As The Walls Crumble Around Us - Slash, PG-13
Title: As the Walls Crumble Around Us
Author: thelonejuliet
Characters: Dean, Sam, mentions of John, Madison
Pairing: Sam/Dean, very vague mention of Sam/Madison
Word Count: 963 (incl. song lyrics)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Incest, angst
Spoilers: Up through the end of Season 2
Disclaimer: Not mine, not a single hair.
Author's Note(s): Why oh why, did I write a fic based on a Def Leppard song?! *headdesk* Anyway, this song - "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad" (throughout the story) - was on repeat in my car, and this little thing popped in my head. And, it's unbeta'd. :)
All fics found here.
Summary: Dean needs Sammy.
Here I am, I'm in the wrong bed again
It's just a game I just can't win
There you are breathin' soft on my skin
Still you won't let me in
He knows they can’t keep going on like this, just offering comfort, not giving in to themselves, to each other. It’s killing them both - he sees his own pain reflected in the hazel eyes of his brother, mirrored in a distorted sort of way that is heartbreaking and a relief at the same time.
At least he’s not in this alone.
Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away
One time, a few weeks after Dad’s death, he slips up, he forgets that he made himself a promise - and he kisses his brother. It hasn’t been so long, only a month, maybe more, maybe less, but everything feels different, heavier, better. He gets kissed back like he’s the only source of air in a 20-mile radius - and then he freaks, pulls away and stutters an apology.
He sleeps in the car that night and knows it’s only a matter of time until he forgets again.
Have you ever needed someone so bad
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the [one] I gotta have
I gotta have you baby
A new hunt in a new town with new faces, but the same predicament still lingers. He still can’t get his brother out of his head, his heart, his entire being. The way he feels felt, kisses kissed, needs needed his older brother’s love. He’s not sure how much longer he can live like this, with this stupid promise. He’s angry, all the time, ready to lash out at anyone. One night, his brother gets in the way, goes too far, says too much, and he swings. Immediate regret and he can’t look at him, or himself, for two days.
It’s not a burden he wants to shoulder, but he brought it on himself; it’s his cross to bear.
There you go, midnight promises again
But they're broken by the dawn
You wanna go further, faster every day baby
But in the morning you'll be gone
And I'm alone
Just a matter of time before he makes another mistake. There’s alcohol involved and he can’t say no, can’t stop, can’t look away. He wants, he wants so much, and he knows his brother wants, too. He tries, he really tries, but there’s no denying it; he succumbs. In the morning, he’ll disentangle himself and try to shower off his guilt, be ready when his brother wakes up with a hangover. He’ll try to hide the pain that he came so close to giving in, giving up, letting himself feel once again. He’ll try to hide how much he wanted this night to last forever.
And, he knows he’ll fail.
Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away
Have you ever needed someone so bad
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the [one] I gotta have
I gotta have you baby
The first chance he gets, he pushes his brother into the arms of a willing body, and it hurts. Hurts like hell. But, it’s necessary, he tells himself. He made himself a promise and he plans on keeping it, even if it hurts him, them, everyone. He’s not prepared, though, for what happens. He doesn’t know how to offer comfort the way his brother needs it without succumbing to his own desire, his own vice. And, he knows why the hurt is really there, why his brother’s face is soaked with tears; it’s a projection, finally knowing what he’s asked of his older brother, his connection, his life.
He wishes he could erase the pain, the hurt, the need, the want. But, there’s only one way to do that - and he can’t go there again. He knows he’d never be able to leave.
Every dream I dream is like
Some Kinda rash 'n' reckless scene
To give out such crazy love
You must be some kinda drug
And if my time don't ever come
For me you're still the same
Damned if I don't, damned if I do
I gotta get a fix on you
It’s ironic, how his resolve finally breaks. It takes another death, another deal, another splintered heart, another plea. He knows then, looking at his brother’s face, hearing the words, “I’ll save you,” knows that he had it wrong. Need wasn’t the burden, want wasn’t the problem - it was the solution. A year and the answer was burning him up inside, killing them both from the inside out, ripping apart his heart through denial. He knows now what he was meant to do. The need, want, love instilled in him wasn’t for nothing.
It was everything.
Have you ever needed someone so bad
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the [one] I gotta have
I gotta have you baby
It’s not normal, it’s not what Dad would have wanted, but it’s them, it’s right, it’s never-ending. It’s unconventional, unconditional, and it works, it heals, it saves. Need is a powerful thing, he knows that, has always known that, always hated that. But, at the end of all things, need, want, love is the only thing, the only power. It’s the only hope.
