Star Trek Fic: Our Yesterdays and Tomorrows
Title: Our Yesterdays and Tomorrows
Fandom: Star Trek (new movie/TOS)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Author: Kagedtiger
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to its owners, who are not me.
Warnings/Spoilers: Minor spoilers for the movie and MAJOR spoilers for TOS episode "The Journey to Babel."
Series: Part of the Timeverse, taking place about six months after Out of Time
Summary: A re-telling of the TOS episode "The Journey to Babel." Wherein Spock and Kirk, now married, meet up with Spock Prime once more, and Kirk considers the nature of his relationship with his first officer. Credit goes to ragdoll987 and her wonderful fic, "Breaking Points" for the idea of Spock Prime "sharing" with Sassy!Spock (BTW, we're calling him Sassy!Spock now. KTHXBYE.) You'll see what I mean when you get there.
"Dress uniforms, spit and polish... I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be able to stand this. I feel like my neck's in a sling."
Kirk smiled at McCoy's discomfort. He wasn't much happier about the dress uniform himself, still less about the diplomatic mission - two weeks of trying not to put his foot in his mouth - but at least they didn't actually have to be a part of the diplomatic conference. Their only job was to keep the delegates from murdering each other for the time it took to transport them all to Babel, the neutral planetoid where the conference was taking place. Not an easy task; for speakers for peace, many of the ambassadors were surprisingly vicious and bloody-minded. Kirk thought a few of them could even give the Klingons a run for their money.
"The Vulcans are the last group of delegates we have to pick up," Kirk assured the doctor. "As soon as we get them aboard, we'll have our alliance."
"Sure," McCoy griped as they began to walk down the hall. "Formal reception tonight, 114 delegates aboard for two weeks, 32 of them ambassadors, half of them mad at the other half..." He continued on in this vein, but Kirk tuned him out as Spock fell into step with them. The Vulcan seemed unusually pensive. Not that anyone else would have noticed - his face was impassive as usual - but Kirk could feel that he was worried.
? he mentally questioned Spock. The empathic bond that they'd formed since Spock's pon farr had only deepened as they'd continued to spend time together, and feeling each other's thoughts was often easier by now than actually speaking them out loud.
Before Spock could reply, however, the comm beeped, and Kirk picked up the hail from the bridge. "Kirk here." It was Chekov.
"Shuttle craft approaching with the Vulcan party. Estimated one minute to arrival."
The bond flared, and Kirk received the mental image of a man he'd met once before, upon the destruction of Vulcan.
Sarek. Spock's father.
So that's what had him worried.
"Bring them aboard, Mr. Chekov," Kirk said curtly, and ended the communication. He did his best to send feelings of comfort towards Spock, trying to soothe his agitation, and to some extent it worked. As they headed for the hangar bay, he could tell that Spock was running through some mental exercises meant to keep his emotions placid and subdued. He smiled to himself as Spock's mind became an impenetrable wall of math. From the corner of his vision, he saw McCoy rolling his eyes, a long-suffering expression on his face.
In the nearly six months since their bond had been consummated, McCoy had had to become used to seeing incongruous expressions flit across the captain's face as he shared his thoughts with his Vulcan first officer. The doctor often complained about it, claiming that the captain looked as though he were constantly daydreaming, and not always thoughts fit for polite company, either.
A slight flare of agitation from Spock. The direction of Kirk's thoughts were disrupting his concentration. Kirk sent him the mental equivalent of a raunchy grin, to which Spock replied with the mental equivalent of rolled eyes and a return to his mathematical haven. McCoy and Spock were more alike than either of them knew, Kirk thought.
They came to a halt outside the hangar bay just as the doors opened to admit the shuttle craft. As they did, the strangest sensation overwhelmed Kirk. He felt as though he was sensing a mental echo; his bond with Spock was suddenly two-toned, feeling not only his First Officer's thoughts as before, but another set of thoughts, far dimmer, like something he could just barely hear in the distance. His confusion was enough to bring Spock out of his calming procedures, concerned for his captain's well-being.
They had just long enough for Kirk to realize that Spock was not feeling the same echo, even though it seemed to involve their bond, before the shuttlecraft had landed, hangar bay doors closed, and they had to prepare to greet the ambassador. Kirk watched as the personnel lining the hangar snapped to attention, and the shuttle craft doors opened. Then, he and his first officer started simultaneously as they caught their first glimpse of the ambassador.
It was not Sarek, after all.
The Old Spock, the one from another future, the one who had helped them to defeat Nero, stepped solemnly off his ship and made his way towards them. Kirk was still gaping when the younger Spock recovered his wits. "Ambassador," he said, holding up his hand in the Vulcan salute. "We come to serve."
Spock inclined his head towards his younger counterpart in a minimalist bow, and returned with, "Your service honors us."
"You must pardon our surprise," the younger Spock said smoothly, "we were expecting Ambassador Sarek. By what name may we call you?"
"You may call me Torik," said Old Spock. "Your father, Ambassador Sarek, unfortunately had to remain on the colony for emergency heart surgery. While there is every likelihood that he shall recover, given how early his disease was caught, his hospitalization precluded him from attending, and I happened to be available to take his place."
Kirk finally found his voice again. "Well, we're honored to have you on board, Ambassador Sp- uh, Torik." The sensation of a psychic echo had grown stronger. It didn't seem dangerous in any way, but it was highly distracting, like having two people trying to talk to him at once.
"Thank you, Captain," said Old Spock. "When you have the opportunity, there is a matter I would like to discuss with you privately."
"Sure," said Kirk. "Spock, will you see to the rest of the Vulcan delegation, make sure they get settled?"
"Yes Captain."
Kirk turned to the older Spock and smiled. "Shall we?" he asked.
"I was going to take you on a tour of the ship," Kirk joked somewhat awkwardly as the door to the ambassador's quarters shut behind them, "but I guess that'd be pretty redundant at this point."
Spock wasted no time in small talk, jumping instead right to the matter at hand. "Captain," he said, "I believe you will find that Thelev, a member of the Andorian retinue, is actually an Orian spy placed among the Andorian delegation without their knowledge. He is in communication with a ship in this vicinity, a highly volatile craft which will momentarily attempt to attack the Enterprise. Lieutenant Uhura will shortly intercept a fragment of one of these communications. You can use the transmitter that you will find on the Orian spy to pinpoint the location of the enemy ship and fire on it while it is still unsuspecting. Exercise caution, as the alien vessel is capable of great speed. If you address both of these problems immediately, you may save the life of the Tellurite Ambassador, Gav, and give us all a much more pleasant and easy voyage."
Kirk stared at him in shock for a moment, then shook his head. "Wow," he muttered. "You really don't care about the whole 'changing history' thing, huh."
Spock's face was impassive, but Kirk could still tell that he was somewhat amused. ...How could he tell that? This wasn't his Spock. What was-
"History is remarkably unchangeable, Jim," said Spock, interrupting his thoughts. "As you and I ourselves discovered over the course of our journeys together, the universe acts to rectify changes to its predetermined timeline as necessary. Small events require small coincidences to change, while the destruction of Vulcan has no doubt engendered events of remarkable unlikelihood in order to bring history back towards its correct path. Details may change, but destiny does not."
"How long do I have before the spy kills the Tellurite ambassador?" Kirk asked.
"I believe you should attempt to address that issue before the formal reception tonight," Spock told him.
"Shit," Kirk muttered, rubbing his temples. It was difficult to think with this new echo shadowing his thoughts. From across the ship, the younger Spock's concern reached him. Alright? Jim?
Fine, he returned, although he knew he would have to speak with his First Officer as soon as possible. He felt Spock's acknowledgment of this.
A hail came through the room's communicator. Spock. "Yes, Captain?" he asked.
"Meet me in sickbay as soon as you're done there," Kirk told him. "We have problems. Kirk out."
He turned back to the older Spock to excuse himself, only to see the older Vulcan's eyebrows lifted in a less-than-subtle expression of shock. Belatedly, Kirk realized that his First Officer had just hailed him based on a mental need, rather than a physical call. It seemed this Spock was perfectly aware of the implications of this.
"You have bonded," said the ambassador in a surprised voice.
"It's... complicated," Kirk hedged.
"Fascinating. I had wondered how the universe would rectify the rocky circumstances of your first encounter. Myself and my Jim did not get off to quite as antagonistic a start as the two of you, but our relationship never ultimately became sexual. Have you formally married?"
Kirk scratched the back of his head in an embarrassed gesture. Something about hearing this Spock use the word "sexual" seemed wrong. Like getting The Talk from your grandfather. "Yeah, but... look, we don't like to talk about it, okay? I mean, I'm sure everyone on the ship pretty much knows by this point, at least the ones who aren't completely dense, but it's not exactly something we discuss. It's sort of... personal."
This time Spock raised a single eyebrow at him, and Kirk realized who he was talking to. Personal, yes, but, technically speaking, this Spock was one of the "persons" involved. Sort of. Actually, come to think of it...
Kirk's eyes widened. "You!" he said. "You're the echo!"
