[F10] PURPLE MACARONS (2/4)

[kaisooaufest]

Prompt Code: F10
Title: Purple Macarons



Jongin follows Kyungsoo out of the mall like a lost puppy. Kyungsoo doesn’t speak on it, only lets him. He even lets Jongin slip inside his car and when he gives a questioning look, Jongin’s response is, “I took the bus here.” Kyungsoo still doesn’t argue, and even lets Jongin turn on the radio. The songs Jongin plays ranges from girl groups to solo artists to the Top 10 popular songs. Kyungsoo listens quietly, even sings a bit when something he recognizes comes on. They don’t say much to each other, but Kyungsoo finds that he enjoys how comfortable it is.

It’s when he arrives at his workplace with Jongin trying to follow him up the elevator to his office that Kyungsoo finally puts his foot down.

“You’re a distraction,” Kyungsoo says when Jongin asked why he wasn’t allowed inside. Jongin scoffs at that, but Kyungsoo finds the way he tries to defend himself amusing. If only Jongin knew. “You’ll be bored anyway. I have meetings scheduled all afternoon so you might as well just head home.” Jongin looks like he wants to argue it but eventually gives in with a sigh. “Do you need a ride home?” Kyungsoo asks as he glances at the time on his phone. He has a few minutes, enough time to take Jongin home and come back.

“It’s fine. I can walk from here, it’s not too far.” Kyungsoo knows that. He just wanted a reason to spend more time with Jongin. But Jongin doesn’t notice and Kyungsoo isn’t going to say it out loud. It’s weird to want that anyway.

When Jongin leaves, Kyungsoo heads up to his office where Chanyeol is waiting to take him to his first meeting. It’s a long day, but Jongin texts him from time to time, so it feels a lot more bearable.

By the time Kyungsoo gets home, it’s late. Minah is in the kitchen cooking and Kyungsoo greets her with her gift. She loves it, as predicted, and it looks beautiful on her wrist. But when she kisses Kyungsoo on the lips-something he isn’t used to-he freezes. Minah doesn’t seem to notice his frozen state, too absorbed in praising Kyungsoo for being “such a great husband.”

Kyungsoo goes to bed feeling even more conflicted than before.

Apparently everybody is catching onto Kyungsoo’s stress. Even Minah confronts him about it, her eyes filled with nothing but worry. He waves it off, thinking it’s better to deal with it alone. It’s a habit of his to pretend he’s fine. But just as soon as he waves her off, Jongin is texting him to ‘eat well’ and to ‘be an adult.’ Every afternoon, Jongin would send him the same kind of text reminding him to eat, and every evening Jongin would send him a ‘don’t work too hard’ text and wish him a goodnight.

Kyungsoo wishes Jongin was near, but not because he misses him. No, it’s because he wants to punch his arm for treating him like a child. He settles for a simple ‘/punches/ shut up kid.’ But on those evenings, he does eat well, and Minah is all eye smiles when he does.

He’d rather die than say that he enjoys being looked after. For once, much like when Jongin takes the lead, Kyungsoo’s not the one looking after others or overseeing projects. He’d also rather die than say that a part of him wouldn’t mind visiting Jongin to see him again. But it’s definitely not because he misses Jongin.

“Hey K-soo!” Chanyeol is shouting again, despite the fact that they’re indoors. Kyungsoo warned him about that, just like how he warned Chanyeol about calling him “K-soo” in their workplace. But, as always, Chanyeol never listens. “You have a visitor.”

“A what?” That’s when Kyungsoo actually looks up at Chanyeol. Whatever annoyed comment he was going to make has died off. He never gets visitors. Minah is too busy working to have time to see him, and all his so-called friends are at his place of work. “Who?” He can’t think of anyone who would visit him at his workplace. Chanyeol shrugs.

“Some guy who said he wants to see you. He brought cupcakes too, and-” He wiggles his eyebrows in what Kyungsoo thinks is a very disturbing manner. “He’s kind of cute.” Just then Jongdae enters with a cupcake in his mouth, moaning at the taste. This place gets less professional everyday, Kyungsoo thinks.

“Tell him I’m not seeing anyone. I have too much work to just stop and-”

“Too late,” Jongdae says through a mouth full of cupcake. “He’s right here.” Jongdae steps aside and points his thumb towards the visitor. Yep, Kyungsoo is definitely going to murder Jongdae. “Don’t give me that look, he bribed me with cupcakes. How was I supposed to resist such an offer?” Jongin stands there in the doorway with a shy smile, eyes looking everywhere but at Kyungsoo. It’s kind of cute how timid Jongin is acting. No, not cute Kyungsoo. Not cute.

Jongin approaches Kyungsoo with a cupcake in his hand. It’s vanilla flavored with white frosting, wrapped up in a pink wrapper. “I, uhm... My mom made extra, and you haven’t been by in a while, and I thought you could use a treat. You’ve been busy so…. Yeah…” He lets out an awkward laugh and the gesture really makes Kyungsoo’s heart feel as if it’ll catch fire. There’s too much warmth hitting his chest at once.

“Hey Kyungsoo, what’s wrong with your face?” Jongdae calls out through yet another mouth full of cupcake.

“Out.” Kyungsoo points towards the door. Chanyeol’s pout isn’t working on him, and neither is Jongdae’s whining. Both leave after Kyungsoo glares at them, something neither seem to enjoy since it “creeps them out,” according to Jongdae. When he’s alone with Jongin, Kyungsoo sets the cupcake down on his desk.

