[手放す] To Be the One to Save You
Title: To Be the One to Save You
Author: Shattered Tenshi
Rating: PG
Fandom: JE
Genre: AU, Angst
Pairing: one-sided Nikaido Takashi x Senga Kento, Senga Kento x Fujigaya Taisuke, reference to one-sided Takizawa Hideaki (Tono) x Fujigaya Taisuke
Warnings: Senga continues to be emotional.
Notes: Set before Please Tell Me It's All a Lie. Tono is a feudal lord, for those who doesn't know. An installment in Nika's POV.
Summary:
手放す: to part with; to release; to relinquish; to send away
A person must learn to let go of certain things if he wishes to move forward.
There are different ways to love a person, but it's not always easy to see and understand that.
(For more of the universe, click here.)
To Be the One to Save You
By Shattered Tenshi
Three weeks. Nikaido ended up staying at Koki's place for three more weeks after Taisuke disappeared. He might have stayed even longer, but the letter he had received from Yokoo clearly stated that he couldn't stay any longer than that.
Throwing his things on to the horse, Nikaido climbed on, settling on the saddle.
"Take care of yourself," Koki said, a sad, but brief, expression appearing on his face. "I'll continue to keep a lookout for Taisuke around here."
Nikaido nodded. "Thanks. We'll inform you too if we find out anything about Taisuke as well."
Koki replied, "Alright. Say hello to Yokoo for me."
"I will. You take care too." Giving Koki a wave, Nikaido kicked the belly of the horse and he was off.
Without Taisuke with him, Nikaido was able to travel a lot faster and by night time, though it was still quite late, he arrived back at the castle. Handing the horse to one of the servants, he grabbed his things and Nikaido was going to head straight back to his room when he saw someone waiting for him on the path.
"...I hope you weren't waiting for me for the whole day," Nikaido commented, feeling a bit nervous. He didn't expect to see the other so soon.
"Mh, I'm not that stupid," Yokoo replied, his arms crossed above his chest.
Nikaido shifted the weight on his feet awkwardly. "Don't you...have to wake up early tomorrow?"
"I can afford sleeping a few hours less."
Nikaido took a deep breath. Well, it wasn't like he could run away forever. He walked up to Yokoo and said, "I'm sorry for not being able to protect Taisuke! Punch me, or kick me, whatever you want! I should have went with him..."
Squeezing his eyes shut, he could feel Yokoo raising his hand, but when nothing came, Nikaido opened one eye. He saw how Yokoo looked like he was about to slap him, but froze in place instead. After a while, a sigh was heard.
Yokoo let his hand drop and said, "I...can't blame you for everything. If you went with him, and something happened to you as well, that wouldn't be good. I don't want that to happen." He squeezed Nikaido's shoulder with his hand. "I wasn't lying when I told you I'm really thankful for you taking Taisuke away."
Nikaido sighed and let his head drop a little. "Still...you wanted to make sure Taisuke gets a new life, live it out properly, to know that he wasn't acting dead or something like that anymore. Now...now we might never know."
Shaking his head, Yokoo ruffled Nikaido's hair. "No, no, it's alright. I believe Taisuke is still alive. I just hope he's strong enough to continue on his own, or found someone to support him."
"Well, you're positive," Nikaido muttered.
Yokoo chuckled, "Well, I can't deny that I'm better than you at that." He paused. "Do you mind...telling me more about Taisuke though? Things that happened while you were at Koki-kun's place? Letters aren't just enough."
Nikaido smiled softly. "Of course. You sure you want to do it tonight though? Knowing you, you'll want the talk to go on quite a bit."
Yokoo raised an eyebrow before laughing, "Fine, fine, another day. You get a good night's rest. The ride must have been tiring." He took Nikaido's things from him. "I'll walk you back to your room."
"You don't have to." Nikaido made a face.
"I want to," Yokoo replied and gave Nikaido a small push.
Nikaido just smiled and nodded.
As they walked back to his room, Nikaido wondered what would happen when he meet Kento. He had a feeling things won't go that smoothly.
As much as he wanted to see Kento again, Nikaido must admit that he was also avoiding meeting Kento at the same time. He could imagine Kento coming up to him the moment he set eyes on him and demand to know where Taisuke was. Since Nikaido had no answer for him, he obviously wouldn't know what to tell Kento.