**************
Feedback is wonderful and keeps me alive. Well, sorta. :)
Author: thelonejuliet
Characters: Dean, Sam, mentions of John, Madison
Pairing: Sam/Dean, very vague mention of Sam/Madison
Word Count: 963 (incl. song lyrics)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Incest, angst
Spoilers: Up through the end of Season 2
Disclaimer: Not mine, not a single hair.
Author's Note(s): Why oh why, did I write a fic based on a Def Leppard song?! *headdesk* Anyway, this song - "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad" (throughout the story) - was on repeat in my car, and this little thing popped in my head. And, it's unbeta'd. :)
All fics found here.
Summary: Dean needs Sammy.
Here I am, I'm in the wrong bed again
It's just a game I just can't win
There you are breathin' soft on my skin
Still you won't let me in
He knows they can’t keep going on like this, just offering comfort, not giving in to themselves, to each other. It’s killing them both - he sees his own pain reflected in the hazel eyes of his brother, mirrored in a distorted sort of way that is heartbreaking and a relief at the same time.
At least he’s not in this alone.
Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away
One time, a few weeks after Dad’s death, he slips up, he forgets that he made himself a promise - and he kisses his brother. It hasn’t been so long, only a month, maybe more, maybe less, but everything feels different, heavier, better. He gets kissed back like he’s the only source of air in a 20-mile radius - and then he freaks, pulls away and stutters an apology.
He sleeps in the car that night and knows it’s only a matter of time until he forgets again.
Have you ever needed someone so bad
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the [one] I gotta have
I gotta have you baby
A new hunt in a new town with new faces, but the same predicament still lingers. He still can’t get his brother out of his head, his heart, his entire being. The way he feels felt, kisses kissed, needs needed his older brother’s love. He’s not sure how much longer he can live like this, with this stupid promise. He’s angry, all the time, ready to lash out at anyone. One night, his brother gets in the way, goes too far, says too much, and he swings. Immediate regret and he can’t look at him, or himself, for two days.
It’s not a burden he wants to shoulder, but he brought it on himself; it’s his cross to bear.
There you go, midnight promises again
But they're broken by the dawn
You wanna go further, faster every day baby
But in the morning you'll be gone
And I'm alone
Just a matter of time before he makes another mistake. There’s alcohol involved and he can’t say no, can’t stop, can’t look away. He wants, he wants so much, and he knows his brother wants, too. He tries, he really tries, but there’s no denying it; he succumbs. In the morning, he’ll disentangle himself and try to shower off his guilt, be ready when his brother wakes up with a hangover. He’ll try to hide the pain that he came so close to giving in, giving up, letting himself feel once again. He’ll try to hide how much he wanted this night to last forever.
And, he knows he’ll fail.
Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away
Have you ever needed someone so bad
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the [one] I gotta have
I gotta have you baby
The first chance he gets, he pushes his brother into the arms of a willing body, and it hurts. Hurts like hell. But, it’s necessary, he tells himself. He made himself a promise and he plans on keeping it, even if it hurts him, them, everyone. He’s not prepared, though, for what happens. He doesn’t know how to offer comfort the way his brother needs it without succumbing to his own desire, his own vice. And, he knows why the hurt is really there, why his brother’s face is soaked with tears; it’s a projection, finally knowing what he’s asked of his older brother, his connection, his life.
He wishes he could erase the pain, the hurt, the need, the want. But, there’s only one way to do that - and he can’t go there again. He knows he’d never be able to leave.
Every dream I dream is like
Some Kinda rash 'n' reckless scene
To give out such crazy love
You must be some kinda drug
And if my time don't ever come
For me you're still the same
Damned if I don't, damned if I do
I gotta get a fix on you
It’s ironic, how his resolve finally breaks. It takes another death, another deal, another splintered heart, another plea. He knows then, looking at his brother’s face, hearing the words, “I’ll save you,” knows that he had it wrong. Need wasn’t the burden, want wasn’t the problem - it was the solution. A year and the answer was burning him up inside, killing them both from the inside out, ripping apart his heart through denial. He knows now what he was meant to do. The need, want, love instilled in him wasn’t for nothing.
It was everything.
Have you ever needed someone so bad
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the [one] I gotta have
I gotta have you baby
It’s not normal, it’s not what Dad would have wanted, but it’s them, it’s right, it’s never-ending. It’s unconventional, unconditional, and it works, it heals, it saves. Need is a powerful thing, he knows that, has always known that, always hated that. But, at the end of all things, need, want, love is the only thing, the only power. It’s the only hope.
**************
Feedback is wonderful and keeps me alive. Well, sorta. :)