Shady Lady - Part 13
Part 1 is here
Complete fic is available via the Big Bang site here
Jack was never fond of reviving. Regaining consciousness to find himself in the dim red lights and tied down he had an uncontrollable moment of panic, thrashing against the ropes before he realised where he was. He could hear his pulse hammering through his body as he calmed down, the remembered nightmare still enough to terrify him for a moment as he feared everything else had been the dream. He wasn’t on the Valiant. He was home.
“Hello handsome,” Justine called over to him, “nice nap?” Jack watched her work for a moment as he calmed himself before shifting carefully in the ropes.
“Wonderful thanks, very refreshing. Why don’t you take one yourself?” He struggled against the ropes again, trying to judge if they were loosening at all. “Say for eternity?”
“Thank you for the kind offer, but I’m wide awake and more than a little busy thank you. Some of us have work to do. But feel free to put your feet up, have a cup of coffee and read the paper.”
“Some work.” Laughing roughly, Jack snarled up at her as she worked the glow of the lights turning her blouse a vibrant red and making her look vaguely like she belonged in one of those old paintings of Hell. “We never even finished your little game. You sure you can manage with just what you’ve got? What about that rock you wanted, what’s the secret behind that one? And the toys and the other crap you’ve had us running around after?” Jack snarled angrily. “Come on then Juice, I can’t work it out. What’s the brilliant scheme?”
“Oh Jack.” Sighing she glanced over at him before a quick smile quirked across her face. “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes a rock is just a rock. I know a geologist who collects old meteors and such; she would have enjoyed it that’s all. As for everything else...” Grinning she turned back to him.
“Actually that part of the story was true,” Justine admitted. “The Heritage Agency are doing a bit of a twenty first century exhibit for the anniversary. They know I have a knack for acquiring such objects and asked me to help out.” Laughing she returned to her work. “As though they would really seize my estate. We already own half the agency. Honestly Jack, I fear you underestimated me again. You really do need to work on that weakness for a good sob story, my dear.”
She winced as a loud alarm came from the manipulator and let go of the machine for a moment. “Oh dear. I may have bumped into another strand.” Grinning she shrugged and turned back to him. “Oops. Well I am still a learner. I’m sure it won’t have been anything that bad that slipped through...”
********************************
“What the hell is that thing?” Andy asked incredulously.
Ianto cradled the - well there really was no way to describe it other than gray blob of tough skin, almost like elephant hide - in his lap and checked it over as best as he could for injuries. The fall onto the now dented roof of Andy’s car seemed to have sent it into shock and it hadn’t done much good for the car either. The lights were now refusing to flash and the siren sounded several notes lower than it should be but at least it was making a bit of impact on the traffic.
The occasional flashes of light and close calls with appearing creatures were making the drive back to the Hub something of an assault course. Not to mention this poor creature they had had to stop and grab off the roof.
Captain John Hart sighed and scanned it as best he could with his wrist strap whilst Ianto tried to check if he was holding it the right way up or if it even had an up. Answering Andy at last John sat back and shrugged.
“It’s alive, I can tell you that much.” John switched off the scanner and looked at the blob. “Plus I know this sounds crazy but I think it’s growing.”
Ianto looked at the blob in his lap and tried to remember if it had always covered the whole of his pink clad thighs - or when his legs had gone numb from the pressure. Hefting the mound of grey flesh to one side he yelled as an eye rolled open slowly and regarded him for a moment before the blob started keening.
“What the heck?” Andy yelped. “Ianto can’t you keep it quiet, I’m trying to-” Ianto, John and the blob slid an inch to the right as Andy swerved to avoid another flash of light. “Drive. This is ridiculous. Even for you lot this is ridiculous. Besides I thought you always preferred to trash my city after dark.”
“Depends on whether Jack has a hot date that night.” Ianto didn’t pause from his examination of the creature, stroking over its skin until the keening finally resolved into a more contented noise, almost a cross between whale song and purring. “Andy, just get us to the Hub, okay? John and I will take care of the rest.”
