it doesn't matter if my boyfriend minds

[juldea]

I am a flirt. Most of you know this. What can I say; I enjoy attention. This sometimes leads to people trying to gauge the possibility of actually becoming involved with me in whatever way (romantic, physical, etc.), and in many of these cases, leads to a comment structured as so: "Well, I could [say more|be more forward|make a move|prove it],

Comments

[sjo]

Amen to this!

[ysabel]

This. Yes.

[nightskyre]

Except for the fact that you seem to be discarding the person's concern for their relationship with your SO, I understand where you're coming from.

The context suggests this conversation occurred outside the presence and\or awareness of your SO, and therefore it may be a moot point, but if I knew a certain thing bothered your SO anywhere he saw it, I would refrain from doing that thing with you, because your SO might object and that could damage my relationship with him.

Of course, I've never met Dan, and I generally try to be as inoffensive as possible (with some gigantic caveats, I admit) so what I am thinking is, I am sure, not even remotely what you're thinking, but hey, there's the loophole in your argument.

[juldea]

Good point. I am indeed making this point centering on situations where the person making that comment does not know my SO at all and thus is not concerned about their relationship. I don't count that a loophole, just that I have not been sufficiently clear as to the context of comment that I am ranting about.

[nightskyre]

:shrugs: Just making sure I'm clear as to your intentions instead of assuming you're an unreasonable twit. I prefer the former.

[juldea]

You're not the only guy so far to clarify this with me, interestingly.

Edit made.

[thetathx1138]

Generally when I say "...but your boyfriend might mind", it's a naughty joke instead of a sincere flirtation.

Also, in a lot of cases, guys saying that generally are saying "While I would like to have sex with you, I don't think the pleasure in that would outweigh the pain of the resulting fistfight."

[juldea]

I object to the convention that my SO should fight/be upset with the guy instead of me. If I were raped, sure. If I went out and slept with some dude? Not the dude's fault! Thinking it's his fault turns into "her body belongs to who she's sleeping with."

[thetathx1138]

My first point: I don't disagree with your post, but I think it's a bit simplified, and actually even worse in terms of implications.

My second point: I've been on the receiving end of more than a few "...but your girlfriend might mind" comments. This isn't gender-exclusive (or sexuality exclusive: I've had gay friends get propositioned with this same kind of line).

My third point: For most people in monogamous relationships, I think the implication is less about possession and more about the massive emotional damage.

The basic implication of that line in THAT context is "I want you to cheat with me, and I'm just sounding out whether you give a shit about how that might hurt your SO's feelings." It's worth remembering cheating is profoundly emotionally hurtful. It usually covers up some major issue that the person cheating just can't bring up to their SO, and that's usually the part that hurts the most for most people. And it hurts a lot. I've never been cheated on, but I've seen the fallout and...yeah

[juldea]

Well, I think my post is indeed simplified: it's telling people just get it out and tell someone when they're interested, rather than using sneaky phrases to hide behind to avoid rejection - especially phrases that, when viewed literally, are quite offensive. I'm not quite sure where the horrible implications are here, though.

I make no claim that it's men only. Men are the only ones who've done it to me, but women can totally be as sketchy.

As to point three, my experience with the use of the line is outside of this context. My experience with it is that the person is completely bypassing the topic of my interest in cheating on my SO; it doesn't matter to them, because I am not going to do what my SO doesn't allow me to do. Anyone who has ever been actually actively seeking my opinion and point of view has used different terminology.

[diego001]

This, yes. Also, I sent ysabel here.

I think that means you have to make an edit. :P

[juldea]

Edit made. :P

[diego001]

*looks demure*