“This is weird,” Jongin mutters. “Is now a bad time? I can go if you’re busy.” His eyes say something different, as if Jongin doesn’t want Kyungsoo to make him leave. Kyungsoo sighs and gives in. He’s always working anyways. He can just finish up when he gets home. Besides, nobody has ever bothered to surprise him like this. “Is that her?!” All shyness is gone when Jongin snatches the photo off Kyungsoo’s desk and stares at it. “Wow, you have good taste. She’s adorable, like you.”

“Just because I’m at work doesn’t mean I won’t hit you.” The threat is empty of anger. Jongin’s immune to them anyways, seeing as how he receives them every day. “Yes, that’s Minah.” Kyungsoo takes back the photo and places it back on his desk. He had forgotten he even had it.

“I’m sorry for not telling you I was coming. But I knew that you’d tell me not to, and I wanted to surprise you…” Jongin toys with his fingers, which is yet another thing that Kyungsoo finds cute. He lets the thought slide, not bothering to deny it.

“Thank you.” Jongin seems surprised by Kyungsoo’s response, his face showing nothing but confusion.

“For what?” It’s Kyungsoo who doesn’t meet Jongin’s eyes this time. He turns his gaze elsewhere, a bit embarrassed to admit how much he appreciates Jongin coming. He’s not afraid to admit that maybe, just maybe, he did miss his friend’s presence. And this time it feels okay to call him his friend.

“For coming. Nobody’s ever visited me at work before. Not unless it was for something business related, so…” He should probably continue, but that’s as far as he allows himself to go with his gratitude. “And you brought me a cupcake, so yeah.” He looks up at Jongin who is standing close to him and smiles. Jongin’s silent for a while, face blank for a moment, before he smiles back. Only for that smile to turn into a wide grin.

“Aw, you really are cute.” Jongin pats Kyungsoo’s head. Kyungsoo’s glare is weak. He’s already getting use to the adjective, so he supposes that it’s okay if only Jongin calls him that. The only reasonable argument he can make is because it’s, well, Jongin. “I had more cupcakes, but the two that were in here ate them all. Oh, and my mom says she misses you, and so does Sooyoung. They keep asking me when you’ll come back.”

“They miss me?” Jongin nods and takes a seat in Kyungsoo’s lap. “Hey! What are you doing?” One of Jongin’s arms wraps around Kyungsoo for support.

“I got tired of standing.” Kyungsoo can feel the heat reaching his face, this kind of proximity being something even Minah hasn’t attempted. Although there were times where she’d rest her legs on him. “When are you coming back?” Jongin’s looking at Kyungsoo with this begging look, as if asking for his return to be soon. Jongin missed him too. He can see it, and the knowledge doesn’t help to calm his already racing heart.

“Soon.” Jongin sighs when he stands up, and Kyungsoo misses the warmth already. He hasn’t even realized that he’s letting himself slip up a lot today-he’s admitting to feelings he normally would deny.

“Are you busy tonight?” Kyungsoo tilts his head at Jongin who’s playing with his fingers again. “I wanted to take you somewhere.”

“Are you asking me on a date? Because if so, I’m married.” Kyungsoo’s only teasing, and the laugh from Jongin makes him smile. A part of him knows that if Jongin were asking him on a date, in a world where Kyungsoo isn’t married, he’d most likely say yes. But that’s not the world they live in, which only brings disappointment. He wishes things were so simple.

“No, no. It’s not a date. It’s just… A distraction.” Kyungsoo’s smile is small but real. Jongin’s thinking of him again, trying to take care of him again. “I know you’re busy, but Kyungsoo I don’t get to see you much. And when I do, you look stressed and tired. You need to take a break.” Kyungsoo will never understand why Jongin cares so much, but he doesn’t dwell on the thought for long. Instead, he agrees with a nod and an “okay.” Jongin beams and is eventually shooed out for Kyungsoo to get more work done.

Jongin doesn’t pout when he leaves. Instead he’s all smiles and happiness, which is something Kyungsoo likes to see. When he’s alone his eyes wander to the cupcake and his small smile returns.

Minah is home early when Kyungsoo returns. She’s sitting on the couch with her laptop and a drama on the TV, but she isn’t paying attention to the screen. Kyungsoo takes a seat beside her and she greets him with a glance and a smile to which he returns. “What are you watching?” He asks.

Things have been awkward since the kiss, despite it being a chaste one. Kyungsoo tried not to make things weird, and he’s unsure if Minah has noticed his behavior. If she has, she hasn’t mentioned it. Besides, it’s his wife. He shouldn’t be feeling uncomfortable just for something like that.

Minah looks up at the screen where credits are already playing. “Ah, I forgot. I got distracted by work. Hyeri emailed me asking for me to look over something.” Minah saves what she’s been working on and closes her laptop to set it on the coffee table. A commercial is playing on the screen now, and Minah is taking Kyungsoo’s hand-the one with his wedding ring-into her own. She’s close now, head resting on his shoulder as she gets comfortable. But he’s the one feeling uncomfortable, despite being used to this level of skinship.

“Minah…” He doesn’t have a logical reason to push her off. His mind is empty of excuses, forcing him to go along with it. “I’m going out tonight, with a friend.”

