Never Forget
Title: Never Forget
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 65, First Glance
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
I've been dreaming a lot about you lately, about our life together back at home. I keep thinking of that first time we met, the first glance I ever had of you. I can't get that first meeting out of my mind, and it's even in my dreams now.
I knew from the first time I looked at you that you'd be somebody special in my life. I don't know how, but my heart just told me that you were the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Loving you gave me so much strength and courage.
If it hadn't been for falling in love with you, and knowing that I wanted to spend my life with you, I'd never have had the balls to come out to my family. I'd probably still be dating girls, hiding who I really am and pretending to be who they want me to be.
But falling in love with you made me a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. I know that I'd have come out eventually; I wouldn't have been able to spend all of my life lying to everybody around me. But because of you, I did it sooner than I thought I would.
It's kind of funny to think that me, Max, the guy who's always faced up to everything, would be scared of coming out, isn't it? But I was. I didn't think I'd ever be accepted again, by either my friends or my family. And deep down, I need that acceptance.
Yeah, my family still hasn't really accepted who I am. I don't know if they ever will. They'll be polite to me, they'll invite us both home for the holidays, and they'll give us separate rooms and dance around the fact that they know we're lovers. The subject won't ever be mentioned.
I can deal with that. As long as I've got you in my life, they don't have to be completely accepting of the person I am. What does their acceptance matter, if I've got a life with the person I love? It'd be nice for them to welcome us with open arms, but they don't have to.
Lucy won't ever accept us as a couple, I know that. Whenever we see her, I can still see her eyes trailing you around the room. She still wants you, Jude, and when we first met I thought you might be interested in her. That was a scary time for me.
Remember when she first saw us dancing together in Sadie's living room and she figured out that it was you and me, and that it would never be you and her? Even knowing that she wanted you couldn't have kept me from falling in love at the very start.
From that very first glance, I wanted you. And I'll admit that I was jealous of my little sister, because I was convinced that you were looking at her in the way that I wanted you to look at me. What a relief it was to find out that you wanted me!
Sometimes I wonder what you thought when you first looked at me. Did you feel that tug of desire like I did? Did you take one look at me and think that I was the guy you wanted to be with, and the rest of the world just kind of fell away and disappeared in that moment?
That was how I felt, Jude. Like nothing else in the universe was important, just being with you. Like if I had you, then everything would be right in the world because I'd have found the one person I could love for the rest of my life, and who loved me right back.
At the time, I didn't know if you could love me. I might have seemed like I was cool and confident and like I thought nothing could ever go wrong with my life, and that was the impression I tried to give everybody. But inside, I was shaking and scared to death.
Especially when I thought that you might not feel the same way. I was terrified of losing you -- until that night we spent on the road and we made love in front of the fireplace in that motel. I knew then that you and me would be together forever.
I don't know how long this damned war is going to go on. I don't know how much longer I'll have to be away from you. But I hope that you'll keep the faith, and keep waiting for me, and that I'll come back to you a whole man, just like I was when I had to leave.
I struggle every day to keep myself sane and make sure that you get the same guy back who left you and thought that this would all be over in a few weeks and I'd be back with you again soon. I don't want to be a different man. I don't want to change on you.
Something tells me that I'm not going to. Not in the fundamental ways that matter. My feelings for you are going to stay exactly the same, no matter what else about me might change while I'm over here. I'm always going to be just as much in love with you as I am now.
I think I'll be even more in love with you when I get back, because I've gone so long without seeing you. I used to worry that I'd forget your face, that everything would get a little blurry around the edges -- including our feelings for each other.
But the longer I'm over here, the more I know that's not going to happen. Of all the images in my mind, your face is the clearest one. And it always will be. I'll never forget what you look like, or how it feels to hold you and kiss you -- and love you.
Every day goes by so slowly over here, even when we're in the thick of fighting. Sometimes I feel like it'll be forever before I'm back home with you again, and I can hold you and kiss you and fall asleep beside you in our own bed and know that we're both safe.
I've wanted to keep you safe and spend my whole life loving you from that first glance, that first smile, that first hello. And it's those moments that I'm carrying with me now, until I'm back home with you and we can start the rest of our lives together.
I'll never forget how I felt when I first looked at you. I knew that my whole life was ahead of me, and that I'd spend that life with you, no matter what anybody else might think. I just knew in my heart that you would always be the only one for me.
Keep the faith, Jude. Keep that flame between us burning bright and glowing strong. I'll be back to you as soon as I can, baby -- I just hope that it's sooner than I think it'll be. Don't forget me while I'm gone -- and be ready for a celebration from the second I'm back in your arms.