“Oh we will, will we?” John snorted and leaned back against the seat. “If by taking care of the rest you mean slip off somewhere nice and discreet and get all cosy like to ride out the end of the world, I’m all for it, but if you had any other use of the word ‘we’ in mind you can forget it.”
“So you think your ex-wife trashing the city you are staying in and doing God only knows what to your old partner is none of your business?” Ianto kept his voice quiet to avoid upsetting the creature but he glared at John nonetheless. “You are coming in there with me; maybe Justine will be distracted long enough killing you to give me a chance to stop her.” Raising an eyebrow John leaned forwards and draped his arm across Ianto’s bare back and pulled his close, taking advantage of the fact that Ianto needed both his hands to steady the creature.
“Well when you put it like that, how could I refuse?” John murmured into his ear. Ignoring John’s touch Ianto carried on soothing the blob and tried not to wince as he realised it was definitely getting heavier.
“Plus you will get electrocuted if I leave you behind,” Ianto added.
“There is that.” John shrugged again and sniffed slightly as he leaned close and stroked Ianto’s hair. “Who knows, maybe if I help save the day we could have that orgy to celebrate...”
“John, at the risk of sounding like a complete girl right now I’m going to have to say I wouldn’t sleep with you even I was the only man and you were the only other sentient bipedal life form left on the planet.” John laughed and pulled away again, folding his arms.
“Oh come on, that’s hardly fair,” John complained, “that still leaves you with all those cute dogs - and I hear the sheep are very good around here...”
Captain John Hart reflected later that it was probably a good thing he had made the sheep gag at the one point that day when the two Welshmen were unarmed.
******************************
“Wow.” Rhys nodded understandingly and stroked his hand along Gwen’s back as she finished bringing him up to date with the situation. “Blimey, that’s a bit crazy isn’t it?” Nodding she pulled away from him and kicked at the clear wall of the cell door angrily.
“She is, and now I’m stuck in here and Justine’s doing God only knows what!” Pressing her hand against the door Gwen frowned and leaned closer, pressing her body against the toughened glass.
“Gwen, what-” Waving her hand at Rhys she shushed him quickly before returning her attention to the wall.
“I can hear...” She pulled back and moved closer to the edge of the wall, pressing her ear against it. “They’re moaning.”
“Jack’s moaning?” Rhys folded his arms, rubbing them quickly as his body adjusted to the loss of her warmth. “That can’t be good.”
“It’s not Jack.” Shaking her head, Gwen stepped back and looked at the wall thoughtfully. “It’s the Weevils. The Weevils are moaning.” Rhys shrugged and stood to join her, his arms wrapping around her.
“They’re the weird ones with all the teeth right? Maybe they’re just doing, you know, Weevil stuff.”
“Don’t be daft,” Gwen said dismissively as she pushed his arms away, turning to face him, “this sound they make, they do it when they’re upset or scared or sometimes when the rifts playing up-” Swallowing hard she pushed past him to the cell door, banging against it angrily. “We’ve got to get out of here.” Slamming her hand against the metal, she looked up at the ceiling as though looking for divine inspiration. “What is it with this place and ex-girlfriends?” Rhys nodded even though he didn’t understand and sat down again before frowning.
“Ex-girlfriend? Hang on, I thought Jack was gay?”
“I never said he was gay.” Gwen sighed and kept banging at the door even though she knew it wouldn’t do any good.
“You said he and Ianto were...” Rhys waved his hands in a limp wristed motion and pulled a slight face. “You know.” Looking heavenward again Gwen reflected idly that as much as she loved Rhys, and knew he was actually an open-minded bloke, his mouth didn’t always show that.
“They are. Jack is just a bit...flexible.”
“Flexible eh? So he plays for both teams?” Rhys stood up, visibly puffing up as he came over to her. “Well he had just better behave himself and not try to make a play for you or I’ll bloody ‘ave him!” Closing her eyes and biting her lip to keep from laughing at the way he had put it, Gwen straightened her face and turned to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“Rhys, you have nothing to worry about. Just because I’m irresistible...” Grinning and wrapping his arms around her Rhys raised an eyebrow questioningly.
