Heavenly Broken
Title: Heavenly Broken
Autor: Julie
Genre: Romance/Drama, a bit of Angst, I guess
Audience: Most People (PG)
Pairings: Harry/Ginny
Warnings: none
Length/Complete: 1251, completed.
Summary: After Bill and Fleur’s wedding, Ginny wonders in the dark. Written for the Lyrics Challenge, by citygirl_lo
Thanks: fernanda_evans and bianca_black, for the usual, and wildmagelet, for being so lovely and being my beta.
Heavenly Broken
"It just seems like I'm choking"
Ginny's whispers were lost in the thick silence surrounding her; the only sound she could hear was Hermione's loud breathing. Not even having her friend around was a reason for happiness, for it only reminded her that there would be no Harry in the next school year. In fact, she didn't even know if there was going to be a new school year. There was nothing certain about her life lately, except the bloody wedding that had happened. When she had leaned in her mother's lap, at the end of her first year at Hogwarts, she’d thought that nothing could be worse than being controlled by Tom Riddle. Now, she knew, being near Harry at Bill's wedding was even worse.
It had been a beautiful ceremony, followed by a wonderful party. But people seemed worried, and Ron, Hermione and Harry were always looking around. None of them was at ease and that was obvious to anyone. Ginny's discomfort was amazingly covered by a warm smile and some make up. She was happy for her eldest brother and she could even endure Fleur's way of saying that everything was misplaced. When music started to play and some couples started to dance, the red-headed girl felt her stomach fall some inches inside of her. Since the date had been chosen, she had dreamed about when that particular moment would come, and Harry would take her hands and lead her to the dance floor - even though he hated to dance - just to make her happy. However, there was no sign of The Boy Who Lived and she’d had to pretend to be pleased to dance with every one of her five brothers (Percy had lost that title two years before).
Ginny rolled over and put her knees against her chest, in a fetal position. The moon was shining through the clouds and making its way into the girls' bedroom. The girl closed her eyes and tried, as hard as she could, not to think of what she had heard earlier. She would damn herself for the rest of her life, but she couldn't turn back time. Now, she could hear the ticking watch on Hermione's wrist, anouncing that another second had gone by. It was killing her, but she wanted so much to get some sleep that she couldn’t be bothered to get up and go to the living room.
"And I don't know what to do" / “Any day it'll all be over”
She would always despise wars - especially the ones in which she could not be involved in a more active way. Over the last days, she had spent hours remembering Dumbledore's funeral and the fatal moment when Harry had told her that they couldn't be together anymore. Now, she had about a dozen different responses to his speech and most of them involved some dirty language and a raging kiss. And Harry's words a few hours before did not help at all. She tried, over and over again, to figure out how many times she had hoped, sunlit day after sunlit day, to hear it from his mouth. She had heard it, hidden behind the kitchen door and Harry had no idea that she had been there.
Harry would be gone after breakfast and no one knew when he would be back. Some dared to say that he wouldn't, but people were often mistaken. Not to mention that he would never let anything happen to anyone if he could stop it. She knew it pretty well and, for that, she hated him; in the next second, she hated herself for hating him.
A couple of tears ran down her cheeks and died by her mouth. She held onto a sob and closed her eyes, wondering if she could endure the kind of misery she was feeling. A stupid noble reason was taking Harry away from her and she doubted she would be as strong as he was. She hadn’t fallen apart when he’d broken up with her, yet she was no longer whole now. The darkness and sadness within grew bigger and deeper as seconds went by; after a year, there would be no more of the sweet, happy Ginny.
The girl dried her face with the sheets and tried to drift away, to a moment in the past when she’d thought she could move on. Dating Michael and Dean had only been a cry for help, a frustrated attempt to forget about her impossible dream of being, one day, with Harry. But, as she had told him, she’d never given up on him. She would never give up on him, and that was exactly what made her suffer so much. She didn’t know how many years she would have to wait to see those big, bright green eyes again, and it felt that the days would be even longer than usual.