“Okay,” she says, eyes trained on the ring on Kyungsoo’s finger. “Just don’t drink too much, you have work in the morning.” Kyungsoo chuckles, her words reminding him of how concerned Jongin is for him. Suddenly, he wishes it was Jongin leaning on him like this, talking and smiling and laughing as usual. His phone vibrates in his pocket and when he takes it out to look at it, he doesn’t realize the way his lips automatically form a smile at the sight of Jongin’s name.

Pick me up at 9, and wear something cute ;)

“I’ll be careful,” Kyungsoo says, his smile not breaking even after he’s responded to Jongin and put his phone away.

Jongin is ready when Kyungsoo meets him at the pastry shop. He had earlier requested that Kyungsoo park his car somewhere safe because they’ll be walking, which Kyungsoo was apprehensive about. Jongin assured him that it’ll be fine, so Kyungsoo did as asked and entered the shop to greet a smiling Jongin. “Kyunggie!” He exclaims happily.

Kyungsoo pinches at Jongin’s waist causing him to whine. “Stop calling me that.” He wishes his words were more demanding, but it’s hard to ask for someone to stop something he kind of likes. “Where are we going anyways?” Jongin’s pout is replaced by his previous smile at the question.

“You’ll see. It’s a surprise.” Jongin takes his scarf off and wraps it around Kyungsoo’s neck. “Here, it’s cold outside.” And before Kyungsoo can even register what the gesture must look like, Jongin is pulling him by his wrist outside.

“You know, it’s hard to think that this isn’t a date when you do that.” Jongin doesn’t respond until they reach an empty bus stop. Kyungsoo takes a seat, but Jongin continues to stand before finally looking at Kyungsoo with a smaller smile than before.

“It’s not a date,” he promises. “I don’t want you getting cold, that’s all.” Kyungsoo is still skeptical, but Jongin’s scarf smells so much like Jongin that he doesn’t want to risk giving it back. It’s not like Jongin is wrong anyways. It’s a cold evening despite it being Spring. Kyungsoo hates the cold. “Besides, you look really cute with that scarf on you.” Kyungsoo puts his hands in his jacket pocket, accepting the word that he supposes is a compliment.

The bus is mostly empty, save for a few people. Kyungsoo sits towards the back in the window seat to stare outside, and Jongin is beside him with one earphone in as they ride the bus. It’s quiet between them, except for the sound of AOA coming through Jongin’s earphones, and the occasional hums from Jongin. Kyungsoo likes this silence between them.

Where Jongin takes him is to a park where a giant lake and plenty of trees lied. They walk the trail to the lake in silence, Kyungsoo thankful for Jongin’s scarf when a particularly cold breeze brushes past them. Jongin leads him to a bench by the lake to sit. “This is what you wanted to show me?” Kyungsoo asks, and Jongin nods with a small smile.

“It’s calming, isn’t it?” Jongin’s close enough for their shoulders to touch, and yet Kyungsoo wishes it was possible for him to move even closer. They’re close, yet not close enough. He accepts it though, because at this range he can feel the warmth of Jongin’s body.

“It feels… Nice.” It does. The area is quiet and spacious. They’re the only two there, which adds to the relaxing feeling. There’s nothing to worry about, and there’s plenty of nature around. He feels content, but maybe that’s also due to Jongin being next to him.

“When the kids at school were making fun of me,”Jongin starts. “There was a time where I felt down. I didn’t have friends and so I was suffering alone, and it got lonely. Dance was all I had, and when my parents were struggling with money it was the hardest time of our lives. My parents would fight a lot about it, and so I was both depressed and stressed. I lost the one thing I loved the most, and I was also afraid of what would happen to my family. One day Sooyoung and I was walking home from school and we came across this park. For the first time in a while, we felt relaxed. It was peaceful to just sit and watch and forget out worries.”

Kyungsoo stares at Jongin as he speaks, but Jongin isn’t looking at him. He’s looking at the lake, and once again Kyungsoo gets the feeling that this is the first time Jongin is telling anyone this. Kyungsoo wants that trust to grow, and he wants Jongin to tell him more of his stories. He wants to learn more about Jongin.

“After that,” Jongin continues, “I would come here every day after school. I kept coming until my family was stable again. So I wanted to bring you here, because I know how stressful your job is, and I know how much you hate it. I want you to have something to help take the stress away.”

You help take the stress away. The words almost slip off his own tongue. He’s already dying of embarrassment despite only thinking of it. But it isn’t like him. Those words aren’t like him. None of this is like him, yet he can’t bring himself to care too much about that.

Kyungsoo places a hand on top of Jongin’s which surprises the younger. Jongin looks over at Kyungsoo who is smiling shyly, because this is weird. This is really weird.

“Thank you for caring about me.” Jongin’s own smile is bright, which only makes Kyungsoo’s heart stutter. He isn’t sure what it means for him to be feeling this way, because right now he’s thinking of how much he’d like to hold Jongin’s hand, and maybe even kiss his lips. He decides not to follow that thought and removes his hand. It’s definitely weird.

They spend the time talking some more, Jongin going on about his life and Kyungsoo listening as he learns even more. They sit in silence the rest of the time, just enjoying the outdoors and quiet until Jongin’s eyes start to open and close in a sleepy manner. Kyungsoo laughs when Jongin is close to falling asleep, and attempts to lean onto him. It’s getting late, and so Kyungsoo helps him to the bus stop for them to return home.

On the bus ride, Jongin ends up falling asleep on his shoulder (despite being taller) and Kyungsoo allows him as he continues to stare out the window. He can hear the music still coming from Jongin’s earphones, and quietly sings along every now and then until they arrive at their stop.