Love always,
Max
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 65, First Glance
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
I've been dreaming a lot about you lately, about our life together back at home. I keep thinking of that first time we met, the first glance I ever had of you. I can't get that first meeting out of my mind, and it's even in my dreams now.
I knew from the first time I looked at you that you'd be somebody special in my life. I don't know how, but my heart just told me that you were the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Loving you gave me so much strength and courage.
If it hadn't been for falling in love with you, and knowing that I wanted to spend my life with you, I'd never have had the balls to come out to my family. I'd probably still be dating girls, hiding who I really am and pretending to be who they want me to be.
But falling in love with you made me a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. I know that I'd have come out eventually; I wouldn't have been able to spend all of my life lying to everybody around me. But because of you, I did it sooner than I thought I would.
It's kind of funny to think that me, Max, the guy who's always faced up to everything, would be scared of coming out, isn't it? But I was. I didn't think I'd ever be accepted again, by either my friends or my family. And deep down, I need that acceptance.
Yeah, my family still hasn't really accepted who I am. I don't know if they ever will. They'll be polite to me, they'll invite us both home for the holidays, and they'll give us separate rooms and dance around the fact that they know we're lovers. The subject won't ever be mentioned.
I can deal with that. As long as I've got you in my life, they don't have to be completely accepting of the person I am. What does their acceptance matter, if I've got a life with the person I love? It'd be nice for them to welcome us with open arms, but they don't have to.
Lucy won't ever accept us as a couple, I know that. Whenever we see her, I can still see her eyes trailing you around the room. She still wants you, Jude, and when we first met I thought you might be interested in her. That was a scary time for me.
Remember when she first saw us dancing together in Sadie's living room and she figured out that it was you and me, and that it would never be you and her? Even knowing that she wanted you couldn't have kept me from falling in love at the very start.
From that very first glance, I wanted you. And I'll admit that I was jealous of my little sister, because I was convinced that you were looking at her in the way that I wanted you to look at me. What a relief it was to find out that you wanted me!
Sometimes I wonder what you thought when you first looked at me. Did you feel that tug of desire like I did? Did you take one look at me and think that I was the guy you wanted to be with, and the rest of the world just kind of fell away and disappeared in that moment?
That was how I felt, Jude. Like nothing else in the universe was important, just being with you. Like if I had you, then everything would be right in the world because I'd have found the one person I could love for the rest of my life, and who loved me right back.
At the time, I didn't know if you could love me. I might have seemed like I was cool and confident and like I thought nothing could ever go wrong with my life, and that was the impression I tried to give everybody. But inside, I was shaking and scared to death.
Especially when I thought that you might not feel the same way. I was terrified of losing you -- until that night we spent on the road and we made love in front of the fireplace in that motel. I knew then that you and me would be together forever.
I don't know how long this damned war is going to go on. I don't know how much longer I'll have to be away from you. But I hope that you'll keep the faith, and keep waiting for me, and that I'll come back to you a whole man, just like I was when I had to leave.
I struggle every day to keep myself sane and make sure that you get the same guy back who left you and thought that this would all be over in a few weeks and I'd be back with you again soon. I don't want to be a different man. I don't want to change on you.
Something tells me that I'm not going to. Not in the fundamental ways that matter. My feelings for you are going to stay exactly the same, no matter what else about me might change while I'm over here. I'm always going to be just as much in love with you as I am now.
I think I'll be even more in love with you when I get back, because I've gone so long without seeing you. I used to worry that I'd forget your face, that everything would get a little blurry around the edges -- including our feelings for each other.
But the longer I'm over here, the more I know that's not going to happen. Of all the images in my mind, your face is the clearest one. And it always will be. I'll never forget what you look like, or how it feels to hold you and kiss you -- and love you.
Every day goes by so slowly over here, even when we're in the thick of fighting. Sometimes I feel like it'll be forever before I'm back home with you again, and I can hold you and kiss you and fall asleep beside you in our own bed and know that we're both safe.
I've wanted to keep you safe and spend my whole life loving you from that first glance, that first smile, that first hello. And it's those moments that I'm carrying with me now, until I'm back home with you and we can start the rest of our lives together.
I'll never forget how I felt when I first looked at you. I knew that my whole life was ahead of me, and that I'd spend that life with you, no matter what anybody else might think. I just knew in my heart that you would always be the only one for me.
Keep the faith, Jude. Keep that flame between us burning bright and glowing strong. I'll be back to you as soon as I can, baby -- I just hope that it's sooner than I think it'll be. Don't forget me while I'm gone -- and be ready for a celebration from the second I'm back in your arms.
Love always,
Max