There was no way he could run away forever though. Nikaido knew that well. He wasn't stupid. He and Kento both lived in the castle and no matter how much he tried to avoid the other, they'll eventually meet each other whether he wanted it or not.
It took Nikaido more than a few days in the end. Almost two weeks actually, before he found the courage to go to Kento on his own, instead of waiting for an awkward, unplanned meeting.
That didn't mean he was able to walk straight up to Kento's room and knock on the door immediately. Nikaido stopped some distance away from the doors that were open and looked into the room. He could see Kento sitting on the table of the room, staring at something in his hands. Nikaido squinted and after a while, realized that Kento was holding on to a piece of accessory. Perhaps a bracelet, or...
Suddenly, Nikaido knew what Kento was looking at and he clenched his hand into a fist. It was his first time seeing that piece of jewelry, but Yokoo had mentioned it a few times in his letter and considering Kento's expression at the moment, there was no doubt that it was Taisuke's anklet he was holding in his hands right now.
Nikaido felt awkward again. Maybe this was a bad time to speak to Kento. What if he ended up making Kento cry?
Nikaido then shook his head. This wasn't right. He hated how hesitant he was with approaching Kento. It wasn't like him. He was more straight forward, but they say apparently love would change a person. Like how it changed Taisuke. The connection made Nikaido pause, then chuckle dryly to himself. Spending all that time with Taisuke really did affect him after all. That and Taisuke being Kento's special someone. Now, Nikaido himself would think of Taisuke often as well.
It wasn't a good thing, or at least Nikaido didn't think so. If he thought about Taisuke that much as well, it would affect how much he could help Kento to let go of Taisuke and move on. That's what he hoped he could do. He wasn't sure that he was capable of helping Kento that way, but he'll do his best.
Too absorbed in his own thoughts, Nikaido didn't notice Kento looking up from the anklet and eyes widening when he saw Nikaido standing outside of the room.
"You!"
When Nikaido came to again, Kento was breathing erratically, standing right in front of him.
"You!" Kento repeated again. "Why...why didn't Taisuke come back!? Tell me!"
Nikaido was tempted to play dumb, but he knew it would be useless. He avoided answering the question though and replied instead with, "Do you think it would be better for him to stay here?"
Kento stared at Nikaido with wide eyes. "W-what are you talking about? Of course...of course, Taisuke would be better here! He has me! He doesn't have anyone out there. Taisuke, he..."
"That only sounds like you're trying to trap him in here."
Glaring at Nikaido, Kento exclaimed, "You're wrong! I want to help Taisuke! I want to save him! I can do it! I want to be the one who makes Taisuke smile again..."
He was similar to Kento, Nikaido knew that. He too wanted to be the one to help Kento, but he wasn't as stubborn as Kento. He wouldn't insist on keeping Kento by his side and let himself be the only one to help Kento. At least, he didn't plan to.
"Kento..." Nikaido placed a hand on the other's shoulder and then tightened his grip. "It doesn't have to be you. I know you care about Taisuke, but it doesn't have to be you who will save him."
Kento tried to push Nikaido's hand away. "What? Were you the one who saved him then!? Did you save Taisuke by taking him away from here? Tell me!"
"I don't think I saved him, but I most certainly think if he doesn't leave here, he would have died!" Nikaido growled.
Trembling, Kento shook his head. "Y-you're lying. I would have...I would have been the one to heal Taisuke..."
Not caring about who would see them, especially since he really shouldn't be touching Kento like this, Nikaido pulled Kento into his arms and hugged the other tightly. "Snap out of it, Kento! You knew very well that Taisuke was losing any life within him, that he might as be close to being dead. I'm not the only one who thought that."
Kento struggled and soon managed to push himself away from Nikaido. "I just want you to give Taisuke back to me! You shouldn't have taken him away!" He gave Nikaido one more glare before running back into his room and slammed the doors closed.
Nikaido let out a sigh. His heart was aching a little. Kento really did like Taisuke and it seemed like nothing would change that.
For a moment, Nikaido really doubted the possibility of him ever being able to help Kento let go of Taisuke. He felt more useless than ever.
