Why Can't I Resist a Challenge?
This was written for the Hump Day Challenge over at bagfulloftricks. Which is a very cool place if you haven't been there.
A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to a Barenaked Ladies concert. On a side note, even if you are just a casual fan and you have a chance to see them live GO. They are amazing in concert. Seeing them live turned my husband from thinking they were some weird band my wife likes to be a huge fan. Seriously, two years ago we saw them twice in one week and would have done it this year if it wasn't so hard to get babysitters. Anyway, back to the part that's relevant to the fic. First we sat through the worst opening act in history. Worse than the scary band who screamed unintelligible things and may or may not have been skinheads and their twelve equally frightening fans. Worse than the untalented chick who decided to compensate by wearing odd bondage like 80's lingerie and strutting around the stage despite the fact that she was opening for Erasure which meant including my husband their may have been seven straight men in the audience. We get this woman who does that singing/talking/shouting thing while banging aimlessly on a keyboard. I think she was supposed to be edgy and political, but she just sucked. This year the Barenaked Ladies are co-headlining with Alanis Morissette. At our concert she performed first. We are not fans so despite the fact that I think she did a wonderful job, we were quite bored. Towards the end of her set, she sang "Everything" which I think was her new single, and when she got to the chorus all I could that is that is was so Brian and Justin. So I spent the rest of the time until the Barenaked Ladies came on mentally writing fic. It never would have seen the light of day except this challenge came along, and it was the last idea stuck in my head.
Summary: Post 410 ficlet
Spoilers: References to anything up to 410
Warnings: None
Thank you to my wonderful bete philiflam for doing this on short notice!
You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I am ashamed
There’s not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
Alanis Morissette
“Brian.”
His voice is husky and filled with lust. He runs his tongue along my neck, and I arch my back a little more. I know what he wants, but I won’t give it to him. Not this time.
He’s already seen too much. No matter how many walls I throw up, he seems to get by them. He saw me as a god. Daphne told me that once. Not that I was surprised. At least then, I still had control. I let him see me in all my glory. I was sex personified - intense, hard, wanting, sweaty. I was his every fantasy.
But he wanted more. So I showed him how I looked angry and hurtful, causing him pain because I could. He saw me cold and dismissive. He saw me so drunk and so high he should have run right back to Mommy. But he wouldn’t fucking go away, so he caught me thoughtful and caring. And that gave him something to cling to.
His hands pull at me urging me closer. It would be so easy to give in, but still I resist. He’s almost completely wrapped around me. He surrounds me, but I hold back.
For one perfect horrible night, he saw me open. He doesn’t know that, and no matter how many times he hears the story he still can’t believe. He came back to find me broken and useless. He saw my guilt and my shame, but he threw them aside and looked to me for healing. I’ll never understand why.
He’s seen me confident, cocky, and on top of my game. He’s seen me play the hero and the villain. He’s seen me bitter and vengeful and felt the sting when I lashed out. He’s come to recognize the fear and doubt I try to hide. He knows I use sex as a weapon and a cover. He knows there are things I will never say and things I will never give him. But still he stays.
He gasps as I push deeper. There’s a hitch in his breath that means he’s close. He reaches for my face, tugging at my hair. His touch is insistent, pleading.
He left once. He saw my cowardice and limitations and wanted more. In the end, it meant nothing. He never really left, and I never really let him go. He saw through me. He knew what I wanted, he accepted my challenge, and he let me save face. In return, I gave him some of the truth.
He saw my ambition and my selfishness, but didn’t let it blind him. He saw me clever and sneaky and saw how I enjoyed the game. He shared in my repercussions and my victory. He saw my insecurity; he saw me stripped bare with nothing but myself to offer. And still he stayed.
He saw me mortal. He saw me weak and ill and failing. I hated that more than anything, but I wasn’t strong enough to push him away again. He watched me struggle just to breathe. He saw me too tired to work, too nauseous to move, and too proud to lean on him. He saw through my anger and met my fear with determination. He put aside his own hurt to give me hope.
And when that was done, he saw me impotent. He saw me lose the one thing I could always count on. He watched me fail over and over again. He heard my confession; he listened to my nightmares. And he waited. He stayed until we could make it back here. He celebrated with me at Babylon. He saw my need to declare myself whole. He let everyone see that Brian Kinney was back. Then he led me here under the lights. Where he has worshiped my body and made me feel whole for the first time. He has spent hours showing me his joy in my recovery. He still hides his fear, but it is there in the reverence of his touch.
“Brian, please.”
I could pretend that he is simply asking for release. But buried inside him, joined with him, I can’t hide from him. He has given me everything, and as much as I want to I cannot deny him this. I open my eyes and look at him. There is a brief moment of recognition before his climax overwhelms him. I follow quickly, but never take my eyes off of him.
I kiss him softly then press my forehead to his. It is all there in his eyes. He will never leave now. I have only myself to blame. He was never supposed to see this. He was never supposed to see me happy. He was never supposed to see my heart. But he has, and he’s still here.