"Echo?"
Kirk concentrated on the dim, secondary emotional wavelength in his head and... yes. Yes, it was definitely this Spock. He could feel the curiosity, and the mild concern. "I'm getting some kind of weird interference with the bond. Like, in addition to what's normal, I can also feel you just a little bit. Kind of like before the bond was, uh... completed, but even a little weaker than that. It's... I can't really explain it."
"Fascinating," said the Vulcan ambassador, tilting his head to look at Kirk as though he was a scientific specimen. "Because he and I are technically the same person, your affinity for him must allow you to pick up on myself as well. Such a situation has never before arisen. This is quite a valuable opportunity for study-"
Kirk held up his hands, fending off what he could feel was a growing curiosity. "Look, I have to go deal with the whole 'spy' problem right now, okay? We can discuss the fact that you're not allowed to dissect me like a lab rat later."
Spock inclined his head. "Of course. I shall look forward to that discussion. Please bring my young counterpart with you when you return. He should be a part of this conversation as well."
"Will do," said Kirk, and fled the room.
His own Spock was already waiting for him when he reached the sickbay, as was McCoy.
"I think we have a spy among us," Kirk said without hesitation. "Bones, I need you to call down the Andorian second, Thelev, for a physical. Claim it's a routine screening of all new passengers or something, I don't care. I need you to use a bioscan to confirm that he's actually an Orian. Once we're sure, then I can lock him up."
Spock glanced at him, knowing without being told how Kirk must have found out about the spy. But McCoy was not as easy to persuade.
"What d' ya mean, spy?" he asked, scowling. "How can you possibly know that? The Andorians haven't even been here a full day, and you haven't seen them for more than five minutes! And if he is a spy, what makes you think he's going to gamely submit to a bioscan, anyway? What am I supposed to do if he pulls a phazer on me?"
"I'll have security standing by," Kirk assured him. "You're just going to have to trust me on this one, Bones. Now, you get to that, I've got to get up to the bridge. Uhura-"
Just then there was a hail on the comm. "Uhura here," came the Lieutenant's voice from the bridge when Kirk answered it. "Captain, I picked up some sort of signal. Just a few symbols - nothing intelligible."
Kirk grinned. Perhaps this mission would be interesting after all. "I'll be up on the bridge in a moment, Lieutenant. Kirk out."
He winked at Bones, who was still scowling at him, even deeper now. "Spock," he said, "organize a security detail for our dear doctor here, then meet me on the bridge." And then he was off to the turbolift.
When he got to the bridge, Kirk ordered Uhura not to scan the area. "Pretend we never noticed anything," he said. "We're just continuing towards Babel, gonna have a fun little conference, and not in any way on the alert for something that might be stalking us."
Uhura frowned. "You know where the transmission came from?" she asked skeptically.
"I do indeed, I do indeed," said Kirk. "And surprise is of vital importance. Hopefully I should have some information shortly that will let us pinpoint the exact location of the ship that's chasing us, and then we're going hit it with everything we can. Until then, make sure they don't know that we know that they're following us."
"Yes Sir," said Uhura, sounding confused.
Just then, Spock appeared on the bridge. Kirk smiled at him. Spock did not smile physically, but his mind did. "The doctor is prepared to execute his ruse," his First Officer informed him.
"Good, good." Kirk rubbed his hands together. "Well, I guess now we wait and see what happens."
They didn't wait long. Less than half an hour later, the bridge received a hail from sickbay. "Jim, you owe me one," came McCoy's perpetually cranky voice.
"You got him?" Kirk asked unnecessarily.
"We got him," McCoy confirmed. "He didn't even let us do the scan. Attacked first when he found out what we wanted. Security had to stun him, and then we scanned him while he was unconscious. He's an Orian, all right. We also found some kind of transmitter in the struggle. It was hidden in his antennae."
"Have security escort the prisoner to the brig, and have someone else bring the transmitter up here. Good work Bones."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Kirk out." Kirk pressed the button to end the communication with a feeling of satisfaction.
"No sweep," Kirk said softly. Even though he knew there was no way the other vessel could possibly hear them speaking, the low, secretive tone felt somehow appropriate to their situation. "Just lock onto the coordinates. Fire, then sweep afterwards. On my mark. Three... two... one... mark!"
"A hit, captain!" said Chekov happily, and Kirk grinned. "They're dead in the water, Sir."
"Good job everyone," said Kirk, relaxing. "Alright. Hold them with the tractor beam, prepare to take aboard prisoners for questioning. Lieutenant Uhura, I want-"
He was interrupted by a fiery explosion on the viewscreen, bright enough to make him turn. He gaped for just a moment, before snapping, "Chekov! What just happened?"
"I-I'm not certain, Captain," the Russian man stuttered. "We did not injure it badly enough for that kind of explosion..."
"A suicide mission," said Spock. "They must have been prepared to self-destruct all along. That is the only thing that can explain these readings."
"Readings?" asked Kirk.
"Based on the information we managed to obtain in the seconds before the ship's destruction, I can deduce that the ship was operating with an extremely dangerous power utilization curve. Such a state indicates that they never intended to return from this mission. They planned to self-destruct all along, if they did not perish in the attempt."
Kirk swore quietly. It was the one sore spot on an otherwise perfectly executed plan. But at least the Enterprise was safe; that was what was important.
"Send a message down to medical," said Kirk. "Make sure the spy we captured doesn't intend similar measures. Right now, I believe we have a reception to prepare for."
He made his way to the turbolift, and Spock followed him in. Once there, Kirk leaned against the wall, frustration overtaking him. It had been so neat, too! And now they'd never know. Well, hopefully they'd be able to get something out of the fake Andorian later.
Spock was watching him, and Kirk felt the Vulcan's sympathy for his frustration. Spock held out the first two fingers of one hand, palm upwards.
Kirk smiled, and held out the fingers of his own hand, touching them to Spock's lightly. Through their physical contact, the bond sharpened, and reminded them both of their connection to the other. Spock, lying happy and sated by his side after the pon farr, had explained the meaning of this Vulcan gesture to him as, "Similar to the human gesture of a light kiss on the cheek. Showing affection and indicating the presence of a bond, but appropriate even in polite company." Even in polite Vulcan company, which was just about the politest company you could get.
Spock's calm understanding was a reminder to Kirk not to let this get to him, and so he did his best to put it out of his mind. After all, they'd have diplomats to worry about and to keep from each other's throats at the reception, and though they might have averted outright murder, there was still plenty that could go wrong. They'd have to stay alert and focused.
They reached the deck with the officer's quarters, and Kirk reluctantly let his hand fall away from Spock's. Although their relationship was pretty much an open secret on the ship, they still maintained a strict "no public displays of affection" policy, and kept up the pretense of being no more than friends. It was easier to maintain the respect of the crew, and while marriage between officers on a ship was not technically against any Starfleet regulations, it was not precisely encouraged. And neither of them were entirely comfortable with the idea of public awareness of their relationship.
There was not truly much to do to prepare for the reception - Kirk grabbed a quick shower, and assumed Spock did the same in his own quarters, then double-checked to make sure he was presentable and headed out to the reception room. He'd been wearing his dress uniform since his earlier greeting of the Vulcans, and hadn't had an opportunity to change out of it all day. Had it really only been that morning?
He met Spock again in the hallway on the way to the reception, and smiled at him. Spock sent him the mental impression of a smile, although as usual his facial expression did not change. He did, however, nod slightly in acknowledgment.
The reception was already in full swing when they got there, and Kirk was oddly surprised to see Old Spock once again. He'd forgotten about the change of Ambassador. The return of the strangely jarring echo reminded him with a good deal of force.
Spock sent him another query, sensing Kirk's confusion, and this time Kirk was able to send him back thoughts, impressions, and images that conveyed to his bondmate exactly what he thought was happening. Spock's eyebrows rose, and there was the understanding between them that they would speak with Spock's older counterpart in private later on.
Before the party had ended, Kirk was forced to break up three different arguments before they could come to blows. One of them involved Ambassador Spock himself and the Tellurite ambassador who would not stop harassing him. Kirk suspected it didn't help that Spock seemed to be regarding the whole situation with veiled amusement; Kirk got the impression that the old Vulcan had seen this all before from a slightly different point of view.
Kirk was fairly exhausted by the end of the so-called "festivities," but not tired enough that he didn't want to keep his appointment with Old Spock. He met his own Spock outside of the captain's chambers after he'd changed, and they made their way down the hall together. Kirk could sense Spock's curiosity about the echo in the bond, and his interest - despite his academic awareness that it was quite probably unwise - in meeting his future counterpart once more.
Despite Kirk's own fatigue, he felt his energy returning with his nerves as they made their way to Old Spock's chambers. The feeling of agitation made him walk quickly, and he felt the soft, questioning touch of Spock's mind to his own.
Why nervous?
Kirk shrugged, feeling almost unaccountably silly. "It's just... well, we haven't seen him since me and you... you know. And I guess I want him to approve. I mean, I thought I was going to be meeting your father on this trip. How much worse is this? Because he's sort of like your father, but he's also, well, you, and of course I want you to approve..."
