fic for kusanobabe05
Title: Selfish
Rating: PG
Threesome: AKAMEPI
Summary: Kame is stuck in this endless circle. Pi and Jin.
Warnings: Not very fluffy. Not very angsty either. I referred back to Dawson’s Creek for some stuff so if some quotes sound familiar that’s where I got it.
Notes: Thanks to nonokame for helping me beta this. For kusanobabe05 for the jthreesome fic exchange.(Hope you like it)
Kame couldn’t help it, but he liked picking his scabs as a child. His mother always told him to stop this disgusting habit of his. Maybe if he had listened then, his heart wouldn’t have yearned for him to continue picking on this never ending wound.
Jin.
Maybe if he learned then, his heart wouldn’t have hurt as much as it does now.
“Kazuya.”
“…”
“Did you hear me? Jin’s coming home.”
Kame’s body tightened and he stayed quiet. Yamapi stared at the boy for a few minutes and slowly pulled the boy into his lap, gently rocking him. Slowly, Yamapi felt the younger boy relax into his arms. Yamapi sighed.
“Fine. We won’t talk about this yet. But he is coming back tomorrow.” Pi whispered.
Kame felt his eye lids get awfully heavy and didn’t even hear the last comment Yamapi made. Yamapi always gave him a comforting feeling whenever the older boy hugged him; but no matter how comfortable Kame was, he couldn’t help but feel an itch in his scabbed heart.
Slowly, Kame opened his eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the light. Kame glanced at the clock. Six o’clock. Damn. He only had an hour to get ready. Suddenly, he felt an arm snake around his waist.
“Morning, Kazu.”
Pi leaned in to kiss Kame, but kissed his hand instead.
“Ewww… Pi. Morning breath much?”
“Kazu...” Pi started to whine. Just when Kame was about to give in, Pi pulled him out of nowhere and kissed him. The kiss was gentle and sweet. Kame pulled Pi’s body closer.
“P-Pi...”
Kame’s breathing became uneven. He felt himself drowning all over again and he was okay with that because he knows Pi will save him. Pi was his life support.
________________________________________________________________________
Kame groaned. He was late for work. Damn Pi.
“Kazu.”
Kame felt his heart thumping in his chest. He was scared to look up. Though he already recognized the owner of the voice, he didn’t know what to do. Jin stared at Kame a little longer. Maybe Kame hated him still? They hadn’t been on good terms for a long time already. Too long.
“Okaeri.”
Jin felt the little hope he had increase a little more.
“Tadaima. Do you want to go get a cup of coffee?”
“Jin, I’m late for work. I really -“
“It’s okay. The meeting is over. It was mostly about me coming back. I already told Ueda that I will be talking to you. So, please Kazuya?”
Kame knew he really shouldn’t go, but Kame was never good at letting his scabs heal. Before he even knew it, he and Jin were walking to their café. Old habits really do die hard.
“So…”
“Kazu… Just, um… Let me say everything I have to say first, okay..?”
“Okay.”
“Nothing in my life feels real anymore, ever since I went on hiatus to L.A. I've lost touch with my family, my friends, you... You and me together is the only thing that ever made sense to me, and I forgot that... Until I left to L.A. Then it came back, what we were, and we're not even together anymore. Kazuya. I miss us. Kame… What happened to us...?”
“Wow, Jin. You grew up. You really did. I always wanted to think that you were this hopeless dreamer and I was the adult that escaped. But I didn't escape anything, not really. Jin. What we have goes beyond friendship, beyond lovers. It's forever.
But I’m so sorry. I can’t do this. You may be my soul mate, but with you… I can’t breathe. I’m always drowning, and you let me. It’s always been Pi who saves me. I’m sorry Jin, but we can’t go back to the way we were. I’m sorry… I have to go.”
________________________________________________________________________
Kame walked aimlessly. Kame was waiting for the rain. He knew it was such a cliché, but he couldn’t help but want to welcome it. Too bad the sky was bright and sunny, completely mocking him in the face. He felt his phone vibrate and knew it was Pi.
“Pi. Save me.”
________________________________________________________________________
Pi was nervous. He always felt nervous bringing up this topic with Jin, so he decided to order his and Jin’s favorite food. They always ate here.
“Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay. I ordered for us already. The usual.”
“What? Why would you do that?”
“Man, what is wrong with you? We always order for each other here. I was just trying to do the right thing.”
“Ah, damn it, Pi, this… You're always trying to do the right thing. You're always so eager to be the hero, but you never quite see all the pieces of the puzzle.”
“What the heck, Jin? This is obviously not about the food. So fine then. Let's just talk about what's really going on here.”
“Fine, 'cause god knows we haven't been best friends in a long time, have we?”
“No, we certainly have not.”
