The Long Drabble In Which A Bunch Of Movies Are Referenced, But Mostly Harry Potter
Pairings: JongKey, hinted!2min, fanboy!TaEmma Watson
Rating: PG-15 for cursing and innuendos ;)
Genre: CRACK, humour
Disclaimer: I don't own SHINee and I don't own Harry Potter. D:
Summary: The SHINee boys argue about what the Sorting Hat would have to say about them. A drinking game is also involved and a bunch of other movies are mentioned. And Jonghyun gets picked on a lot.
(A/N: The HP fever is getting to me. *sigh* Lots of HP references guys, so yeah, you sort of have to know the franchise to understand them.)
__________________
When Taemin had insisted on marathon-ing all seven Harry Potter movies prior to the release of the last installment, the hyungs hadn’t really questioned his motives - they probably should have, though, because the way Taeminnie was ogling the screen whenever Emma Watson appeared was a bit scary. It didn’t stop Onew from falling asleep halfway through Prisoner of Azkaban though. Kibum really envied him for being such a heavy sleeper because they all had schedules the next day and he would have preferred getting a few hours of sleep over watching Harry encounter Lord Voldemort over and over again (no really, it was always the same thing). Jonghyun really didn’t care about watching movies (unless they were horror so that he could make fun of Kibum afterwards and scare the life out of him while he was taking his shower - or unless it was Romeo and Juliet, of course) but he had been fooled by the maknae’s irresistible aegyo. Really, sleeping with your eyes half-open defied the purpose of sleeping through a movie because you could still see the damn screen and would end up dreaming about some really weird shit (that would most likely involve Key dressed up in a girl’s Hogwarts uniform - Slytherin coloured, of course - saying stuff like “Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”). Minho agreed to join the others on the couch if only to please Taeminnie. The tall alien’s head was conveniently slipping onto the maknae’s shoulder when Minho got sleepy by the end of Goblet of Fire.
They were listening to Dumbledore’s beginning-of-year speech in Order of the Phoenix when Kibum got an idea to make it more entertaining, pressured by the fact that Jonghyun had been poking him insistently ever since he’d gotten bored two movies ago. His idea was pretty simple: everyone had to take a shot of soju every time Umbridge did her creepy giggle-laugh thing. An hour into the movie, though, the boys thought that they hadn’t been drinking enough so they changed the rules to taking a shot whenever Harry acted angsty and then they ended up drinking much more than they probably should have.
“Guys,” Key said as Taemin got up on wobbly legs to change the DVD. “Guys!” he repeated louder when no one had moved from lying comatose on their couch. Minho and Jonghyun stirred a bit, showing that they were listening - even Onew, who had been sleeping up until then, woke up. He hadn’t had anything to drink but that was okay because he didn’t need soju to be awkward and clumsy, or so Kibum thought.
“Where do you think we’d be sorted if we went to Hogwarts?”
“I’d want to be in Gryffindor,” Taemin said at once.
“Just so you can hit on Hermininy?” Kibum said, words slurred. “I don’t think so.”
“Hermione, hyung,” Minho corrected, his speech still unaffected by all the alcohol in his system for some reason (damn tall, high-metabolism people, Jonghyun thought).
“Taemin would be in Slytherin,” Jonghyun said. “He’s good at manipulating people with his cuteness.”
“Yeah,” Onew agreed with a yawn, “he’s responsible for half of our noona fanbase.”
“What about me? Where would I be?” Key asked from where he was leaning into Jonghyun.
Taemin, Jonghyun, Minho and Onew nodded to each other before saying in unison: “Slytherin.”
Kibum made a disgruntled face. “No way.” Green really wasn’t his colour.
Taemin shrugged. “You’re a bit of a bitch.”
“Say that again, Lee Taemin?”
“Nothing, Key umma,” and the maknae batted his eyelashes a few times, earning a fond look from his adoptive mother.
“If Kibum’s in Slytherin then I want to be in Slytherin,” Jonghyun said with a pout. Key laughed at him but patted his cheek comfortingly.
“If anything, yeobo, you’d be in, like, Hufflepuff.”
“But that’s the House no one wants to actually be in.”
“Well,” Taemin spoke up, “you’re sort of a cry baby, so that rules you out of Gryffindor and Slytherin -”
“I beg to differ,” Minho said quietly, remembering a scene from Half-Blood Prince involving teary Malfoys in creepy haunted bathrooms.
“And you dropped out of high school,” Kibum continued, “so you can’t be in Ravenclaw. Plus I’m pretty sure there has to be some sort of height requirement to be in Slytherin. Or maybe you could just work at Gringotts, amongst your own kind.”
“You guys are so mean.”