He trailed off as they came to a halt in front of the ambassador's chambers. He wasn't sure he'd been too clear in his explanation, but Spock would know what he meant. Spock always knew what he meant. And he did - just before the doors opened, Spock extended two fingers to Kirk in the familiar Vulcan gesture of endearment. Kirk gratefully joined his own fingers to the Vulcan's, and, thus joined, they entered the room.
The Old Spock made no comment on the gesture as the two entered, but he was obviously aware of it. That sort of contact, made in public, was a gesture reserved for officially joined couples, not something used without meaning. Instead, the ambassador gestured the two younger men to a couch in the room, while seating himself in a chair opposite. Kirk and Spock sat, letting their hands fall apart, and waited for the ambassador to begin.
"Judging by the absence of Thelev's presence at the reception, I take it the situation has been dealt with?" the ambassador opened with.
Kirk nodded. "Thanks for the heads-up. We didn't manage to capture the ship, unfortunately - it self-destructed. But we have the spy in captivity, and hopefully we'll be able to get something out of him."
"I would be most curious to find out the details myself," said the ambassador. "In my own timeline, Thelev poisoned himself before we were able to extract any information from him about his mission." The Vulcan paused, eyeing them both seriously. "But I see that many things about this timeline are different from my own."
Kirk and Spock exchanged a glance. Kirk felt embarrassed, but his own Spock seemed fairly calm, all things considered. The younger Vulcan turned back to his older counterpart. "I take it you never bonded with Jim's equivalent in your own time?"
"Our relationship was not sexual, no," confirmed Old Spock. "Though I daresay it may have been as deep. I am rather curious as to how this came about, although I might hazard a few guesses."
"Not sexual at all?" Kirk interrupted. Spock had said this before, and it had been bothering him. He didn't want to think too much about why it bothered him, lest he agitate his own Spock, but he wanted answers. "Like, you were never even curious? Never wanted to try it out? Experiment a little?"
"As Captain and First Officer, it would not have been appropriate," answered the Old Spock. He paused. "Not, of course, that that ever stopped you. As for experimentation... I must admit that it did occur once. After my first pon farr we had a brief... encounter, but it did not go beyond that." He glanced between the two of them again. "I take it that same pon farr was somehow responsible for this?"
"Not precisely," said Spock.
"Involved, maybe. I wouldn't really say 'responsible,'" said Kirk.
"It was more the fault of the severance of the engagement bond with T'Pring," Spock finished. Kirk thought, somewhat tangentially, about how much McCoy hated it when they finished each others' sentences like that.
"Ah yes, of course." Spock bowed his head. "She would have been among the casualties of the planet. That must have been very difficult for you."
"I imagine you are familiar with the symptoms," said the younger Spock, not acknowledging his counterpart's sympathy. "They were originally directed towards Lieutenant Uhura, with whom I was involved at the time."
"But it didn't quite work out that way," Kirk picked up. "I sort of, uh, got in the way, I guess you could say. Anyway, we ended up bonding instead, and then when the time for the pon farr came, we just... didn't dissolve it. I guess I couldn't." Spock's answer to his last question was still bothering him slightly. The other Spock and Kirk had never gotten together. They'd tried sex, and it just hadn't suited them. Did that mean...? Was his Spock right? Was it only the bond that made the difference, that broke that barrier? Was he only involved with Spock because he'd been mentally coerced? The thought was terrible, and he tried to keep it to himself, but the bond was far too strong for that, and Spock looked at him sharply with a small frown. They made a silent mental agreement to discuss it later.
"I see," said the ambassador, politely ignoring the silent exchange between the two of them. "At the risk of sounding rude, Captain, that sounds entirely in keeping with your character."
Kirk rolled his eyes and felt amusement from his Spock. "ANYway," he said, "that's how it happened. I couldn't stand to let him go, and so we got married. It's..." he trailed off. He had been going to say, 'it's not that big of a deal,' but that would've been a lie. It WAS a big deal. It was a very big deal. The biggest deal of his life. It was so big that half the time he didn't even notice it. It was like a foundation on which the rest of his life rested, a daily constant that underlayed everything he did and everything he thought. It was the biggest and most important thing that had ever happened to him.
He reached out almost subconsciously towards Spock, and found Spock's hand already reaching towards him on the couch. They met, fingers joining as they had been when they'd entered the room. This time, they stayed that way.
"It's not quite what I expected," Kirk finished instead.
"I imagine not," said the older Spock, and he sounded amused. Kirk relaxed slightly. "It seems to also be the cause of the psychic interference you are feeling, am I correct?"
"Yes, I am most curious about this myself," said the younger Spock, turning to him. "What is this 'echo'?"
"It's..." Kirk frowned, trying to pinpoint the feeling in his mind. It was faint, hardly worth mentioning most of the time, but every time he thought that maybe he was imagining it, maybe it was too faint to even notice, he'd get a sort of whiff of it again, a brush of a foreign mind, and he'd be startled into awareness once more. "It's not very strong. It's just that I can feel you a little bit." He turned to the ambassador. "It's like when I feel him, but it's much fainter. It's almost not there, except that it definitely is."
"Fascinating," said the two Spocks in unison. Kirk resisted the urge to slap himself in the forehead.
"This would be an amazingly unique opportunity for study-" his Spock began, but Kirk held up a hand.
"No, okay? Just no. I'll write down exactly what I've noticed later if it makes the two of you happy, but I'm not going to let you experiment on me. I know you, and we'd be at it for days, probably taking little steps back and forth down the corridor from each other to find exactly what ranges it works at, and just, no. Not happening."
Both Spocks were disappointed at this, but Kirk held firm. He'd let himself be the victim of Vulcan experimentation exactly twice before, and it was not happening again. Sometimes Spock's scientific curiosity got the better of him, and Kirk was not going to be the heel of it this time. "Let's just say that the nature of our relationship is different this time around, and leave it at that," said Kirk firmly, indicating (at least he hoped) that that was the end of it.
Old Spock, at least, seemed content to let the subject drop. The Vulcan turned once more to the younger Spock. "And other changes as well... I understand our mother was among the casualties of our planet's death."
The younger Spock bowed his head, which was all the answer necessary. Kirk felt his grief through the bond, and modified their contact from the Vulcan gesture of affection to a more human one - taking Spock's hand in his own and squeezing. Spock squeezed back, grateful for the reassurance.
"I do not say this simply to bring you grief," said the old Vulcan quietly. "I have been thinking on the matter for some time, and I feel it is unfair for you to be deprived of that woman's deep love and wisdom as you have been. Because I share some responsibility in the matter, I would like to offer you what small condolence I may. If you would be willing to share your mind with me, I would pass on to you the memories I have of her, all that I have that you will not have a chance to experience for yourself. It is the least I can do."
Through the contact of their joined hands, the bond was sharp and distinct, and Kirk clearly felt Spock's mix of emotions. Grief, hope, fear, excitement, gratitude - none of which showed on his face.
"I would be very grateful for such an opportunity," said Spock quietly.
Their talk turned to other matters then, far easier to talk about. The older Spock seemed quite curious about their relationship, and questioned for details that sometimes just bordered on a voyeuristic prying. But Kirk new better than to assign the Vulcan indecent motives. Spock was curious, as he was about all things in life, and this was something that pertained directly to him, an insight perhaps into what might have been. Kirk wondered if maybe, in his own peculiar, Vulcan way, Old Spock was jealous.
When it began to grow late, Kirk finally stood, ready to sleep. "Thank you for your excellent conversation, Ambassador," he said - and truly, it had been excellent - "but I think I've got to catch a few winks. Need to be well-rested for duty tomorrow, and all. So I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say goodnight. I'm sure we'll talk again before we reach Babel."
"I'm certain," said Old Spock, bowing his head to Kirk.
"If you do not mind, Jim, and if the ambassador is not too fatigued, I believe I shall stay a bit longer," said his Spock. "I would like to share the mind meld of which the ambassador spoke earlier."
"Of course," said Old Spock.
Kirk hesitated slightly, sending his concern to Spock across the bond. But the young Vulcan waved him off. Still, Kirk wasn't quite sure that Spock should be handling this alone. "If you need me, I'll be in my quarters," he said. "Anything at all. You know you're welcome."
"Of course," said the young Spock, sounding strangely like his counterpart.
Kirk nodded, somewhat mollified, and headed back to his room.
He didn't sleep. He tried to, briefly, but he was too worried about Spock. And so he was not asleep half an hour later when he felt Spock seeking him out, the Vulcan's mind a turmoil of grief, love, and loss. He was sitting up on the edge of the bed when Spock entered his room, and the Vulcan made no pretense as he collapsed into Kirk's embrace, burying his face against Kirk's shoulder.
It took Kirk a few seconds to register and interpret Spock's shaking shoulders, and realize what a precious gift he was being given. Spock was crying. Kirk tightened his hold around the Vulcan's shoulders, as though he could shield Spock from the Vulcan's own emotions, and shared his grief through the bond. It was all he could do.
