. The man also has a canvas stands in front of him. He is painting something.
“There you are,” said the man. The man whom Kyungsoo always feel excited with.
This man wears a checkered shirt, which is match with the picnic blanket, as its sleeves are rolled up to his arm. He holds a paintbrush and a palette. He looks artistic as he is the art itself.
Kyungsoo grins. “Lunch time!” he shouts. Kyungsoo stands his canvas on the ground and he prepares the meal.
The man opens Kyungsoo’s basket. “Sandwich! I love it!” He looks happy and hungry that he stops his painting work and put his paintbrush on a palette.
“Summer picnic at the riverside. Such a great idea,” Kyungsoo smiles the brightest. “Enjoy the meal. You look so hungry, don’t forget to eat your kimchi.”
“I always have great ideas,” mumbled the man as he munches the sandwich and kimchi’s cabbage.
Kyungsoo eats his sandwich too. In a while, he looks at the painting in front of him.
“Is that Han river?” asked Kyungsoo.
The man nods. “Bingo! That’s why I bring you here. Let’s feel the nature and draw it on a canvas. Summer time is perfect,” he explains.
Kyungsoo stares at the painting. He is amazed with the impressive technique that expresses the spirit of summer.
“I wonder. Will the view look better at night?” Kyungsoo shares his opinion.
“Then I should paint it darker,” the man chuckles. “You’re too obsessed with dark colors. But well, why not giving it a try?” He pats Kyungsoo’s shoulder.
“I know you paint better than me,” Kyungsoo snorts.
“And you cook better than me,” the man smirks as he takes his paintbrush and continues to paint.
Kyungsoo joins him to paint, while his eyes stare at the man secretly. How he wishes his best friend will consider his true feelings.
He treasures his own warm feelings for himself. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to risk this friendship.
*
Kyungsoo is awake. A moonlight shines through the window of his bed room.
The dream feels so real. It gives a warm feeling in his heart that he doesn’t want to wake up soon. It had been a year ago but it feels like yesterday when he had a summer picnic with his best friend. Now his only friend is his loneliness, until a silvery being appears at the corner of his bed room.
“You have a sweet memory,” said a silvery figure with a mask as he swifts his silvery cloak.
Kyungsoo smiles as he remembers his own sweet memories.
“You gave me that sweet dream, Kai?” asked Kyungsoo.
Kai shakes his head.
“No. I’m just eating the nightmares. It’s your own memory that creates the sweet dream,” Kai explains.
Kyungsoo gazes the ceiling. He scratches his own left arm, “Ouch! It hurts.”
He realizes that he is not dreaming. He wonders how a nightmare-eater looks so real as he stares at Kai from head to toe.
“Well… I’m just wondering. What are you made of, Kai?” Kyungsoo never leaves his curiosity.
“I am made of dreams and wishes,” said Kai calmly.
“Can I touch you?” Kyungsoo tries to reach Kai.
“No.” Kai warns him. “You cannot touch my being.”
Then Kai vanishes again because the sunrise is coming from the mouth of the dawn.
*
In another night, when Kai is absorbing the nightmare away from Kyungsoo’s dream, Kyungsoo acts strangely. It seems the dark mist of nightmare he has never ends. Kai is almost overloaded by the nightmares he absorbs. The night is getting darker. Kyungsoo is still dreaming and hard to wake. Kyungsoo is trapped in his own nightmare.
“I can’t take it anymore. This is too much,” said Kai as he endures.
Kyungsoo drowns in his darkest dream.
A white carnation.
A bunch of white carnation flowers fall from Kyungsoo’s pale hands. Its white petals are scattered on the asphalt road.
Kyungsoo is running on the street. He is running in front of tall buildings through the night.
He is panting his breath between the crowds of people. In the middle of the crowds, there is a lying man on the street. Blood is everywhere. There is a huge truck near the man. A trophy with blood stains on its golden layer lies near the lying man. The body of the man looks so terrible after being smashed by something huge and heavy with a brake-lose velocity.
“No! Don’t die! Somebody help! Somebody save him!” screamed Kyungsoo.
But people are pulling him. People try to separate him from the dying man.
He needs to save him. But everything is too late.
All of sudden, there is an imaginary hand that pulls Kyungsoo from the darkness.
The moment Kyungsoo wakes, he sees Kai is surrounded by the dark mist.
“Kai! Are you okay?!” Kyungsoo shrieks.
He tries to approach Kai, but Kai stops him.
“No. Don’t come near me. Let me handle this darkness.”
Kyungsoo insists, “No. I will help you. You’re hurting because of me.”
Anxiously, Kyungsoo wants to overcome Kai’s pain but he feels as if something restrains him.
Kai is struggling against the dark mist.
“Why are you drowning yourself in the darkness too deep?” asked Kai. “This is too much. I can’t even handle it. You must stop your sorrow.” Kai is panting.
Kyungsoo feels guilty. He wishes he can do anything to help Kai, but his being and the dark mist are too supernatural for an ordinary human like him.
“Kyungsoo… I can feel your sorrow inside your nightmares. Is that your best friend? Someone who died beside the truck?” asked Kai while he is exhausted.
Kyungsoo shakes. “Y-yes. He was being hit by a truck at the night when he won a painting contest. The night when I supposed to confess to him.”
“You love him?” asked Kai again.
It is really heard for Kyungsoo to hold his tears. Remembering the painful tragedy a year ago. Meanwhile there is someone who is also in pain in front of him.
“I always love him, more than just friends. Ever since we started our days as art students until now. After he was gone, I still can’t forget him.”
Kyungsoo cannot end his own agony. “That’s why… That’s why the dark color paints always remind me of him…”
Kai tries to calm Kyungsoo albeit his own condition is in pain fighting the darkness of the nightmare mist.
“Please don’t cry…,” whispered Kai. “If you want to help me fight your nightmare, you should let him go. You should erase your sorrow and accept the reality.”
Kyungsoo crawls to Kai who is lying on the floor now. Kai’s light is dim. The dark mist almost conquers him.
Kyungsoo is tempted to touch Kai. He reaches Kai and embraces him.
“Please… you must win the fight. I promise I will erase my sadness. I will hold you and support you. Please be strong,” Kyungsoo begs.
Suddenly Kai rolls himself and avoid Kyungsoo.
“No! Don’t come near! I’ve told you not to touch my being!”
Kai struggles the dark mist. He swallows all the dark mist but he doesn’t get stronger as usual whenever he ‘eats’ the nightmare. Kai is weak and weary.
Bounced, Kyungsoo is getting more confuse. “But I’m trying to help you!” he asserts.
Meanwhile, Kai cannot stop his pain. The effect from the dark mist combines with the effect of Kyungsoo’s touch.
“What will happen if I touch you?” Kyungsoo thrills.
Kai looks so exhausted. “If human touches me, I will disappear forever.”
Kai’s presence looks transparent now. The dark mist vanishes.
“Kyungsoo, listen. Do you remember what am I?”
Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows. “You are a nightmare-eater. The spirit of a dreamcatcher. Am I right?”
Kai nods. “Right. Then, are the dream and the nightmare real?”
Almost doubt, Kyungsoo answers, “They… are not real. They are the subconscious.”
“You’re right again. Then I have told you before that the daylight disguises me and the reality erases me,” Kai stops a while.
“You are human, Kyungsoo. You are the reality. I am just a spirit that comes from the unreal thing. The dream itself is not real,” he continues.
Astonished, Kyungsoo is afraid. The night is tense.
“That’s why you don’t want me to touch you?” asked him.
“Precisely,” Kai feels helpless, “Because I can’t protect your dreams anymore.”
Kai is transparent now.
“I can’t accompany your nights anymore. I lost my power after fighting the nightmares, then the reality touches my being. I can’t resist anymore.” Kai looks so weak. “I’m sorry Kyungsoo. I will disappear forever.”
“No! Please stay. Please don’t disappear from me… I can’t fight this alone,” Kyungsoo begs for miracle.
Kai smiles, “You can.” He closes his misty grey eyes.