"Are you moping?"
Nikaido turned his head and narrowed his eyes at Yokoo. "No, I'm not."
"You seem like it," Yokoo said as he joined Nikaido at the table in the break room for the guards. "It's Kento, right?"
"What are you talking about?" Nikaido mumbled.
Yokoo rolled his eyes. "As if there's anything else that would make you act this way." His expression then softened. "You talked to him, right? What was his reaction...?"
Nikaido nodded, then shook his head. "I couldn't tell him. I'm sure he had a lot of questions, but I don't know where to start and I don't want to tell him about Taisuke missing." He let out a noise of frustration and ruffled his hair. "He was so stubborn! He wanted Taisuke to back here, so he could be the one to save Taisuke, wanted me to give Taisuke back to him." Chuckling dryly, Nikaido continued, "I'm the same though, wanting to help Kento to let go of Taisuke."
Patting Nikaido on the back lightly, Yokoo murmured, "Don't worry so much. These things take time."
"I guess."
"Try talking to Kento again? If it's been a few days since you've spoken to him, he might have calmed down by now."
"Maybe," Nikaido mumbled.
Except Kento hadn't calmed down at all. Nikaido had gone to visit Kento a few more times afterwards, but all he received were glares from Kento and silent questioning looks that were clearing asking him where Taisuke was.
It was definitely awkward the first few times, but then Nikaido realized that he didn't want to just walk away like that from Kento. It wasn't helping Kento and it definitely wasn't helping the relationship, if any, between them to improve. So after a third or maybe a fourth time Kento just glared at him and didn't say anything, Nikaido didn't go anywhere and remained outside of Kento's room, just watching the other every now and then.
"...why are you still here?" Nikaido finally heard Kento ask after some time.
"Thought you needed some company?" Nikaido shrugged his shoulders lightly.
Kento frowned. "I don't need company!"
"You don't have a roommate now?" Nikaido pointed out.
"That's your fault!" Kento hissed. "You won't tell me anything about Taisuke at all!"
Nikaido rolled his eyes. "And I told you that you don't need know, right?" His voice then softened. "Really, you should concentrate on yourself and the people around you, Kento..."
Kento still looked bitter. "And then what? Give you more attention? Fall in love with you? Is that what you want!? Don't forget that I'm still Tono's dancer!"
Nikaido paled slightly and shook his head. "That's not what I meant! I can't deny that I care about you, but I'm not forcing you to feel anything for me or do anything for me! I won't!"
Huffing, Kento turned his head away. "And why should I trust you?"
"...it might be hard to trust me now, but I swear I won't do anything like that." Nikaido couldn't get Kento to look at him again, so he decided to let Kento calm down once again and just moved a little further away from the doors of the room so Kento couldn't see him, but he could still see Kento.
Nikaido took a deep breath. He probably needed to calm down himself as well. He tried to reassure himself that it was only a matter of time that Kento will learn to accept and treat him a little better.
"You're being a stalker," Kento murmured. "Don't you actually have to, you know, work and guard some other place?"
Nikaido turned to look at Kento from where he was standing, somewhat close, but yet not right beside the doors of Kento's room. "What? I'm not bothering, am I? And for your information, this area is one of the places we have to guard as well. It's not like I stand here for the whole day."
"You're not doing anything, but it's still weird for you to stand outside my doors!"
"So?" Nikaido just shrugged. "You're not kicking me away now, are you?"
Kento ignored Nikaido's comment and continued, "Ryota keeps on asking me why you're here all the time! At this rate, some ridiculous rumour will form all because of you! What if Tono hears about this?"
Nikaido's expression darkened. "You think he'll really care?" he muttered.
"Eh? Did you say something?"
"Nothing."
"Anyways, stop guarding here! Switch areas with someone else, or actually go patrol!" Kento insisted.
"Answer me a question first then," Nikaido said.
Kento blinked. "W-what is it?"
Nikaido stared into Kento's eyes. "Do you still want Taisuke back here?"
Colour left Kento's face. "W-why do you ask? Do you think that I forgot about the fact that you were the one who took Taisuke away? Just because I don't kick you away or yell at you anymore doesn't mean I've forgotten! You...you don't tell me anything about Taisuke at all..."