“I've gotta keep on fighting”
Suddenly, just as she decided that she could not let him go on a deadly quest without telling him the truth about how she felt, Hermione stood up. She walked slowly and carefully, as if trying not to wake her friend. Ginny closed her eyes when the other girl passed by her and stayed like that until she had closed the door. Hermione was prone to insomnia during the holidays and loved to ease her anxiety with a midnight snack.
The staircase cracked somewhere down. Ginny sat up and wondered if what she was about to do could make it all even more difficult for both of them. Although her mind kept reminding her that Harry was doing this to save them all, her heart insisted her heart insisted that she tell him everything. Of how much she had dreamed about them, of how she was ready to leave her family and Hogwarts behind to follow him. Of how much she loved him as well.
She thought of nothing else while she got her robe and put it on clumsily. Not willing to wake up anyone, she opened her bedroom door cautiously and closed it again behind her. Step by step, she went through her word choice and tried to make her speech more natural. It took her forever to get to Ron’s bedroom. The doorknob was cold and that soothed her for a second. She turned it, wondering whether she looking terribly messed up, and opened up the door. And all she found was an empty room. The beddings were untouched, showing her that neither of them had ever intended to spend the night there. Hermione had probably lain awake for hours, waiting for the right moment when everyone should be asleep. She hadn’t gone for a night snack, after all; she had gone away with them.
Ginny sat by what should be Harry’s bed and allowed herself to cry for real. She didn’t make a sound, though. The screams of pain were loud enough inside her head and her chest; there was no need to make them audible to anyone else. Not even her mother could vanquish her pain now. They were gone, Harry was gone, and she hadn’t told him. He was off somewhere, not knowing that she loved him just as much as he loved her. No Tom Riddle was worse than the feeling of not having shared how she felt. No war was worth it. She felt desolated, broken. She felt, somehow, heavenly broken.
“And there's nothing I can do”
Autor: Julie
Genre: Romance/Drama, a bit of Angst, I guess
Audience: Most People (PG)
Pairings: Harry/Ginny
Warnings: none
Length/Complete: 1251, completed.
Summary: After Bill and Fleur’s wedding, Ginny wonders in the dark. Written for the Lyrics Challenge, by citygirl_lo
Thanks: fernanda_evans and bianca_black, for the usual, and wildmagelet, for being so lovely and being my beta.
Heavenly Broken
"It just seems like I'm choking"
Ginny's whispers were lost in the thick silence surrounding her; the only sound she could hear was Hermione's loud breathing. Not even having her friend around was a reason for happiness, for it only reminded her that there would be no Harry in the next school year. In fact, she didn't even know if there was going to be a new school year. There was nothing certain about her life lately, except the bloody wedding that had happened. When she had leaned in her mother's lap, at the end of her first year at Hogwarts, she’d thought that nothing could be worse than being controlled by Tom Riddle. Now, she knew, being near Harry at Bill's wedding was even worse.
It had been a beautiful ceremony, followed by a wonderful party. But people seemed worried, and Ron, Hermione and Harry were always looking around. None of them was at ease and that was obvious to anyone. Ginny's discomfort was amazingly covered by a warm smile and some make up. She was happy for her eldest brother and she could even endure Fleur's way of saying that everything was misplaced. When music started to play and some couples started to dance, the red-headed girl felt her stomach fall some inches inside of her. Since the date had been chosen, she had dreamed about when that particular moment would come, and Harry would take her hands and lead her to the dance floor - even though he hated to dance - just to make her happy. However, there was no sign of The Boy Who Lived and she’d had to pretend to be pleased to dance with every one of her five brothers (Percy had lost that title two years before).