“You just have to face the reality, Kyungsoo. Goodbye….”
Slowly Kai’s presence dissolves into sparkling particles and disappears forever under the shower of moonlight.
Kyungsoo tries to catch Kai’s being with his hands, but Kai vanishes very soon.
Crestfallen, Kyungsoo stares hopelessly at the moonlight from his window. He stays in silence. It feels like Kai never exists. Kyungsoo is pensive. He sits on his bed until slowly he loses his consciousness.
*
Kyungsoo awakes on his bed. Tears fall on his face. Everything feels like a dream. The sun light shines through the window of his bedroom. The solitude accompanies him.
Kyungsoo must spend the nights without Kai’s protection from the nightmares. He feels so helpless. He is too afraid the darkness will pull him deeper.
The next night, Kyungsoo’s dream changes. It is not about him running on the street and surrounded by the crowds of people anymore. It is him alone in the darkness. There is no blood. There is only darkness and he walks on a small path. He can’t see anything clearly.
At the end of the path, he sees a figure. A familiar figure. Kyungsoo approaches him, but every time he tries to reach the figure, it disappears.
The dream goes on every day. A bizarre dream Kyungsoo doesn’t know whether it is a nightmare or not.
*
A month has passed.
Kyungsoo decides to face everything bravely. The first thing he needs to do is visiting the art gallery in the city.
The sun of summer’s afternoon shines brightly above the downtown of Seoul. Kyungsoo arrives at 17 Apgujeong-ro 80-gil of Cheongdam-dong area in Gangnam district. The circumstance near the gallery is quite the same as a year ago. Frenzy flashes of memory run inside Kyungsoo’s mind as he never visits this place again since the death of his best friend. The gallery building is all white. He misses this place. Just like he misses those times he went here with his best friend almost every week.
Kyungsoo walks inside the gallery to the corner where there is a painting hanged on the white wall. The painting is rich with dark colors which are Kyungsoo’s favorite. Under the painting, there is a carved wood tag emblazoned by Monotype Corsiva fonts written “The Spirit of The Night”. That is the title of the painting. It portrays a scenery of midsummer night under the moonlight by the riverside of Han river. An evocative solemn and dreamy scene of sparkling festive night among the diffused city lights. It successfully depicts a subtle nuance of night, categorized as nocturne painting which is typical with muted tones and hazy colors.
Under the title, it shows some Hangul fonts written a name of the painter: ‘Jongin, Kim’.
Meanwhile Kyungsoo looks up facing the large painting, someone calls his name.
“Kyungsoo.” A middle-aged woman walks close and greets him. “Thank you for coming.”
Kyungsoo smiles and bow to the woman. “How are you Mrs. Kim?”
“I’m fine. It’s been a long time, Jongin must be happy that you come to visit. He is waiting for you,” said the woman with a warm and gracious smile on her face.
The woman takes Kyungsoo to a classic carved table at the corner near the painting. He sees an artistic ceramic urn in Lapis Lazuli color on the table. There is a wooden-framed photograph of a man.
Kyungsoo puts a bunch white carnations in a vase on the table near Jongin’s painting. Similar with the carnation bouquet Kyungsoo brought at the night Jongin won the painting contest.
“Such a peaceful place for him to rest, in the middle of beautiful art masterpieces.” Kyungsoo is amazed.
He bows his head and whispers some prayers.
The woman pats Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “You must be missing him so much. We miss him too. Everyone misses him.” She wipes her eyes with a sheet of tissue paper.
Kyungsoo embraces Mrs. Kim, he holds back his tears. He doesn’t want to make Jongin’s mother sad.
Mrs. Kim twines her hands to Kyungsoo’s arm and takes him to seat on a red carved-bench in the gallery.
“Kyungsoo dear, have you received a package from your mother?” asked her.
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. He wonders how Mrs. Kim know about the package from his mother.
“Yes, I have. How do you know about it?”
Mrs. Kim smiles. A familiar warm smile Kyungsoo had ever seen before on his best friend’s face.
“It was from me. I gave it through your mother. Actually, it was Jongin’s,” she explains. “The dreamcatcher is Jongin’s. I gave it to him when he was little, to protect his sleep from nightmares. He still kept it in his bedroom when he grew up.”
Kyungsoo is agaped. “I never knew he has that kind of thing.” He is still shocked.
Mrs. Kim holds her chuckle. “Maybe he was too shy to show it to you. Maybe he thought it was a childish thing.”
“It’s not childish. It’s really functional. It helps me through the nightmares,” Kyungsoo convinces.
Mrs. Kim pats Kyungsoo. “It’s good to know it’s useful for you. I know you might have bad memories after seeing Jongin’s accident. Because I experienced the nightmares too, dear.”
“I entrusted it to your mother because I’m afraid you’ll avoid to meet me. Especially if I said I had a thing from Jongin for you.” Mrs. Kim sighs, “I know you’re still sad.”
Kyungsoo stares at Mrs. Kim.
“I’m sorry. It’s so difficult for me to accept the reality.” He feels guilty to her. “I didn’t realize that it’s difficult for you too.”
Mrs. Kim nods. “It’s alright.” As if she tries to soothe Kyungsoo whereas she is also hurt. “I understand. That’s why I don’t want you to have nightmares because of that sad memory.”
Kyungsoo feels so thankful to Mrs. Kim.
“Really. Thank you very much. You’re right. It protects my dream.”
They are embracing each other, just like mother and son.
“Please come here often, Kyungsoo. Anytime,” said Jongin’s mother with teary eyes.
Kyungsoo stares at the painting a while longer. He views every inch of the Midnight Blue, Dim Grey, and Ebony colors that fill the canvas. They are combined very well with a few bright colors of light yellow, soft white, neon green, and vermillion. Jongin’s paintings always give a warm feelings.
Kyungsoo remembers all the good memories he spent with Jongin. He remembers his sincere smile, his sleepy eyes, and his warm arms. He remembers his cold look, his precise athletic tall body, and his artistic fingers. He remembers everything, the joy and the pain. He tries to accept them both.
*
It was a very important night for Jongin.
He had prepared everything. The exhibition of Korean Young Artist Competition was going to begin in a few minutes.
Jongin was staring on his phone screen. He dialed a number.
“Kyungsoo, where are you? It’s going to start,” Jongin was worried.
“Jongin, my scooter’s tire is blown-out. I need to change my tire. Damn… I think I’m gonna be late,” said the voice on the other side.
“Alright,” Jongin tries to calm, “Hope you can arrive here soon. Take care.”
Jongin wished his best friend can see his artwork for the contest.
He won.
Jongin couldn’t believe that he win the painting contest, he couldn’t even blink his eyes.
His artwork was one of the best masterpiece displayed in a room with opened-roof so that the painting was showered under the moonlight. It made his painting lit beautifully.
Everything felt perfect, except Kyungsoo’s presence here.
Jongin managed to call Kyungsoo again.
“Hey, is everything alright?” asked Jongin to the other side.
“Jongin, I’m so sorry. There’s a glitch in my scooter’s battery. The battery’s dead. I’m taking the subway now. Please wait, I’ll arrive soon,” Kyungsoo’s voice sounded agitated on the phone.
“I see. Don’t worry, okay. I’ll wait for you at the avenue in front of the gallery,” Jongin tried to calm.
Jongin sighed.
He received so many praises and compliments by the people in the gallery for his brilliant masterpiece, but he made the artwork special for Kyungsoo. As he never showed his work-in-progress to Kyungsoo before, just to show it as a surprise. He had prepared everything for Kyungsoo.
Jongin had been patiently waiting, then he got bored with the crowd of people inside the gallery so he decided to walk outside to the avenue near the gallery building. The summer night was beautiful as Jongin gazed to the full moon in the dark sky. He waited for Kyungsoo as he strolled on the sidewalk under the green ginko trees. Jongin enjoyed the moment and the atmosphere as he took out a piece of earphone from his pocket. Listen to some music while strolling on the sidewalk is such a peaceful time for Jongin.
