My Baby Shot Me Down
Title: My Baby Shot Me Down
Author: JulietsPet
Pairing: LayxJino
Rating: G
Genre: Drama
Summary: Memories force themselves back into Jino's mind, along with everything that is attached to those memories.
A/N: I've played a bit with their ages. In 1983, they'd be 5 and 6 and in 2013, they'd be 35 and 36.
Inspired by the french version of Cher's Bang Bang.
Jino sat down on one of the benches of the park, close to the kid's playground. It felt good to be outside after a long day sitting behind a desk, typing endlessly and having as only view, the roofs of the other buildings in the city, filled with men just like him, who were doing practically the same thing as him. It would start to feel as a prison after a while, the four walls around him not having any painting or picture on them - unlike his colleagues, he didn't have pictures of his children to put up, no drawings from them, nor family pictures from any sort. He did have someone back home but they weren't married and god knows how long their relationship was going to last. Jino could already feel the so-called spark going away and he wasn't even sure if he had ever felt one between them in the first place.
A sigh escaped his lips and he turned his eyes upwards to the blue sky, eyes examining the clouds, searching for a form or just a hint of grey to know how long he would be able to sit here. The weatherman had said there were chances for rain on the capital but it hadn't rained all day. A shriek tore him away from the banal train of thoughts about weather and he turned his eyes back to the playground, where a kid was rolling onto the grass, clutching his chest while the other one laughed, blowing the imaginary smoke of the gun he had formed with his small fingers. It felt as if the boy had shot into his own heart, making an opening for old memories to flood back into Jino's tired mind, unable to fight off what he had tried to forget for years.
He had lost count of the years… no, he just didn't want to be reminded on how long it had been and how it still had an impact on him. It'd hurt too much to admit it. It'd hurt even more than reliving the memories.
He was 5. Yixing was 6. They were neighbours and it felt like they had known each other since birth. How they actually met, was through carpooling. They were going to the same schools so it was easier for the parents to just take turns in bringing their children to school. Even though they had known each other since a while, they hadn't played with each other before summer 1983. Yixing's friends were gone to camps or foreign countries with their parents. It was needless to say that he was incredibly bored, as he didn't have any siblings or cousins to play with during the summer. His parents had then suggested going next doors, meeting up with that 'nice boy who always drove with them, Jino'. Yixing had only agreed because he thought it was better than just sit around in his room or the garden, doing nothing. He had barely spoken to Jino. He had always been quiet during the rides and the only thing he knew about him, was how his whole face lit up when he smiled. Jino's smile seemed contagious as well. He had noticed his mom started smiling as well whenever she saw it.
So the next day, Yixing stood at the front door, politely asking if he could play with Jino when the mother had opened the door. He was showed to Jino's room and he found out the boy was more than just smiles and quietness as his eyes laid on the floor covered with action figures and Jino sitting in the middle of them, looking up at Yixing with curious eyes. Once they were over the slightly awkward minute of 'Hi, can I play with you?', Jino let him inside the world he had created on his own this morning, sharing with him his toys.
Days passed and they practically played every day. Every time it was a new game. Playing with Jino's action figures, Yixing's cars, pretending the floor was lava, pretending Jino's mom was a big monster out to get them, playing tag and their favourite of them all: "police officer and thief". Yixing was the police officer and Jino was obviously the thief. They'd run around in Jino's yard, pretending Jino had just robbed a bank and shooting at each other with fingers in the shape of guns, finishing it with the grand finale, where Yixing aimed for Jino's heart, killing him on the spot as Jino collapsed onto the grass, a cry escaping his lips while Yixing laughed, celebrating his victory.
Summer went by and then years but they continued playing with each other, moving over to video games as well when Yixing got one for Christmas, until Yixing turned 12. He enrolled into a middle school and the carpooling became difficult. That year, the times they saw each other went from every day to every weekend to every now and then as Jino slowly got replaced by new friends, new interests. It was crazy how it could change in just one year. Jino ended up going to a different middle school and their games stopped, momentarily breaking contact until they found each other on a role-playing game, staying up late as they planned strategies, rekindling their friendship. Jino was satisfied with their new way of being together, having missed his friend and had soon forgotten about the hurt he had felt when he was replaced by other people.
They ended up at the same high school but the carpooling didn't pick back up. Instead they went by bike, as their school wasn't that far. They'd wait for each other at the end of the day, unless one of them decided to hang out with their friends instead. Sometimes, instead of going home, they rode to the park and kicked some ball there before lying down onto the grass, watching the sky turning dark, not thinking about how they'd have to stay up at night to finish their homework. Years passed again and it was Yixing's last year and the day before his graduation. Their friendship had grown in something both didn't understand and never dared to speak of.
