Criminal Minds/Psych fic: I'm Not Going to Be Ignored, Agent Sugar Lips!
Title: I'm not going to be ignored, Agent Sugar Lips!
Author: Jujuberry136
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: a gen story but Shawn/Morgan (implied)
Word Count: 1,335
Summary: Agent Sugar Lips and Goose, a love story. A Psych/Criminal Minds story.
ambrosia4all for all her hard work betaing my BAU_BigBang fic. Sorry this is so late and I ended up writing this while you were sitting on my couch and I was pretending to talk to you... IT WAS FOR A GOOD CAUSE!!!
“I think I’m in love.”
“Really?” Juliet asked curiously. “Who?”
“Juliet,” Gus said, face hidden by the financial section, “Shawn’s said he’s been in love at least fifty-nine times in the last three years. Just ignore him.”
“Our love is true like,” Shawn waved his hands, “like a thing that is true.”
“So things are going well with you and Abigail,” Juliet asked, pasting a smile on her face.
“What? Jules, have you been paying attention at all this week?” Shawn shook his head. “Seriously, I don’t know how you can call yourself a junior Detective with a straight face.”
“So what are you talking about?”
“Agent Sugar Lips,” Shawn replied. “Duh.”
“Shawn, you really shouldn’t call him that. He’s a federal agent!” Gus exclaimed, finally having put the paper down on top of Juliet’s messy desk. A few stray file folders slipped from the top of the haphazard piles. While Juliet lunged to grab them, both men ignored the paperwork in favor of their argument.
“What do you have against true love Gus?” Shawn whined.
“When have I gotten in the way of you and true love, Shawn?” Gus demanded. “And need I remind you that you have a girlfriend.”
Shawn started counting on his fingers, “There was that time in fifth grade you wouldn’t support my relationship with Eleanor Miller-“
“She was an animated character! And a chipmunk!” Gus exclaimed. “Plus Theodore totally had dibs!”
Shawn ignored his best friend and continued his list. “-And then in freshmen year you didn’t help at all when I tried to ship Paul Pfeiffer some non-allergenic plants!”
“You wanted to ship a fern! There’s no way that would’ve been ok with the postal service! And you didn’t even have Paul’s current address!”
“-And don’t even get me started on that time in senior year!”
Juliet had finally managed to put the files back to right. She turned to the bickering psychic consultants and snapped, “Cut it out you two! Shawn, what are you talking about?”
“He’s talking about Agent Morgan,” Gus informed her, eyebrow arched to its best ability. “And just because the perky technical analyst called him that does mean you can call him that!”
“It’s not very professional Shawn,” Juliet said disapprovingly. “Though his lips are…”
“…on par with Val Kilmer’s?” Shawn asked with a grin. “Come on Jules, Agent Hot Stuff is totally Tiger Beat cover material.”
Juliet caught herself before she nodded. “Look, all of the feds are coming back in a few minutes for a debrief and Lassiter, not to mention the chief, will kill you if say stuff like that in the station!”
“Hey, I can’t help that the burning hot stud muffin of the BAU sauntered into my life,” Shawn complained as he spun around in Juliet’s desk chair.
Juliet checked over her shoulder, “Seriously guys, you need to get out of here before Lassiter notices you’re here. I’m surprised you even showed up after Agent Rossi kicked you out of the briefing room on Monday.”
“We chose to leave,” Gus said primly, “Our investigative techniques can’t be pigeonholed by bureaucratic checklists, so there was no reason to stay.”
“I thought it was because Agent Rossi threatened to throw you both in Guantanamo?” Lassiter said as he stopped Shawn mid-spin, causing the blond man to fall ungracefully to the floor.
“Lassie!” Shawn said indignantly. “Just because you’re unlucky in love doesn’t mean you can pull a Alex Forrest on me!”
“Spencer, Burton,” Lassiter said angrily, “It’s time for you to leave. O’Hara, if you’re not in the briefing room by the time I’m done with this sentence…”
Juliet gave Shawn and Gus a small wave and a tight smile before walking briskly away from her partner.