A sight of a small figure across the road just came out from a subway station. Jongin was so excited to meet Kyungsoo. He walked to the crossroad, unfortunately he didn’t realize there was a huge truck running with a high speed.
It was too sudden for Jongin. He saw a blinding light from his left side. Then he saw nothing after.
Jongin felt hurt.
Everything seemed dark.
*
It was a very important night for Kyungsoo.
He should be arrived at the art gallery at 7 P.M. for Korean Young Artist Competition exhibition. Meanwhile, it had been 9 P.M. now. Kyungsoo was never been so late. Two hours late just because his motor scooter had a flat tire that he had to find a repair shop, but then there is a glitch in his scooter’s battery so he had to leave his scooter and go by the subway. Unfortunately, Kyungsoo just remembered that he had to buy a flower bouquet for Jongin. So he went to a flower shop before he went to the subway station.
The subway station was full of people on that Saturday night. Kyungsoo was obliged to through these hustle and bustle. He took care of a white carnations bouquet with both his hands. He had prepared the beautiful flower for this special night. He had also planned to confess to Jongin.
Jongin was more than a best friend to Kyungsoo. The white carnations represented his honesty and sincerity. A friendship and a pure love. Beyond admiration and dedication.
After a short journey by the subway. Kyungsoo finally arrived at Cheongdam-dong area, where the art gallery was. He walked to the avenue as he was looking for Jongin there.
Suddenly Kyungsoo saw a furniture truck ran in a high speed. He saw the driver was a bit drunk that he drove the truck uncontrollably. The truck lost the brake and hit a person on the sidewalk before it crashed into the pavements and a building.
An accident.
Kyungsoo watched it happened very fast. He even forgot to blink.
The crowds of people surrounded the accident victim. Kyungsoo ran into the crowd. He saw the truck driver was dead as his body was crush inside the truck. Some furnitures were overthrown out from the truck. The building wall was destroyed. But Kyungsoo was stunned when he saw the dead victim near the truck. The person whom hit by the truck was a young man.
“Jongin?”
Kyungsoo knew the man. Kyungsoo recognized well the face of a lying body on the street with blood spilled everywhere. He saw a golden trophy with bloodstains near the corpse.
“No!” Kyungsoo screamed.
The white carnations bouquet fell from Kyungsoo’s hand, onto the hard asphalt surface.
The dead man was Jongin.
“Somebody help! Somebody please save him!” cried Kyungsoo as he approached the dead man. “Jongin! Wake up! Please, don’t die! Jongin…!”
Some people tried to move Kyungsoo away from Jongin’s body.
“He’s my friend! He’s my best friend! Somebody please call the ambulance!” shrieked Kyungsoo. He cried so hard until his throat soared.
Kyungsoo cries hopelessly to Jongin’s body.
Everything happened very fast. Kyungsoo passed out as he could not bear the pain.
It was a very sad situation in such beautiful summer night.
Everything remained as memories.
*
It has been a year since Jongin passed away. However, the incident is still fresh in Kyungsoo’s memory. It always feels like yesterday. It sneaks into Kyungsoo’s sleep and haunts his dream.
“Was it my fault?” asked Kyungsoo to himself while he sits on his bed and watches the dreamcatcher that hung on his bedroom the wall.
Summer is not a delicate season anymore for Kyungsoo. Summer always reminds him to Jongin and the pain. Summer drifts Kyungsoo into such pensive mood.
“If only I wasn’t late that time. If only I came on time to the gallery. Jongin wouldn’t cross the street and hit by the truck,” Kyungsoo mourns.
He takes down the dreamcatcher. “You were gone, but this part of you still accompanies me and protects my dream. Thank you Jongin.”
Kyungsoo hangs the dreamcatcher back on the wall. Then he takes a small-size canvas full of painting beside his bed and puts it in a canvas bag.
That morning at the end of summer, Kyungsoo drives his motor scooter along the street. He smells the fresh air. He sees some people go to some shops or cafes in the city. Life goes on as the people move on. He remembers those times when he used to ride his scooter with Jongin. He misses Jongin who used to sit behind him.
Kyungsoo sees the avenue where Jongin’s accident was happened. They had repaired the building wall which was hit by the truck that night. Everything looks fine as if there was never a truck accident. As if it was only a nightmare which is over when you wake up. As if the memory of it is such a curse in Kyungsoo’s mind.
As Kyungsoo arrives, he parks his motor scooter outside the art gallery. He walks in as he brings along his painting. The gallery belongs to Jongin’s parents. His father is a famous painter and his mother is an interior designer. They put Jongin’s artworks in their art gallery so that people can remember him forever. The atmosphere of the gallery always reminds Kyungsoo of Jongin. As if his spirit of art always stays here.
Kyungsoo approaches the corner where Jongin’s urn is placed. He takes the canvas in his bag and put the painting beside the lapis lazuli urn.
It shows a painting of the dreamcatcher .
“I painted this dreamcatcher to protect your dreams in this gallery, because this place is full of your artworks. You had gone, but your dreams still remain here,” said Kyungsoo as he wipes the urn with his fingers.
Beside the painting, Kyungsoo puts a greeting card with some words on it. A sonnet is written on it.
“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.”
(Sonnet XVIII - William Shakespeare)
*
The night at the beginning of autumn is lovely. The trees are yellow and hazel illuminated by the streetlights. However, the wind is too cold that the window of a room on the 12th apartment floor in Jayang-dong is closed.
Kyungsoo curls up in his blanket. Slowly he enters the realm of dream.
He wish not to have a nightmare. He promises himself not to keep the bad memories in his mind.
The swirling mist of Kyungsoo’s mind enters him to the realm of dream. This time his dream is not dark. It has dim light instead.
Kyungsoo is walking down the lane. At the end of the lane, there is a silhouette under a lamppost.
He knows the familiar silvery figure of a man with a mask on his face.
“Kai,” said Kyungsoo.
The figure walks to Kyungsoo. “Hello again, Kyungsoo.”
“What are you doing here? In my dream.” Kyungsoo confuses.
“I’m always here,” said Kai. “I might be disappear forever from your world. Maybe you can’t see me in your consciousness. But I’m always here, inside your dream, protecting you from nightmares,” added him.
Kyungsoo is touched. “I thought you were gone forever.”
This time Kai gives a warmest smile. “How can I leave my beloved person? I did disappear forever from reality. But I am still exist inside your dreams.”
“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo has no idea.
Kai slowly opens his mask. He shows his face to Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo is very shocked seeing the face behind the mask.
“Jo-Jongin?!” Kyungsoo feels the tightness in his chest. “Is that really you?”
The figure of nightmare-eater who always protects his dream is Kyungsoo’s own beloved person. His best friend. His endless love. The one he can never forget forever.
“This is really me, Kyungsoo. I’m Jongin,” the man approaches the helpless Kyungsoo.
“Kai is my reflection. I am not alive anymore. The only way to protect you is making my soul reflection in a form of a dream-eater spirit,” Kai’s strange voice has changed into the usual Jongin’s warm voice.
Jongin sighs. “But I am not a real being. I am just a reflection. By the time the reality hits me, I will disappear. And human is the reality itself,” explained him.
Kyungsoo wishes Jongin won’t disappear when he touches him in the dream.
“I don’t care whether you are real or not. As long as you are Jongin, or Kai, or whoever you are. Don’t you dare to disappear. Please don’t leave me alone anymore,” Kyungsoo begs.
Jongin’s figure embraces Kyungsoo. The warmth and the smell is Jongin’s. Kyungsoo never forgets it. This is Jongin that he knows. Even if it’s just a dream.
“I won’t leave you Kyungsoo. Even when the death do us part. I will always watch you from another universe,” Jongin vows.
Kyungsoo tries to reach Jongin’s lips. “Me too. I supposed to confess my love to you that night when you won the painting contest.” He can taste the soft skin of Jongin’s lips.
“Meet me in your dreams, Kyungsoo.” Jongin brushes Kyungsoo’s hair with his fingers. “Think about beautiful things and have a sweet dream with me.”
Kyungsoo nods. “I will. I will stay here forever with you, Jongin. We can create beautiful arts here.”