"You should come to Seoul too next year.", Yixing said, eyes glued onto the sky above them.
Jino glanced at him. "I don't know what I want to study yet, though."
"Doesn't matter. You can decide on that later.. Besides you still got a year."
"I'll miss you. It'll be weird to go to school alone."
"I'll miss you too. That's why you need to get your ass to Seoul. So we can share a dorm together and all.” Yixing laughed and turned his head, meeting Jino's gaze. Jino opened his mouth to answer but he made up his mind immediately after, keeping the silence that came in between them. Yixing's hand found Jino's and he rested it on top of it before slipping his fingers in between the other one's, lacing them together. The younger was thankful that it was getting dark, his rosy cheeks being less visible.
They stayed there until one of them started shivering. As they got on their bikes, Yixing leaned to Jino, tilting his bike to make it easier and his lips touched the boy's lips briefly, pecking before he quickly straightened up, leaving a flustered Jino behind as he rode away.
"C'mon slowpoke!"
This led to several discussions over if this was their first kiss or the time when they were lying on Jino's bed on one of the weekends Yixing came back home, fooling around. It was a stupid discussion, one out of many other stupid discussions they shared.
It didn't stop the time from continuing its course and soon they had been living together in the dorm for two years. Everything seemed to go along fine. Nobody knew about their relationship as they knew their parents would never agree to such a thing and it did put a strain on it sometimes but they managed to overcome it or so Jino thought.
When Yixing came home that day, Jino knew it was over. He had never dreaded such a moment until that day, noticing a change into Yixing's behaviour that had never been there. He didn't have much time to doubt if he really knew Yixing in and out like he thought he did, maybe he was just reading his behaviour wrongly… But before he could continue to convince himself nothing was wrong, Yixing spoke out the few words, a lot of people apparently dread when they're in a relationship.
"We need to talk."
"We talk a lot already," Jino responded lightly, forcing a small smile on his lips as his stomach tightened.
Yixing chuckled softly and shook his head. "Yeah.. no.. I really need to talk to you, Jino."
"About what? If it's about adopting a puppy, you know it's not allowed in here.. The owner clearly said it."
"No, it's not that."
"What is it then?"
A silence followed the question. Yixing was hesitating on how to say it and maybe he had secretly hoped Jino would've tried to turn the discussion to something else again.
"I've met someone," he then slowly replied.
"That's cool. I meet tons of people every day. Why is it worth mentioning, though? Did the person have three legs?"
"No, it's not like that."
"How is it then?"
Jino knew exactly how it was, it was as clear as crystal on Yixing's face. The only unanswered questions he had now were 'Since when?', 'Who?', 'Why?'… But maybe he didn't even want an answer to those.
"I've been sort of… seeing someone…. for a while now…"
"What do you mean with sort of?"
"It's not… technically 'seeing'…. as in dating and cheating. I haven't cheated. We're friends but…"
"You like him.", Jino finished his sentence for him.
"Her," Yixing corrected him.
"Her…"
"It made me think, Jino. I can't continue this.. Us. I can't…. I can't continue hiding. I want something normal."
"Because this is not normal?"
"I don't mean it like that."
Jino sighed and nodded his head in response, turning his gaze away.
"I'm really sorry, Jino."
"I could say I've seen this coming ever since we started this but I actually didn't."
"That wouldn't make it any better now, would it?"
"No… It might make you feel horrible, though."
"I already feel horrible.. I wish this could be different but… You know we can't do this forever. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? It's better if we end it now before it's too late."
"It's already too late, Yixing. It has been too late ever since you told me you loved me."
"I'm sorry."
There was no answer from Jino. He slowly turned his gaze to Yixing, who had his fixated on the floor. What could he answer to this? It was obviously not okay… or fine.. And he didn't understand it at all at that moment.
"I'll stay at Minseok's place… And I'll come get my stuff tomorrow," he then said as Jino kept quiet.
15 years later, the memories still made him feel like curling up in his bed and cry, just like he had done that night. He would've thought he'd be over it by now but it was his incapability of dealing with the situation that kept every thing so vivid, the memories printed in his mind. Instead of giving himself the time to handle it, he managed to push everything back, hiding it in the back of his mind and pretend he was all right. He had convinced himself he had to do this as no one knew about them and he'd have to find an explanation for his condition.
He closed his eyes, filling his lungs with air before pushing himself off the bench, shrugging off most of the thoughts that were running freely in his mind. It was going to be a long night.
