Tantrum, and Attempts to Handle it.

[judifilksign]

My darling daughter had a major meltdown at a Bob Evans when we were going out for supper.  Sparkle's major issue was that she wanted to sit next to one of her friends, who did not have ANY interest in sitting next to her, and expressed this preference in blunt children's language.  ("I don't want to sit next to Sparkle, I want to sit next to MOMMY

Comments

[judifilksign]

Being stronger IS useful, but I need to find the ways to defuse these tantrums without relying on physical strength NOW, because she's only getting bigger, and when she's a tween or teen, I need those obedience and reasoning pathways open.

It's a matter of keeping ALL of us safe.

Sparkle is carrying over feeling upset, and balked at not getting her way today, too. Maintaining boundaries and insisting on using nice voices and so on.

It's tiring to have to be the regulator of someone else's emotions.

[catsittingstill]

Oh dear.

Not fun.

I'm so sorry.

[judifilksign]

NO fun at all. And Sparkle is in whiny mode this morning, too. Bleaugh.

[bigbumble]

With any luck, Sparkle will use her sulk to think through what happened. The change in relative size/strength issue is going to be an interesting one for both of you to work through. I've seen enough tantrums in grocery stores to know it is a kid having a bad day and not a parent doing evil things to their child.

Perhaps in a day or two you could use dolls with Sparkle to act out proper etiquette in a situation like that. It worked with the trains. Then again, people aren't trains.

[judifilksign]

People are much more tolerant in stores than in eateries. Most people have sympathy in the grocery, because we're all trying to get in, get out, and often, saying "No" to a child gets approval because it can be seen we aren't spoiling the child. What a good mom! Poor mom, that kid is really being that way.

In a restaurant, people are trying to have nice conversation and enjoy their meal, and resent someone disrupting that, and it's MUCH more "Get that kid outta here; can't you control your little brat?" and "How DARE she bring that uncivilized monster in here. They don't deserve to be here, ruining everyone else's time."

[billroper]

I'm sorry. daisy_knotwise is getting to the point where dealing with sulky little girls isn't easy for her either. Daddy can still tuck either one of them under an arm and carry them out sideways.

That will work up to about five feet and ninety pounds, if I'm still in my college fighting trim, so I've got a bit of slack yet. And the girls really hate it when Daddy removes them quite that unceremonially from a situation.

[judifilksign]

I found that in the past, removal shuts down the issue quickly, and the reset to normal is faster.

Now, I have to do it the long, and louder way. Sparkle was NOT happy to realize that consequences lasted ALL evening into bedtime. I hope that means she will be able to get a grip faster in the future, because she'll remember I follow THROUGH with consequences. (And at least this time, caught myself before the power struggle of take-aways became ridiculous.)

[billroper]

Catching yourself in a situation like that is a good thing. You don't want to find yourself promising to do things that you'd really prefer not to do.

We had gone out for ice cream a few days ago and the girls were given balloons. Julie was trying to tie hers onto her wrist in the parking lot and I was concerned that it was going to get lost, so I took it from her and told her that she would get it back when she got in the van. She swatted at me, so I turned her around, swatted her backside once, and told her to get in her seat. She then started taking ineffectual swings at me, which was not ok, but turning and starting to run off across the parking lot was extremely not ok.

The latter got her grabbed, hoisted, three swats on the bottom -- which being my bare hand and not delivered with great force were more of an insult than an injury -- and then plopped into her car seat and buckled in. I did give her the balloon

[judifilksign]

Yeah, safety first. And getting them calm enough to *hear* what you say so that can happen can be hard.

Sparkle continues to blame her friend from yesterday for all of today's grumpitde and tantrums.

[pondside]

I'm proud of you for handling it as well as you could at that moment. I imagine it's especially tough when the little voice on one shoulder is giving your calming advice and the opposite shoulder is suggesting you strangle her.

Props for not strangling her!

I am sorry that life is difficult for Sparkle sometimes. Consequences are a bear...

hugs

[judifilksign]

Having people glower at you, upset their meal is disturbed makes for a false sense of urgency to get her shut down NOW.

I made a few mistakes, but we did get through it.