They kiss and drown in their own paradise realm of dream.
The scene is too beautiful and too perfect that Kyungsoo doesn’t want it to end. He doesn’t want to wake from the dream.
But the light of the sun wakes him soon as the morning rises.
Everything looks so bright. Kyungsoo hopes he will be alright.
*
Kyungsoo is tired.
He is so tired with all the dreams and nightmares. He is tired of living without Jongin. His mind is oscillated between Jongin and Kai. He is tired to think about the real and unreal thing.
Kyungsoo is tired of being lonely. He is tired with his own sorrow and solitude. He is tired that everyone worries about his condition but he himself cannot overcome his agony. He is tired with the guilt in his heart. He had tried to forgive himself but he failed.
Kyungsoo feels exhausted and weary but he is fully awake. His heart beats fast. He wants to sleep but he cannot sleep now. He wishes to have an exquisite dream again with Jongin inside it. He hates his insomnia sometimes.
Meanwhile, there is a painting on a canvas easel inside Kyungsoo’s room. The colors are a composition of gray, faded yellow, dark blue, hazy violet, bloody red and eerie black. Kyungsoo used a mixture of burnt umber and alizarin crimson to produce those colors.
The picture is very gloomy and dark. A picture of a man died being hit by a truck. His blood is everywhere. There is a huge truck near the lying body. The man is surrounded by crowds of people. The moonlight shines ironically beautiful at night sky of the painting.
At the bottom-edge of the canvas, there are words written on a small post-it paper.
It’s written: “A Memory of Summer Nocturne” in Kyungsoo’s handwriting.
Kyungsoo is lying on his bed. He holds a photograph of Jongin on his chest.
That night he swallows too many Zolpidem pills.
Kyungsoo will never wake up anymore.
He is tired.
He is too tired with everything.
--- END --
Title: Painted Nocturne
Pairings: Kai/D.O.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~7000
Warnings: inevitable forlorn, mild depression, major character death, suicide
Summary: Sad memories unconsciously stimulate the nightmares. The dream will disappear when the reality touches it.
Author’s Note: I want to say thank you very much to my awesome beta 'A'. Also, thank you to Modperor-nim for the chance and to 'showerlater' for the prompt idea. I modified the story from the original prompt. I suddenly had these angsty inspirations to be put and combined with the prompt. (cont. under cut; mod note: updated 8/28/14, revised version)
Author's Note (continued): I hope you will love this story. Some songs have been my inspiration for this tragedy. Everyone please listen to these songs while reading the story:
- Yiruma "Nocturne No. 1 in C - Summer Nocturne"
- Gabrielle Aplin "Start of Time"
- Birdy "Dream"
- EXO-K "Moonlight"
- Florence and The Machine "Never Let Me Go"
- Nell "Haven"
- Yiruma "Painted"
“PAINTED NOCTURNE”
Midsummer midnight, when it’s usually lively in some places, the silence falls on the other side of Seoul city. A warm zephyr blows through the window of a room on the 12th apartment floor in Jayang-dong area of Gwangjin district. People are busy during the day as night is shorter on summer. There is only a short time to sleep at the dark peaceful night.
Kyungsoo is sleeping on his desk. He sweats profusely that his sweats drop on the acrylic-paint stains on the desk. A paintbrush falls from his stained fingers. Kyungsoo’s eyes popeyed suddenly as he is awaken from the nightmare. His heart beats fast when he remembers the fragments of his dream.
“Damn, I overslept.”
A painting is done beside him, lies on a medium canvas in his bed room. Kyungsoo feels exhausted as he has been awake for 40 hours without sleep to finish the painting. But still, he is not really satisfied with the result. It is too bright, Kyungsoo thinks.
A glass of water on the kitchen table solemnly refreshes his dry throat. Desperately switching some channels, Kyungsoo manages to avoid sleeping by watching some late shows on TV. He throws himself on a black-leather sofa.
Painting is something Kyungsoo loves to do. He loves how he can combine the colors on the canvas. But his most favorite is the dark colors. Unfortunately, every time he paints any dark-colored paintings he will fall asleep and have a strange nightmare. He can’t use his favorite colors like Shades of Black, Midnight Blue, Dim Gray, Dark Green, or even Deep Maroon. He is constrained to paint with pastel and light colors if he wants to avoid having a nightmare.
Dreams usually are different in every sleep. But Kyungsoo always experiences a constant typical dark nightmares for a year. Thus, lately the nightmares come rather often, even disrupting Kyungsoo’s regular daily sleep. Sometimes it makes Kyungsoo having insomnia when he is too afraid to sleep.
In the morning, after having a refreshing shower and the paint stains on his body have been removed, Kyungsoo is going to do the laundry for his stained clothes. All of sudden, the bell is ringing and the door is knocked.
Kyungsoo receives a package on his apartment door.
It is from his mother, when he checks the letter on it.
“Dear Kyungsoo,” as he reads the words in the letter, “How are you? Do you have enough sleep? I found something that maybe useful for you. It can help you avoid nightmares.”
Kyungsoo hastily opens the package. He sees a craft in a form of a circular timber.
It is a wooden hoop on which is woven a loose net or web. Like a large wood ring with some strings tied like a web. It is also decorated with some feathers and beads.
Kyungsoo continues reading his mother’s letter, “This thing is a Dreamcatcher. It is believed to filter and cast out the nightmares from the dream. Hang it on the wall of your bed. I hope it will prevent you to have a nightmare.”
“So,” Kyungsoo raises his right eyebrow, “A dreamcatcher, huh? Let’s see if it can work well,” as he hangs the dreamcatcher on the wall near his bed.
“Nice. It looks artistic for my bedroom wall.”
The heat of summer sunshine is glimmering through the window and enlightening the gloomy bed room full of arts. Paintings and handicrafts are everywhere but Kyungsoo still can feel the solitude. There is emptiness in the middle of multicolored room.
Perhaps emptiness of his forlorn heart.
*
Effectively, Kyungsoo can sleep soundly and peacefully that night. No nightmares, no sweats on bed, and no uncontrollable throbbing heart.
He has enough quality sleep that he wakes too early at 5 in the morning.
“It’s still dawn,” Kyungsoo stretches up on his bed.
Kyungsoo wakes from his bed and walks to the kitchen. He checks his refrigerator to find something edible. But when he turns back, he subsequently notices a glimpse of someone walking in his living room.
“W-who? Who’s that?” asked Kyungsoo in the middle of silent dawn.
Goosebumps chill his back. There should not be anyone here beside himself, Kyungsoo thinks.
He carefully opens his apartment door and looks at the hallway. There is nobody there.
Kyungsoo closes the door and goes back to his bedroom.
Suddenly he sees a silhouette among the shadows in his bedroom. There is a strange silvery figure of a man with a cloak and a white mask on his face.
“Whoa! H-how can you come in? Who are you?” Kyungsoo shrieks.
Soon when Kyungsoo approaches the mysterious man, he vanishes as the sun rises.
Kyungsoo feels eerie. He is shaking and everything looks dark then he loses his consciousness.
*
Kyungsoo wakes on his bed. The clock on the wall shows it’s 7 in the morning.
“Am I dreaming? I thought I have been awaken at 5.”
Confused, he thinks he has been dreaming.
*
It has been a week since Kyungsoo uses the dreamcatcher, he never has a nightmare anymore. Even now he can paint using some dark colors. However, he is still wondering the mysterious silvery figure with a mask that he saw last week.
One night, when Kyungsoo is half asleep and half awake, he is almost swallowed in the darkness of his dream. Sometimes Kyungsoo feels like he can’t wake from his sleep. As if something presses his chest so he can’t wake up. His eyes are half opened but his body is paralyzed. The room is almost like a hallucination when Kyungsoo sees dark mist swirls in the air. The dark mist flows and sucked into something, a figure of a man, the mysterious man with a mask on his face. Kyungsoo feels hard to breathe.
It feels like forever until Kyungsoo can control his paralyzed body. Kyungsoo is awake from his sleep, but his body is still helplessly lying on the bed. He tilts his head as he stares to the silvery figure of a mysterious man that is still standing in the corner of his room. Kyungsoo manages to move his mouth.