Kyungsoo drops Jongin off at the pastry shop and says goodbye. He makes sure to thank Jongin again, and Jongin only smiles tiredly and ruffles his hair. Kyungsoo weakly pinches him which earns him a whine and a laugh. He reluctantly gives Jongin back his scarf, already missing its warmth and scent.

When Kyungsoo is left alone to walk to his car, he finds himself missing Jongin more than before. He decides that he will visit more often, because this feeling is one he finds that he hates. It nags at him for the rest of the evening, and even Minah’s body lying near him on their bed isn’t helping to ease that feeling. It only makes it worse because Minah isn’t Jongin. Minah isn’t Jongin, but Kyungsoo wishes she was.

It’s a few days later that Minah calls him into the Kitchen. She’s all smiles when she hands him the invitation to Yixing’s wedding, which apparently is just something small and simple with only a few close friends and family. Minah goes on about the wedding, talking about how romantic and exciting marriage is. Kyungsoo on the other hand stays quiet as he sits at the table and stares at the invitation, remembering the time when his mother had sent out invites for his own wedding.

He can already see the image of Yixing’s wedding-smiles, tears, romantic vows of loving each other forever. Yixing loves his fiancé, and that is why he is marrying her despite the fact that she’s merely a waitress with the dream to become an actress one day. For Kyungsoo’s mother, someone like that would never be good enough for him to marry even if he loved her.

But then again, he never did have a chance to find someone he was willing to fight for. He never thought that one day his lack of experience would come back to haunt him, because now Kyungsoo wishes he did have the chance. He wishes he did fight to reject the arranged marriage. But Minah, who is now talking about gift ideas, is someone he’s made memories with. She’s someone he has grown to enjoy, but these feelings never made him feel…. they never made him feel happy or in love.

Kyungsoo decides that he’s thinking too much.

Jongin is sitting on the counter in the pastry shop, uncaring of how unprofessional it looks. Over the last week Kyungsoo has been spending his lunch breaks and any other free time of his with Jongin. Ever since that night when the feeling of missing Jongin intensified, he’s been doing everything he can to keep them close. Right now Kyungsoo is sitting at a table closest to Jongin, and is stuffing his mouth with cake that Jongin’s mom had saved just for him.

There’s not many people there today, most only ordering dessert and leaving. Kyungsoo likes how slow it is; it allows for him to talk to Jongin without many interruptions. “Kyungsoo!” Sooyoung exclaims when she enters and rushes to hug him. He hugs her back, smiling but barely able to breathe with how tight her hug is.

“Hey! Sooyoung, stop before you kill him!” She lets go and glares towards Jongin.

“I haven’t seen him in a long time, okay?” Jongin sighs, not bothering to argue. Just then Jongin’s mother comes in and hits Jongin upside the head, causing him to jump down from the counter.

“Jongin! What do you think you’re doing? Stop making my shop look unprofessional!” Jongin is about to complain about the treatment when she raises her hand in warning. He closes his mouth and sits next to Kyungsoo who is smiling at the scene. He rubs at the assaulted area which has Jongin leaning closer to him. “Sooyoung, welcome home.”

Sooyoung, according to Jongin, had been away for some days to try and start up her modeling career. Apparently an agency in another city had offered her a contract, and despite them not being a well-known agency it was still a great start.

“She’s so mean to me,” Jongin whines, and his mother sends him another glare. He smiles innocently, and she sighs in response before announcing that she has to go pick up supplies. Sooyoung leaves with her, leaving both Jongin and Kyungsoo alone to watch the place. “What time do you have to go back to work?” Jongin asks as he pulls himself up to go behind the counter.

These days Kyungsoo has been trying to not overwork himself. He wants to say that it isn’t because of Jongin, but the truth is that it is. Some nights he would take a trip to that same park with Jongin where they would sometimes open up about stories from their childhood, or they would just silently sit together. Kyungsoo, as always, never did speak up about himself. It’s not like he had much of a childhood anyways, and besides, he always found Jongin’s stories interesting. He liked listening to Jongin talk.

He doesn’t know when he’s stopped denying the effect Jongin has on him, but he found himself slowly losing the will to fight it off.

“I have 30 minutes left,” Kyungsoo says as he checks the time on his phone.

“You look different these days.” Jongin’s smile is something that Kyungsoo finds he can never get enough of. These days, the more he sees it, the more he thinks Jongin looks handsome with it (and some days beautiful, but that’s something he tries not to think too much on).

“Less dead and a lot cuter, right?” Kyungsoo quotes Jongin’s earlier words, which has the younger laughing and nodding in agreement.

“Cute looks good on you, dead doesn’t.” Kyungsoo smiles at that, the adjective bringing him more warmth than he’d like to have. “Does this mean you’ve been taking it easy at work?” Kyungsoo nods, but then there’s a pause. Jongin hesitates, which isn’t something he does often, and that has Kyungsoo interested. “What exactly do you do?” He asks. “You have your own office, and work at this fancy building, and your car is pretty expensive too. But you never told me what you do.”

Oh, Kyungsoo realizes. He had forgotten to mention what he does, and it surprises him that Jongin hadn’t figured it out. It’s not as if his background is a secret. “I’m a CEO.”

“Really?” Jongin’s eyes are wide and it’s then that Kyungsoo notices the macaron in Jongin’s hand. He was stealing macarons from the display again. He chuckles at the thought of how Mrs. Kim won’t appreciate it if she finds out. “Wow, but you’re so young.”

