Fic: Communicating
Title: Communicating
Author: wanderingjasper
Rating: FRAO
Characters: Morgan/Reid
Word Count: 1888
Themes: Angst, smut.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, but I do take liberties with them for no financial gain.
Summary: After Amplification, the aphasia Reid suffered lingers.
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“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” - Elbert Hubbard
When he woke up groggy in the hospital bed and cracked his eye open to see Morgan by his bedside eating jello, relief washed through him.
"Are you eating jello?"
That was what he'd intended to say, at least, but nothing had come out. He tried again, but the first word wouldn't form. His movement attracted Morgan's attention, and he smiled widely at him.
"Hey, kid."
Reid tried again, and could quickly feel panic rising. Something was wrong.
"Hey, Doc," Morgan called, "he's awake."
"Is there any more jello?"
The words Reid wanted to express, just a ridiculous joke to let Morgan know he was fine, wouldn't come out.
"Hi there," Kimura said, smiling too. She quickly started to frown when she noticed Reid's distress. "Doctor Reid, are you okay?"
"Kid?"
Reid lifted one heavy hand to his chest and tapped just below his throat, and tried to tell them.
"I can't speak."
"What's going on?" Morgan asked.
"I'm not sure," Kimura said as she stepped around the bed. "He had paraphasia in the ambulance; it looks like it's developed into expressive aphasia. I've seen this in anthrax incidents before, patients usually recover. Doctor Reid, it's okay, I'm going to get the neurologist down here as soon as possible."
"Is he going to be okay?"
"I hope so."
---
Six weeks later, speech therapy three times a week hadn't made any improvement. He couldn't speak, and couldn't write. He couldn't express himself with language, and while he found he had no problem gesturing to communicate, the small amount of sign language he knew was rendered useless, and his attempts to learn more failed. It was too complex, and the language centre of his brain was damaged.
At first he'd thought his comprehension was unaffected, and had taken comfort in the fact. But as the weeks went by, he realised it wasn't the case; if he tried to read too fast the words jumbled. If there was too much background noise on the TV he stopped being able to comprehend the speech. Sometimes he couldn't grasp the inflection of people's words, or the meaning was lost, especially if they spoke too fast.
Morgan, of course, had been meeting in the middle of handling him with care and treating him like normal. He knew he was trying, but he also knew how hard to was to suddenly be with someone who couldn't communicate explicitly. Thankfully, if there was one thing they both excelled at, it was ready non-verbal communication.
"How are you feeling, baby?" Morgan asked, as Reid dragged him down over him on the bed.
A literal answer was best. He went for Morgan's hand that lingered against his side, took him by the wrist and dragged his hand down to the bulge in his pyjama pants.
"You ready for that?" Morgan questioned, even as he gently palmed his lover's growing erection. Reid pushed his hips upwards. "I've missed you under me."
Morgan knew he body better than anybody, and the unconscious, automatic sounds he made in response to touch communicated a hell of a lot. Morgan stroked him with a firm grip that twisted at the end, brushing over the sensitive tip of his cock. He wanted to tell Morgan how much he loved the way he touched him, but he couldn't. Not with words, anyway. Concepts were different, and things he had more ease expressing.
He wrapped his own hand around Morgan's, who slowed and looked to Reid's face. Reid worried his bottom lip and squeezed his hand around Morgan's; he wanted a firmer grip, and he wanted Morgan to understand what he wanted. He repeated the motion, holding the grip and moving their hands, until Morgan seemed to understand.
"You want it harder?" he purred, tightening his grip and stroking of his own accord again. Reid groaned at the extra stimulation and nodded. Nodding and shaking his head he usually got right, as long as the concept of 'true' and 'false' were simple to convey. Morgan dragged his lips along Reid's jaw, peppering kisses there as he stroked steadily, gripping harder like Reid wanted and still twisting to brush the sensitive tip and spread around the fluid beading there.
Reid relished the sounds coming from his own mouth, involuntary noises he didn't have to think about, noises that sounded normal.
Morgan stopped right before Reid came, making Reid give a frustrated huff as Morgan chuckled and released his cock, and danced his fingers up his torso.
"It's been a while, I wanna make it so good, baby."
Reid lifted his hand to Morgan's face, and traced his thumb over his lip, the plump skin catching. The way Morgan looked at him made him feel exposed and safe at the same time; lust, care, more love than ever, a the tiniest touch of sadness. He pressed his thumb forward into Morgan's mouth, where the man nipped at the digit and then licked the hurt away.
"Are you just teasing, baby boy, or are you asking for what you want?" In response Reid ran his damp thumb around Morgan's slightly parted lips, and wanted desperately to tell him how irresistible they were. "You want my mouth, Spencer?" he prompted gently, and Reid gave a little nod.
Morgan kissed slowly down his torso until he was on his knees beside the bed, holding Reid's cock for inspection.