“Cheer up,” Key said and pecked Jonghyun on the cheek swiftly. “You’d get to befriend... what’s-his-face... Edward.”
“Diggory,” Taemin corrected.
“Right, that’s what I meant,” Kibum said. “And you could also meet that half-dog, half-human person.”
“Lupin?” Taemin threw in. He clearly was the most knowledgeable person around on all things Harry Potter related. Kibum was beginning to worry he’d let his obsession with foreign actresses go too far.
“No.”
“Sirius?”
“Yeah I’m serious.”
“No, I meant Sirius Black.”
“Oh,” Kibum said, a bit confused. The alcohol wasn’t helping. “Wasn’t it Jacob?”
“Wrong franchise, hyung,” Minho sighed. Even he knew that.
“Whatever. I wonder where Minho would be sorted.”
“I don’t know, Gryffindor?” Minho answered himself. “Seems like they win the Quidditch Cup most often.”
Kibum rolled his eyes. “Of course.”
“Quidditch is gay. It involves four balls,” Jonghyun replied.
“Look who’s talking.”
“What other wizard sports are there?”
“Wizard’s chess?” Taemin suggested. Really, Kibum was thinking of confiscating those movies and books. The boy clearly knew too much.
“That’s not really a sport,” Minho complained.
“For Onew, it would be,” Kibum said. “Could you imagine what his sangtae could do? He’d lose fingers.”
“I’d put Minho in Hufflepuff,” Jonghyun said, a minute too late. Soju tended to slow his brain down even more.
“Why?”
“It’s a useless House,” the vocalist said nonchalantly, “just like him.”
Minho shoved the shorter boy off the couch.
“Wait,” Taemin said before breaking into a fit of giggles randomly, “aren’t people in Hufflepuff supposed to be loyal?”
“That’s true,” Kibum said. “Minho is too much of a hyung whore to be sorted there.”
“Gryffindor it is, then,” Taemin concluded.
“Yeah,” Minho agreed, stretching his leg to poke his toes between Kibum’s ribs. “ ‘Cause I’m brave and you know, not afraid of heights.”
“Of course you aren’t,” Kibum shot back, “you’re a walking, talking skyscraper.”
“Midget.”
“Troll.”
“Hobbit.”
“Wrong franchise, hyung,” Taemin chimed in, following his statement by another fit of giggles.
“I don’t get why you like Harry Potter so much, Taeminnie,” Minho wondered out loud. “It’s sort of lame that the dude needs a stick made out of wood to make magic. Superman only needs his bare hands.”
“I know I can do magic with some wood,” Jonghyun said with a wink towards Kibum that had the rapper blushing (and it wasn’t the alcohol this time).
“Gross,” Taemin said, positively disgusted. He didn’t exactly want to hear details of his adoptive mother’s sexual adventures. “And Superman wears tights. Inside his underwear.”
Minho shrugged. “Wizards wear dresses.”
“And we wear skinny jeans,” Jonghyun said, but they all ignored him because acknowledging that right now was just shameful.
“Alright,” Minho conceded, “then what about Spiderman?”
“He wears a one piece suit, how is that better?”
“Guys, guys, I’ve got a good question,” a dangerously tipsy Kibum suggested, rolling over on the couch and elbowing Jonghyun in the stomach, threatening to have him spill all the soju he’d ingested onto the rest of them. “What would my patronus be?”
“What do you think?” Taemin asked back.
“A fierce tiger. Or a stealthy cheetah.”
“Oh please, if anything it would be Hello Kitty,” Jonghyun shot back. “Mine would be really awesome, though.”
“Yeah, like a dinosaur,” Key said.
“Exactly!” a flushed Jonghyun agreed. “Like a p-pterodactyl.”
“You shouldn’t say things you can’t pronounce even when you’re sober, hyung,” Minho advised.
“And I was thinking more like Barney,” Key clarified.
“Shut up,” Jonghyun fought back. “It wouldn’t work because dinosaurs are extinct, anyway.”
“Yeah, like your fanbase,” Taemin said.
“If we didn’t need you to appeal to the Japanese demographic right now, I would knock your front teeth out.”
“Can you even reach them?”
“Fuck you.”
“That’s Key’s job.”
“I hate you.”
Jonghyun was intent on ignoring their annoying maknae when Onew spoke for the first time in a while.
“Knock knock,” the leader said.
“Who’s there,” Minho answered.
“You know.”
“You know who?”
“That’s right.”
Nobody laughed; instead they all stared at their sleep-deprived leader.
“I think I liked it better when Onew was asleep,” Key said.
“Agreed.”
__________________
A/N: I think this is the weirdest thing I’ve ever written. Ever. LOL.
I wrote this way past midnight. I think it shows.