Nikaido let out a small sigh. "Kento..."
"Why can't you tell me at least one thing about him!?" Kento cried. "Did he really want to leave? Did he decide to leave himself? Did he...talk about me at all..." Tears were starting to form in his eyes. "Taisuke..."
Nikaido tightened his hand into a fist. "Your mood sure changes fast," he muttered. He then spoke a little louder, "What do you think? Weren't you the one who acted like you knew Taisuke the best? You were the one who said Taisuke should have stayed here, right?"
"I..."
"If you know Taisuke so well, you should know the answers to these questions, right?"
"I..." Kento held on to the anklet that he had taken off and left on the table. "I don't know..." He finally let out a sob. "I didn't understand how Taisuke can love Tono so much. I didn't want to take Tono away from Taisuke, and I just want Taisuke from two years ago back, but then you took Taisuke away! You promised to come back, and you did, but you didn't bring Taisuke with you! I just wanted you to bring him back. I don't know what to do! I only know Taisuke loves Tono, loves Tono so much, so I'll keep dancing for Tono because Taisuke...Taisuke will come back one day! And, and when that happens, he'll want to dance for Tono again. I just want to keep Taisuke's place for him," he whispered.
Nikaido didn't understand Kento's feelings - not only because the other's words and thoughts were all over the place as he spoke - nor did he understood Taisuke's. Perhaps they were too strong, too raw, just too much for him. Or perhaps too twisted? Nikaido wasn't sure. "Tell me then," Nikaido said softly. "Are those feelings...did those feelings keep Taisuke alive? Are those feelings keeping you alive?"
Kento lowered his head, bangs covering part of his face, but Nikaido could tell the other was still crying. "T-they were breaking Taisuke. Taisuke was dancing outside, and I was terrified. I was losing him because Taisuke said he would never dance for anyone but Tono, but then he was dancing outside and I was losing him..."
"You were losing him, so you decided it was best to keep him here? Is that why you want him back so badly? Even if you know his feelings for Tono were breaking him?" Nikaido wondered if spending so much time with Yokoo had affected him. He never expected himself to have such a conversation with Kento.
"Maybe, but," Kento whispered, "no matter what, I know it won't change. I just want Taisuke back by my side again..."
Nikaido knew he had been hoping too much for something to change when he saw where the conversation was going. At least Kento was actually telling him some of his thoughts. It was a huge improvement compared to before.
With Kento still sobbing, Nikaido really wanted to pull the other into his arms, but he knew it might not be the best idea. "I'll probably see you tomorrow then," he murmured. With one last look at Kento, Nikaido walked away.
Nikaido was tempted to crumple the letter in his hands, but he folded it instead and placed it back into the envelope it came in, making a note to himself to return it to Yokoo later. It seemed like there was still no news about the whereabouts of Taisuke. He thought about Kento again, and wondered how the other was doing. The guards had been changing their positions and areas responsible recently, so for the past few days, he didn't get to see Kento at all.
Was Kento still crying by himself?
With that thought in mind, Nikaido made his way towards Kento's room. He knew the other would be there since it was after practice time.
"...it's you again," Kento said when he saw Nikaido again, slightly surprised.
"I have a name you know," Nikaido replied.
Kento didn't respond to that.
Nikaido cleared his throat. "I'm here to tell you one thing."
Kento was silent for a moment before asking, "What?"
"I don't know if you'll believe me, but I want you to know that I don't think it was a wrong thing to do for Taisuke to leave here." Kento glared at him, but Nikaido continued to speak, "Because I'm telling you the truth when I think that...Taisuke's smile was a little brighter outside the castle."
Kento stared at Nikaido with almost a disbelieving look as a tear rolled down his cheek.
Nikaido wondered if he managed to give Kento a hint of light in this darkness.
Author's Notes: An update! o/ But it's not an installment that would move the plot forward at all. 8D; Ended up went back in time a little, but hopefully you people still like it? The main point of this part is just basically to show you a bit of Nika's thoughts and what went on before they met Taisuke again. //nods//
Update will continue to be sporadic because I fail like that. =v=;; I'm responsible for like two more installments or so before Kira can work on her planned installments. I'll try to get one more written before the new semester starts for me, but no guarantees.
