Like I Love You
Title: Like I Love You
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 11, Claim
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
I hope you'll get this letter. Sometimes I wonder if you ever read them, or if they even leave here. They supposedly do, but I can't help feeling like they're intercepted and somebody else is reading everything I say to you and laughing over it.
Not that I care what other people think. I never have, you know that. The only reason I ever hid who I really am from my family is because I wasn't sure about myself. But once I met you, I didn't have any more questions about who I am and what I want.
I worry about you being back at home by yourself. I know you've got people there who'll look after you and make sure you're okay. I don't worry on that score, your physical safety I mean. What I worry about is that you'll forget about me.
There's a little voice in my head that won't let me stop thinking about that. The longer this war drags on and the longer I'm away from you, the more I worry about you finding somebody else. It never goes away, it just keeps getting worse and worse.
It's stupid, I know. You're not the kind of guy who's going to turn away from somebody you love because they're stuck in something that they didn't want. I've known some faithless people in my life, but you're not one of them.
Sometimes I have dreams and picture the kind of man you'd go for in them. Somebody with a great smile, a guy who can listen to you, a guy who's seductive and sexy and smart, somebody who doesn't care that you already belong with someone else.
I've made a claim on you, but there are guys out there who don't give a damn about that. I keep feeling like there's somebody who'll come into your life and try to take advantage of the fact that you're lonely and that I'm not there with you.
It's not that I don't trust you, baby. You know I do. But I also know that you're vulnerable. And I know how that can feel. I've been there before when relationships have ended. I know how easy it is to fall into somebody's arms when you need that kind of comfort.
You wouldn't do that to me, I know. You'd fight against what a part of you needs, because you believe in being faithful to me. But I know how it can feel to need the comfort of somebody's arms, even if it's just for a night or two and it's not the person you love.
I'd never do that either. You know there's nobody for me but you -- and it's not like the guys over here would appreciate me trying to cozy up to any of them! But they're okay with me being gay. Most of the guys know about you, and they accept me.
It's kind of funny how war can bring people together in some ways. I've gotten close to the guys around me, in a friendly way. I've told them things I never told my friends back home, about my feelings for you and how hard it was for me to come out to my family.
They all keep telling me that nobody back home is going to go after you because they know you're taken. But that doesn't stop me from worrying anyway. When I'm this far away from you, it's easy for other people to ignore my claim on your and on your heart.
I trust you, Jude. I know you're not going to turn to anybody else, not for any reason. I just have to keep telling myself that and reminding myself that you love me as much as I love you. You're committed to our relationship. I know you are.
There's just that little part of me that's scared to death you'll forget me. That all this time we've been separated will start to play tricks on your mind, and you won't want to be tied to somebody you can't be with until this fucking war is over and I can come home.
That part of me keeps insisting that I shouldn't have made a claim on you -- that I should have set you free and told you to live your own life and do what would make you happy before I left. I shouldn't expect you to be faithful to somebody who might not come back.
I couldn't do that. It would've killed me to let go of you. Sometimes I feel like thinking about you while I'm in this hellhole of a place is the only thing that keeps me going. I know that I'll be back with you when this is all over, and that keeps me alive.
No way am I giving up my claim on you. If anybody else wants you, they'll have to go through me first. I know you feel that way too, babe. I don't doubt your loyalty to me for one single second. I know you'll always be there and you'll always love me like I love you.
Don't forget that you've got a claim on me too. I can still feel that last time you kissed me. It felt like that kiss went through my whole body, and that it marked me as yours. Your claim is stamped on me as permanently as any tattoo could ever be.
I'm coming back to you, Jude. Don't ever doubt that. It might not be as soon as I want it to be, but I'll get the hell out of here. I'll stay alive, and I'll be back with you. That's what I'm living for now. Knowing that we're going to make sure that claim we have on each other stays strong.
Love always,
Max
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 11, Claim
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
I hope you'll get this letter. Sometimes I wonder if you ever read them, or if they even leave here. They supposedly do, but I can't help feeling like they're intercepted and somebody else is reading everything I say to you and laughing over it.
Not that I care what other people think. I never have, you know that. The only reason I ever hid who I really am from my family is because I wasn't sure about myself. But once I met you, I didn't have any more questions about who I am and what I want.
I worry about you being back at home by yourself. I know you've got people there who'll look after you and make sure you're okay. I don't worry on that score, your physical safety I mean. What I worry about is that you'll forget about me.
There's a little voice in my head that won't let me stop thinking about that. The longer this war drags on and the longer I'm away from you, the more I worry about you finding somebody else. It never goes away, it just keeps getting worse and worse.
It's stupid, I know. You're not the kind of guy who's going to turn away from somebody you love because they're stuck in something that they didn't want. I've known some faithless people in my life, but you're not one of them.
Sometimes I have dreams and picture the kind of man you'd go for in them. Somebody with a great smile, a guy who can listen to you, a guy who's seductive and sexy and smart, somebody who doesn't care that you already belong with someone else.
I've made a claim on you, but there are guys out there who don't give a damn about that. I keep feeling like there's somebody who'll come into your life and try to take advantage of the fact that you're lonely and that I'm not there with you.
It's not that I don't trust you, baby. You know I do. But I also know that you're vulnerable. And I know how that can feel. I've been there before when relationships have ended. I know how easy it is to fall into somebody's arms when you need that kind of comfort.
You wouldn't do that to me, I know. You'd fight against what a part of you needs, because you believe in being faithful to me. But I know how it can feel to need the comfort of somebody's arms, even if it's just for a night or two and it's not the person you love.
I'd never do that either. You know there's nobody for me but you -- and it's not like the guys over here would appreciate me trying to cozy up to any of them! But they're okay with me being gay. Most of the guys know about you, and they accept me.
It's kind of funny how war can bring people together in some ways. I've gotten close to the guys around me, in a friendly way. I've told them things I never told my friends back home, about my feelings for you and how hard it was for me to come out to my family.
They all keep telling me that nobody back home is going to go after you because they know you're taken. But that doesn't stop me from worrying anyway. When I'm this far away from you, it's easy for other people to ignore my claim on your and on your heart.
I trust you, Jude. I know you're not going to turn to anybody else, not for any reason. I just have to keep telling myself that and reminding myself that you love me as much as I love you. You're committed to our relationship. I know you are.
There's just that little part of me that's scared to death you'll forget me. That all this time we've been separated will start to play tricks on your mind, and you won't want to be tied to somebody you can't be with until this fucking war is over and I can come home.
That part of me keeps insisting that I shouldn't have made a claim on you -- that I should have set you free and told you to live your own life and do what would make you happy before I left. I shouldn't expect you to be faithful to somebody who might not come back.
I couldn't do that. It would've killed me to let go of you. Sometimes I feel like thinking about you while I'm in this hellhole of a place is the only thing that keeps me going. I know that I'll be back with you when this is all over, and that keeps me alive.
No way am I giving up my claim on you. If anybody else wants you, they'll have to go through me first. I know you feel that way too, babe. I don't doubt your loyalty to me for one single second. I know you'll always be there and you'll always love me like I love you.
Don't forget that you've got a claim on me too. I can still feel that last time you kissed me. It felt like that kiss went through my whole body, and that it marked me as yours. Your claim is stamped on me as permanently as any tattoo could ever be.
I'm coming back to you, Jude. Don't ever doubt that. It might not be as soon as I want it to be, but I'll get the hell out of here. I'll stay alive, and I'll be back with you. That's what I'm living for now. Knowing that we're going to make sure that claim we have on each other stays strong.
Love always,
Max