“Irresistible are you? Well you know what they say about being in love with a beautiful woman; maybe I’d better watch my back...”
“Oh no you don’t.” Pushing him away with a smile Gwen held her hand out warningly. “This is no time for singing. Now, help me figure out a way out of here.” Taking off his shoe Rhys gently pushed her aside and began smacking it against the door in a regular three dots, three dashes, and three dots pattern. “What the hell?” Gwen shouted, covering her ears against the noise and looking at him as though he had gone crazy.
“You said Ianto was still out there,” he explained. “Maybe if he comes back he will hear us. Can’t hurt.” Shaking her head Gwen stood back and yelled at him over the noise.
“Hang on, where did you learn how to do an SOS?” Pausing for a moment Rhys looked back over his shoulder and grinned wickedly.
“Titanic of course. I was dating this bird that had a thing for Leonardo Di Caprio and made me watch it like three times.”
“This bird eh?” Folding her arms Gwen gave him her best ‘you have some explaining to do look’ and watched as he hastily got back to work to avoid further questioning. She leaned back against the wall and just hoped that his efforts would do some good.
*********************************
By the time the police car reached the Plass the grey blob was taking up an entire seat on it’s own and Ianto was being forced a lot closer to John than he would ever choose. The finally indignity of having to wait for Andy to come round and let them out was just one more thing to set Ianto’s mood firmly to pissed off. John slid out first and stretched in the early evening sunlight of the Plass before shivering slightly and dropping his arm to rest on the doorframe, closer to Ianto and within the cuffs range again.
“Eye Candy,” John asked quietly, “this might seem a bit like stating the obvious but do you not think parking under the CCTV might let them know we’re coming?”
Sliding his way out of the car Ianto looked around and wished for probably the hundredth time since regaining consciousness that afternoon that he was fully dressed again. Or at least that the little clothing he was wearing could be menswear. The pink tracksuit bottoms ended abruptly at the socks Andy had found him but his feet complained at the lack of shoes and the gravel of the Plass.
“No John,” Ianto replied with the trace of sarcasm that was rapidly becoming a standard when talking to Captain John, “it had never occurred to me that they might use the CCTV to track us arriving. Obviously I am completely new to this whole sneaking around thing and have never worked for a secret agency before. It would also never have occurred to me that she may be tracking you through your wrist strap as well as making you into a bigger Weevil magnet than Owen ever was.” Slamming the car door closed he shifted his sock clad feet carefully.
“And I would naturally never think that,” Ianto continued, “as the Hub is in lockdown, the instant we lift the lockdown to get in it will of course restore power, phones and all manner of other equipment and generally give the game away in great big brilliant Technicolor even if the sight of my pink tracksuit making its way through the Plass didn’t.”
“Ianto, hang on a minute,” Andy quickly cut in, “you two can’t go running off and leave me here with this-” He stood by the open door on the other side of the car and pointed at the blob that he had been trying to wrestle out of the car before it grew too big and had to be cut out.
“It will be fine,” Ianto reassured him, “just keep an eye on it and we’ll come back and get it later.”
“Assuming we survive of course.” John sniffed and folded his arms across his bare chest.
“Look Andy consider it... an initiation.” Ianto couldn’t believe he was saying this. “If you can take good care of that... creature then I’m sure I can put in a good word with Jack about those vacancies.” Andy perked up visibly to the extent that Ianto was sure if the cop had a tail it would be wagging.
“Right, well...” Andy patted the blob carefully. “I suppose I can handle this on my own. You sure you won’t need a hand down there though?” He paused, the crackle of his radio making him frown and shake his head. “Hang on a tick.” Sighing Ianto rubbed his arms, trying to keep warm as he fidgeted on the spot. “That’s great, I’ll let them know.” As Andy signed off Ianto looked up hopefully. “They’ve found your SUV, spotted it whilst on patrol a few minutes ago. It’s actually just round the corner in the Red Dragon centre car park.”