“H-hey... W-who are you? What are you doing here?” asked Kyungsoo.
The mysterious figure walks closer.
“I am Kai. I am a nightmare-eater,” said Kai as he pulls away the dark mist from Kyungsoo’s dream. He has strange deep voice that sounds like whispering.
Kyungsoo realizes that the dark mist is his own nightmare. As the dark mist is being pulled, the silvery figure absorbs it until nothing left. Soon after the dark mist disappears, Kyungsoo can control his body again. However, he feels like losing energy after the sleep paralysis.
“Thank you.” The corner of Kyungsoo’s lips is shaking. He is between amazed and afraid, yet he is relieved.
Looking at the silvery figure with a mask, Kyungsoo still cannot believe he is talking with the nightmare-eater.
“You are not afraid with me?” asked Kai.
The mysterious man keeps a distance between them.
“Now I know that it’s you who save me from my nightmare every night,” said Kyungsoo with a low breath.
Kyungsoo is still staring at the man even though his heart is throbbing and his adrenaline rushes because he can’t deny that he is a bit afraid. Despite that, he is so thankful with the mysterious existence that casts away the nightmare. He doesn’t feel he struggles the nightmare alone anymore.
“Now go back to your sleep,” said Kai as his ethereal hands swift the air and makes Kyungsoo asleep.
*
Another night, after Kyungsoo attacked by the sleep-paralysis, he meets Kai again.
Kyungsoo is dazzled when he sees the dark mist from his nightmare is absorbed by Kai’s silvery hands. He sees a pair of beautiful misty grey eyes behind Kai’s mask.
“Are you coming from the dreamcatcher?”Kyungsoo is curious.
Kai is not answering.
“Are you a ghost? Or are you alive?” Kyungsoo is asking again.
Kai looks down to the curious Kyungsoo on the bed.
“I am the spirit of the dreamcatcher,” answered Kai.
Still curious, Kyungsoo wants to know the face behind Kai’s mask.
“Why are you eating nightmare? Why are you wearing mask?”
Kai walks closer to the corner of Kyungsoo’s bed. He has that mysterious cold face. Unexpectedly, Kai is smiling to Kyungsoo. “I was created to protect dreams. Nightmares are my energy.”
Kyungsoo tries to touch Kai’s arm. Too late, the sun is rising and Kai vanishes into the glittering air.
*
The smell of oil paint melts with the smell of summer. The air-conditioner is turned off. The floor is messy as the paint stains are everywhere. Kyungsoo brushes another black and blue on the canvas. He doesn’t use any light colors. It’s dark on every corner of his canvas, contrasts with the summer.
“I need to meet him again. I need to have nightmares again,” muttered Kyungsoo between his focus.
Kyungsoo invites his own sorrow. He opens the darkness in his heart as he draws each dark-colored paint with his paintbrush. It is not usual that Kyungsoo wishes to have nightmare just to summon the mysterious spirit of dreamcatcher. His curiosity defeats everything. Sometimes he thinks that he is pathetic but that is how he through his life for a year.
The presence of Kai makes Kyungsoo feels like he sees a light of hope.
At night, the painting is done. It shows a drawing of a black hole sucking asteroids and dead planets. Kyungsoo is very tired. The sweats and the stains are melting together on his milky skin. Kyungsoo falls asleep on the wooden floor.
He knows the nightmare is coming.
He knows he has evoked the nightmare even though he is never ready for this.
It is such a bizarre view of a surreal city.
Kyungsoo is running on the street, among the crowds of people. The sky is dark, the moonlight hides. Everything is red. A drop of blood falls from the sky and touches his white cheek.
“No… Don’t… Please not again…,” Kyungsoo cringes.
The landscape is distorted. A flood of blood is coming to Kyungsoo, ready to drown him away.
Kyungsoo screams, but everyone disappears. Nobody saves him.
Kyungsoo is wide awake. His eyes are getting wider. He sees a dark mist is being pulled out from his head. A silvery man with a cloak and a mask sucks the dark mist with his hands.
“Sad memories, unconsciously stimulate the nightmares,” said the man.
Kyungsoo tries to sit properly. He feels a bit dizzy.
“Kai,” Kyungsoo holds his own head, “you’re coming.”
When Kai has done his business with the dark mist. He approaches Kyungsoo.
“Why are you having bad memories?”
Such an unexpected question, Kyungsoo thinks.
“Everyone has their own bad memories,” answered Kyungsoo.
“Then what is yours? Why does it affect you to have nightmares?” asked Kai.
Kyungsoo exhales his breath. “Someone died.”
“Who?” asked Kai again.
Kyungsoo silences. He tries to hold a tear drop from his eyes.
“My best friend,” he replies.
That time Kai does not reply, as if he understands the sorrow of Kyungsoo’s heart.
“Hey.” Kyungsoo deeply looks at Kai. “Why are you wearing a mask?”
Kai steps back. “I can’t answer this.”
Confused, Kyungsoo winces. “I’ve told you my secret, why don’t you tell me your secret?”
“I can’t reveal myself to humans. I am just a spirit of a dreamcatcher,” said Kai.
“Alright. Don’t be offended. I’m just asking. You can stay mysterious as you want,” Kyungsoo pouts.
Kai smiles a little, “Just don’t worry about my mask. Don’t worry about anything. Don’t stimulate the nightmare in your mind.”
Kyungsoo starts to feel comfortable with the presence of the nightmare-eater.
“Please stay. Don’t leave me alone.”
Kai stands still. “I always stay. I never leave. You just cannot see me around.”
Kyungsoo holds his breath. “Then don’t disappear.”
Kai looks at the window. The dawn is coming. The dark sky is turning violet.
“The daylight disguises me, the reality erases me.”
Kai’s figure slowly blurs with the shadows of the dawn.
*
Another night, another dream Kyungsoo has to experience.
It is not a nightmare that Kyungsoo is familiar with. This dream is quite peculiar that it is almost feels like real.
Kyungsoo steps on a green grass. The heat of summer touches his skin. He brings a basket full of sandwiches on his left hand and a canvas on his right hand. Someone is waiting for him. A man who is taller than him. He sits on a checkered blanket on the grass. The man also has a canvas stands in front of him. He is painting something.
“There you are,” said the man. The man whom Kyungsoo always feel excited with.
This man wears a checkered shirt, which is match with the picnic blanket, as its sleeves are rolled up to his arm. He holds a paintbrush and a palette. He looks artistic as he is the art itself.
Kyungsoo grins. “Lunch time!” he shouts. Kyungsoo stands his canvas on the ground and he prepares the meal.
The man opens Kyungsoo’s basket. “Sandwich! I love it!” He looks happy and hungry that he stops his painting work and put his paintbrush on a palette.
“Summer picnic at the riverside. Such a great idea,” Kyungsoo smiles the brightest. “Enjoy the meal. You look so hungry, don’t forget to eat your kimchi.”
“I always have great ideas,” mumbled the man as he munches the sandwich and kimchi’s cabbage.
Kyungsoo eats his sandwich too. In a while, he looks at the painting in front of him.
“Is that Han river?” asked Kyungsoo.
The man nods. “Bingo! That’s why I bring you here. Let’s feel the nature and draw it on a canvas. Summer time is perfect,” he explains.
Kyungsoo stares at the painting. He is amazed with the impressive technique that expresses the spirit of summer.
“I wonder. Will the view look better at night?” Kyungsoo shares his opinion.
“Then I should paint it darker,” the man chuckles. “You’re too obsessed with dark colors. But well, why not giving it a try?” He pats Kyungsoo’s shoulder.
“I know you paint better than me,” Kyungsoo snorts.
“And you cook better than me,” the man smirks as he takes his paintbrush and continues to paint.
Kyungsoo joins him to paint, while his eyes stare at the man secretly. How he wishes his best friend will consider his true feelings.
He treasures his own warm feelings for himself. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to risk this friendship.