Ginny rolled over and put her knees against her chest, in a fetal position. The moon was shining through the clouds and making its way into the girls' bedroom. The girl closed her eyes and tried, as hard as she could, not to think of what she had heard earlier. She would damn herself for the rest of her life, but she couldn't turn back time. Now, she could hear the ticking watch on Hermione's wrist, anouncing that another second had gone by. It was killing her, but she wanted so much to get some sleep that she couldn’t be bothered to get up and go to the living room.
"And I don't know what to do" / “Any day it'll all be over”
She would always despise wars - especially the ones in which she could not be involved in a more active way. Over the last days, she had spent hours remembering Dumbledore's funeral and the fatal moment when Harry had told her that they couldn't be together anymore. Now, she had about a dozen different responses to his speech and most of them involved some dirty language and a raging kiss. And Harry's words a few hours before did not help at all. She tried, over and over again, to figure out how many times she had hoped, sunlit day after sunlit day, to hear it from his mouth. She had heard it, hidden behind the kitchen door and Harry had no idea that she had been there.
Harry would be gone after breakfast and no one knew when he would be back. Some dared to say that he wouldn't, but people were often mistaken. Not to mention that he would never let anything happen to anyone if he could stop it. She knew it pretty well and, for that, she hated him; in the next second, she hated herself for hating him.
A couple of tears ran down her cheeks and died by her mouth. She held onto a sob and closed her eyes, wondering if she could endure the kind of misery she was feeling. A stupid noble reason was taking Harry away from her and she doubted she would be as strong as he was. She hadn’t fallen apart when he’d broken up with her, yet she was no longer whole now. The darkness and sadness within grew bigger and deeper as seconds went by; after a year, there would be no more of the sweet, happy Ginny.
The girl dried her face with the sheets and tried to drift away, to a moment in the past when she’d thought she could move on. Dating Michael and Dean had only been a cry for help, a frustrated attempt to forget about her impossible dream of being, one day, with Harry. But, as she had told him, she’d never given up on him. She would never give up on him, and that was exactly what made her suffer so much. She didn’t know how many years she would have to wait to see those big, bright green eyes again, and it felt that the days would be even longer than usual.
“I've gotta keep on fighting”
Suddenly, just as she decided that she could not let him go on a deadly quest without telling him the truth about how she felt, Hermione stood up. She walked slowly and carefully, as if trying not to wake her friend. Ginny closed her eyes when the other girl passed by her and stayed like that until she had closed the door. Hermione was prone to insomnia during the holidays and loved to ease her anxiety with a midnight snack.
The staircase cracked somewhere down. Ginny sat up and wondered if what she was about to do could make it all even more difficult for both of them. Although her mind kept reminding her that Harry was doing this to save them all, her heart insisted her heart insisted that she tell him everything. Of how much she had dreamed about them, of how she was ready to leave her family and Hogwarts behind to follow him. Of how much she loved him as well.
She thought of nothing else while she got her robe and put it on clumsily. Not willing to wake up anyone, she opened her bedroom door cautiously and closed it again behind her. Step by step, she went through her word choice and tried to make her speech more natural. It took her forever to get to Ron’s bedroom. The doorknob was cold and that soothed her for a second. She turned it, wondering whether she looking terribly messed up, and opened up the door. And all she found was an empty room. The beddings were untouched, showing her that neither of them had ever intended to spend the night there. Hermione had probably lain awake for hours, waiting for the right moment when everyone should be asleep. She hadn’t gone for a night snack, after all; she had gone away with them.
Ginny sat by what should be Harry’s bed and allowed herself to cry for real. She didn’t make a sound, though. The screams of pain were loud enough inside her head and her chest; there was no need to make them audible to anyone else. Not even her mother could vanquish her pain now. They were gone, Harry was gone, and she hadn’t told him. He was off somewhere, not knowing that she loved him just as much as he loved her. No Tom Riddle was worse than the feeling of not having shared how she felt. No war was worth it. She felt desolated, broken. She felt, somehow, heavenly broken.
“And there's nothing I can do”