Spock's sobs stopped rather abruptly when his control reasserted itself, but he still remained pressed against Kirk's chest a bit longer, reaffirming his control, solidifying it, so that when he finally straightened, it barely looked like he'd been crying at all. "She was an amazing woman," he said softly. "It is a pity I did not get more time with her."
Kirk said nothing, but used their shared contact to feel what Spock was feeling, and to send back thoughts of comfort. They were still, silent, and it was everything they needed. Eventually, Kirk said, "Tell me about her."
And so Spock did. Through the bond, Kirk received images and sensations second hand that gave him some small piece of what Spock had experienced. He learned how Spock's mother had always been there, caring and proud, understanding his need to be Vulcan, but always sympathetic towards his human side. He learned how hard she'd worked to mend the rift between Spock and his father, and how she'd helped him find his way back to his emotions when they'd all been lost in the severing of his katra. He learned of the woman she'd been, and the woman she would have been.
When Spock had finished, they were silent a short while longer. "Stay here tonight," Kirk murmured finally, reaching down to tug off Spock's shoes.
"I shouldn't," Spock muttered, but Kirk knew him well enough to know that he was already convinced, his mind weary and content.
Kirk helped Spock undress, and they lay together quietly in Kirk's bed. Almost absently, Kirk reached up and kissed Spock's forehead.
It was true that it was different, this physical intimacy. It was different than what Kirk was used to with women - the sex was different too. There was always something slightly off, something missing from the act of sex. He was not as comfortable with this hard-edged fight for domination, missed the soft acquiescence and understanding of the female form. But he also had something more here, a blending of minds, hearts, and souls that he would not give up for anything, not for a thousand meaningless women. Anything the sexual experience might lack was more than made up for by the spirituality of it, the intensity of their joining.
Then again, Kirk thought with a sudden jolt of breathlessness as Spock reached down almost nonchalantly to grab his cock, the sex itself wasn't too bad either.
The next morning Spock left early, as he always did, to get back to his room to shower and change. Kirk wondered once again, as he had several times now, if maybe they shouldn't just move in together, crew opinions be damned. They were married - it was allowed. There shouldn't have been a problem. Somehow though, he'd just never gotten around to asking Spock. It hadn't seemed appropriate, somehow. Kirk sighed, rolled out of bed, and started his day.
The delegates on board kept everyone surprisingly busy. All spare crew members were engaged in making sure that the ambassadors were all comfortable, and had everything they needed. Each spare minute was occupied in seeing to some detail or another - quarters needing to be moved so that so-and-so was not near such-and-such, atmospheric conditions not quite right for this species or that, special rituals and observances to make sure some delegation was not mortally offended, and so on. Not only the day, but the week passed incredibly quickly.
Kirk had little time to spend with either Spock. The ambassador he managed to see here and there - particularly at meals - for some polite conversation, but rarely in private enough conditions to have any kind of in-depth discussion. His own Spock he saw only at night, to sleep, and even then barely at all.
It was nearing the end of the second week already before he had a chance to spend another evening with the ambassador, alone in the Vulcan's chambers. Without his own Spock there to distract him, the echo of the bond seemed louder, so that he was quite aware of the emotions beneath Spock's calm that the Vulcan did not reveal. Or perhaps that was merely familiarity?
Kirk had been thinking a lot this week about what he wanted to ask the ambassador, but now that it came down to it, he wasn't sure how to frame his question.
"So," he tried, when they'd gotten past smalltalk and he felt safe broaching a more serious topic, "you and your Kirk, you never... I mean, it never really... it wasn't that..." He sighed in frustration. Despite this Spock being an older version of his own, it was surprisingly hard to ask the man - ostensibly a near stranger - such a personal question.
But Spock didn't seem to mind. He fixed Kirk with a firm look. "I know you, James T. Kirk," he said. "I believe I can adequately predict your concern."
Kirk breathed out, hoping this was true, because he wasn't sure he could really explain himself. "Yeah?" he said.
"You are concerned that because my relationship with my captain was not sexual, yours was not meant to be so. You are worried that you were coerced into the relationship by the strength of the mental bond with my counterpart."
"Yeah, basically," Kirk confirmed. "I mean, I... I know how I feel, and I know I can't lose him, but I don't know... if those emotions are mine, you know?"
"Allow me to lay your fears to rest as best I can," said the ambassador kindly. "Though I never bonded with my captain, he was still my t'hy'la. Though we did not have sex, he was still the most important person in my life, and I the most important person in his. Though we did not have the bond, there was still love between us, Jim. That has not changed. You and he may express it differently, and sooner, than he and I, but this is a strength. This bond carried me through many difficulties in my life. If you have found it already, then it can only make you stronger. What ties the two of you is destiny, and nothing less."
Kirk stared at the room's carpet, unsure of his own emotions. His own Spock was asleep, or at least in meditation, and so was not available for input. Kirk thought of waking him - knew he could do it with a thought - but decided not to. They were all exhausted - his first officer needed the rest.
"Love..." Kirk murmured quietly.
"Is it so strange?" asked the ambassador. "He trusts you with everything he is, as I know you trust him. You have proved that you would rather pursue the bond, with all it implies, than dissolve it. You have shown that it is more important to you to have him than to have the ability to pursue others. You have married. It is not logical to avoid naming what is very clearly and simply love. It need not be frightening."
"It is though," said Kirk, almost to himself. "I mean... I don't know. I guess I always sort of thought that one day I'd go back to the girls, you know? I mean, even knowing what I have, knowing that I'm not going to give him up, it's like I've been waiting for things to go back to normal. Even though I guess this is normal for me now. I wouldn't feel right without it."
"You are a man of deep feeling," said Spock, "but as such, I fear you may over-complicate your own emotions at times. All you need do is understand and accept what you already possess."
"You approve, then?" Kirk asked, his voice sarcastic, but his intent unexpectedly serious.
"It is not for me to approve, but for you to live," the Vulcan told him. "But were my opinion to matter, I could only approve. To disapprove would be the greatest hypocrisy of my life, and a dishonor to the memory of the man I cared about most."
Kirk nodded, feeling strangely awkward, and changed the subject, but the conversation did not continue long after that. Kirk excused himself some fifteen minutes later and made his way back to his room, thoughts swirling with what Spock had said to him.
When he opened the door to his quarters he paused, startled - Spock, his Spock, was already there, fast asleep in his bed. Kirk smiled, a feeling of nearly absurd tenderness welling up inside him. He undressed quietly and slipped into the bed, slipping an arm around the Vulcan as he did so. Spock murmured and shifted at the contact, drawing him closer. "Jim?" he muttered, his eyes fluttering halfway open.
"Hey Spock?" Kirk whispered, idly stroking the Vulcan's back. "Do you want to live with me? Move in here? My quarters are more than big enough for the both of us."
"In the morning, Jim," Spock murmured, closing his eyes again, and Kirk wasn't sure if he meant they'd talk about it then, or if he'd just agreed and was prepared to move his belongings as soon as he woke. But Kirk supposed it was all the same.
Saying goodbye was a somewhat poignant affair. He wanted to say more to the older Spock, wanted to thank him for things he wasn't even sure he fully understood, but it was impossible in the less-than-private atmosphere of the transporter room. They'd said their private goodbyes earlier, but somehow, seeing him actually leave was different. In a way, Kirk felt a little silly for feeling Spock's departure as strongly as he did. It wasn't his Spock leaving, after all. But somehow, it felt like it. Only the presence of his own Spock at his side made it easier.
"We were honored by your presence here," said Young Spock, holding up his hand with fingers spread. "Peace and long life."
The older Spock echoed the gesture, but said nothing. His expression was enigmatic, as it always was, but contained the hint of a smile. Through the faint echoing of the bond, Kirk felt a sense of pride, and a sort of satisfaction. He was pleased with them. Kirk felt something in himself ease at the thought.
"I wish you both all the best, and I hope to see you again in the future. I will be curious to see how you have... progressed."
"Thank you, Sir," said the younger Spock, bowing his head. "For everything."
The older Spock nodded, almost to himself, and turned, mounting the transporter pad. When he turned around again, his eyes were fixed on Kirk, and Kirk felt a faint, wistful loneliness echo across the bond before the older Vulcan disappeared. He kept the sensation close to his heart.
As he and Young Spock fell into stride moving back down the corridor, Kirk asked, "So, when do you think that you'll be able to get your stuff over to my quarters?"
Spock was silent for a moment, calculating, and said finally, "I do not have much. If you assist me, it is conceivable that we could accomplish it between shifts."
Kirk thought about Spock's strange Vulcan decorations hanging on his wall, Spock's meditation pallet in the corner of their shared bedroom. He thought of warm nights wrapped up in each other, and leisurely mornings where Spock wouldn't have to run back to his own quarters to shower and change. He thought about Them, and about Together, and he thought that it was good.
He reached out a hand to Spock, first two fingers extended, and felt his first officer, his lover and husband, meet them with his own, as they walked down the ship's corridor for all to see.