Happy Birthday burnt_smore!!!!!!!
A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to a Barenaked Ladies concert. On a side note, even if you are just a casual fan and you have a chance to see them live GO. They are amazing in concert. Seeing them live turned my husband from thinking they were some weird band my wife likes to be a huge fan. Seriously, two years ago we saw them twice in one week and would have done it this year if it wasn't so hard to get babysitters. Anyway, back to the part that's relevant to the fic. First we sat through the worst opening act in history. Worse than the scary band who screamed unintelligible things and may or may not have been skinheads and their twelve equally frightening fans. Worse than the untalented chick who decided to compensate by wearing odd bondage like 80's lingerie and strutting around the stage despite the fact that she was opening for Erasure which meant including my husband their may have been seven straight men in the audience. We get this woman who does that singing/talking/shouting thing while banging aimlessly on a keyboard. I think she was supposed to be edgy and political, but she just sucked. This year the Barenaked Ladies are co-headlining with Alanis Morissette. At our concert she performed first. We are not fans so despite the fact that I think she did a wonderful job, we were quite bored. Towards the end of her set, she sang "Everything" which I think was her new single, and when she got to the chorus all I could that is that is was so Brian and Justin. So I spent the rest of the time until the Barenaked Ladies came on mentally writing fic. It never would have seen the light of day except this challenge came along, and it was the last idea stuck in my head.
Summary: Post 410 ficlet
Spoilers: References to anything up to 410
Warnings: None
Thank you to my wonderful bete philiflam for doing this on short notice!
You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I am ashamed
There’s not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
Alanis Morissette
“Brian.”
His voice is husky and filled with lust. He runs his tongue along my neck, and I arch my back a little more. I know what he wants, but I won’t give it to him. Not this time.
He’s already seen too much. No matter how many walls I throw up, he seems to get by them. He saw me as a god. Daphne told me that once. Not that I was surprised. At least then, I still had control. I let him see me in all my glory. I was sex personified - intense, hard, wanting, sweaty. I was his every fantasy.
But he wanted more. So I showed him how I looked angry and hurtful, causing him pain because I could. He saw me cold and dismissive. He saw me so drunk and so high he should have run right back to Mommy. But he wouldn’t fucking go away, so he caught me thoughtful and caring. And that gave him something to cling to.
His hands pull at me urging me closer. It would be so easy to give in, but still I resist. He’s almost completely wrapped around me. He surrounds me, but I hold back.
For one perfect horrible night, he saw me open. He doesn’t know that, and no matter how many times he hears the story he still can’t believe. He came back to find me broken and useless. He saw my guilt and my shame, but he threw them aside and looked to me for healing. I’ll never understand why.
He’s seen me confident, cocky, and on top of my game. He’s seen me play the hero and the villain. He’s seen me bitter and vengeful and felt the sting when I lashed out. He’s come to recognize the fear and doubt I try to hide. He knows I use sex as a weapon and a cover. He knows there are things I will never say and things I will never give him. But still he stays.
He gasps as I push deeper. There’s a hitch in his breath that means he’s close. He reaches for my face, tugging at my hair. His touch is insistent, pleading.
He left once. He saw my cowardice and limitations and wanted more. In the end, it meant nothing. He never really left, and I never really let him go. He saw through me. He knew what I wanted, he accepted my challenge, and he let me save face. In return, I gave him some of the truth.
He saw my ambition and my selfishness, but didn’t let it blind him. He saw me clever and sneaky and saw how I enjoyed the game. He shared in my repercussions and my victory. He saw my insecurity; he saw me stripped bare with nothing but myself to offer. And still he stayed.
He saw me mortal. He saw me weak and ill and failing. I hated that more than anything, but I wasn’t strong enough to push him away again. He watched me struggle just to breathe. He saw me too tired to work, too nauseous to move, and too proud to lean on him. He saw through my anger and met my fear with determination. He put aside his own hurt to give me hope.
And when that was done, he saw me impotent. He saw me lose the one thing I could always count on. He watched me fail over and over again. He heard my confession; he listened to my nightmares. And he waited. He stayed until we could make it back here. He celebrated with me at Babylon. He saw my need to declare myself whole. He let everyone see that Brian Kinney was back. Then he led me here under the lights. Where he has worshiped my body and made me feel whole for the first time. He has spent hours showing me his joy in my recovery. He still hides his fear, but it is there in the reverence of his touch.
“Brian, please.”
I could pretend that he is simply asking for release. But buried inside him, joined with him, I can’t hide from him. He has given me everything, and as much as I want to I cannot deny him this. I open my eyes and look at him. There is a brief moment of recognition before his climax overwhelms him. I follow quickly, but never take my eyes off of him.
I kiss him softly then press my forehead to his. It is all there in his eyes. He will never leave now. I have only myself to blame. He was never supposed to see this. He was never supposed to see me happy. He was never supposed to see my heart. But he has, and he’s still here.
Happy Birthday burnt_smore!!!!!!!