Comments | justjess: Revised Logline Critique Round

justjess

Revised Logline Critique Round - #12

Oct 07, 2011 16:13

TITLE: CRACKED ( Read more... )

Comments 9

ext_823187 October 7 2011, 20:51:42 UTC

I like this revised version, the only thing I'd say is you can take out the part in parentheses because it doesn't add anything important and the logline is strong without it.

ext_821881 October 7 2011, 22:48:26 UTC

I second AE Martin. Otherwise, it looks great to me!

Cracked anonymous October 7 2011, 23:03:19 UTC

The first line is excellent. I'd stop there, as it leaves my imagination going wild. The second line narrows the story and includes the echo of "figure out," which isn't a strong phrase to begin with.

ext_823314 October 7 2011, 23:50:42 UTC

"Who mistakenly believe she's a saint"--made me smile. Would definitely read this!

anonymous October 8 2011, 21:43:35 UTC

I like this-especially the first line. I don't like the term "un-after", I get it, but think it unnecessarily complicates. And I think you could leave off the last --"just not to get ripped to pieces."