“I know,” he says with a grimace. He isn’t sure he wants to answer any other questions.

“How did you meet Minah?” And that is not where Kyungsoo was expecting for this to go. He’s sure that if he were drinking anything at the moment, he’d choke on the drink. Jongin’s face is blank but Kyungsoo can tell that he’s observing his reaction. It makes it even harder for him to find a response. He isn’t sure how he can explain the history of their relationship, neither does he want to open that door of memories. He can already feel the pain coming on.

“I don’t want to talk about that.” He knows it’s unusual for a husband to not want to talk about his wife, and he knows that it’s even more unusual for him to change the subject whenever Jongin brings up questions about his marriage. Maybe it’s unfair for him to hide things from Jongin after he’s opened up so much of his life to Kyungsoo.

“Why not?” Jongin’s pressing the topic. Kyungsoo wants to be irritated at Jongin, but he can’t find it in himself to do so. He has a weak spot for Jongin, one that has been slowly developing and growing throughout the time that they’ve known each other. His glares have become weaker, his violence is decreasing, and even his punches and pinches are lacking strength.

Kyungsoo once again looks at the time and sighs. “Remember when I told you I didn’t go to that performing arts school?” Jongin nods, and there’s not a hint of confusion on his face. Kyungsoo is preparing to tell a piece of his life, something he hasn’t done since the day Jongin told him about ballet. He supposes that for Jongin, and only Jongin, he’ll let him in. “I didn’t go because of my parents… They didn’t like that I wanted to sing so they said no. Once they say no then that’s it. I can’t fight them because there’s no winning. That day was when I realized that I don’t get a say. I had to let my dream die, like you did. So I focused on school and studying like they wanted. I never had a choice in anything in my life. I didn’t have a choice with Minah either.”

Jongin seems to understand. The corner of his lips are turned downwards, and there’s a look in his eyes that Kyungsoo recognizes as sympathy. He didn’t like that look, and he didn’t think the subject was one that deserved pity. “My mother introduced us at 17, and we were set to marry at 20. It wasn’t so bad at first. We’re actually close friends… She was my only friend.”

“I was lonely too,” Kyungsoo adds as he looks down at the table. It’s the last thing he says on the subject. He doesn’t want to go further; he’s already said too much. He can remember the list of things he gave up and missed out on. He can hear the questions of why he didn’t rebel, and he can see the list of questions on Jongin’s face. He doesn’t think he wants to answer any of them.

Before Jongin gets a chance to speak, a customer walks in. He sends Kyungsoo a worried glance before turning his attention to the customer. Kyungsoo doesn’t bother to look up, too busy reflecting on his own words. It isn’t until he feels a hand on his shoulder that he finally does look up. “You’re not alone anymore, okay? It’s in the past now and you’re an adult now. You have friends now, and you can live your own life now. You can do what you missed out on.” Kyungsoo wishes it was that easy.

Jongin’s hand on his shoulder tightens for a moment before he loosens his hold. “Do you… Do you love her?” The pause in Jongin’s question is confusing to Kyungsoo, along with the pleading look Jongin gives him. He isn’t sure what answer Jongin is begging for, but there’s something within the question-as if there’s something more to it.

“Things aren’t so simple.” Jongin doesn’t seem to like the answer, but he doesn’t voice that. His hand leaves Kyungsoo’s shoulder and he smiles, only it isn’t one of those smiles that Kyungsoo thinks is handsome or beautiful. This one is dim and doesn’t reach his eyes. Kyungsoo finds that he definitely hates it.

The silence that comes next is one that’s strangely uncomfortable-a contrast to the way the silence between them usually feels-and so Kyungsoo doesn’t linger too long. He decides to head back to work and just as he says his goodbyes, a few customers enter and take Jongin’s attention away.

Kyungsoo is getting the impression that Jongin is ignoring him. Or maybe he’s just busy, but it’s unlike Jongin to go days without texting or calling him. And even when Kyungsoo tries to send out a text or call, he is met with no response or voicemail. He wants to visit Jongin, but he is afraid that maybe Jongin doesn’t want to see him. Maybe Kyungsoo will irritate him, or things will be weird due to the last time they spoke. Which, by the way, hasn’t been since the day Kyungsoo told Jongin about his family’s background.

It’s nearing 10 p.m., and Kyungsoo is expecting to hear the notification telling him he has a text. He’s expecting to see Jongin telling him to “sleep well” and to not “stay up late working, loser,” or anything along those lines. Instead, there’s nothing but the sound of a knock on his door. It’s Minah, dressed down in pajamas. She smiles shyly when she enters, asks Kyungsoo if he’s staying up late again, and he doesn’t remember responding but at some point his mouth moves and she eventually leaves. Jongin’s a distraction and Kyungsoo hates how much he’s affected.

“Kyungsoo, is something wrong?” He hadn’t expected for Minah to ask him that evening when he’s only just joined her in their bed. He hadn’t expected for her to notice either, but he tries to push it off. Only, she isn’t buying it. “Do Kyungsoo, you are acting weird. Don’t tell me it’s nothing, I’m your wi-friend. I’m your friend. We’re friends. I know everything about you, so it’s okay to tell me.” She turns onto her side to rest her cheek in her hand as she looks up at him. “You can tell me anything.”