"Wow, baby, look how much precum you're leaking," he murmured, lapping at the clear fluid. "It's been a while, huh? For us, at least. As soon as I knew you were gonna be okay, I wanted to get naked with you and just be with you," Morgan said, in between little licks to Reid's cock as his lover watched him. "Then with the aphasia... well, everything changed, and I didn't know if you wanted it. And then I worried that we wouldn't be able to communicate about it... hated the idea of you not getting what you want because you can't tell me exactly what you want."
Reid bumped his hips upwards, hoping Morgan understood that he was hot and aroused and wanted his mouth.
"Oh, I know what you want right now, baby," he breathed as he lowered his mouth onto his cock and sucked him. Reid groaned and put his hands on the back of Morgan's head, stubble feeling fantastic under his hands as Morgan went to work with his tongue and lips, sucking expertly. Morgan always took such care with him, and Reid did not underestimate the significance of it.
Morgan pulled off with a wet pop. "God, you taste good."
Reid, watching Morgan immersed giving him pleasure, waited until the man met his eyes again, and then brought one hand around and wiggled two of his fingers.
"You want my fingers?"
Reid knew if he tried to explain he'd have trouble, but it was all he wanted to do. He shook his head.
"Not my fingers?"
He nodded, because he did want fingers, but he wanted more.
"So, yes fingers? You want me to get you off with my fingers?"
He shook his head again, feeling himself getting flustered. It wasn't fair that he couldn't just talk, that he couldn't just beg for what he wanted in the throes of passion without of awkward interlude.
"Spencer, it's okay, we'll get there," Morgan soothed, a calming hand stroking along his stomach. "You want my mouth?" A nod. "And my fingers?" A nod. "But not to get you off, so.. oh, prep? You want me to fuck you?"
Reid nodded, relaxing once what he wanted had been communicated. He missed words, but they had indeed got there.
"Okay, baby boy."
He swallowed Reid down as he pushed one lubed finger into him, curling it to find the man's prostate and flutter the pad of his finger over it. Reid panted, moaning with each new addition, being slowly stretched around those thick fingers.
Finally when he was panting and whining, Morgan got up off his knees. Reid scrambled back onto the bed properly, and his lover climbed on to join him, slotting between his legs. He'd grabbed a condom from the box at the bedside, and held it between his fingers as he stroked a hand along Reid's thigh.
"You okay, baby?"
Reid reached out and plucked the condom from Morgan. It would have been so much easier with words, but he didn't know if he'd ever be able to communicate verbally again. Deliberately he held it up, making sure Morgan was watching, and then he tossed it aside onto the bedside table.
"Spencer? You don't want to do this?"
Reid shook his head, but waited patiently. They managed earlier, and he knew he just had to get used to it taking longer.
Morgan considered the scene for a moment. "You don't want to use a condom?"
Reid nodded that he was correct. They'd talked about it before the anthrax incident as a next stage in their relationship.
"Okay." Morgan nodded, and Reid could see the sudden onset of nervous excitement in the other man; it was thrilling to witness, as Morgan spread lube over himself with a slightly shaking hand. He arranged his hips and lined himself up with Reid, pausing above him.
"Sure?"
Reid nodded. Morgan pushed forward, anchoring himself and then curling up with Reid, close and intimate. Their lips met as their bodies moved, re-familiarising themselves quickly, falling into a rhythm and rutting against each other.
Derek was quieter than usual, no dirty words or encouragements, because even if it was something he excelled at, it was always something they did together. Each of Morgan's verbal encouragements would be met with Reid's own, but now words were not something they could share.
At the same time he missed it, the sound of Morgan's heavy breathing and little grunts of exertion were fantastically erotic, the slap of their skin delicious, the way he whispered his name as he got close.
“Spencer, you close?”
Reid nodded; with Morgan's hand between them stroking him, he was almost there. Morgan worked him until he gave a strangled cry as he came all over his stomach. Once he knew he'd got there, Morgan jackhammered his hips and pushed through to his own orgasm, emptying into Reid's body.
They lay together breathing hard for long moments, sweaty and sated. Eventually Morgan rose up a little, looking adoringly at Reid.
"I love you."
Reid automatically tried to respond, but nothing came out, as if there was no connection between his mouth and brain to send the word. He felt a twinge of sadness, and Morgan smiled sadly witnessing it.
Instead, he touched his fingertips to his chest, and then to Morgan's. His brain supplied a wealth of facts about the heart having being mistakenly considered to be the centre of emotion for a long time, and the lingering symbolism remaining, despite the brain truly being the organ that allowed people to feel love.
Morgan apparently had some idea of what Reid would be thinking, because in the quiet, kneeling between them, he touched his fingers to the side of his head, and then reached down and touched Reid's temple.
Maybe, Reid decided as he pulled Morgan down to nuzzle into his neck, he could live without words, so long as he had this.
“Sometimes there aren't words. The silence between us is flung wide as an ocean. But I manage to reach across it, to wrap my arms around him.” - Jodi Picoult