*
Kyungsoo is awake. A moonlight shines through the window of his bed room.
The dream feels so real. It gives a warm feeling in his heart that he doesn’t want to wake up soon. It had been a year ago but it feels like yesterday when he had a summer picnic with his best friend. Now his only friend is his loneliness, until a silvery being appears at the corner of his bed room.
“You have a sweet memory,” said a silvery figure with a mask as he swifts his silvery cloak.
Kyungsoo smiles as he remembers his own sweet memories.
“You gave me that sweet dream, Kai?” asked Kyungsoo.
Kai shakes his head.
“No. I’m just eating the nightmares. It’s your own memory that creates the sweet dream,” Kai explains.
Kyungsoo gazes the ceiling. He scratches his own left arm, “Ouch! It hurts.”
He realizes that he is not dreaming. He wonders how a nightmare-eater looks so real as he stares at Kai from head to toe.
“Well… I’m just wondering. What are you made of, Kai?” Kyungsoo never leaves his curiosity.
“I am made of dreams and wishes,” said Kai calmly.
“Can I touch you?” Kyungsoo tries to reach Kai.
“No.” Kai warns him. “You cannot touch my being.”
Then Kai vanishes again because the sunrise is coming from the mouth of the dawn.
*
In another night, when Kai is absorbing the nightmare away from Kyungsoo’s dream, Kyungsoo acts strangely. It seems the dark mist of nightmare he has never ends. Kai is almost overloaded by the nightmares he absorbs. The night is getting darker. Kyungsoo is still dreaming and hard to wake. Kyungsoo is trapped in his own nightmare.
“I can’t take it anymore. This is too much,” said Kai as he endures.
Kyungsoo drowns in his darkest dream.
A white carnation.
A bunch of white carnation flowers fall from Kyungsoo’s pale hands. Its white petals are scattered on the asphalt road.
Kyungsoo is running on the street. He is running in front of tall buildings through the night.
He is panting his breath between the crowds of people. In the middle of the crowds, there is a lying man on the street. Blood is everywhere. There is a huge truck near the man. A trophy with blood stains on its golden layer lies near the lying man. The body of the man looks so terrible after being smashed by something huge and heavy with a brake-lose velocity.
“No! Don’t die! Somebody help! Somebody save him!” screamed Kyungsoo.
But people are pulling him. People try to separate him from the dying man.
He needs to save him. But everything is too late.
All of sudden, there is an imaginary hand that pulls Kyungsoo from the darkness.
The moment Kyungsoo wakes, he sees Kai is surrounded by the dark mist.
“Kai! Are you okay?!” Kyungsoo shrieks.
He tries to approach Kai, but Kai stops him.
“No. Don’t come near me. Let me handle this darkness.”
Kyungsoo insists, “No. I will help you. You’re hurting because of me.”
Anxiously, Kyungsoo wants to overcome Kai’s pain but he feels as if something restrains him.
Kai is struggling against the dark mist.
“Why are you drowning yourself in the darkness too deep?” asked Kai. “This is too much. I can’t even handle it. You must stop your sorrow.” Kai is panting.
Kyungsoo feels guilty. He wishes he can do anything to help Kai, but his being and the dark mist are too supernatural for an ordinary human like him.
“Kyungsoo… I can feel your sorrow inside your nightmares. Is that your best friend? Someone who died beside the truck?” asked Kai while he is exhausted.
Kyungsoo shakes. “Y-yes. He was being hit by a truck at the night when he won a painting contest. The night when I supposed to confess to him.”
“You love him?” asked Kai again.
It is really heard for Kyungsoo to hold his tears. Remembering the painful tragedy a year ago. Meanwhile there is someone who is also in pain in front of him.
“I always love him, more than just friends. Ever since we started our days as art students until now. After he was gone, I still can’t forget him.”
Kyungsoo cannot end his own agony. “That’s why… That’s why the dark color paints always remind me of him…”
Kai tries to calm Kyungsoo albeit his own condition is in pain fighting the darkness of the nightmare mist.
“Please don’t cry…,” whispered Kai. “If you want to help me fight your nightmare, you should let him go. You should erase your sorrow and accept the reality.”
Kyungsoo crawls to Kai who is lying on the floor now. Kai’s light is dim. The dark mist almost conquers him.
Kyungsoo is tempted to touch Kai. He reaches Kai and embraces him.
“Please… you must win the fight. I promise I will erase my sadness. I will hold you and support you. Please be strong,” Kyungsoo begs.
Suddenly Kai rolls himself and avoid Kyungsoo.
“No! Don’t come near! I’ve told you not to touch my being!”
Kai struggles the dark mist. He swallows all the dark mist but he doesn’t get stronger as usual whenever he ‘eats’ the nightmare. Kai is weak and weary.
Bounced, Kyungsoo is getting more confuse. “But I’m trying to help you!” he asserts.
Meanwhile, Kai cannot stop his pain. The effect from the dark mist combines with the effect of Kyungsoo’s touch.
“What will happen if I touch you?” Kyungsoo thrills.
Kai looks so exhausted. “If human touches me, I will disappear forever.”
Kai’s presence looks transparent now. The dark mist vanishes.
“Kyungsoo, listen. Do you remember what am I?”
Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows. “You are a nightmare-eater. The spirit of a dreamcatcher. Am I right?”
Kai nods. “Right. Then, are the dream and the nightmare real?”
Almost doubt, Kyungsoo answers, “They… are not real. They are the subconscious.”
“You’re right again. Then I have told you before that the daylight disguises me and the reality erases me,” Kai stops a while.
“You are human, Kyungsoo. You are the reality. I am just a spirit that comes from the unreal thing. The dream itself is not real,” he continues.
Astonished, Kyungsoo is afraid. The night is tense.
“That’s why you don’t want me to touch you?” asked him.
“Precisely,” Kai feels helpless, “Because I can’t protect your dreams anymore.”
Kai is transparent now.
“I can’t accompany your nights anymore. I lost my power after fighting the nightmares, then the reality touches my being. I can’t resist anymore.” Kai looks so weak. “I’m sorry Kyungsoo. I will disappear forever.”
“No! Please stay. Please don’t disappear from me… I can’t fight this alone,” Kyungsoo begs for miracle.
Kai smiles, “You can.” He closes his misty grey eyes.
“You just have to face the reality, Kyungsoo. Goodbye….”
Slowly Kai’s presence dissolves into sparkling particles and disappears forever under the shower of moonlight.
Kyungsoo tries to catch Kai’s being with his hands, but Kai vanishes very soon.
Crestfallen, Kyungsoo stares hopelessly at the moonlight from his window. He stays in silence. It feels like Kai never exists. Kyungsoo is pensive. He sits on his bed until slowly he loses his consciousness.
*
Kyungsoo awakes on his bed. Tears fall on his face. Everything feels like a dream. The sun light shines through the window of his bedroom. The solitude accompanies him.
Kyungsoo must spend the nights without Kai’s protection from the nightmares. He feels so helpless. He is too afraid the darkness will pull him deeper.
The next night, Kyungsoo’s dream changes. It is not about him running on the street and surrounded by the crowds of people anymore. It is him alone in the darkness. There is no blood. There is only darkness and he walks on a small path. He can’t see anything clearly.
At the end of the path, he sees a figure. A familiar figure. Kyungsoo approaches him, but every time he tries to reach the figure, it disappears.
The dream goes on every day. A bizarre dream Kyungsoo doesn’t know whether it is a nightmare or not.
*
A month has passed.
Kyungsoo decides to face everything bravely. The first thing he needs to do is visiting the art gallery in the city.
The sun of summer’s afternoon shines brightly above the downtown of Seoul. Kyungsoo arrives at 17 Apgujeong-ro 80-gil of Cheongdam-dong area in Gangnam district. The circumstance near the gallery is quite the same as a year ago. Frenzy flashes of memory run inside Kyungsoo’s mind as he never visits this place again since the death of his best friend. The gallery building is all white. He misses this place. Just like he misses those times he went here with his best friend almost every week.