There’s a moment where Kyungsoo contemplates it. He feels as if it’s stupid, insignificant. He doesn’t even talk to Jongdae and Chanyeol every day. At least, it’s not often that they talk outside of work. Yet, he’s never cared like he does when it’s Jongin. He misses him, but he isn’t sure how to explain anything without it sounding weird.

How does he explain the weight of Jongin’s question to Minah when it was about Minah and love? How does he explain why it’s important that he hasn’t spoken to Jongin in what he considers to be too long? How does he explain he misses Jongin in a way different from how he misses his other friends?

“You’re thinking too hard,” Minah notices. “Your eyebrows are doing that thing they do when you’re concentrating too hard.” She chuckles and moves to sit upright. Her hand moves to Kyungsoo’s thigh, but the touch is innocent. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. But I’m always here, you know?” Her hand squeezes at his thigh as she continues to look him in the eye. “Always.” He doesn’t know how to respond, and so he chooses to give an appreciative smile. She returns it and moves to turn out the lamp on their bedside table. “Goodnight darling.” The joking tone makes Kyungsoo laugh softly, and it helps to lift the mood.

He wishes that she were enough.

Kyungsoo decides that he should go to see Jongin. He remembers Jongin visiting him at work despite having been busy, and he thinks it’s fair for him to do the same. Maybe Jongin is also stressed. Maybe Jongin is upset or something happened. He feels the need to be there to help Jongin the same way Jongin helped him, and he also feels the need to see Jongin’s face.

He chooses a day where he doesn’t have many meetings to lie about working from home for the day, ignoring any of Chanyeol’s disagreements. It’s Sooyoung who is working the counter that day, and by the way that her eyes widen in surprise, it’s clear she wasn’t expecting to see him. “Kyungsoo!” She calls with a smile, and all the seated customers turn to observe the sudden shout.

Kyungsoo smiles shyly from all the attention and goes behind the counter to give her a hug. “You should come by more often now that I’m back. It’s boring without you around.” He nods in understanding and promises to try and come around often before asking her about Jongin. He’s hesitant about asking, but she smirks at the question as if she knows he’s been missing him. “Jongin has been locked up in his room for days now. Mom tried to get him to come out but he only whines when she does. You can go see him if you want.” Kyungsoo wants to reject the offer. He’s never been to Jongin’s home, let alone his room. But the want to see Jongin outweighs any doubts he has.

“Can you take me to him?” She nods with a smile, as if she already knew that he would want to see Jongin.

“As soon as my shift is over, which is in 15 minutes.” And so Kyungsoo waits.

It turns out that there’s a second story to the pastry shop that Kyungsoo had no idea about. There’s a door in the Kitchen that leads them up to where Jongin’s family live. Sooyoung says that it makes it easier for them to keep an eye on the store. She leads him up the stairs, into their small apartment styled home, and to Jongin’s door. “Jongin!” Sooyoung calls as she pounds on the door. “Jongin get your ass out here! You have a guest!” Kyungsoo stays behind Sooyoung, once again feeling as if he may be unwanted.

“Go away!” Sooyoung sighs.

“It’s your boyfriend!” Kyungsoo’s eyes widen as he stares up at Sooyoung who is only smirking and uncaring of what she’s just said. Kyungsoo wants to question why she would call him Jongin’s boyfriend, but his mouth doesn’t seem to be working. There’s a feeling inside, one wild and strange. He doesn’t know if he likes that feeling.

Things are quiet for a moment, then there’s movement, and the door opens. Jongin glares at Sooyoung but freezes when he sees Kyungsoo standing behind her. Kyungsoo avoids his eyes. “You,” Jongin points at Sooyoung. “Stay out. Kyungsoo… He can come in.” Sooyoung complains about being Jongin’s older sister and how he should treat her with respect (such as not referring to her as “you”), but is ignored when he pulls Kyungsoo inside and leaves her outside.

It’s quiet once again, but it’s the kind of quiet that has Kyungsoo feeling uncomfortable. Jongin’s room is small, only fitting a single bed and a desk. Jongin gestures for Kyungsoo to sit in his desk chair and Kyungsoo does, Jongin taking a seat on his own bed. Once again they’re quiet. Kyungsoo isn’t sure where to start in explaining his presence, but he doesn’t get a chance to think any more on it when Jongin cuts in.

“Don’t listen to what Sooyoung said. She likes to mess around, and she never knows what she’s saying anyway.”

“It’s fine,” he says. Silence. Thinking. Kyungsoo wonders if he should ask about Jongin’s health. He wonders if he should explain why he’s here. He wonders if he should ask if it’s okay to be here. “I was worried about you.” He thinks that’s an okay start, even if it makes him embarrassed to admit it. But it’s the truth. “Is everything okay?” Silence. Nothing. Jongin’s face is blank again, like it is every time he’s examining Kyungsoo. “Jongin?”

“I was hurt before.” He says it so casually, as if it were something people usually say. Kyungsoo doesn’t understand where the sudden confession came from. He never would’ve thought someone would hurt Jongin either. “And I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want to hurt anyone the same way I was hurt.”

“I don’t understand-”

“I don’t want to get hurt again, Kyungsoo.” This time there’s an urgency in his tone, like he’s desperate for Kyungsoo to understand-needs Kyungsoo to understand-but he doesn’t want to say what he’s referring to. There’s a pained look in Jongin’s eyes and that only adds to the confusion Kyungsoo feels. He’s at a loss for words, unsure as to what he should say, or if he should say anything at all. Once again, there’s silence. Then there’s movement as Kyungsoo moves to sit next to Jongin.