Author: JulietsPet
Pairing: LayxJino
Rating: G
Genre: Drama
Summary: Memories force themselves back into Jino's mind, along with everything that is attached to those memories.
A/N: I've played a bit with their ages. In 1983, they'd be 5 and 6 and in 2013, they'd be 35 and 36.
Inspired by the french version of Cher's Bang Bang.
Jino sat down on one of the benches of the park, close to the kid's playground. It felt good to be outside after a long day sitting behind a desk, typing endlessly and having as only view, the roofs of the other buildings in the city, filled with men just like him, who were doing practically the same thing as him. It would start to feel as a prison after a while, the four walls around him not having any painting or picture on them - unlike his colleagues, he didn't have pictures of his children to put up, no drawings from them, nor family pictures from any sort. He did have someone back home but they weren't married and god knows how long their relationship was going to last. Jino could already feel the so-called spark going away and he wasn't even sure if he had ever felt one between them in the first place.
A sigh escaped his lips and he turned his eyes upwards to the blue sky, eyes examining the clouds, searching for a form or just a hint of grey to know how long he would be able to sit here. The weatherman had said there were chances for rain on the capital but it hadn't rained all day. A shriek tore him away from the banal train of thoughts about weather and he turned his eyes back to the playground, where a kid was rolling onto the grass, clutching his chest while the other one laughed, blowing the imaginary smoke of the gun he had formed with his small fingers. It felt as if the boy had shot into his own heart, making an opening for old memories to flood back into Jino's tired mind, unable to fight off what he had tried to forget for years.
He had lost count of the years… no, he just didn't want to be reminded on how long it had been and how it still had an impact on him. It'd hurt too much to admit it. It'd hurt even more than reliving the memories.
He was 5. Yixing was 6. They were neighbours and it felt like they had known each other since birth. How they actually met, was through carpooling. They were going to the same schools so it was easier for the parents to just take turns in bringing their children to school. Even though they had known each other since a while, they hadn't played with each other before summer 1983. Yixing's friends were gone to camps or foreign countries with their parents. It was needless to say that he was incredibly bored, as he didn't have any siblings or cousins to play with during the summer. His parents had then suggested going next doors, meeting up with that 'nice boy who always drove with them, Jino'. Yixing had only agreed because he thought it was better than just sit around in his room or the garden, doing nothing. He had barely spoken to Jino. He had always been quiet during the rides and the only thing he knew about him, was how his whole face lit up when he smiled. Jino's smile seemed contagious as well. He had noticed his mom started smiling as well whenever she saw it.
So the next day, Yixing stood at the front door, politely asking if he could play with Jino when the mother had opened the door. He was showed to Jino's room and he found out the boy was more than just smiles and quietness as his eyes laid on the floor covered with action figures and Jino sitting in the middle of them, looking up at Yixing with curious eyes. Once they were over the slightly awkward minute of 'Hi, can I play with you?', Jino let him inside the world he had created on his own this morning, sharing with him his toys.
Days passed and they practically played every day. Every time it was a new game. Playing with Jino's action figures, Yixing's cars, pretending the floor was lava, pretending Jino's mom was a big monster out to get them, playing tag and their favourite of them all: "police officer and thief". Yixing was the police officer and Jino was obviously the thief. They'd run around in Jino's yard, pretending Jino had just robbed a bank and shooting at each other with fingers in the shape of guns, finishing it with the grand finale, where Yixing aimed for Jino's heart, killing him on the spot as Jino collapsed onto the grass, a cry escaping his lips while Yixing laughed, celebrating his victory.
Summer went by and then years but they continued playing with each other, moving over to video games as well when Yixing got one for Christmas, until Yixing turned 12. He enrolled into a middle school and the carpooling became difficult. That year, the times they saw each other went from every day to every weekend to every now and then as Jino slowly got replaced by new friends, new interests. It was crazy how it could change in just one year. Jino ended up going to a different middle school and their games stopped, momentarily breaking contact until they found each other on a role-playing game, staying up late as they planned strategies, rekindling their friendship. Jino was satisfied with their new way of being together, having missed his friend and had soon forgotten about the hurt he had felt when he was replaced by other people.
They ended up at the same high school but the carpooling didn't pick back up. Instead they went by bike, as their school wasn't that far. They'd wait for each other at the end of the day, unless one of them decided to hang out with their friends instead. Sometimes, instead of going home, they rode to the park and kicked some ball there before lying down onto the grass, watching the sky turning dark, not thinking about how they'd have to stay up at night to finish their homework. Years passed again and it was Yixing's last year and the day before his graduation. Their friendship had grown in something both didn't understand and never dared to speak of.