Comments are love and appreciated as usual~
Author: Shattered Tenshi
Rating: PG
Fandom: JE
Genre: AU, Angst
Pairing: one-sided Nikaido Takashi x Senga Kento, Senga Kento x Fujigaya Taisuke, reference to one-sided Takizawa Hideaki (Tono) x Fujigaya Taisuke
Warnings: Senga continues to be emotional.
Notes: Set before Please Tell Me It's All a Lie. Tono is a feudal lord, for those who doesn't know. An installment in Nika's POV.
Summary:
手放す: to part with; to release; to relinquish; to send away
A person must learn to let go of certain things if he wishes to move forward.
There are different ways to love a person, but it's not always easy to see and understand that.
(For more of the universe, click here.)
To Be the One to Save You
By Shattered Tenshi
Three weeks. Nikaido ended up staying at Koki's place for three more weeks after Taisuke disappeared. He might have stayed even longer, but the letter he had received from Yokoo clearly stated that he couldn't stay any longer than that.
Throwing his things on to the horse, Nikaido climbed on, settling on the saddle.
"Take care of yourself," Koki said, a sad, but brief, expression appearing on his face. "I'll continue to keep a lookout for Taisuke around here."
Nikaido nodded. "Thanks. We'll inform you too if we find out anything about Taisuke as well."
Koki replied, "Alright. Say hello to Yokoo for me."
"I will. You take care too." Giving Koki a wave, Nikaido kicked the belly of the horse and he was off.
Without Taisuke with him, Nikaido was able to travel a lot faster and by night time, though it was still quite late, he arrived back at the castle. Handing the horse to one of the servants, he grabbed his things and Nikaido was going to head straight back to his room when he saw someone waiting for him on the path.
"...I hope you weren't waiting for me for the whole day," Nikaido commented, feeling a bit nervous. He didn't expect to see the other so soon.
"Mh, I'm not that stupid," Yokoo replied, his arms crossed above his chest.
Nikaido shifted the weight on his feet awkwardly. "Don't you...have to wake up early tomorrow?"
"I can afford sleeping a few hours less."
Nikaido took a deep breath. Well, it wasn't like he could run away forever. He walked up to Yokoo and said, "I'm sorry for not being able to protect Taisuke! Punch me, or kick me, whatever you want! I should have went with him..."
Squeezing his eyes shut, he could feel Yokoo raising his hand, but when nothing came, Nikaido opened one eye. He saw how Yokoo looked like he was about to slap him, but froze in place instead. After a while, a sigh was heard.
Yokoo let his hand drop and said, "I...can't blame you for everything. If you went with him, and something happened to you as well, that wouldn't be good. I don't want that to happen." He squeezed Nikaido's shoulder with his hand. "I wasn't lying when I told you I'm really thankful for you taking Taisuke away."
Nikaido sighed and let his head drop a little. "Still...you wanted to make sure Taisuke gets a new life, live it out properly, to know that he wasn't acting dead or something like that anymore. Now...now we might never know."
Shaking his head, Yokoo ruffled Nikaido's hair. "No, no, it's alright. I believe Taisuke is still alive. I just hope he's strong enough to continue on his own, or found someone to support him."
"Well, you're positive," Nikaido muttered.
Yokoo chuckled, "Well, I can't deny that I'm better than you at that." He paused. "Do you mind...telling me more about Taisuke though? Things that happened while you were at Koki-kun's place? Letters aren't just enough."
Nikaido smiled softly. "Of course. You sure you want to do it tonight though? Knowing you, you'll want the talk to go on quite a bit."
Yokoo raised an eyebrow before laughing, "Fine, fine, another day. You get a good night's rest. The ride must have been tiring." He took Nikaido's things from him. "I'll walk you back to your room."
"You don't have to." Nikaido made a face.
"I want to," Yokoo replied and gave Nikaido a small push.
Nikaido just smiled and nodded.
As they walked back to his room, Nikaido wondered what would happen when he meet Kento. He had a feeling things won't go that smoothly.
As much as he wanted to see Kento again, Nikaido must admit that he was also avoiding meeting Kento at the same time. He could imagine Kento coming up to him the moment he set eyes on him and demand to know where Taisuke was. Since Nikaido had no answer for him, he obviously wouldn't know what to tell Kento.