-------------------
Read more Timeverse stories
Fandom: Star Trek (new movie/TOS)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Author: Kagedtiger
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to its owners, who are not me.
Warnings/Spoilers: Minor spoilers for the movie and MAJOR spoilers for TOS episode "The Journey to Babel."
Series: Part of the Timeverse, taking place about six months after Out of Time
Summary: A re-telling of the TOS episode "The Journey to Babel." Wherein Spock and Kirk, now married, meet up with Spock Prime once more, and Kirk considers the nature of his relationship with his first officer. Credit goes to ragdoll987 and her wonderful fic, "Breaking Points" for the idea of Spock Prime "sharing" with Sassy!Spock (BTW, we're calling him Sassy!Spock now. KTHXBYE.) You'll see what I mean when you get there.
"Dress uniforms, spit and polish... I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be able to stand this. I feel like my neck's in a sling."
Kirk smiled at McCoy's discomfort. He wasn't much happier about the dress uniform himself, still less about the diplomatic mission - two weeks of trying not to put his foot in his mouth - but at least they didn't actually have to be a part of the diplomatic conference. Their only job was to keep the delegates from murdering each other for the time it took to transport them all to Babel, the neutral planetoid where the conference was taking place. Not an easy task; for speakers for peace, many of the ambassadors were surprisingly vicious and bloody-minded. Kirk thought a few of them could even give the Klingons a run for their money.
"The Vulcans are the last group of delegates we have to pick up," Kirk assured the doctor. "As soon as we get them aboard, we'll have our alliance."
"Sure," McCoy griped as they began to walk down the hall. "Formal reception tonight, 114 delegates aboard for two weeks, 32 of them ambassadors, half of them mad at the other half..." He continued on in this vein, but Kirk tuned him out as Spock fell into step with them. The Vulcan seemed unusually pensive. Not that anyone else would have noticed - his face was impassive as usual - but Kirk could feel that he was worried.
? he mentally questioned Spock. The empathic bond that they'd formed since Spock's pon farr had only deepened as they'd continued to spend time together, and feeling each other's thoughts was often easier by now than actually speaking them out loud.
Before Spock could reply, however, the comm beeped, and Kirk picked up the hail from the bridge. "Kirk here." It was Chekov.
"Shuttle craft approaching with the Vulcan party. Estimated one minute to arrival."
The bond flared, and Kirk received the mental image of a man he'd met once before, upon the destruction of Vulcan.
Sarek. Spock's father.
So that's what had him worried.
"Bring them aboard, Mr. Chekov," Kirk said curtly, and ended the communication. He did his best to send feelings of comfort towards Spock, trying to soothe his agitation, and to some extent it worked. As they headed for the hangar bay, he could tell that Spock was running through some mental exercises meant to keep his emotions placid and subdued. He smiled to himself as Spock's mind became an impenetrable wall of math. From the corner of his vision, he saw McCoy rolling his eyes, a long-suffering expression on his face.
In the nearly six months since their bond had been consummated, McCoy had had to become used to seeing incongruous expressions flit across the captain's face as he shared his thoughts with his Vulcan first officer. The doctor often complained about it, claiming that the captain looked as though he were constantly daydreaming, and not always thoughts fit for polite company, either.
A slight flare of agitation from Spock. The direction of Kirk's thoughts were disrupting his concentration. Kirk sent him the mental equivalent of a raunchy grin, to which Spock replied with the mental equivalent of rolled eyes and a return to his mathematical haven. McCoy and Spock were more alike than either of them knew, Kirk thought.
They came to a halt outside the hangar bay just as the doors opened to admit the shuttle craft. As they did, the strangest sensation overwhelmed Kirk. He felt as though he was sensing a mental echo; his bond with Spock was suddenly two-toned, feeling not only his First Officer's thoughts as before, but another set of thoughts, far dimmer, like something he could just barely hear in the distance. His confusion was enough to bring Spock out of his calming procedures, concerned for his captain's well-being.
They had just long enough for Kirk to realize that Spock was not feeling the same echo, even though it seemed to involve their bond, before the shuttlecraft had landed, hangar bay doors closed, and they had to prepare to greet the ambassador. Kirk watched as the personnel lining the hangar snapped to attention, and the shuttle craft doors opened. Then, he and his first officer started simultaneously as they caught their first glimpse of the ambassador.
It was not Sarek, after all.
The Old Spock, the one from another future, the one who had helped them to defeat Nero, stepped solemnly off his ship and made his way towards them. Kirk was still gaping when the younger Spock recovered his wits. "Ambassador," he said, holding up his hand in the Vulcan salute. "We come to serve."
Spock inclined his head towards his younger counterpart in a minimalist bow, and returned with, "Your service honors us."
"You must pardon our surprise," the younger Spock said smoothly, "we were expecting Ambassador Sarek. By what name may we call you?"
"You may call me Torik," said Old Spock. "Your father, Ambassador Sarek, unfortunately had to remain on the colony for emergency heart surgery. While there is every likelihood that he shall recover, given how early his disease was caught, his hospitalization precluded him from attending, and I happened to be available to take his place."
Kirk finally found his voice again. "Well, we're honored to have you on board, Ambassador Sp- uh, Torik." The sensation of a psychic echo had grown stronger. It didn't seem dangerous in any way, but it was highly distracting, like having two people trying to talk to him at once.
"Thank you, Captain," said Old Spock. "When you have the opportunity, there is a matter I would like to discuss with you privately."
"Sure," said Kirk. "Spock, will you see to the rest of the Vulcan delegation, make sure they get settled?"
"Yes Captain."
Kirk turned to the older Spock and smiled. "Shall we?" he asked.
"I was going to take you on a tour of the ship," Kirk joked somewhat awkwardly as the door to the ambassador's quarters shut behind them, "but I guess that'd be pretty redundant at this point."
Spock wasted no time in small talk, jumping instead right to the matter at hand. "Captain," he said, "I believe you will find that Thelev, a member of the Andorian retinue, is actually an Orian spy placed among the Andorian delegation without their knowledge. He is in communication with a ship in this vicinity, a highly volatile craft which will momentarily attempt to attack the Enterprise. Lieutenant Uhura will shortly intercept a fragment of one of these communications. You can use the transmitter that you will find on the Orian spy to pinpoint the location of the enemy ship and fire on it while it is still unsuspecting. Exercise caution, as the alien vessel is capable of great speed. If you address both of these problems immediately, you may save the life of the Tellurite Ambassador, Gav, and give us all a much more pleasant and easy voyage."
Kirk stared at him in shock for a moment, then shook his head. "Wow," he muttered. "You really don't care about the whole 'changing history' thing, huh."
Spock's face was impassive, but Kirk could still tell that he was somewhat amused. ...How could he tell that? This wasn't his Spock. What was-
"History is remarkably unchangeable, Jim," said Spock, interrupting his thoughts. "As you and I ourselves discovered over the course of our journeys together, the universe acts to rectify changes to its predetermined timeline as necessary. Small events require small coincidences to change, while the destruction of Vulcan has no doubt engendered events of remarkable unlikelihood in order to bring history back towards its correct path. Details may change, but destiny does not."
"How long do I have before the spy kills the Tellurite ambassador?" Kirk asked.
"I believe you should attempt to address that issue before the formal reception tonight," Spock told him.
"Shit," Kirk muttered, rubbing his temples. It was difficult to think with this new echo shadowing his thoughts. From across the ship, the younger Spock's concern reached him. Alright? Jim?
Fine, he returned, although he knew he would have to speak with his First Officer as soon as possible. He felt Spock's acknowledgment of this.
A hail came through the room's communicator. Spock. "Yes, Captain?" he asked.
"Meet me in sickbay as soon as you're done there," Kirk told him. "We have problems. Kirk out."
He turned back to the older Spock to excuse himself, only to see the older Vulcan's eyebrows lifted in a less-than-subtle expression of shock. Belatedly, Kirk realized that his First Officer had just hailed him based on a mental need, rather than a physical call. It seemed this Spock was perfectly aware of the implications of this.
"You have bonded," said the ambassador in a surprised voice.
"It's... complicated," Kirk hedged.
"Fascinating. I had wondered how the universe would rectify the rocky circumstances of your first encounter. Myself and my Jim did not get off to quite as antagonistic a start as the two of you, but our relationship never ultimately became sexual. Have you formally married?"
Kirk scratched the back of his head in an embarrassed gesture. Something about hearing this Spock use the word "sexual" seemed wrong. Like getting The Talk from your grandfather. "Yeah, but... look, we don't like to talk about it, okay? I mean, I'm sure everyone on the ship pretty much knows by this point, at least the ones who aren't completely dense, but it's not exactly something we discuss. It's sort of... personal."
This time Spock raised a single eyebrow at him, and Kirk realized who he was talking to. Personal, yes, but, technically speaking, this Spock was one of the "persons" involved. Sort of. Actually, come to think of it...
Kirk's eyes widened. "You!" he said. "You're the echo!"
"Echo?"