“You wanna know why we're not friends, Pi? It's not because of what happened with Kame, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... Maybe quite some time, 'cause the second you made us competitors- “
“That I made us competitors? No. No. Now, now you're rewriting history, Jin.”
“I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped setting us up against each other, you would’ve realized that you and I are not that far apart.”
“Ah, spare me the speech. You are not gonna convince me that our worlds are anything alike. You're just upset because I broke outta mine.”
“Broke out of yours? How? By putting on a costume and slavin' away at something that doesn't even have interest in you? For fans that won’t even care for you in a few years? You made money. You’re famous now. Congratulations. You impressed us all.”
“How dare you. You know nothing about me, man. My fans will always love me. Jin, this is life! I didn't make that choice! I have lost literally everything before. 4Tops, Toma, and NEWS is barely there. What do you want from me, man? Does this make you happy, that you're back now? I mean, you always liked it better when you were in center of it all, so is this what you wanted? Does this make it all right? “
“You didn't wanna know me, Pi. You wrote me off a long time ago.”
“Really? Really? Back when we were the best of friends? When we were brothers? Was I just outta the house every time you tried to call me over the last six months when you were in L.A.? God Jin. What happened to us?”
Jin thought it was so ironic. Pi asked him the same question he asked Kame. They were in this sick circle of theirs that they couldn’t break out of.
“I don’t know, Pi. I really wish I did, but I don’t. I don’t know when our lives started to change and form. But I hate the way we are now. All three of us.”
“I know.”
“So what do we do?”
________________________________________________________________________
When Pi got home, he went straight to his room knowing he would find Kame there. What he saw was worse than he expected. Kame’s eyes were blotchy and tired. But what struck Pi the most was the look across Kame’s face. It was as if the whole world has gained up on Kame. And maybe at one point it did. Kame finally looked up and Pi thought he looked so lost. Pi was here and he wanted to save him. But he doesn’t know if he can save Kame this time.
“Kame. You're off the hook.”
“What ar-“
“ I never really put much faith in all that ‘if you love someone set them free’ crap as evidenced by everything I've done in my life up to this very moment, but I am determined to be happy, Kazuya, happy in this life and I love you. I mean, I always, I have always, always loved you, but our timing has just never been right. The way I figured it, time is no man's friend. So, I have to get right with that and be happy, now, because this is it. I mean, this is all that we get. If there is one thing I've learned from losing 4Tops, that's what I've learned.”
“Pi, I -“
“Actually, um, hold on. I'm not done yet. I also want for you to be happy. It's really important for me that you be happy. So I want you to be with someone, whether it be Jin or the old hag or some person that you haven't even met yet. But I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself. I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. So, I guess the point to this long run-on sentence that's been the last couple years of our lives is just that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So you're off the hook.”
“You know, for the record, I don't wanna be let off the hook. Everything in my life that I've done has led me here, right now. The last thing I want, need, or deserve is to be let off somebody's hook.”
“Please don't miss my point here... “
“And don't miss mine. Pi, I love you. You know that, and it's very real. It's so real that it's kept me moving, mostly running from it, never ready for it… and I love Jin. He's my soul mate. He’s tied to my childhood and it's a love that is pure and eternally innocent. I can't be let off the hook because I just might get the notion that it's ok to keep running.”
“So, what is it that you want Kame?
“I don’t know, Pi. I want you, but I want Jin as well.”
Pi felt frustrated at Kame. He went to the bed and grabbed Kame and pulled him to the front door. They were gonna see Jin and settle this once and for all. He opened the door and Jin was standing right there. Pi freaked out and slammed the door in Jin’s face. He thought he would have more time to think about what he was going to say to Jin and Kame.
“What am I doing?”
Pi opened the door again.
“Sorry. Reflex.”
“It’s ok.”
The three of them stood there, awkwardly staring at each other. Kame looked at the two most important people in his life and felt guilty. These two were… No, are best friends, whether they wanted to believe so or not. And he is the answer to this complicated equation. He had always been the answer. Kame took a deep breath.
“Look, both of you guys are important to me. And I know this may be selfish for me to say. But I want both of you. And I don’t want to choose just one.”
Slowly, scared of their reactions, he grabbed their hands. He slowly looked up at both of them and said, “I choose both of you.”
________________________________________________________________________
“Kazuya, you are born, and then you die, and you make a lot of mistakes in between. So baby, listen to mommy and remember this. Live your life the way you want."
Kame didn’t know when his mom said that to him, but when he was talking to Pi and Jin, he was glad he remembered this. He fell back to his slumber as the other two snuggled closer to him, one on each side.
Because in the end, if he chose either one, all of them would still be hurt by his choice. He knew the arrangement wouldn’t last, but it was okay for now. As long as they were happy for the present, pausing from this game of never ending circles.