His hands itch to comfort Jongin in some way, but he doesn’t know how. He’s never been good at this, taking care of others. He’s not good at it. But Jongin’s important and Jongin’s upset, so he tries to muster up what little social skills he has to help.

“I wouldn’t hurt you, Jongin.” He tries to understand as much as he can. Jongin’s afraid to get hurt and even if Kyungsoo doesn’t know what the true meaning of those sudden words is, he tries to assure Jongin. He doesn’t want to hurt him anyways. He wouldn’t ever hurt him. Jongin is his friend. Jongin is important.

He takes hold of Jongin’s hand and offers a small smile, hoping it’ll help to somehow cheer him up.

Jongin doesn’t look convinced, which only worries Kyungsoo more. His hold tightens, and this time he’s the one who’s desperate. He needs a response, any response, to show that Jongin understands.

“I trust you.” It’s close to a whisper, but Kyungsoo is close enough to hear the words. He lets out a breath he hadn’t realize he was holding. He’s relieved.

Jongin finally looks at Kyungsoo, and even if there’s that unknown pain present, it’s slowly fading. He’s glad, because that pain was starting to pass onto him. He’s never seen Jongin hurt before, and he doesn’t want to ever see it again. Kyungsoo realizes he’s still holding Jongin’s hand, but it’s so warm that he doesn’t think he wants to let go. Jongin is warm too, even in the way he smiles and speaks.

Kyungsoo knows he likes it.

Texts turn into phone calls, which turns into occasional video calls, which turns into lunch every day at a local café, to dinner every other week at the Kim’s. Things are normal after that day. Jongin is all smiles and teases when they’re together, and Kyungsoo is all threats and complaints. In a matter of only a few weeks, the two grow closer. But as the distance between Jongin and Kyungsoo decreases, the distance between Minah and Kyungsoo increases. Kyungsoo doesn’t realize how much time he’s spending with Jongin; neither does he realize how little time he spends with Minah.

Minah isn’t one to get angry easily. Kyungsoo’s always known her as someone who’s patient and easygoing. The only time he’s seen her angry or upset is when she’s dealing with her parents. It’s no secret that she’s more rebellious than Kyungsoo. He can remember the fight she had with her parents when she decided she wanted to work and not live off of his income. Her parents had disagreed, saying that she has no need for work and should allow Kyungsoo-her husband-to take care of her. That was only one of the few incidents where he witnessed her at her angriest. The other was when she had told them that she didn’t want kids.

And that, that had been a fight he’d never forget. However, after witnessing these incidents, he had never been the one on the receiving end. He hadn’t had a fight with Minah once. But when she gripped his sleeve with a look that screamed impatience, he knew that he was in some kind of trouble.

“Do Kyungsoo.” His full name, something she often used when she’s being serious. “We need to talk.” The time on his phone tells him that he’ll be late for work if they “talk,” but the way Minah crosses her arms is telling him that he should.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asks. There’s a flash of irritation in her eyes, and he knows that yes, he definitely did something wrong.

“You know, you’re never spending time with me.” Oh, he thinks. That’s what this is about. He probably should’ve known this was coming, but the part of him that gets lost in Jongin’s company hadn’t realized how Minah feels. He feels even more like a shitty husband. “You’re always working, and when you’re not working you’re spending time with some friend. You never spend time with me anymore. And you don’t even tell me about who this friend is. I don’t even know who they are, but I know Chanyeol and Jongdae, and I don’t understand.”

There’s a feeling of guilt building up inside Kyungsoo. Minah feels left out, and most likely lonely. He’s about to apologize and say something that’ll comfort her, but then her expression softens-maybe she could see the guilt he feels-and her next words have him choking on air. “Are you cheating on me?” It’s a joke. Kyungsoo can tell by the way that she laughs. He’s not sure of how to react. All he can do is force out an awkward laugh and hope she doesn’t notice his nervousness.

It’s not like he is cheating. He isn’t cheating. Yet he finds himself feeling like he is, and that only makes his emotions even more complicated. Jongin is just a friend.

“I’m sorry for making you feel lonely,” he says once he’s recollected himself. “I’ll leave work early today, and we can spend time together. Like old times… like friends…” Only, they’re married now. And maybe “friends” wasn’t a good word to use. Or maybe he’s thinking too much about the term, because Minah is smiling and no longer crossing her arms. She seems calmer now which makes Kyungsoo feel calmer as well.

Kyungsoo sighs after he’s finished up as much as he can for the day. He says goodbye to Chanyeol and Jongdae who complain about Kyungsoo never spending time with them anymore. Kyungsoo chooses not to listen to them whine and complain-he already does enough of that during work, and he’d prefer to not deal with it when he’s halfway out the door.

He’s in the process of thinking up where he could take Minah when he’s startled out of his thoughts by none other than Jongin. He screams at the sight, not expecting to see Jongin standing outside of his work place, and of course this reaction has Jongin laughing at.

“What are you?! Twelve?!” Kyungsoo tries his best to glare at Jongin. That only causes Jongin to laugh harder and really, it isn’t funny. But the way Jongin’s face scrunches up when he laughs is one that makes Kyungsoo feel like his stomach is being attacked. It’s really a pain in the ass. He decides to end the fluttering feeling by getting rid of the source, which is done with a punch to Jongin’s arm.