Grinning, Ianto grabbed John’s wrist to keep him close and dragged him around the car towards Andy. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day, I could kiss you Andy!” Hesitating, he stepped back and let go of John, folding his arms across his chest quickly. “I won’t though, obviously.” Shrugging carelessly John stepped forwards, grabbing the cop in a tight hug.
“I wouldn’t say no to a quick snog though....” John said with a grin before darting in and kissing Andy full on the lips; much to the policeman’s disgust. Ianto hastily pulled him off and shot Andy an apologetic look before dragging John away towards the car park, his unwilling helper shouting back across the Plass. “Mmm I do love a man in uniform!”
“That’s, that’s, that’s...” Andy blustered as he blushed bright red, trying to think. “That’s assaulting a police officer I’ll have you know! I could arrest you for that!” Pulling out his truncheon he waved it at John angrily.
Captain John glanced back over his shoulder, his mouth opening into a wide O at the sight of the policeman waving his truncheon. Spotting the look Andy hastily put it away again and looked around to see if anyone had seen. Turning to the blob he sighed heavily and set to work pulling it loose again.
“Snogged by a half naked man, blob wrestling, high speed driving and the city in danger.” Andy leaned on the blob for a moment as he regarded it with a slightly deflated expression. “If this is what working for Torchwood is really like maybe I’ll stick with the police after all.”
******************************
“Oh yes!” John exclaimed. “My jacket! I never realised how much I missed this thing.” Shrugging his way back into the red jacket John watched as Ianto grabbed his clothes hastily and pulled on his jacket and shoes, simply bundling the rest up. “Shit no weapons.” Looking under the seat John laughed as he pulled out a small pearl handled gun. “Well, almost no weapons. I guess her ladyship didn’t want to hang on to this one.”
“Better than nothing I suppose,” John admitted. Shrugging and sticking the gun into his waistband he grabbed his boots and began pulling them on. “Although what are we going to do, run in there with our fingers pointed and yell bang bang at her?” Smoothing down his jacket, he automatically began checking the pockets for any of his hidden armoury. “Nope, she really did clean me out. I am getting really sick of her doing this to me.” Ianto looked round and froze, checking the car park quickly.
“John?” The thief looked at him but carried on checking his boots. “When was the last time we had any new guests?”
“Huh?” John looked confused then glanced at his wrist strap. “Oh. Huh.” Ianto gestured impatiently for him to continue. “Well the good news is the random ones have stopped. The rift is quiet for the moment.”
“I sense a but...” John grinned, his eyes travelling down Ianto’s hips to where his trousers were slipping down.
“If you don’t hitch those lovely trousers up soon Eye Candy I’ll be sensing one too.” Scowling Ianto pulled up his borrowed pink tracksuit bottoms and ignored the leer on John’s face.
“The rift?” Ianto prompted. Nodding quickly John returned to his clothes as he answered.
“It’s still giving off a hell of a strong signal. So whilst it’s possible she’s been stopped and someone just hasn’t shut it down yet I’m guessing our luck isn’t that good. I suspect those early ones were just practice runs for something and now she’s powering up for the main event.”
“Fabulous. Any idea how lo-” Ianto yelled and dropped his clothes at the electric shock shooting through his wrist. Instinctively he turned and grabbed John to stop the other man from trying to get away. To his relief John had simply staggered in his boots, losing his balance a moment. Grabbing him by his jacket Ianto pulled him back again, slamming the thief against the SUV in a move that made the older man chuckle and grin at him.
“Easy on the threads Eye Candy. Unless of course,” John added, “you’ve changed your mind about that going out in style offer?”
“Do you and Jack naturally have a talent for innuendo or did they teach you that too?”