There was no way he could run away forever though. Nikaido knew that well. He wasn't stupid. He and Kento both lived in the castle and no matter how much he tried to avoid the other, they'll eventually meet each other whether he wanted it or not.
It took Nikaido more than a few days in the end. Almost two weeks actually, before he found the courage to go to Kento on his own, instead of waiting for an awkward, unplanned meeting.
That didn't mean he was able to walk straight up to Kento's room and knock on the door immediately. Nikaido stopped some distance away from the doors that were open and looked into the room. He could see Kento sitting on the table of the room, staring at something in his hands. Nikaido squinted and after a while, realized that Kento was holding on to a piece of accessory. Perhaps a bracelet, or...
Suddenly, Nikaido knew what Kento was looking at and he clenched his hand into a fist. It was his first time seeing that piece of jewelry, but Yokoo had mentioned it a few times in his letter and considering Kento's expression at the moment, there was no doubt that it was Taisuke's anklet he was holding in his hands right now.
Nikaido felt awkward again. Maybe this was a bad time to speak to Kento. What if he ended up making Kento cry?
Nikaido then shook his head. This wasn't right. He hated how hesitant he was with approaching Kento. It wasn't like him. He was more straight forward, but they say apparently love would change a person. Like how it changed Taisuke. The connection made Nikaido pause, then chuckle dryly to himself. Spending all that time with Taisuke really did affect him after all. That and Taisuke being Kento's special someone. Now, Nikaido himself would think of Taisuke often as well.
It wasn't a good thing, or at least Nikaido didn't think so. If he thought about Taisuke that much as well, it would affect how much he could help Kento to let go of Taisuke and move on. That's what he hoped he could do. He wasn't sure that he was capable of helping Kento that way, but he'll do his best.
Too absorbed in his own thoughts, Nikaido didn't notice Kento looking up from the anklet and eyes widening when he saw Nikaido standing outside of the room.
"You!"
When Nikaido came to again, Kento was breathing erratically, standing right in front of him.
"You!" Kento repeated again. "Why...why didn't Taisuke come back!? Tell me!"
Nikaido was tempted to play dumb, but he knew it would be useless. He avoided answering the question though and replied instead with, "Do you think it would be better for him to stay here?"
Kento stared at Nikaido with wide eyes. "W-what are you talking about? Of course...of course, Taisuke would be better here! He has me! He doesn't have anyone out there. Taisuke, he..."
"That only sounds like you're trying to trap him in here."
Glaring at Nikaido, Kento exclaimed, "You're wrong! I want to help Taisuke! I want to save him! I can do it! I want to be the one who makes Taisuke smile again..."
He was similar to Kento, Nikaido knew that. He too wanted to be the one to help Kento, but he wasn't as stubborn as Kento. He wouldn't insist on keeping Kento by his side and let himself be the only one to help Kento. At least, he didn't plan to.
"Kento..." Nikaido placed a hand on the other's shoulder and then tightened his grip. "It doesn't have to be you. I know you care about Taisuke, but it doesn't have to be you who will save him."
Kento tried to push Nikaido's hand away. "What? Were you the one who saved him then!? Did you save Taisuke by taking him away from here? Tell me!"
"I don't think I saved him, but I most certainly think if he doesn't leave here, he would have died!" Nikaido growled.
Trembling, Kento shook his head. "Y-you're lying. I would have...I would have been the one to heal Taisuke..."
Not caring about who would see them, especially since he really shouldn't be touching Kento like this, Nikaido pulled Kento into his arms and hugged the other tightly. "Snap out of it, Kento! You knew very well that Taisuke was losing any life within him, that he might as be close to being dead. I'm not the only one who thought that."
Kento struggled and soon managed to push himself away from Nikaido. "I just want you to give Taisuke back to me! You shouldn't have taken him away!" He gave Nikaido one more glare before running back into his room and slammed the doors closed.
Nikaido let out a sigh. His heart was aching a little. Kento really did like Taisuke and it seemed like nothing would change that.
For a moment, Nikaido really doubted the possibility of him ever being able to help Kento let go of Taisuke. He felt more useless than ever.
"Are you moping?"