Kirk concentrated on the dim, secondary emotional wavelength in his head and... yes. Yes, it was definitely this Spock. He could feel the curiosity, and the mild concern. "I'm getting some kind of weird interference with the bond. Like, in addition to what's normal, I can also feel you just a little bit. Kind of like before the bond was, uh... completed, but even a little weaker than that. It's... I can't really explain it."
"Fascinating," said the Vulcan ambassador, tilting his head to look at Kirk as though he was a scientific specimen. "Because he and I are technically the same person, your affinity for him must allow you to pick up on myself as well. Such a situation has never before arisen. This is quite a valuable opportunity for study-"
Kirk held up his hands, fending off what he could feel was a growing curiosity. "Look, I have to go deal with the whole 'spy' problem right now, okay? We can discuss the fact that you're not allowed to dissect me like a lab rat later."
Spock inclined his head. "Of course. I shall look forward to that discussion. Please bring my young counterpart with you when you return. He should be a part of this conversation as well."
"Will do," said Kirk, and fled the room.
His own Spock was already waiting for him when he reached the sickbay, as was McCoy.
"I think we have a spy among us," Kirk said without hesitation. "Bones, I need you to call down the Andorian second, Thelev, for a physical. Claim it's a routine screening of all new passengers or something, I don't care. I need you to use a bioscan to confirm that he's actually an Orian. Once we're sure, then I can lock him up."
Spock glanced at him, knowing without being told how Kirk must have found out about the spy. But McCoy was not as easy to persuade.
"What d' ya mean, spy?" he asked, scowling. "How can you possibly know that? The Andorians haven't even been here a full day, and you haven't seen them for more than five minutes! And if he is a spy, what makes you think he's going to gamely submit to a bioscan, anyway? What am I supposed to do if he pulls a phazer on me?"
"I'll have security standing by," Kirk assured him. "You're just going to have to trust me on this one, Bones. Now, you get to that, I've got to get up to the bridge. Uhura-"
Just then there was a hail on the comm. "Uhura here," came the Lieutenant's voice from the bridge when Kirk answered it. "Captain, I picked up some sort of signal. Just a few symbols - nothing intelligible."
Kirk grinned. Perhaps this mission would be interesting after all. "I'll be up on the bridge in a moment, Lieutenant. Kirk out."
He winked at Bones, who was still scowling at him, even deeper now. "Spock," he said, "organize a security detail for our dear doctor here, then meet me on the bridge." And then he was off to the turbolift.
When he got to the bridge, Kirk ordered Uhura not to scan the area. "Pretend we never noticed anything," he said. "We're just continuing towards Babel, gonna have a fun little conference, and not in any way on the alert for something that might be stalking us."
Uhura frowned. "You know where the transmission came from?" she asked skeptically.
"I do indeed, I do indeed," said Kirk. "And surprise is of vital importance. Hopefully I should have some information shortly that will let us pinpoint the exact location of the ship that's chasing us, and then we're going hit it with everything we can. Until then, make sure they don't know that we know that they're following us."
"Yes Sir," said Uhura, sounding confused.
Just then, Spock appeared on the bridge. Kirk smiled at him. Spock did not smile physically, but his mind did. "The doctor is prepared to execute his ruse," his First Officer informed him.
"Good, good." Kirk rubbed his hands together. "Well, I guess now we wait and see what happens."
They didn't wait long. Less than half an hour later, the bridge received a hail from sickbay. "Jim, you owe me one," came McCoy's perpetually cranky voice.
"You got him?" Kirk asked unnecessarily.
"We got him," McCoy confirmed. "He didn't even let us do the scan. Attacked first when he found out what we wanted. Security had to stun him, and then we scanned him while he was unconscious. He's an Orian, all right. We also found some kind of transmitter in the struggle. It was hidden in his antennae."
"Have security escort the prisoner to the brig, and have someone else bring the transmitter up here. Good work Bones."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Kirk out." Kirk pressed the button to end the communication with a feeling of satisfaction.
"No sweep," Kirk said softly. Even though he knew there was no way the other vessel could possibly hear them speaking, the low, secretive tone felt somehow appropriate to their situation. "Just lock onto the coordinates. Fire, then sweep afterwards. On my mark. Three... two... one... mark!"
"A hit, captain!" said Chekov happily, and Kirk grinned. "They're dead in the water, Sir."
"Good job everyone," said Kirk, relaxing. "Alright. Hold them with the tractor beam, prepare to take aboard prisoners for questioning. Lieutenant Uhura, I want-"
He was interrupted by a fiery explosion on the viewscreen, bright enough to make him turn. He gaped for just a moment, before snapping, "Chekov! What just happened?"
"I-I'm not certain, Captain," the Russian man stuttered. "We did not injure it badly enough for that kind of explosion..."
"A suicide mission," said Spock. "They must have been prepared to self-destruct all along. That is the only thing that can explain these readings."
"Readings?" asked Kirk.
"Based on the information we managed to obtain in the seconds before the ship's destruction, I can deduce that the ship was operating with an extremely dangerous power utilization curve. Such a state indicates that they never intended to return from this mission. They planned to self-destruct all along, if they did not perish in the attempt."
Kirk swore quietly. It was the one sore spot on an otherwise perfectly executed plan. But at least the Enterprise was safe; that was what was important.
"Send a message down to medical," said Kirk. "Make sure the spy we captured doesn't intend similar measures. Right now, I believe we have a reception to prepare for."
He made his way to the turbolift, and Spock followed him in. Once there, Kirk leaned against the wall, frustration overtaking him. It had been so neat, too! And now they'd never know. Well, hopefully they'd be able to get something out of the fake Andorian later.
Spock was watching him, and Kirk felt the Vulcan's sympathy for his frustration. Spock held out the first two fingers of one hand, palm upwards.
Kirk smiled, and held out the fingers of his own hand, touching them to Spock's lightly. Through their physical contact, the bond sharpened, and reminded them both of their connection to the other. Spock, lying happy and sated by his side after the pon farr, had explained the meaning of this Vulcan gesture to him as, "Similar to the human gesture of a light kiss on the cheek. Showing affection and indicating the presence of a bond, but appropriate even in polite company." Even in polite Vulcan company, which was just about the politest company you could get.
Spock's calm understanding was a reminder to Kirk not to let this get to him, and so he did his best to put it out of his mind. After all, they'd have diplomats to worry about and to keep from each other's throats at the reception, and though they might have averted outright murder, there was still plenty that could go wrong. They'd have to stay alert and focused.
They reached the deck with the officer's quarters, and Kirk reluctantly let his hand fall away from Spock's. Although their relationship was pretty much an open secret on the ship, they still maintained a strict "no public displays of affection" policy, and kept up the pretense of being no more than friends. It was easier to maintain the respect of the crew, and while marriage between officers on a ship was not technically against any Starfleet regulations, it was not precisely encouraged. And neither of them were entirely comfortable with the idea of public awareness of their relationship.
There was not truly much to do to prepare for the reception - Kirk grabbed a quick shower, and assumed Spock did the same in his own quarters, then double-checked to make sure he was presentable and headed out to the reception room. He'd been wearing his dress uniform since his earlier greeting of the Vulcans, and hadn't had an opportunity to change out of it all day. Had it really only been that morning?
He met Spock again in the hallway on the way to the reception, and smiled at him. Spock sent him the mental impression of a smile, although as usual his facial expression did not change. He did, however, nod slightly in acknowledgment.
The reception was already in full swing when they got there, and Kirk was oddly surprised to see Old Spock once again. He'd forgotten about the change of Ambassador. The return of the strangely jarring echo reminded him with a good deal of force.
Spock sent him another query, sensing Kirk's confusion, and this time Kirk was able to send him back thoughts, impressions, and images that conveyed to his bondmate exactly what he thought was happening. Spock's eyebrows rose, and there was the understanding between them that they would speak with Spock's older counterpart in private later on.
Before the party had ended, Kirk was forced to break up three different arguments before they could come to blows. One of them involved Ambassador Spock himself and the Tellurite ambassador who would not stop harassing him. Kirk suspected it didn't help that Spock seemed to be regarding the whole situation with veiled amusement; Kirk got the impression that the old Vulcan had seen this all before from a slightly different point of view.
Kirk was fairly exhausted by the end of the so-called "festivities," but not tired enough that he didn't want to keep his appointment with Old Spock. He met his own Spock outside of the captain's chambers after he'd changed, and they made their way down the hall together. Kirk could sense Spock's curiosity about the echo in the bond, and his interest - despite his academic awareness that it was quite probably unwise - in meeting his future counterpart once more.
Despite Kirk's own fatigue, he felt his energy returning with his nerves as they made their way to Old Spock's chambers. The feeling of agitation made him walk quickly, and he felt the soft, questioning touch of Spock's mind to his own.
Why nervous?
Kirk shrugged, feeling almost unaccountably silly. "It's just... well, we haven't seen him since me and you... you know. And I guess I want him to approve. I mean, I thought I was going to be meeting your father on this trip. How much worse is this? Because he's sort of like your father, but he's also, well, you, and of course I want you to approve..."