“Oh I’m very naturally gifted.” Shrugging off the younger man’s arms John slid his hand down to grab Ianto’s wrist. “But you’d be surprised what they taught us. And what we taught each other. I wonder, how many of my old tricks has Jack taught you...” Shifting Ianto brought his arm up to press his forearm against John’s throat, forcing him back against the side of the car.
“Do these bracelets still work if one of us is dead?” Ianto asked. John nodded as best he could but in spite of the pressure on his throat his grin still remained. “Then just shut up and come with me. There are weapons in the office. As for stopping Lady Justine...” Ianto shrugged and pulled back, grabbing John’s wrist tight and dragging him across the car park back towards the Hub. “You’ll find I’ve learned more from Jack than the Kalbraxian tongue twist.”
****************************
Ianto stopped at the small wooden door and set to work on unlocking it whilst John looked around with an incredulous look on his face, taking in the faded newspaper on the window and generally shabby look of the place.
“This is it?” John asked disappointedly. “Time was Jack would take more care over how his back entrance looked.”
Ianto ignored him and concentrated on getting them in as quickly as possible. The shoppers were already heading home but the evening tourists were only just starting to trickle in, taking a stroll around the Bay before dinner or grabbing a drink after work. He did not want to be spotted, not least of all because of the trousers he was still wearing. After struggling for a moment to juggle his armful of clothes and the key, he turned and thrust the bundle into John’s arms.
“Hold,” Ianto ordered. “And is there anything you won’t turn into a sex joke?” Returning to his work he added, “I was just wondering in case there is some kind of innuendo per minute record contest we could enter you for. You’re worse than The Todd.”
“Who?” John asked in confusion as Ianto shook his head quickly, not wanting to get into a discussion on 21st century television shows. Pushing the door open he grabbed John’s arm to push him in ahead.
“Never mind.” Grabbing the bundle back Ianto hastily slid behind the counter, placing the clothes to one side and taking in the darkness of the office, a single red light from behind the beaded curtain all the glow they had to move by. Ianto grabbed John’s wrist and pulled his arm to stretch across the counter, making sure they would still be in range, before he crouched down behind it. He delved through the cupboards before re-emerging with a pair of torches.
“Hold this,” Ianto said as he thrust one of them at John. “Point it behind the counter so I can see.” Raising his eyebrows at the tone, John tossed off a salute before leaning fully over the countertop, his jacket rising up his back as he gazed down at Ianto and shone the torch down for him.
“So where’s this magic button of yours?” John asked suggestively. “Need a hand finding it?”
Ianto decided to let that one go and instead pulled a box of leaflets out from under the counter and shoved them to one side before pulling out a sleek grey metal case with a small metal plate on the top just above the handle. Pressing his thumb to the plate a soft glow shone from the scanner as it read his print before popping the case open. Hesitating a moment Ianto pulled out one of the guns, holding it in his hands as he looked up at John and ignored the other matching gun and a third smaller weapon still in the case.
“Double-cross me John and I will make sure you suffer for it.”
“Nice to know how you feel.” John shrugged and held out a hand for the gun. “If I was trying to stop you I could have taken you out at the house. And if I was working with her would she have left me there?” Smiling softly, John waved his hand at Ianto again, encouraging him to hand over the weapon. “Whether you arm me or not I’ve got to come down there with you and believe me, I want her too. That’s twice she’s got me naked now without making with the goods so I’m not impressed.” Ianto nodded slightly and held out the gun by the handle.
“You ready for this?”
John shifted the torch to his mouth, biting down on the slim tube and grinning wickedly as he sucked on it gently, hollowing his cheeks around it as he raised his eyebrows suggestively. Checking the weapon he swung it around his fingers gunslinger style before holding it properly. Whilst John was distracted Ianto slid the smaller weapon from the case into the back of his waistband.
“Forget I asked,” Ianto said, not waiting for whatever innuendo John would come up with this time. Returning to his work Ianto pulled out a small hand held scanner and held it up to his eye, trying not to blink as the light shone from it. Pulling it away he blinked rapidly, trying to clear the dark spot in his vision, as he connected the scanner up to a small panel under the counter. John pulled the torch out of his mouth and leaned closer.