... do people know Barney?
Also, totally relevant low quality photo montage is totally relevant.
Rating: PG-15 for cursing and innuendos ;)
Genre: CRACK, humour
Disclaimer: I don't own SHINee and I don't own Harry Potter. D:
Summary: The SHINee boys argue about what the Sorting Hat would have to say about them. A drinking game is also involved and a bunch of other movies are mentioned. And Jonghyun gets picked on a lot.
(A/N: The HP fever is getting to me. *sigh* Lots of HP references guys, so yeah, you sort of have to know the franchise to understand them.)
__________________
When Taemin had insisted on marathon-ing all seven Harry Potter movies prior to the release of the last installment, the hyungs hadn’t really questioned his motives - they probably should have, though, because the way Taeminnie was ogling the screen whenever Emma Watson appeared was a bit scary. It didn’t stop Onew from falling asleep halfway through Prisoner of Azkaban though. Kibum really envied him for being such a heavy sleeper because they all had schedules the next day and he would have preferred getting a few hours of sleep over watching Harry encounter Lord Voldemort over and over again (no really, it was always the same thing). Jonghyun really didn’t care about watching movies (unless they were horror so that he could make fun of Kibum afterwards and scare the life out of him while he was taking his shower - or unless it was Romeo and Juliet, of course) but he had been fooled by the maknae’s irresistible aegyo. Really, sleeping with your eyes half-open defied the purpose of sleeping through a movie because you could still see the damn screen and would end up dreaming about some really weird shit (that would most likely involve Key dressed up in a girl’s Hogwarts uniform - Slytherin coloured, of course - saying stuff like “Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”). Minho agreed to join the others on the couch if only to please Taeminnie. The tall alien’s head was conveniently slipping onto the maknae’s shoulder when Minho got sleepy by the end of Goblet of Fire.
They were listening to Dumbledore’s beginning-of-year speech in Order of the Phoenix when Kibum got an idea to make it more entertaining, pressured by the fact that Jonghyun had been poking him insistently ever since he’d gotten bored two movies ago. His idea was pretty simple: everyone had to take a shot of soju every time Umbridge did her creepy giggle-laugh thing. An hour into the movie, though, the boys thought that they hadn’t been drinking enough so they changed the rules to taking a shot whenever Harry acted angsty and then they ended up drinking much more than they probably should have.
“Guys,” Key said as Taemin got up on wobbly legs to change the DVD. “Guys!” he repeated louder when no one had moved from lying comatose on their couch. Minho and Jonghyun stirred a bit, showing that they were listening - even Onew, who had been sleeping up until then, woke up. He hadn’t had anything to drink but that was okay because he didn’t need soju to be awkward and clumsy, or so Kibum thought.
“Where do you think we’d be sorted if we went to Hogwarts?”
“I’d want to be in Gryffindor,” Taemin said at once.
“Just so you can hit on Hermininy?” Kibum said, words slurred. “I don’t think so.”
“Hermione, hyung,” Minho corrected, his speech still unaffected by all the alcohol in his system for some reason (damn tall, high-metabolism people, Jonghyun thought).
“Taemin would be in Slytherin,” Jonghyun said. “He’s good at manipulating people with his cuteness.”
“Yeah,” Onew agreed with a yawn, “he’s responsible for half of our noona fanbase.”
“What about me? Where would I be?” Key asked from where he was leaning into Jonghyun.
Taemin, Jonghyun, Minho and Onew nodded to each other before saying in unison: “Slytherin.”
Kibum made a disgruntled face. “No way.” Green really wasn’t his colour.
Taemin shrugged. “You’re a bit of a bitch.”
“Say that again, Lee Taemin?”
“Nothing, Key umma,” and the maknae batted his eyelashes a few times, earning a fond look from his adoptive mother.
“If Kibum’s in Slytherin then I want to be in Slytherin,” Jonghyun said with a pout. Key laughed at him but patted his cheek comfortingly.
“If anything, yeobo, you’d be in, like, Hufflepuff.”
“But that’s the House no one wants to actually be in.”
“Well,” Taemin spoke up, “you’re sort of a cry baby, so that rules you out of Gryffindor and Slytherin -”
“I beg to differ,” Minho said quietly, remembering a scene from Half-Blood Prince involving teary Malfoys in creepy haunted bathrooms.
“And you dropped out of high school,” Kibum continued, “so you can’t be in Ravenclaw. Plus I’m pretty sure there has to be some sort of height requirement to be in Slytherin. Or maybe you could just work at Gringotts, amongst your own kind.”
“You guys are so mean.”
“Cheer up,” Key said and pecked Jonghyun on the cheek swiftly. “You’d get to befriend... what’s-his-face... Edward.”
