Just Posted on the Comm

[justin_nyc]

I had a really shitty day. No, that's not right.  A really shitty thing happened today and I want to talk to Brian about it.  I just don't want Brian to get all angry and all Brian-like over it.  So help me out maybe. If I need it. Which I hope I don't.

Comments

[jans_intentions]

It would probably help if we knew what it was, O Cryptic but Luscious One.

I'm sorry something shitty happened.

You okay?

[justin_nyc]

I'm okay. Now. A little, I don't know - shaky. If the same thing had happened to Brian, I'm sure he'd have handled it and never told me about it. It's really not that big a deal, but it's the kind of thing partners tell each other. If I want Brian to change, I need to set a good example. Or some such bullshit.

Check back after Brian reads my post. If he does. He sometimes leaves K around now. But often he works later.

[jans_intentions]

Wow, Justin that was actually pretty creepy.

I'm glad you are alright.

The problem is, will this guy show up again?

[justin_nyc]

They arrested him, so hopefully he'll be otherwise detained for a while.

[minanda]

Aww...Justin. I haven't been around much but I thought you needed some support tonight. What a scary situation! As for Brian's reaction, I'm not sure what you hoped his reaction would be like but it seems to me that any partner would be concerned and probably overprotective in response. Just remember that he reacts in such a way because he cares!

[justin_nyc]

Thanks. I appreciate it. And I so know he cares about me and would have devastated if anything happened to me, but since NOTHING happened, I wish he wouldn't make me feel so lousy, like I did something wrong. You know?

[minanda]

I know that nothing happened but something could have happened. I think when people are in this situation, they typically blame themselves. I'm sure Brian's response is partly that he blaming himself. Personally, I'm not getting the sense that he is saying that you did something wrong. Is it possible that you think that you did something wrong even though it sounds like you did everything right? Justin, I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I think it is natural to be upset and to be scared. I also know that sometimes when I'm most upset, I look for reasons to be upset with people I love.

[justin_nyc]

Brian didn't blame me. He was just - very shaken up. And angry. Not at me. He made that very clear. He and I both couldn't shut out the images of what might have happened. But nothing did, so I think we're okay now.

His love for me sometimes hurts. Real pain. I couldn't take it away when he got home. Not right away. He had to keep touching me (not that way - I mean, not initially that way), like he needed reassuring I wasn't hurt. But it's okay now. I'm pretty sure we're okay.

[furriboots]

I just wonder if Brian is so upset because he is blaming himself for not checking on the security system before this. I don't think he is angry at you. I think he is redirecting his anger at himself and it just seems like he is aiming it at you.

He would be devastated if anything happened to you, especially if it was preventable, so let him do what he has to do to have peace of mind. I am sure a contented Brian is a lot more fun for you, though there is something to say for fear driven sex.

[justin_nyc]

Brian made it clear when he got home that he wasn't angry at me. Just at the world for having psychos who potentially ruin lives. He probably wouldn't admit it here, but he was scared. Shaky scared

[justin_nyc]

I recognize your name. I think I friended you back a few days ago. Welcome!

I can't believe you read all of our conversations. I think we started in late 2006.

Carl only told me about an assault conviction. But the creep had been arrested for a bunch of other scary shit, including sexual assault.

I've had some part-time workers at the gallery, but I agree we need someone more regular. Brian is going to see if any of his recently laid off K employees want to help us out while they're looking for something else. We know they're trustworthy at least.

We did fuck, but not right away. Brian was very upset. More so than I've seen him in along time. He just wrapped his arms around me and kept saying my name, kissing my hair, not letting me speak. It was scary, really. How profoundly disarmed he was at the prospect of me being hurt.

So, welcome again to our world. It's mostly wonderful.

[loud99]

Justin I'm glad you're okay! Talk about a scary experience. Brian had a good idea about hiring another person, having another body around would be safe and give you a feeling of security.

[justin_nyc]

Thanks. Brianis going to see if any of his laid off K employees want to help out. They're all great people.