“You’d think for an emergency override it would be a bit simpler,” John said. Ianto shrugged.
“If it was simple...” Ianto fought to keep his balance as he reached deep under the counter and pressed down on a hidden switch. “Then anyone could use it.” Tapping out a pattern Ianto grinned as a soft beep sounded from the panel and it lit up, the soft blue glow of the Hub computers showing in a tiny screen. “Last step. As soon as I do this power comes back up and she will know we are coming. You ready for this?” John nodded and moved around the counter to stand closer to Ianto, shifting his grip so the torch was in his grip under the gun, shining wherever he aimed.
“Let’s party Eye Candy.”
Ianto pulled the remaining gun from the case and, holding his free hand over the panel, he nodded at John.
“Let’s go,” Ianto said as he pressed the button.
Part 14
Complete fic is available via the Big Bang site here
Jack was never fond of reviving. Regaining consciousness to find himself in the dim red lights and tied down he had an uncontrollable moment of panic, thrashing against the ropes before he realised where he was. He could hear his pulse hammering through his body as he calmed down, the remembered nightmare still enough to terrify him for a moment as he feared everything else had been the dream. He wasn’t on the Valiant. He was home.
“Hello handsome,” Justine called over to him, “nice nap?” Jack watched her work for a moment as he calmed himself before shifting carefully in the ropes.
“Wonderful thanks, very refreshing. Why don’t you take one yourself?” He struggled against the ropes again, trying to judge if they were loosening at all. “Say for eternity?”
“Thank you for the kind offer, but I’m wide awake and more than a little busy thank you. Some of us have work to do. But feel free to put your feet up, have a cup of coffee and read the paper.”
“Some work.” Laughing roughly, Jack snarled up at her as she worked the glow of the lights turning her blouse a vibrant red and making her look vaguely like she belonged in one of those old paintings of Hell. “We never even finished your little game. You sure you can manage with just what you’ve got? What about that rock you wanted, what’s the secret behind that one? And the toys and the other crap you’ve had us running around after?” Jack snarled angrily. “Come on then Juice, I can’t work it out. What’s the brilliant scheme?”
“Oh Jack.” Sighing she glanced over at him before a quick smile quirked across her face. “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes a rock is just a rock. I know a geologist who collects old meteors and such; she would have enjoyed it that’s all. As for everything else...” Grinning she turned back to him.
“Actually that part of the story was true,” Justine admitted. “The Heritage Agency are doing a bit of a twenty first century exhibit for the anniversary. They know I have a knack for acquiring such objects and asked me to help out.” Laughing she returned to her work. “As though they would really seize my estate. We already own half the agency. Honestly Jack, I fear you underestimated me again. You really do need to work on that weakness for a good sob story, my dear.”
She winced as a loud alarm came from the manipulator and let go of the machine for a moment. “Oh dear. I may have bumped into another strand.” Grinning she shrugged and turned back to him. “Oops. Well I am still a learner. I’m sure it won’t have been anything that bad that slipped through...”
********************************
“What the hell is that thing?” Andy asked incredulously.
Ianto cradled the - well there really was no way to describe it other than gray blob of tough skin, almost like elephant hide - in his lap and checked it over as best as he could for injuries. The fall onto the now dented roof of Andy’s car seemed to have sent it into shock and it hadn’t done much good for the car either. The lights were now refusing to flash and the siren sounded several notes lower than it should be but at least it was making a bit of impact on the traffic.
The occasional flashes of light and close calls with appearing creatures were making the drive back to the Hub something of an assault course. Not to mention this poor creature they had had to stop and grab off the roof.
Captain John Hart sighed and scanned it as best he could with his wrist strap whilst Ianto tried to check if he was holding it the right way up or if it even had an up. Answering Andy at last John sat back and shrugged.
“It’s alive, I can tell you that much.” John switched off the scanner and looked at the blob. “Plus I know this sounds crazy but I think it’s growing.”