Lassiter grabbed both members of the Psych Detective Agency and unceremoniously escorted them to the door.
The members of the Behavioral Analysis Unit walked in the door just as Lassiter was heading into the climax of his speech on the proper role of civilian consultants in the office during a briefing by the FBI’s finest profilers-as it turned out, feigning sleep and snoring loudly during the section on how to apprehend the unknown subject was considered rude in law enforcement circles. Who knew?
“Detective Lassiter,” Agent Hotchner said as he extended his hand to shake. “Mr. Burton, Mr. Spencer-I didn’t think you’d be interested in attending the briefing today given your…disinterest in profiling.”
“Oh, they’re not staying,” Lassiter said quickly, giving both men a hard shove down the front stairs.
“Got a lot of cases on your plate?” Agent Rossi asked, sneering slightly.
“A psychic’s work is never done!” Shawn replied to the man who had made his life pretty un-terrific the past week. Lassie was bad enough-this man combined Lassie’s disbelief in his psychic talents with the stubbornness of his father wanting to know where he left the truck and the verbal ability to make Shawn feel stupid as his 7th grade gym teacher Mr. Pliskin.
Agent Hotchner laid a hand on the older agent’s shoulder, gently directing him into the building with the rest of their group. “We’ll see you in a minute Detective Lassiter.”
As they entered the building, Shawn could hear Agent Rossi’s voice complaining loudly. “…I can’t believe they keep that fraud on staff!”
“You’ve got to admit, he was on the right track when he told us to look for a man with a limp,” Agent Prentiss protested. Agents Morgan and Hotchner remained silent, or at least quiet enough that Shawn couldn’t hear them from his position.
Lassiter gave them both a final glare, then turned on his heel and stalked back into the station.
“Somehow I don’t think you’re going to be getting that autographed picture of Agent Sugar Lips,” Gus commented to Shawn after a moment of quiet contemplation.
“I can probably arrange that if you’d like,” a voice said behind Shawn.
“Holy crap!” Shawn screamed, not at all like a ten-year-old-girl thankyouverymuch.
Agent Geeky-face was standing behind them, hands stuffed into the pockets of his grandpa cardigan and elbows extended awkwardly. His mouth quirked slightly as he repeated, “Agent Hot Lips?”
Gus elbowed Shawn in the ribs, then said, “Just ignore my colleague, Agent Reid, he’s had a trying week and the psychic vibes can mess with a guy sometimes.”
“Actually, I think you just made my week,” the skinny agent replied. He let out a small chuckle. “I’ve got to go, if you give me your card I’ll have Garcia send you a faxed copy of his official picture-should fulfill all your needs.”
Shawn stood frozen as Gus reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a business card. “We don’t really have a fax, if you could just mail it to the office you’ll make Shawn’s year,” Gus said.
Agent Reid smiled again and started up the stairs. He stopped after two and turned back to Shawn. “Mr. Spencer,” he started quietly, “a bit of advice.”
“What?” Shawn asked suspiciously.
“You, your father, and your business partner should probably try to agree on a time when your psychic abilities manifested,” he said slowly. “And you should probably try to cover the moments of eidetic recollection with something other than a hand to your forehead.”
Gus stared at the FBI agent with dawning horror, images of arrest warrants being served for fraud flashing through his mind.
“I’ll, um, keep that under advice,” Shawn said lamely after a moment. “Quick question though-when did you talk to my father? ‘Cause that’s kind of creepy.”
The FBI agent smiled mysteriously, “I’m going to be late for the briefing. Have a nice day. Be on the lookout for an envelope.”
He bounded up the stairs easily, leaving Shawn and Gus standing stupidly in the parking lot.
“Dude, I can’t believe he talked to your Dad!” Gus exclaimed in a loud whisper.
“Dude, I can’t believe he’s going to get me an autographed picture of Agent Hot Lips!” Shawn replied.