Nikaido turned his head and narrowed his eyes at Yokoo. "No, I'm not."
"You seem like it," Yokoo said as he joined Nikaido at the table in the break room for the guards. "It's Kento, right?"
"What are you talking about?" Nikaido mumbled.
Yokoo rolled his eyes. "As if there's anything else that would make you act this way." His expression then softened. "You talked to him, right? What was his reaction...?"
Nikaido nodded, then shook his head. "I couldn't tell him. I'm sure he had a lot of questions, but I don't know where to start and I don't want to tell him about Taisuke missing." He let out a noise of frustration and ruffled his hair. "He was so stubborn! He wanted Taisuke to back here, so he could be the one to save Taisuke, wanted me to give Taisuke back to him." Chuckling dryly, Nikaido continued, "I'm the same though, wanting to help Kento to let go of Taisuke."
Patting Nikaido on the back lightly, Yokoo murmured, "Don't worry so much. These things take time."
"I guess."
"Try talking to Kento again? If it's been a few days since you've spoken to him, he might have calmed down by now."
"Maybe," Nikaido mumbled.
Except Kento hadn't calmed down at all. Nikaido had gone to visit Kento a few more times afterwards, but all he received were glares from Kento and silent questioning looks that were clearing asking him where Taisuke was.
It was definitely awkward the first few times, but then Nikaido realized that he didn't want to just walk away like that from Kento. It wasn't helping Kento and it definitely wasn't helping the relationship, if any, between them to improve. So after a third or maybe a fourth time Kento just glared at him and didn't say anything, Nikaido didn't go anywhere and remained outside of Kento's room, just watching the other every now and then.
"...why are you still here?" Nikaido finally heard Kento ask after some time.
"Thought you needed some company?" Nikaido shrugged his shoulders lightly.
Kento frowned. "I don't need company!"
"You don't have a roommate now?" Nikaido pointed out.
"That's your fault!" Kento hissed. "You won't tell me anything about Taisuke at all!"
Nikaido rolled his eyes. "And I told you that you don't need know, right?" His voice then softened. "Really, you should concentrate on yourself and the people around you, Kento..."
Kento still looked bitter. "And then what? Give you more attention? Fall in love with you? Is that what you want!? Don't forget that I'm still Tono's dancer!"
Nikaido paled slightly and shook his head. "That's not what I meant! I can't deny that I care about you, but I'm not forcing you to feel anything for me or do anything for me! I won't!"
Huffing, Kento turned his head away. "And why should I trust you?"
"...it might be hard to trust me now, but I swear I won't do anything like that." Nikaido couldn't get Kento to look at him again, so he decided to let Kento calm down once again and just moved a little further away from the doors of the room so Kento couldn't see him, but he could still see Kento.
Nikaido took a deep breath. He probably needed to calm down himself as well. He tried to reassure himself that it was only a matter of time that Kento will learn to accept and treat him a little better.
"You're being a stalker," Kento murmured. "Don't you actually have to, you know, work and guard some other place?"
Nikaido turned to look at Kento from where he was standing, somewhat close, but yet not right beside the doors of Kento's room. "What? I'm not bothering, am I? And for your information, this area is one of the places we have to guard as well. It's not like I stand here for the whole day."
"You're not doing anything, but it's still weird for you to stand outside my doors!"
"So?" Nikaido just shrugged. "You're not kicking me away now, are you?"
Kento ignored Nikaido's comment and continued, "Ryota keeps on asking me why you're here all the time! At this rate, some ridiculous rumour will form all because of you! What if Tono hears about this?"
Nikaido's expression darkened. "You think he'll really care?" he muttered.
"Eh? Did you say something?"
"Nothing."
"Anyways, stop guarding here! Switch areas with someone else, or actually go patrol!" Kento insisted.
"Answer me a question first then," Nikaido said.
Kento blinked. "W-what is it?"
Nikaido stared into Kento's eyes. "Do you still want Taisuke back here?"
Colour left Kento's face. "W-why do you ask? Do you think that I forgot about the fact that you were the one who took Taisuke away? Just because I don't kick you away or yell at you anymore doesn't mean I've forgotten! You...you don't tell me anything about Taisuke at all..."
Nikaido let out a small sigh. "Kento..."