Maybe it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.
Rating: PG
Threesome: AKAMEPI
Summary: Kame is stuck in this endless circle. Pi and Jin.
Warnings: Not very fluffy. Not very angsty either. I referred back to Dawson’s Creek for some stuff so if some quotes sound familiar that’s where I got it.
Notes: Thanks to nonokame for helping me beta this. For kusanobabe05 for the jthreesome fic exchange.(Hope you like it)
Kame couldn’t help it, but he liked picking his scabs as a child. His mother always told him to stop this disgusting habit of his. Maybe if he had listened then, his heart wouldn’t have yearned for him to continue picking on this never ending wound.
Jin.
Maybe if he learned then, his heart wouldn’t have hurt as much as it does now.
“Kazuya.”
“…”
“Did you hear me? Jin’s coming home.”
Kame’s body tightened and he stayed quiet. Yamapi stared at the boy for a few minutes and slowly pulled the boy into his lap, gently rocking him. Slowly, Yamapi felt the younger boy relax into his arms. Yamapi sighed.
“Fine. We won’t talk about this yet. But he is coming back tomorrow.” Pi whispered.
Kame felt his eye lids get awfully heavy and didn’t even hear the last comment Yamapi made. Yamapi always gave him a comforting feeling whenever the older boy hugged him; but no matter how comfortable Kame was, he couldn’t help but feel an itch in his scabbed heart.
Slowly, Kame opened his eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the light. Kame glanced at the clock. Six o’clock. Damn. He only had an hour to get ready. Suddenly, he felt an arm snake around his waist.
“Morning, Kazu.”
Pi leaned in to kiss Kame, but kissed his hand instead.
“Ewww… Pi. Morning breath much?”
“Kazu...” Pi started to whine. Just when Kame was about to give in, Pi pulled him out of nowhere and kissed him. The kiss was gentle and sweet. Kame pulled Pi’s body closer.
“P-Pi...”
Kame’s breathing became uneven. He felt himself drowning all over again and he was okay with that because he knows Pi will save him. Pi was his life support.
________________________________________________________________________
Kame groaned. He was late for work. Damn Pi.
“Kazu.”
Kame felt his heart thumping in his chest. He was scared to look up. Though he already recognized the owner of the voice, he didn’t know what to do. Jin stared at Kame a little longer. Maybe Kame hated him still? They hadn’t been on good terms for a long time already. Too long.
“Okaeri.”
Jin felt the little hope he had increase a little more.
“Tadaima. Do you want to go get a cup of coffee?”
“Jin, I’m late for work. I really -“
“It’s okay. The meeting is over. It was mostly about me coming back. I already told Ueda that I will be talking to you. So, please Kazuya?”
Kame knew he really shouldn’t go, but Kame was never good at letting his scabs heal. Before he even knew it, he and Jin were walking to their café. Old habits really do die hard.
“So…”
“Kazu… Just, um… Let me say everything I have to say first, okay..?”
“Okay.”
“Nothing in my life feels real anymore, ever since I went on hiatus to L.A. I've lost touch with my family, my friends, you... You and me together is the only thing that ever made sense to me, and I forgot that... Until I left to L.A. Then it came back, what we were, and we're not even together anymore. Kazuya. I miss us. Kame… What happened to us...?”
“Wow, Jin. You grew up. You really did. I always wanted to think that you were this hopeless dreamer and I was the adult that escaped. But I didn't escape anything, not really. Jin. What we have goes beyond friendship, beyond lovers. It's forever.
But I’m so sorry. I can’t do this. You may be my soul mate, but with you… I can’t breathe. I’m always drowning, and you let me. It’s always been Pi who saves me. I’m sorry Jin, but we can’t go back to the way we were. I’m sorry… I have to go.”
________________________________________________________________________
Kame walked aimlessly. Kame was waiting for the rain. He knew it was such a cliché, but he couldn’t help but want to welcome it. Too bad the sky was bright and sunny, completely mocking him in the face. He felt his phone vibrate and knew it was Pi.
“Pi. Save me.”
________________________________________________________________________
Pi was nervous. He always felt nervous bringing up this topic with Jin, so he decided to order his and Jin’s favorite food. They always ate here.
“Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay. I ordered for us already. The usual.”
“What? Why would you do that?”
“Man, what is wrong with you? We always order for each other here. I was just trying to do the right thing.”
“Ah, damn it, Pi, this… You're always trying to do the right thing. You're always so eager to be the hero, but you never quite see all the pieces of the puzzle.”
“What the heck, Jin? This is obviously not about the food. So fine then. Let's just talk about what's really going on here.”
“Fine, 'cause god knows we haven't been best friends in a long time, have we?”
“No, we certainly have not.”