"You should come to Seoul too next year.", Yixing said, eyes glued onto the sky above them.
Jino glanced at him. "I don't know what I want to study yet, though."
"Doesn't matter. You can decide on that later.. Besides you still got a year."
"I'll miss you. It'll be weird to go to school alone."
"I'll miss you too. That's why you need to get your ass to Seoul. So we can share a dorm together and all.” Yixing laughed and turned his head, meeting Jino's gaze. Jino opened his mouth to answer but he made up his mind immediately after, keeping the silence that came in between them. Yixing's hand found Jino's and he rested it on top of it before slipping his fingers in between the other one's, lacing them together. The younger was thankful that it was getting dark, his rosy cheeks being less visible.
They stayed there until one of them started shivering. As they got on their bikes, Yixing leaned to Jino, tilting his bike to make it easier and his lips touched the boy's lips briefly, pecking before he quickly straightened up, leaving a flustered Jino behind as he rode away.
"C'mon slowpoke!"
This led to several discussions over if this was their first kiss or the time when they were lying on Jino's bed on one of the weekends Yixing came back home, fooling around. It was a stupid discussion, one out of many other stupid discussions they shared.
It didn't stop the time from continuing its course and soon they had been living together in the dorm for two years. Everything seemed to go along fine. Nobody knew about their relationship as they knew their parents would never agree to such a thing and it did put a strain on it sometimes but they managed to overcome it or so Jino thought.
When Yixing came home that day, Jino knew it was over. He had never dreaded such a moment until that day, noticing a change into Yixing's behaviour that had never been there. He didn't have much time to doubt if he really knew Yixing in and out like he thought he did, maybe he was just reading his behaviour wrongly… But before he could continue to convince himself nothing was wrong, Yixing spoke out the few words, a lot of people apparently dread when they're in a relationship.
"We need to talk."
"We talk a lot already," Jino responded lightly, forcing a small smile on his lips as his stomach tightened.
Yixing chuckled softly and shook his head. "Yeah.. no.. I really need to talk to you, Jino."
"About what? If it's about adopting a puppy, you know it's not allowed in here.. The owner clearly said it."
"No, it's not that."
"What is it then?"
A silence followed the question. Yixing was hesitating on how to say it and maybe he had secretly hoped Jino would've tried to turn the discussion to something else again.
"I've met someone," he then slowly replied.
"That's cool. I meet tons of people every day. Why is it worth mentioning, though? Did the person have three legs?"
"No, it's not like that."
"How is it then?"
Jino knew exactly how it was, it was as clear as crystal on Yixing's face. The only unanswered questions he had now were 'Since when?', 'Who?', 'Why?'… But maybe he didn't even want an answer to those.
"I've been sort of… seeing someone…. for a while now…"
"What do you mean with sort of?"
"It's not… technically 'seeing'…. as in dating and cheating. I haven't cheated. We're friends but…"
"You like him.", Jino finished his sentence for him.
"Her," Yixing corrected him.
"Her…"
"It made me think, Jino. I can't continue this.. Us. I can't…. I can't continue hiding. I want something normal."
"Because this is not normal?"
"I don't mean it like that."
Jino sighed and nodded his head in response, turning his gaze away.
"I'm really sorry, Jino."
"I could say I've seen this coming ever since we started this but I actually didn't."
"That wouldn't make it any better now, would it?"
"No… It might make you feel horrible, though."
"I already feel horrible.. I wish this could be different but… You know we can't do this forever. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? It's better if we end it now before it's too late."
"It's already too late, Yixing. It has been too late ever since you told me you loved me."
"I'm sorry."
There was no answer from Jino. He slowly turned his gaze to Yixing, who had his fixated on the floor. What could he answer to this? It was obviously not okay… or fine.. And he didn't understand it at all at that moment.
"I'll stay at Minseok's place… And I'll come get my stuff tomorrow," he then said as Jino kept quiet.
15 years later, the memories still made him feel like curling up in his bed and cry, just like he had done that night. He would've thought he'd be over it by now but it was his incapability of dealing with the situation that kept every thing so vivid, the memories printed in his mind. Instead of giving himself the time to handle it, he managed to push everything back, hiding it in the back of his mind and pretend he was all right. He had convinced himself he had to do this as no one knew about them and he'd have to find an explanation for his condition.
He closed his eyes, filling his lungs with air before pushing himself off the bench, shrugging off most of the thoughts that were running freely in his mind. It was going to be a long night.