"Why can't you tell me at least one thing about him!?" Kento cried. "Did he really want to leave? Did he decide to leave himself? Did he...talk about me at all..." Tears were starting to form in his eyes. "Taisuke..."
Nikaido tightened his hand into a fist. "Your mood sure changes fast," he muttered. He then spoke a little louder, "What do you think? Weren't you the one who acted like you knew Taisuke the best? You were the one who said Taisuke should have stayed here, right?"
"I..."
"If you know Taisuke so well, you should know the answers to these questions, right?"
"I..." Kento held on to the anklet that he had taken off and left on the table. "I don't know..." He finally let out a sob. "I didn't understand how Taisuke can love Tono so much. I didn't want to take Tono away from Taisuke, and I just want Taisuke from two years ago back, but then you took Taisuke away! You promised to come back, and you did, but you didn't bring Taisuke with you! I just wanted you to bring him back. I don't know what to do! I only know Taisuke loves Tono, loves Tono so much, so I'll keep dancing for Tono because Taisuke...Taisuke will come back one day! And, and when that happens, he'll want to dance for Tono again. I just want to keep Taisuke's place for him," he whispered.
Nikaido didn't understand Kento's feelings - not only because the other's words and thoughts were all over the place as he spoke - nor did he understood Taisuke's. Perhaps they were too strong, too raw, just too much for him. Or perhaps too twisted? Nikaido wasn't sure. "Tell me then," Nikaido said softly. "Are those feelings...did those feelings keep Taisuke alive? Are those feelings keeping you alive?"
Kento lowered his head, bangs covering part of his face, but Nikaido could tell the other was still crying. "T-they were breaking Taisuke. Taisuke was dancing outside, and I was terrified. I was losing him because Taisuke said he would never dance for anyone but Tono, but then he was dancing outside and I was losing him..."
"You were losing him, so you decided it was best to keep him here? Is that why you want him back so badly? Even if you know his feelings for Tono were breaking him?" Nikaido wondered if spending so much time with Yokoo had affected him. He never expected himself to have such a conversation with Kento.
"Maybe, but," Kento whispered, "no matter what, I know it won't change. I just want Taisuke back by my side again..."
Nikaido knew he had been hoping too much for something to change when he saw where the conversation was going. At least Kento was actually telling him some of his thoughts. It was a huge improvement compared to before.
With Kento still sobbing, Nikaido really wanted to pull the other into his arms, but he knew it might not be the best idea. "I'll probably see you tomorrow then," he murmured. With one last look at Kento, Nikaido walked away.
Nikaido was tempted to crumple the letter in his hands, but he folded it instead and placed it back into the envelope it came in, making a note to himself to return it to Yokoo later. It seemed like there was still no news about the whereabouts of Taisuke. He thought about Kento again, and wondered how the other was doing. The guards had been changing their positions and areas responsible recently, so for the past few days, he didn't get to see Kento at all.
Was Kento still crying by himself?
With that thought in mind, Nikaido made his way towards Kento's room. He knew the other would be there since it was after practice time.
"...it's you again," Kento said when he saw Nikaido again, slightly surprised.
"I have a name you know," Nikaido replied.
Kento didn't respond to that.
Nikaido cleared his throat. "I'm here to tell you one thing."
Kento was silent for a moment before asking, "What?"
"I don't know if you'll believe me, but I want you to know that I don't think it was a wrong thing to do for Taisuke to leave here." Kento glared at him, but Nikaido continued to speak, "Because I'm telling you the truth when I think that...Taisuke's smile was a little brighter outside the castle."
Kento stared at Nikaido with almost a disbelieving look as a tear rolled down his cheek.
Nikaido wondered if he managed to give Kento a hint of light in this darkness.
Author's Notes: An update! o/ But it's not an installment that would move the plot forward at all. 8D; Ended up went back in time a little, but hopefully you people still like it? The main point of this part is just basically to show you a bit of Nika's thoughts and what went on before they met Taisuke again. //nods//
Update will continue to be sporadic because I fail like that. =v=;; I'm responsible for like two more installments or so before Kira can work on her planned installments. I'll try to get one more written before the new semester starts for me, but no guarantees.
Comments are love and appreciated as usual~