“Diggory,” Taemin corrected.
“Right, that’s what I meant,” Kibum said. “And you could also meet that half-dog, half-human person.”
“Lupin?” Taemin threw in. He clearly was the most knowledgeable person around on all things Harry Potter related. Kibum was beginning to worry he’d let his obsession with foreign actresses go too far.
“No.”
“Sirius?”
“Yeah I’m serious.”
“No, I meant Sirius Black.”
“Oh,” Kibum said, a bit confused. The alcohol wasn’t helping. “Wasn’t it Jacob?”
“Wrong franchise, hyung,” Minho sighed. Even he knew that.
“Whatever. I wonder where Minho would be sorted.”
“I don’t know, Gryffindor?” Minho answered himself. “Seems like they win the Quidditch Cup most often.”
Kibum rolled his eyes. “Of course.”
“Quidditch is gay. It involves four balls,” Jonghyun replied.
“Look who’s talking.”
“What other wizard sports are there?”
“Wizard’s chess?” Taemin suggested. Really, Kibum was thinking of confiscating those movies and books. The boy clearly knew too much.
“That’s not really a sport,” Minho complained.
“For Onew, it would be,” Kibum said. “Could you imagine what his sangtae could do? He’d lose fingers.”
“I’d put Minho in Hufflepuff,” Jonghyun said, a minute too late. Soju tended to slow his brain down even more.
“Why?”
“It’s a useless House,” the vocalist said nonchalantly, “just like him.”
Minho shoved the shorter boy off the couch.
“Wait,” Taemin said before breaking into a fit of giggles randomly, “aren’t people in Hufflepuff supposed to be loyal?”
“That’s true,” Kibum said. “Minho is too much of a hyung whore to be sorted there.”
“Gryffindor it is, then,” Taemin concluded.
“Yeah,” Minho agreed, stretching his leg to poke his toes between Kibum’s ribs. “ ‘Cause I’m brave and you know, not afraid of heights.”
“Of course you aren’t,” Kibum shot back, “you’re a walking, talking skyscraper.”
“Midget.”
“Troll.”
“Hobbit.”
“Wrong franchise, hyung,” Taemin chimed in, following his statement by another fit of giggles.
“I don’t get why you like Harry Potter so much, Taeminnie,” Minho wondered out loud. “It’s sort of lame that the dude needs a stick made out of wood to make magic. Superman only needs his bare hands.”
“I know I can do magic with some wood,” Jonghyun said with a wink towards Kibum that had the rapper blushing (and it wasn’t the alcohol this time).
“Gross,” Taemin said, positively disgusted. He didn’t exactly want to hear details of his adoptive mother’s sexual adventures. “And Superman wears tights. Inside his underwear.”
Minho shrugged. “Wizards wear dresses.”
“And we wear skinny jeans,” Jonghyun said, but they all ignored him because acknowledging that right now was just shameful.
“Alright,” Minho conceded, “then what about Spiderman?”
“He wears a one piece suit, how is that better?”
“Guys, guys, I’ve got a good question,” a dangerously tipsy Kibum suggested, rolling over on the couch and elbowing Jonghyun in the stomach, threatening to have him spill all the soju he’d ingested onto the rest of them. “What would my patronus be?”
“What do you think?” Taemin asked back.
“A fierce tiger. Or a stealthy cheetah.”
“Oh please, if anything it would be Hello Kitty,” Jonghyun shot back. “Mine would be really awesome, though.”
“Yeah, like a dinosaur,” Key said.
“Exactly!” a flushed Jonghyun agreed. “Like a p-pterodactyl.”
“You shouldn’t say things you can’t pronounce even when you’re sober, hyung,” Minho advised.
“And I was thinking more like Barney,” Key clarified.
“Shut up,” Jonghyun fought back. “It wouldn’t work because dinosaurs are extinct, anyway.”
“Yeah, like your fanbase,” Taemin said.
“If we didn’t need you to appeal to the Japanese demographic right now, I would knock your front teeth out.”
“Can you even reach them?”
“Fuck you.”
“That’s Key’s job.”
“I hate you.”
Jonghyun was intent on ignoring their annoying maknae when Onew spoke for the first time in a while.
“Knock knock,” the leader said.
“Who’s there,” Minho answered.
“You know.”
“You know who?”
“That’s right.”
Nobody laughed; instead they all stared at their sleep-deprived leader.
“I think I liked it better when Onew was asleep,” Key said.
“Agreed.”
__________________
A/N: I think this is the weirdest thing I’ve ever written. Ever. LOL.
I wrote this way past midnight. I think it shows.
... do people know Barney?
Also, totally relevant low quality photo montage is totally relevant.