(Untitled)

[jrittenhouse]

Connie is talking a little, but she’s very confused. She knows who we are, but not how she ended up in a bed, practically unable to move. She thinks either that she was badly beaten up or in an accident, and has no recollection of the whole cancer issue.

I tried to explain things to her, and she was saying ‘what about the doctors’; it was very very

Comments

[kip_w]

I'm not sure I understand. Did you tell her once, and she understands, or does she forget?

I'm sorry this is happening. You probably know already that holidays are a stressful time, even in normal years.

[jrittenhouse]

You tell her, and she forgets. Over and over.

[bibliofile]

Yeah, and it's not the sort of thing you want to put up on a sign on the wall, no context and no further info. Yikes.

[jrittenhouse]

Not at all! Besides that, she really can't see much of anything.

[one_undone]

I'm so sorry, Jim. This is heartbreaking to even read about, so actually facing this situation in daily interaction with Connie must be so much more difficult and painful for all involved.

Sending strength and love to you, Connie, Susan and Mere.

[jrittenhouse]

Thanks.

[crankyoldgoat]

sometimes, in this state of disrupted cognitive ability, the only thing to do is ambigously agree with whatever they say (kind of like a politician runninng for office).

Odds are, once they've dozed off and then wake back up, they'll have forgotten the prior conversation.

short term memory is screwed.

[jrittenhouse]

Can't do the former (she's asking a lot of questions) and figured that the second was about right.

[maiac]

Sympathy to you and all your family. As hard as it is for the grownups, it must be very painful for Mere.

[jrittenhouse]

It is. Susan and I have a lot less time with her, and much of Susan's not-Connie time is very busy with the other things she *must* do, or exhausted.

Aside of that, I think it's partly the idea of Grandma going for good, and entirely too close to the whole I-was-abandoned-once-before-by-my-family meme which comes up with these kids. Too many triggers.

[acmespaceship]

Oh what a horrible spot to be in. Ask the hospice people what to say. Everyone told me to gloss over reality with my Dad and not to flat out tell him he was never going home -- but I still feel terrible about doing that and I'm not sure it was the right call. There is no good answer. You want to be kind now, but you'll have to live with yourself afterwards.

The only clue I was able to buy was this: talk to the person here now, not the person you remember from the past. The vibrant, intelligent Connie you've known all these years would surely want to know the full truth in detail. Today, confused and taking powerful drugs...?

[jrittenhouse]

I ***really*** do not like to lie to anyone, and especially Meredith. To me, it is absolutely dead necessary to be straight on this whole process without being hurtful, because it's soooo easy to slide into Reality-whats-that land.

When my dad and mom died, many years apart, it was also dead necessary for me to be clear on the no-regrets-dealt-with-this-the-right-way. Too many people get eaten alive with regrets (aside of missing the deceased) on what the should have done about mom/dad after they died and can't redo.

Connie was pretty serene about all of this up to this point; her belief systems massively supported that. Now, a lot of the higher stuff is out to lunch, and she's scared of what's going on, and can't escape it. Can't blame her, of course. It's bloody frustrating to try to deal over and over with the mindless fear levels, and explain why she's stuck in that bed, but...