Kyungsoo walks inside the gallery to the corner where there is a painting hanged on the white wall. The painting is rich with dark colors which are Kyungsoo’s favorite. Under the painting, there is a carved wood tag emblazoned by Monotype Corsiva fonts written “The Spirit of The Night”. That is the title of the painting. It portrays a scenery of midsummer night under the moonlight by the riverside of Han river. An evocative solemn and dreamy scene of sparkling festive night among the diffused city lights. It successfully depicts a subtle nuance of night, categorized as nocturne painting which is typical with muted tones and hazy colors.
Under the title, it shows some Hangul fonts written a name of the painter: ‘Jongin, Kim’.
Meanwhile Kyungsoo looks up facing the large painting, someone calls his name.
“Kyungsoo.” A middle-aged woman walks close and greets him. “Thank you for coming.”
Kyungsoo smiles and bow to the woman. “How are you Mrs. Kim?”
“I’m fine. It’s been a long time, Jongin must be happy that you come to visit. He is waiting for you,” said the woman with a warm and gracious smile on her face.
The woman takes Kyungsoo to a classic carved table at the corner near the painting. He sees an artistic ceramic urn in Lapis Lazuli color on the table. There is a wooden-framed photograph of a man.
Kyungsoo puts a bunch white carnations in a vase on the table near Jongin’s painting. Similar with the carnation bouquet Kyungsoo brought at the night Jongin won the painting contest.
“Such a peaceful place for him to rest, in the middle of beautiful art masterpieces.” Kyungsoo is amazed.
He bows his head and whispers some prayers.
The woman pats Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “You must be missing him so much. We miss him too. Everyone misses him.” She wipes her eyes with a sheet of tissue paper.
Kyungsoo embraces Mrs. Kim, he holds back his tears. He doesn’t want to make Jongin’s mother sad.
Mrs. Kim twines her hands to Kyungsoo’s arm and takes him to seat on a red carved-bench in the gallery.
“Kyungsoo dear, have you received a package from your mother?” asked her.
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. He wonders how Mrs. Kim know about the package from his mother.
“Yes, I have. How do you know about it?”
Mrs. Kim smiles. A familiar warm smile Kyungsoo had ever seen before on his best friend’s face.
“It was from me. I gave it through your mother. Actually, it was Jongin’s,” she explains. “The dreamcatcher is Jongin’s. I gave it to him when he was little, to protect his sleep from nightmares. He still kept it in his bedroom when he grew up.”
Kyungsoo is agaped. “I never knew he has that kind of thing.” He is still shocked.
Mrs. Kim holds her chuckle. “Maybe he was too shy to show it to you. Maybe he thought it was a childish thing.”
“It’s not childish. It’s really functional. It helps me through the nightmares,” Kyungsoo convinces.
Mrs. Kim pats Kyungsoo. “It’s good to know it’s useful for you. I know you might have bad memories after seeing Jongin’s accident. Because I experienced the nightmares too, dear.”
“I entrusted it to your mother because I’m afraid you’ll avoid to meet me. Especially if I said I had a thing from Jongin for you.” Mrs. Kim sighs, “I know you’re still sad.”
Kyungsoo stares at Mrs. Kim.
“I’m sorry. It’s so difficult for me to accept the reality.” He feels guilty to her. “I didn’t realize that it’s difficult for you too.”
Mrs. Kim nods. “It’s alright.” As if she tries to soothe Kyungsoo whereas she is also hurt. “I understand. That’s why I don’t want you to have nightmares because of that sad memory.”
Kyungsoo feels so thankful to Mrs. Kim.
“Really. Thank you very much. You’re right. It protects my dream.”
They are embracing each other, just like mother and son.
“Please come here often, Kyungsoo. Anytime,” said Jongin’s mother with teary eyes.
Kyungsoo stares at the painting a while longer. He views every inch of the Midnight Blue, Dim Grey, and Ebony colors that fill the canvas. They are combined very well with a few bright colors of light yellow, soft white, neon green, and vermillion. Jongin’s paintings always give a warm feelings.
Kyungsoo remembers all the good memories he spent with Jongin. He remembers his sincere smile, his sleepy eyes, and his warm arms. He remembers his cold look, his precise athletic tall body, and his artistic fingers. He remembers everything, the joy and the pain. He tries to accept them both.
*
It was a very important night for Jongin.
He had prepared everything. The exhibition of Korean Young Artist Competition was going to begin in a few minutes.
Jongin was staring on his phone screen. He dialed a number.
“Kyungsoo, where are you? It’s going to start,” Jongin was worried.
“Jongin, my scooter’s tire is blown-out. I need to change my tire. Damn… I think I’m gonna be late,” said the voice on the other side.
“Alright,” Jongin tries to calm, “Hope you can arrive here soon. Take care.”
Jongin wished his best friend can see his artwork for the contest.
He won.
Jongin couldn’t believe that he win the painting contest, he couldn’t even blink his eyes.
His artwork was one of the best masterpiece displayed in a room with opened-roof so that the painting was showered under the moonlight. It made his painting lit beautifully.
Everything felt perfect, except Kyungsoo’s presence here.
Jongin managed to call Kyungsoo again.
“Hey, is everything alright?” asked Jongin to the other side.
“Jongin, I’m so sorry. There’s a glitch in my scooter’s battery. The battery’s dead. I’m taking the subway now. Please wait, I’ll arrive soon,” Kyungsoo’s voice sounded agitated on the phone.
“I see. Don’t worry, okay. I’ll wait for you at the avenue in front of the gallery,” Jongin tried to calm.
Jongin sighed.
He received so many praises and compliments by the people in the gallery for his brilliant masterpiece, but he made the artwork special for Kyungsoo. As he never showed his work-in-progress to Kyungsoo before, just to show it as a surprise. He had prepared everything for Kyungsoo.
Jongin had been patiently waiting, then he got bored with the crowd of people inside the gallery so he decided to walk outside to the avenue near the gallery building. The summer night was beautiful as Jongin gazed to the full moon in the dark sky. He waited for Kyungsoo as he strolled on the sidewalk under the green ginko trees. Jongin enjoyed the moment and the atmosphere as he took out a piece of earphone from his pocket. Listen to some music while strolling on the sidewalk is such a peaceful time for Jongin.
A sight of a small figure across the road just came out from a subway station. Jongin was so excited to meet Kyungsoo. He walked to the crossroad, unfortunately he didn’t realize there was a huge truck running with a high speed.
It was too sudden for Jongin. He saw a blinding light from his left side. Then he saw nothing after.
Jongin felt hurt.
Everything seemed dark.
*
It was a very important night for Kyungsoo.
He should be arrived at the art gallery at 7 P.M. for Korean Young Artist Competition exhibition. Meanwhile, it had been 9 P.M. now. Kyungsoo was never been so late. Two hours late just because his motor scooter had a flat tire that he had to find a repair shop, but then there is a glitch in his scooter’s battery so he had to leave his scooter and go by the subway. Unfortunately, Kyungsoo just remembered that he had to buy a flower bouquet for Jongin. So he went to a flower shop before he went to the subway station.
The subway station was full of people on that Saturday night. Kyungsoo was obliged to through these hustle and bustle. He took care of a white carnations bouquet with both his hands. He had prepared the beautiful flower for this special night. He had also planned to confess to Jongin.
Jongin was more than a best friend to Kyungsoo. The white carnations represented his honesty and sincerity. A friendship and a pure love. Beyond admiration and dedication.
After a short journey by the subway. Kyungsoo finally arrived at Cheongdam-dong area, where the art gallery was. He walked to the avenue as he was looking for Jongin there.
Suddenly Kyungsoo saw a furniture truck ran in a high speed. He saw the driver was a bit drunk that he drove the truck uncontrollably. The truck lost the brake and hit a person on the sidewalk before it crashed into the pavements and a building.
An accident.
Kyungsoo watched it happened very fast. He even forgot to blink.
The crowds of people surrounded the accident victim. Kyungsoo ran into the crowd. He saw the truck driver was dead as his body was crush inside the truck. Some furnitures were overthrown out from the truck. The building wall was destroyed. But Kyungsoo was stunned when he saw the dead victim near the truck. The person whom hit by the truck was a young man.