“You wanna know why we're not friends, Pi? It's not because of what happened with Kame, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... Maybe quite some time, 'cause the second you made us competitors- “
“That I made us competitors? No. No. Now, now you're rewriting history, Jin.”
“I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped setting us up against each other, you would’ve realized that you and I are not that far apart.”
“Ah, spare me the speech. You are not gonna convince me that our worlds are anything alike. You're just upset because I broke outta mine.”
“Broke out of yours? How? By putting on a costume and slavin' away at something that doesn't even have interest in you? For fans that won’t even care for you in a few years? You made money. You’re famous now. Congratulations. You impressed us all.”
“How dare you. You know nothing about me, man. My fans will always love me. Jin, this is life! I didn't make that choice! I have lost literally everything before. 4Tops, Toma, and NEWS is barely there. What do you want from me, man? Does this make you happy, that you're back now? I mean, you always liked it better when you were in center of it all, so is this what you wanted? Does this make it all right? “
“You didn't wanna know me, Pi. You wrote me off a long time ago.”
“Really? Really? Back when we were the best of friends? When we were brothers? Was I just outta the house every time you tried to call me over the last six months when you were in L.A.? God Jin. What happened to us?”
Jin thought it was so ironic. Pi asked him the same question he asked Kame. They were in this sick circle of theirs that they couldn’t break out of.
“I don’t know, Pi. I really wish I did, but I don’t. I don’t know when our lives started to change and form. But I hate the way we are now. All three of us.”
“I know.”
“So what do we do?”
________________________________________________________________________
When Pi got home, he went straight to his room knowing he would find Kame there. What he saw was worse than he expected. Kame’s eyes were blotchy and tired. But what struck Pi the most was the look across Kame’s face. It was as if the whole world has gained up on Kame. And maybe at one point it did. Kame finally looked up and Pi thought he looked so lost. Pi was here and he wanted to save him. But he doesn’t know if he can save Kame this time.
“Kame. You're off the hook.”
“What ar-“
“ I never really put much faith in all that ‘if you love someone set them free’ crap as evidenced by everything I've done in my life up to this very moment, but I am determined to be happy, Kazuya, happy in this life and I love you. I mean, I always, I have always, always loved you, but our timing has just never been right. The way I figured it, time is no man's friend. So, I have to get right with that and be happy, now, because this is it. I mean, this is all that we get. If there is one thing I've learned from losing 4Tops, that's what I've learned.”
“Pi, I -“
“Actually, um, hold on. I'm not done yet. I also want for you to be happy. It's really important for me that you be happy. So I want you to be with someone, whether it be Jin or the old hag or some person that you haven't even met yet. But I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself. I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. So, I guess the point to this long run-on sentence that's been the last couple years of our lives is just that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So you're off the hook.”
“You know, for the record, I don't wanna be let off the hook. Everything in my life that I've done has led me here, right now. The last thing I want, need, or deserve is to be let off somebody's hook.”
“Please don't miss my point here... “
“And don't miss mine. Pi, I love you. You know that, and it's very real. It's so real that it's kept me moving, mostly running from it, never ready for it… and I love Jin. He's my soul mate. He’s tied to my childhood and it's a love that is pure and eternally innocent. I can't be let off the hook because I just might get the notion that it's ok to keep running.”
“So, what is it that you want Kame?
“I don’t know, Pi. I want you, but I want Jin as well.”
Pi felt frustrated at Kame. He went to the bed and grabbed Kame and pulled him to the front door. They were gonna see Jin and settle this once and for all. He opened the door and Jin was standing right there. Pi freaked out and slammed the door in Jin’s face. He thought he would have more time to think about what he was going to say to Jin and Kame.
“What am I doing?”
Pi opened the door again.
“Sorry. Reflex.”
“It’s ok.”
The three of them stood there, awkwardly staring at each other. Kame looked at the two most important people in his life and felt guilty. These two were… No, are best friends, whether they wanted to believe so or not. And he is the answer to this complicated equation. He had always been the answer. Kame took a deep breath.
“Look, both of you guys are important to me. And I know this may be selfish for me to say. But I want both of you. And I don’t want to choose just one.”
Slowly, scared of their reactions, he grabbed their hands. He slowly looked up at both of them and said, “I choose both of you.”
________________________________________________________________________
“Kazuya, you are born, and then you die, and you make a lot of mistakes in between. So baby, listen to mommy and remember this. Live your life the way you want."
Kame didn’t know when his mom said that to him, but when he was talking to Pi and Jin, he was glad he remembered this. He fell back to his slumber as the other two snuggled closer to him, one on each side.
Because in the end, if he chose either one, all of them would still be hurt by his choice. He knew the arrangement wouldn’t last, but it was okay for now. As long as they were happy for the present, pausing from this game of never ending circles.
Maybe it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.