Fear of Falling

[jp_davis]

I’m going to take some time today to talk about writer’s writing problems, because I have them and I strongly suspect I’m not the only one. The community at large acknowledges writer’s block, etc., but the answer is universally, “well, you just sit down and write and all will be fine.” But I’m not convinced that’s all there is to it. Sometimes, I

Comments

[ex_kaz_maho]

OK, first of all I love this post. Do you mind if I link to it on my blog? If you're going to keep cross-posting on LJ, this is the sort of thing a lot of the writers here enjoy reading. Everyone likes to know they're not the *only* neurotic ones around... right

[jp_davis]

Glad you liked it! You are more than welcome to link to this or any other post I do on here. I'm really glad you asked, because one of the reasons I decided to throw that out there was that I strongly suspected I wasn't the only one going through these things.

Your addition is right on target, too. For all the time I've spent trying to figure out what I "wanted" to do, I've always known unequivocally that writing was it, but I never really buckled down and made myself do it. Sure, my notebooks in school, all schools, were filled with half-(or quarter) finished stories, and every now and then, I would write a really short piece or whatever, but there was this part of me that was just floating along on idle, waiting for it to happen, because I knew that it would. And then one day, somewhere around law school, I realized that it wasn't going to if I didn't get down and make it happen! And even then I didn't do much, just writing one really marketable story and sending it to, I don't know, two magazines before basically giving up. Only

[ex_kaz_maho]

I can relate to SO much of this. Writing's all I've ever wanted to do, which has worked against me in terms of career - i.e. I don't have one! At least you have Law as something to give your life focus and pay the bills... I've just drifted from job-to-job while (as you put it) "waiting for [writing] to happen." I did the same as you, too - wrote maybe three or four decent stories and sent them to a handful of places, before giving up. Don't even get me started on novels... And now, after all that time of doing nothing, I've written a YA novel in the space of two months, and am already thinking about my next project (for adults this time).

Anyway, I could go on. But I'm seriously thinking of following in yours and Carrie's footsteps and getting my own Plan... :)

[jp_davis]

That's really awesome that you've already written a YA novel-- that's got to be an amazing step towards making those dreams happen. Having recently decided to switch over to novel-writing, myself, staring down all that blank space is giving me vertigo. But I proceed, dauntless. I think the trick here lies somewhere between keeping that crazy level of enthusiasm/terror that keeps you pressing forward and maintaining enough of a perspective to not let that same desire run you over and crush you.

Stopped by via kazdreamer

[shveta_thakrar]

3) Flat-out fear that I suck: Self-esteem. I’m worried that the stories that I think are so great, every one else will dislike. Flat-out fear that you’re not as good as you think you are. I suspect many (most?) of us have or have had this issue at one point. And given the nature of the business, I’m not sure how to deal with it, other than just being persistent, keep throwing things out there, and see what works. Maybe I just need to give myself permission to write crap, as they say, but I'm not sure I know how.

Trust me when I say you are not alone in this! But I find I am getting better about allowing myself to write after I realized that I write in layers. If I don't have the (possibly and often crappy) foundation, how can I ever add more on to make it something beautiful?

I don't know if that will help you, but it's something to think about. :)

Re: Stopped by via kazdreamer

[jp_davis]

That's a well-said sentiment. It's important for me to keep in focus the fact that works of art very rarely (probably more like never) spring fully formed, athena-like, from the head of the creator. It takes work to get something from the moment of drafting to where it needs to be.

I really like the idea of "layers," though I think each of us may layer in a different way. I think part of my issue right now is figuring out just how much I need to get down to be enough foundation to build on. Thanks for stopping by, shvetufae, come back soon!

Re: Stopped by via kazdreamer

[shveta_thakrar]

You're very welcome, and I'm adding you to my friends list. :)

Right now, it's my turn to freak out about my story; I just completed the rough draft of a fable and submitted it to my writers' group. Eep!

Re: Stopped by via kazdreamer

[jp_davis]

Great to have you! Hope you don't mind if I do the same back.

Good luck with the fable! I've been looking forward to reading some modern fables... Shimmer is creating a new issue of all steampunk animal fables, and it's got me in the mood to see how people are putting modern (i.e., new, not necessarily set modern) fables together. Let me know what the group has to say!

[lalam]

Oh my GOD! I had a similar post just like this! I know EXACTLY what you're going through and *hugs* for so eloquently putting it out there! I was having panic attacks whenever I thought of opening up that dreaded word doc with my story that I didn't like. I tried reworking it. One person loved it, another hated it. I was in a conundrum.

However unlike you I read so much that I'm afraid that I copy way too much (not actual words or stories, but ideas and such. Like I'm not original).

Number 3 is my biggest fear. That my writing sucks and it'll go nowhere. That I'll go nowhere in my life. I'll be an average hack.

Boy, I see a trend here. We all go through this.

[jp_davis]

Yeah, we really do. Just checked out your post; I feel pretty comfortable saying that we are on exactly the same page. It's nice to know that you're not alone with these fears/anxieties/problems, and I think the best way to get through them is through diagnosis, evaluation, and open admission. And yes, the butt-on-seat part is pretty important, too.

[wldhrsjen3]

I found this post through a friend of a friend and I just have to tell you how much it helped to know I'm not the only one who sometimes suffers near-paralyzing fear. I wrote about it a few days ago, actually.

I am horribly afraid of failure. And of success. And of pressure and commitment and expectations...

And so I wibble about *everything* I write. Is the plot "right?" Is the pacing good enough? Maybe I need to scrap it all and start again...

Sigh. You know what I mean. I'm struggling to overcome it, and this year is all about forcing myself to stretch and grow so I can overcome the obstacles that usually make me stumble. Your post helps - it's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this!

Hope you don't mind if I friend you!

[jp_davis]

I know exactly what you mean, you definitely are not alone. I have those same anxieties, particularly with plot, and then I'll hit a turn of phrase I think could be better, spend five minutes on it, get frustrated, and walk away. I'm realizing more and more how much of this is self-sabotage, which I might post on later this week. Please, friend away! As I've said before, I think the best way to get through it is to see that other people are going through the same thing.