Kyungsoo feels slightly satisfied with the pained sound Jongin makes. He’s gotten him to shut up, at least. But now Jongin is pouting cutely and whining about mistreatment. “What do you want Jongin?” That pout doesn’t go away, and now Jongin is giving Kyungsoo this kicked puppy expression that he really shouldn’t find himself liking.

He does though. He likes it.

“I thought we were friends. Why are you so cold to me?” Kyungsoo pats at Jongin’s back in a way that’s meant to be comforting.

“Stop being so cute,” he says and smiles when Jongin’s eyes widen. Jongin really is cute, and he seems to get cuter every time they meet.

Jongin’s surprised expression turns into a smirk, and like the conceited bastard he is-something Kyungsoo is starting to realize-says, “I am cute, aren’t I?” He should’ve expected his attempts at getting a rise out of Jongin would fail. Yeah… you are. “Are you all done with work?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’m heading home now.”

“Ah, I wanted to ask if you would like to go see a movie with me. There’s this new movie out and everyone I know is busy. Plus, you’re the only person I know who can tolerate my love for comics.”

There’s a sinking feeling when Jongin invites him out. It’s not like he hasn’t been spending so much time with Jongin, and yet he still doesn’t like the idea of passing up an opportunity to do so. He doesn’t want to turn it down. He almost doesn’t turn him down. But then he remembers Minah and stops himself from doing something stupid like stand her up.

“I’m sorry Jongin, I promised Minah I’d-” he doesn’t get a chance to finish before Jongin cuts in.

“Right… Your wife.” There’s something akin to disappointment in Jongin’s tone. His previous bright smile is gone, and instead there’s a frown. Jongin’s upset, but Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why. “It’s okay, Kyungsoo. We can go some other time. Uhm….” There’s an awkward silence. Jongin’s acting strange. “Have fun with Minah and… I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Kyungsoo nods, mouth open like he wants to speak, but he isn’t sure what to say. He’s at a loss for words and he’s confused. Part of him wants to ask why Jongin’s mood changed, and the other half just wants to scream in frustration.

Jongin doesn’t wait for Kyungsoo to respond anyways. He’s leaving before there’s a chance for Kyungsoo to say goodbye, and so he settles on watching as Jongin leaves. His phone rings and it brings him back to reality where Jongin isn’t the only person that exists. It’s Minah calling, and Kyungsoo remembers that she’s the reason he turned down Jongin’s offer. She asks what time he’ll be home, and after giving an answer, he hangs up and looks back in the direction Jongin had went. He’s gone now. Kyungsoo heads to his car to leave.

It’s a date, really. That’s what Minah calls this “spending time together,” and Kyungsoo doesn’t deny it. Although, he’d rather call it hanging out because it sounds less like they’re lovers and more like they’re friends. It doesn’t feel like a date anyways, because Kyungsoo isn’t really thinking of Minah as much as he’s thinking of Jongin. He wishes he were with Jongin instead.

It doesn’t help that everywhere they go makes him think of Jongin-a coffee shop (Jongin doesn’t like coffee), a park (Jongin would like it here), a store (This would look good on Jongin. He wants a piercing, right?), and even at the restaurant that him and Minah are currently eating at.

Their waitress sets their plates down. Minah’s face lights up when she sees the chicken and meat on their table, eyes as bright as always. Kyungsoo’s the first to taste the chicken, smiling at the taste. He’s the one who ordered it anyway, knowing that Jongin has a love for chicken. Jongin would like this, he thinks, taking note of the restaurant so that he can bring Jongin one day.

There’s a pause. “Who’s Jongin?” Another pause.

“What?” Kyungsoo didn’t think he heard correctly, but Minah is giving him this weird look.

“Jongin. You said something about a Jongin.” Yes. Yes, Kyungsoo heard correctly. His eyes widen as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t be. He feels nervous but he shouldn’t. There’s nothing to be nervous about. Jongin is a friend. There’s nothing wrong with Jongin being a friend.

“He’s a friend.” He doesn’t think she notices the way his grip is tight on his fork.

“Oh,” Minah says. The weird look is gone now, and she adds on a, “the one you’re cheating on me with,” that has Kyungsoo’s eyes going impossibly wide. His mind suddenly races with denials and reassurances that he can’t will himself to voice.

“I’m not, I-” he tries to speak, but Minah is laughing now which makes him feel like dying.

“I’m kidding.” Of course, is all Kyungsoo can really think. He nods and forces out yet another awkward laugh in an attempt to calm himself down. His grip on his fork finally loosens. “So when can I meet him?” Just when Kyungsoo finally composes himself, her question comes in and takes him by surprise. Kyungsoo splutters, Minah laughs.

He forces on a smile despite how uneasy he feels. “Meet him? You want to meet him?”

Minah nods, then hesitates before asking, “is that okay?” Kyungsoo also nods, and he thinks it’s the only thing he can do other than make choking sounds. He tries to relax by telling himself that there’s no reason for him to feel nervous or afraid, because Jongin is just a friend.

“Yeah, it’s fine. He’d love to meet you.” He hopes his voice sounds as normal as he forces it to sound. Minah smiles, which Kyungsoo takes as a success, and they continue eating with the occasional small talk in between.

On their way to Kyungsoo’s car, Minah takes hold of Kyungsoo’s hand. Her fingers slip between his and when she looks up at him she’s all smiles and it’s cute, but not the kind of cute that Jongin is. He suddenly wonders how Jongin’s hand would feel like this-their fingers intertwined and grip strong.

Kyungsoo really wishes Jongin was there.

Part 3