“Jongin?”
Kyungsoo knew the man. Kyungsoo recognized well the face of a lying body on the street with blood spilled everywhere. He saw a golden trophy with bloodstains near the corpse.
“No!” Kyungsoo screamed.
The white carnations bouquet fell from Kyungsoo’s hand, onto the hard asphalt surface.
The dead man was Jongin.
“Somebody help! Somebody please save him!” cried Kyungsoo as he approached the dead man. “Jongin! Wake up! Please, don’t die! Jongin…!”
Some people tried to move Kyungsoo away from Jongin’s body.
“He’s my friend! He’s my best friend! Somebody please call the ambulance!” shrieked Kyungsoo. He cried so hard until his throat soared.
Kyungsoo cries hopelessly to Jongin’s body.
Everything happened very fast. Kyungsoo passed out as he could not bear the pain.
It was a very sad situation in such beautiful summer night.
Everything remained as memories.
*
It has been a year since Jongin passed away. However, the incident is still fresh in Kyungsoo’s memory. It always feels like yesterday. It sneaks into Kyungsoo’s sleep and haunts his dream.
“Was it my fault?” asked Kyungsoo to himself while he sits on his bed and watches the dreamcatcher that hung on his bedroom the wall.
Summer is not a delicate season anymore for Kyungsoo. Summer always reminds him to Jongin and the pain. Summer drifts Kyungsoo into such pensive mood.
“If only I wasn’t late that time. If only I came on time to the gallery. Jongin wouldn’t cross the street and hit by the truck,” Kyungsoo mourns.
He takes down the dreamcatcher. “You were gone, but this part of you still accompanies me and protects my dream. Thank you Jongin.”
Kyungsoo hangs the dreamcatcher back on the wall. Then he takes a small-size canvas full of painting beside his bed and puts it in a canvas bag.
That morning at the end of summer, Kyungsoo drives his motor scooter along the street. He smells the fresh air. He sees some people go to some shops or cafes in the city. Life goes on as the people move on. He remembers those times when he used to ride his scooter with Jongin. He misses Jongin who used to sit behind him.
Kyungsoo sees the avenue where Jongin’s accident was happened. They had repaired the building wall which was hit by the truck that night. Everything looks fine as if there was never a truck accident. As if it was only a nightmare which is over when you wake up. As if the memory of it is such a curse in Kyungsoo’s mind.
As Kyungsoo arrives, he parks his motor scooter outside the art gallery. He walks in as he brings along his painting. The gallery belongs to Jongin’s parents. His father is a famous painter and his mother is an interior designer. They put Jongin’s artworks in their art gallery so that people can remember him forever. The atmosphere of the gallery always reminds Kyungsoo of Jongin. As if his spirit of art always stays here.
Kyungsoo approaches the corner where Jongin’s urn is placed. He takes the canvas in his bag and put the painting beside the lapis lazuli urn.
It shows a painting of the dreamcatcher .
“I painted this dreamcatcher to protect your dreams in this gallery, because this place is full of your artworks. You had gone, but your dreams still remain here,” said Kyungsoo as he wipes the urn with his fingers.
Beside the painting, Kyungsoo puts a greeting card with some words on it. A sonnet is written on it.
“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.”
(Sonnet XVIII - William Shakespeare)
*
The night at the beginning of autumn is lovely. The trees are yellow and hazel illuminated by the streetlights. However, the wind is too cold that the window of a room on the 12th apartment floor in Jayang-dong is closed.
Kyungsoo curls up in his blanket. Slowly he enters the realm of dream.
He wish not to have a nightmare. He promises himself not to keep the bad memories in his mind.
The swirling mist of Kyungsoo’s mind enters him to the realm of dream. This time his dream is not dark. It has dim light instead.
Kyungsoo is walking down the lane. At the end of the lane, there is a silhouette under a lamppost.
He knows the familiar silvery figure of a man with a mask on his face.
“Kai,” said Kyungsoo.
The figure walks to Kyungsoo. “Hello again, Kyungsoo.”
“What are you doing here? In my dream.” Kyungsoo confuses.
“I’m always here,” said Kai. “I might be disappear forever from your world. Maybe you can’t see me in your consciousness. But I’m always here, inside your dream, protecting you from nightmares,” added him.
Kyungsoo is touched. “I thought you were gone forever.”
This time Kai gives a warmest smile. “How can I leave my beloved person? I did disappear forever from reality. But I am still exist inside your dreams.”
“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo has no idea.
Kai slowly opens his mask. He shows his face to Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo is very shocked seeing the face behind the mask.
“Jo-Jongin?!” Kyungsoo feels the tightness in his chest. “Is that really you?”
The figure of nightmare-eater who always protects his dream is Kyungsoo’s own beloved person. His best friend. His endless love. The one he can never forget forever.
“This is really me, Kyungsoo. I’m Jongin,” the man approaches the helpless Kyungsoo.
“Kai is my reflection. I am not alive anymore. The only way to protect you is making my soul reflection in a form of a dream-eater spirit,” Kai’s strange voice has changed into the usual Jongin’s warm voice.
Jongin sighs. “But I am not a real being. I am just a reflection. By the time the reality hits me, I will disappear. And human is the reality itself,” explained him.
Kyungsoo wishes Jongin won’t disappear when he touches him in the dream.
“I don’t care whether you are real or not. As long as you are Jongin, or Kai, or whoever you are. Don’t you dare to disappear. Please don’t leave me alone anymore,” Kyungsoo begs.
Jongin’s figure embraces Kyungsoo. The warmth and the smell is Jongin’s. Kyungsoo never forgets it. This is Jongin that he knows. Even if it’s just a dream.
“I won’t leave you Kyungsoo. Even when the death do us part. I will always watch you from another universe,” Jongin vows.
Kyungsoo tries to reach Jongin’s lips. “Me too. I supposed to confess my love to you that night when you won the painting contest.” He can taste the soft skin of Jongin’s lips.
“Meet me in your dreams, Kyungsoo.” Jongin brushes Kyungsoo’s hair with his fingers. “Think about beautiful things and have a sweet dream with me.”
Kyungsoo nods. “I will. I will stay here forever with you, Jongin. We can create beautiful arts here.”
They kiss and drown in their own paradise realm of dream.
The scene is too beautiful and too perfect that Kyungsoo doesn’t want it to end. He doesn’t want to wake from the dream.
But the light of the sun wakes him soon as the morning rises.
Everything looks so bright. Kyungsoo hopes he will be alright.
*
Kyungsoo is tired.
He is so tired with all the dreams and nightmares. He is tired of living without Jongin. His mind is oscillated between Jongin and Kai. He is tired to think about the real and unreal thing.
Kyungsoo is tired of being lonely. He is tired with his own sorrow and solitude. He is tired that everyone worries about his condition but he himself cannot overcome his agony. He is tired with the guilt in his heart. He had tried to forgive himself but he failed.
Kyungsoo feels exhausted and weary but he is fully awake. His heart beats fast. He wants to sleep but he cannot sleep now. He wishes to have an exquisite dream again with Jongin inside it. He hates his insomnia sometimes.
Meanwhile, there is a painting on a canvas easel inside Kyungsoo’s room. The colors are a composition of gray, faded yellow, dark blue, hazy violet, bloody red and eerie black. Kyungsoo used a mixture of burnt umber and alizarin crimson to produce those colors.
The picture is very gloomy and dark. A picture of a man died being hit by a truck. His blood is everywhere. There is a huge truck near the lying body. The man is surrounded by crowds of people. The moonlight shines ironically beautiful at night sky of the painting.
At the bottom-edge of the canvas, there are words written on a small post-it paper.
It’s written: “A Memory of Summer Nocturne” in Kyungsoo’s handwriting.
Kyungsoo is lying on his bed. He holds a photograph of Jongin on his chest.
That night he swallows too many Zolpidem pills.
Kyungsoo will never wake up anymore.
He is tired.
He is too tired with everything.
--- END --