Comments | justjess: Can You Hook A Teen? Blogfest Contest -- 250 Words for Critique

justjess

Can You Hook A Teen? Blogfest Contest -- 250 Words for Critique

Sep 21, 2011 19:18

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Comments 5

ext_799986 September 22 2011, 02:13:40 UTC

I really enjoyed reading this. I like feisty princess that don't obey. I'm curious what kind of trouble she'll get into. I'd give "Fawn snorted." its own paragraph. With it being up there with Lilla's dialogue, I got confused about who was speaking. Great voice and good luck with the contest! <3

justjess September 22 2011, 14:41:38 UTC

Great suggestion--thanks!

You rock for hosting this contest and for taking the time to stop by and comment. :)

anonymous September 22 2011, 03:05:36 UTC

I like this opening. It's a bit common to other fantasy books, but I like it. It's not too cliche or too boring, and you've got the voice down. What kind of fantasy book is this?
Cheers!

L. Miller
nationsofthread.blogspot.com

justjess September 22 2011, 14:40:30 UTC

I've called it "medieval fantasy" for most of the book's life, but ultimately it's a fantasy/romance with swords and sorcery.

Thanks for the helpful comments!

ext_676405 September 23 2011, 01:58:38 UTC

Hmmm... for your first line, I don't think it's 'she hoped to miss...' it's that she's deliberately trying to skip it. I think I'd find her more interesting to see that active side of her, rather than passively hoping to skip it.

You caught me up with the character, though :) I'd definitely turn the page!