He trailed off as they came to a halt in front of the ambassador's chambers. He wasn't sure he'd been too clear in his explanation, but Spock would know what he meant. Spock always knew what he meant. And he did - just before the doors opened, Spock extended two fingers to Kirk in the familiar Vulcan gesture of endearment. Kirk gratefully joined his own fingers to the Vulcan's, and, thus joined, they entered the room.
The Old Spock made no comment on the gesture as the two entered, but he was obviously aware of it. That sort of contact, made in public, was a gesture reserved for officially joined couples, not something used without meaning. Instead, the ambassador gestured the two younger men to a couch in the room, while seating himself in a chair opposite. Kirk and Spock sat, letting their hands fall apart, and waited for the ambassador to begin.
"Judging by the absence of Thelev's presence at the reception, I take it the situation has been dealt with?" the ambassador opened with.
Kirk nodded. "Thanks for the heads-up. We didn't manage to capture the ship, unfortunately - it self-destructed. But we have the spy in captivity, and hopefully we'll be able to get something out of him."
"I would be most curious to find out the details myself," said the ambassador. "In my own timeline, Thelev poisoned himself before we were able to extract any information from him about his mission." The Vulcan paused, eyeing them both seriously. "But I see that many things about this timeline are different from my own."
Kirk and Spock exchanged a glance. Kirk felt embarrassed, but his own Spock seemed fairly calm, all things considered. The younger Vulcan turned back to his older counterpart. "I take it you never bonded with Jim's equivalent in your own time?"
"Our relationship was not sexual, no," confirmed Old Spock. "Though I daresay it may have been as deep. I am rather curious as to how this came about, although I might hazard a few guesses."
"Not sexual at all?" Kirk interrupted. Spock had said this before, and it had been bothering him. He didn't want to think too much about why it bothered him, lest he agitate his own Spock, but he wanted answers. "Like, you were never even curious? Never wanted to try it out? Experiment a little?"
"As Captain and First Officer, it would not have been appropriate," answered the Old Spock. He paused. "Not, of course, that that ever stopped you. As for experimentation... I must admit that it did occur once. After my first pon farr we had a brief... encounter, but it did not go beyond that." He glanced between the two of them again. "I take it that same pon farr was somehow responsible for this?"
"Not precisely," said Spock.
"Involved, maybe. I wouldn't really say 'responsible,'" said Kirk.
"It was more the fault of the severance of the engagement bond with T'Pring," Spock finished. Kirk thought, somewhat tangentially, about how much McCoy hated it when they finished each others' sentences like that.
"Ah yes, of course." Spock bowed his head. "She would have been among the casualties of the planet. That must have been very difficult for you."
"I imagine you are familiar with the symptoms," said the younger Spock, not acknowledging his counterpart's sympathy. "They were originally directed towards Lieutenant Uhura, with whom I was involved at the time."
"But it didn't quite work out that way," Kirk picked up. "I sort of, uh, got in the way, I guess you could say. Anyway, we ended up bonding instead, and then when the time for the pon farr came, we just... didn't dissolve it. I guess I couldn't." Spock's answer to his last question was still bothering him slightly. The other Spock and Kirk had never gotten together. They'd tried sex, and it just hadn't suited them. Did that mean...? Was his Spock right? Was it only the bond that made the difference, that broke that barrier? Was he only involved with Spock because he'd been mentally coerced? The thought was terrible, and he tried to keep it to himself, but the bond was far too strong for that, and Spock looked at him sharply with a small frown. They made a silent mental agreement to discuss it later.
"I see," said the ambassador, politely ignoring the silent exchange between the two of them. "At the risk of sounding rude, Captain, that sounds entirely in keeping with your character."
Kirk rolled his eyes and felt amusement from his Spock. "ANYway," he said, "that's how it happened. I couldn't stand to let him go, and so we got married. It's..." he trailed off. He had been going to say, 'it's not that big of a deal,' but that would've been a lie. It WAS a big deal. It was a very big deal. The biggest deal of his life. It was so big that half the time he didn't even notice it. It was like a foundation on which the rest of his life rested, a daily constant that underlayed everything he did and everything he thought. It was the biggest and most important thing that had ever happened to him.
He reached out almost subconsciously towards Spock, and found Spock's hand already reaching towards him on the couch. They met, fingers joining as they had been when they'd entered the room. This time, they stayed that way.
"It's not quite what I expected," Kirk finished instead.
"I imagine not," said the older Spock, and he sounded amused. Kirk relaxed slightly. "It seems to also be the cause of the psychic interference you are feeling, am I correct?"
"Yes, I am most curious about this myself," said the younger Spock, turning to him. "What is this 'echo'?"
"It's..." Kirk frowned, trying to pinpoint the feeling in his mind. It was faint, hardly worth mentioning most of the time, but every time he thought that maybe he was imagining it, maybe it was too faint to even notice, he'd get a sort of whiff of it again, a brush of a foreign mind, and he'd be startled into awareness once more. "It's not very strong. It's just that I can feel you a little bit." He turned to the ambassador. "It's like when I feel him, but it's much fainter. It's almost not there, except that it definitely is."
"Fascinating," said the two Spocks in unison. Kirk resisted the urge to slap himself in the forehead.
"This would be an amazingly unique opportunity for study-" his Spock began, but Kirk held up a hand.
"No, okay? Just no. I'll write down exactly what I've noticed later if it makes the two of you happy, but I'm not going to let you experiment on me. I know you, and we'd be at it for days, probably taking little steps back and forth down the corridor from each other to find exactly what ranges it works at, and just, no. Not happening."
Both Spocks were disappointed at this, but Kirk held firm. He'd let himself be the victim of Vulcan experimentation exactly twice before, and it was not happening again. Sometimes Spock's scientific curiosity got the better of him, and Kirk was not going to be the heel of it this time. "Let's just say that the nature of our relationship is different this time around, and leave it at that," said Kirk firmly, indicating (at least he hoped) that that was the end of it.
Old Spock, at least, seemed content to let the subject drop. The Vulcan turned once more to the younger Spock. "And other changes as well... I understand our mother was among the casualties of our planet's death."
The younger Spock bowed his head, which was all the answer necessary. Kirk felt his grief through the bond, and modified their contact from the Vulcan gesture of affection to a more human one - taking Spock's hand in his own and squeezing. Spock squeezed back, grateful for the reassurance.
"I do not say this simply to bring you grief," said the old Vulcan quietly. "I have been thinking on the matter for some time, and I feel it is unfair for you to be deprived of that woman's deep love and wisdom as you have been. Because I share some responsibility in the matter, I would like to offer you what small condolence I may. If you would be willing to share your mind with me, I would pass on to you the memories I have of her, all that I have that you will not have a chance to experience for yourself. It is the least I can do."
Through the contact of their joined hands, the bond was sharp and distinct, and Kirk clearly felt Spock's mix of emotions. Grief, hope, fear, excitement, gratitude - none of which showed on his face.
"I would be very grateful for such an opportunity," said Spock quietly.
Their talk turned to other matters then, far easier to talk about. The older Spock seemed quite curious about their relationship, and questioned for details that sometimes just bordered on a voyeuristic prying. But Kirk new better than to assign the Vulcan indecent motives. Spock was curious, as he was about all things in life, and this was something that pertained directly to him, an insight perhaps into what might have been. Kirk wondered if maybe, in his own peculiar, Vulcan way, Old Spock was jealous.
When it began to grow late, Kirk finally stood, ready to sleep. "Thank you for your excellent conversation, Ambassador," he said - and truly, it had been excellent - "but I think I've got to catch a few winks. Need to be well-rested for duty tomorrow, and all. So I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say goodnight. I'm sure we'll talk again before we reach Babel."
"I'm certain," said Old Spock, bowing his head to Kirk.
"If you do not mind, Jim, and if the ambassador is not too fatigued, I believe I shall stay a bit longer," said his Spock. "I would like to share the mind meld of which the ambassador spoke earlier."
"Of course," said Old Spock.
Kirk hesitated slightly, sending his concern to Spock across the bond. But the young Vulcan waved him off. Still, Kirk wasn't quite sure that Spock should be handling this alone. "If you need me, I'll be in my quarters," he said. "Anything at all. You know you're welcome."
"Of course," said the young Spock, sounding strangely like his counterpart.
Kirk nodded, somewhat mollified, and headed back to his room.
He didn't sleep. He tried to, briefly, but he was too worried about Spock. And so he was not asleep half an hour later when he felt Spock seeking him out, the Vulcan's mind a turmoil of grief, love, and loss. He was sitting up on the edge of the bed when Spock entered his room, and the Vulcan made no pretense as he collapsed into Kirk's embrace, burying his face against Kirk's shoulder.
It took Kirk a few seconds to register and interpret Spock's shaking shoulders, and realize what a precious gift he was being given. Spock was crying. Kirk tightened his hold around the Vulcan's shoulders, as though he could shield Spock from the Vulcan's own emotions, and shared his grief through the bond. It was all he could do.
Spock's sobs stopped rather abruptly when his control reasserted itself, but he still remained pressed against Kirk's chest a bit longer, reaffirming his control, solidifying it, so that when he finally straightened, it barely looked like he'd been crying at all. "She was an amazing woman," he said softly. "It is a pity I did not get more time with her."
Kirk said nothing, but used their shared contact to feel what Spock was feeling, and to send back thoughts of comfort. They were still, silent, and it was everything they needed. Eventually, Kirk said, "Tell me about her."
And so Spock did. Through the bond, Kirk received images and sensations second hand that gave him some small piece of what Spock had experienced. He learned how Spock's mother had always been there, caring and proud, understanding his need to be Vulcan, but always sympathetic towards his human side. He learned how hard she'd worked to mend the rift between Spock and his father, and how she'd helped him find his way back to his emotions when they'd all been lost in the severing of his katra. He learned of the woman she'd been, and the woman she would have been.
When Spock had finished, they were silent a short while longer. "Stay here tonight," Kirk murmured finally, reaching down to tug off Spock's shoes.
"I shouldn't," Spock muttered, but Kirk knew him well enough to know that he was already convinced, his mind weary and content.
Kirk helped Spock undress, and they lay together quietly in Kirk's bed. Almost absently, Kirk reached up and kissed Spock's forehead.
It was true that it was different, this physical intimacy. It was different than what Kirk was used to with women - the sex was different too. There was always something slightly off, something missing from the act of sex. He was not as comfortable with this hard-edged fight for domination, missed the soft acquiescence and understanding of the female form. But he also had something more here, a blending of minds, hearts, and souls that he would not give up for anything, not for a thousand meaningless women. Anything the sexual experience might lack was more than made up for by the spirituality of it, the intensity of their joining.
Then again, Kirk thought with a sudden jolt of breathlessness as Spock reached down almost nonchalantly to grab his cock, the sex itself wasn't too bad either.
The next morning Spock left early, as he always did, to get back to his room to shower and change. Kirk wondered once again, as he had several times now, if maybe they shouldn't just move in together, crew opinions be damned. They were married - it was allowed. There shouldn't have been a problem. Somehow though, he'd just never gotten around to asking Spock. It hadn't seemed appropriate, somehow. Kirk sighed, rolled out of bed, and started his day.
The delegates on board kept everyone surprisingly busy. All spare crew members were engaged in making sure that the ambassadors were all comfortable, and had everything they needed. Each spare minute was occupied in seeing to some detail or another - quarters needing to be moved so that so-and-so was not near such-and-such, atmospheric conditions not quite right for this species or that, special rituals and observances to make sure some delegation was not mortally offended, and so on. Not only the day, but the week passed incredibly quickly.
Kirk had little time to spend with either Spock. The ambassador he managed to see here and there - particularly at meals - for some polite conversation, but rarely in private enough conditions to have any kind of in-depth discussion. His own Spock he saw only at night, to sleep, and even then barely at all.
It was nearing the end of the second week already before he had a chance to spend another evening with the ambassador, alone in the Vulcan's chambers. Without his own Spock there to distract him, the echo of the bond seemed louder, so that he was quite aware of the emotions beneath Spock's calm that the Vulcan did not reveal. Or perhaps that was merely familiarity?
Kirk had been thinking a lot this week about what he wanted to ask the ambassador, but now that it came down to it, he wasn't sure how to frame his question.
"So," he tried, when they'd gotten past smalltalk and he felt safe broaching a more serious topic, "you and your Kirk, you never... I mean, it never really... it wasn't that..." He sighed in frustration. Despite this Spock being an older version of his own, it was surprisingly hard to ask the man - ostensibly a near stranger - such a personal question.
But Spock didn't seem to mind. He fixed Kirk with a firm look. "I know you, James T. Kirk," he said. "I believe I can adequately predict your concern."
Kirk breathed out, hoping this was true, because he wasn't sure he could really explain himself. "Yeah?" he said.
"You are concerned that because my relationship with my captain was not sexual, yours was not meant to be so. You are worried that you were coerced into the relationship by the strength of the mental bond with my counterpart."
"Yeah, basically," Kirk confirmed. "I mean, I... I know how I feel, and I know I can't lose him, but I don't know... if those emotions are mine, you know?"
"Allow me to lay your fears to rest as best I can," said the ambassador kindly. "Though I never bonded with my captain, he was still my t'hy'la. Though we did not have sex, he was still the most important person in my life, and I the most important person in his. Though we did not have the bond, there was still love between us, Jim. That has not changed. You and he may express it differently, and sooner, than he and I, but this is a strength. This bond carried me through many difficulties in my life. If you have found it already, then it can only make you stronger. What ties the two of you is destiny, and nothing less."
Kirk stared at the room's carpet, unsure of his own emotions. His own Spock was asleep, or at least in meditation, and so was not available for input. Kirk thought of waking him - knew he could do it with a thought - but decided not to. They were all exhausted - his first officer needed the rest.
"Love..." Kirk murmured quietly.
"Is it so strange?" asked the ambassador. "He trusts you with everything he is, as I know you trust him. You have proved that you would rather pursue the bond, with all it implies, than dissolve it. You have shown that it is more important to you to have him than to have the ability to pursue others. You have married. It is not logical to avoid naming what is very clearly and simply love. It need not be frightening."
"It is though," said Kirk, almost to himself. "I mean... I don't know. I guess I always sort of thought that one day I'd go back to the girls, you know? I mean, even knowing what I have, knowing that I'm not going to give him up, it's like I've been waiting for things to go back to normal. Even though I guess this is normal for me now. I wouldn't feel right without it."
"You are a man of deep feeling," said Spock, "but as such, I fear you may over-complicate your own emotions at times. All you need do is understand and accept what you already possess."
"You approve, then?" Kirk asked, his voice sarcastic, but his intent unexpectedly serious.
"It is not for me to approve, but for you to live," the Vulcan told him. "But were my opinion to matter, I could only approve. To disapprove would be the greatest hypocrisy of my life, and a dishonor to the memory of the man I cared about most."
Kirk nodded, feeling strangely awkward, and changed the subject, but the conversation did not continue long after that. Kirk excused himself some fifteen minutes later and made his way back to his room, thoughts swirling with what Spock had said to him.
When he opened the door to his quarters he paused, startled - Spock, his Spock, was already there, fast asleep in his bed. Kirk smiled, a feeling of nearly absurd tenderness welling up inside him. He undressed quietly and slipped into the bed, slipping an arm around the Vulcan as he did so. Spock murmured and shifted at the contact, drawing him closer. "Jim?" he muttered, his eyes fluttering halfway open.
"Hey Spock?" Kirk whispered, idly stroking the Vulcan's back. "Do you want to live with me? Move in here? My quarters are more than big enough for the both of us."
"In the morning, Jim," Spock murmured, closing his eyes again, and Kirk wasn't sure if he meant they'd talk about it then, or if he'd just agreed and was prepared to move his belongings as soon as he woke. But Kirk supposed it was all the same.
Saying goodbye was a somewhat poignant affair. He wanted to say more to the older Spock, wanted to thank him for things he wasn't even sure he fully understood, but it was impossible in the less-than-private atmosphere of the transporter room. They'd said their private goodbyes earlier, but somehow, seeing him actually leave was different. In a way, Kirk felt a little silly for feeling Spock's departure as strongly as he did. It wasn't his Spock leaving, after all. But somehow, it felt like it. Only the presence of his own Spock at his side made it easier.
"We were honored by your presence here," said Young Spock, holding up his hand with fingers spread. "Peace and long life."
The older Spock echoed the gesture, but said nothing. His expression was enigmatic, as it always was, but contained the hint of a smile. Through the faint echoing of the bond, Kirk felt a sense of pride, and a sort of satisfaction. He was pleased with them. Kirk felt something in himself ease at the thought.
"I wish you both all the best, and I hope to see you again in the future. I will be curious to see how you have... progressed."
"Thank you, Sir," said the younger Spock, bowing his head. "For everything."
The older Spock nodded, almost to himself, and turned, mounting the transporter pad. When he turned around again, his eyes were fixed on Kirk, and Kirk felt a faint, wistful loneliness echo across the bond before the older Vulcan disappeared. He kept the sensation close to his heart.
As he and Young Spock fell into stride moving back down the corridor, Kirk asked, "So, when do you think that you'll be able to get your stuff over to my quarters?"
Spock was silent for a moment, calculating, and said finally, "I do not have much. If you assist me, it is conceivable that we could accomplish it between shifts."
Kirk thought about Spock's strange Vulcan decorations hanging on his wall, Spock's meditation pallet in the corner of their shared bedroom. He thought of warm nights wrapped up in each other, and leisurely mornings where Spock wouldn't have to run back to his own quarters to shower and change. He thought about Them, and about Together, and he thought that it was good.
He reached out a hand to Spock, first two fingers extended, and felt his first officer, his lover and husband, meet them with his own, as they walked down the ship's corridor for all to see.
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