Ianto looked at the blob in his lap and tried to remember if it had always covered the whole of his pink clad thighs - or when his legs had gone numb from the pressure. Hefting the mound of grey flesh to one side he yelled as an eye rolled open slowly and regarded him for a moment before the blob started keening.
“What the heck?” Andy yelped. “Ianto can’t you keep it quiet, I’m trying to-” Ianto, John and the blob slid an inch to the right as Andy swerved to avoid another flash of light. “Drive. This is ridiculous. Even for you lot this is ridiculous. Besides I thought you always preferred to trash my city after dark.”
“Depends on whether Jack has a hot date that night.” Ianto didn’t pause from his examination of the creature, stroking over its skin until the keening finally resolved into a more contented noise, almost a cross between whale song and purring. “Andy, just get us to the Hub, okay? John and I will take care of the rest.”
“Oh we will, will we?” John snorted and leaned back against the seat. “If by taking care of the rest you mean slip off somewhere nice and discreet and get all cosy like to ride out the end of the world, I’m all for it, but if you had any other use of the word ‘we’ in mind you can forget it.”
“So you think your ex-wife trashing the city you are staying in and doing God only knows what to your old partner is none of your business?” Ianto kept his voice quiet to avoid upsetting the creature but he glared at John nonetheless. “You are coming in there with me; maybe Justine will be distracted long enough killing you to give me a chance to stop her.” Raising an eyebrow John leaned forwards and draped his arm across Ianto’s bare back and pulled his close, taking advantage of the fact that Ianto needed both his hands to steady the creature.
“Well when you put it like that, how could I refuse?” John murmured into his ear. Ignoring John’s touch Ianto carried on soothing the blob and tried not to wince as he realised it was definitely getting heavier.
“Plus you will get electrocuted if I leave you behind,” Ianto added.
“There is that.” John shrugged again and sniffed slightly as he leaned close and stroked Ianto’s hair. “Who knows, maybe if I help save the day we could have that orgy to celebrate...”
“John, at the risk of sounding like a complete girl right now I’m going to have to say I wouldn’t sleep with you even I was the only man and you were the only other sentient bipedal life form left on the planet.” John laughed and pulled away again, folding his arms.
“Oh come on, that’s hardly fair,” John complained, “that still leaves you with all those cute dogs - and I hear the sheep are very good around here...”
Captain John Hart reflected later that it was probably a good thing he had made the sheep gag at the one point that day when the two Welshmen were unarmed.
******************************
“Wow.” Rhys nodded understandingly and stroked his hand along Gwen’s back as she finished bringing him up to date with the situation. “Blimey, that’s a bit crazy isn’t it?” Nodding she pulled away from him and kicked at the clear wall of the cell door angrily.
“She is, and now I’m stuck in here and Justine’s doing God only knows what!” Pressing her hand against the door Gwen frowned and leaned closer, pressing her body against the toughened glass.
“Gwen, what-” Waving her hand at Rhys she shushed him quickly before returning her attention to the wall.
“I can hear...” She pulled back and moved closer to the edge of the wall, pressing her ear against it. “They’re moaning.”
“Jack’s moaning?” Rhys folded his arms, rubbing them quickly as his body adjusted to the loss of her warmth. “That can’t be good.”
“It’s not Jack.” Shaking her head, Gwen stepped back and looked at the wall thoughtfully. “It’s the Weevils. The Weevils are moaning.” Rhys shrugged and stood to join her, his arms wrapping around her.
“They’re the weird ones with all the teeth right? Maybe they’re just doing, you know, Weevil stuff.”
“Don’t be daft,” Gwen said dismissively as she pushed his arms away, turning to face him, “this sound they make, they do it when they’re upset or scared or sometimes when the rifts playing up-” Swallowing hard she pushed past him to the cell door, banging against it angrily. “We’ve got to get out of here.” Slamming her hand against the metal, she looked up at the ceiling as though looking for divine inspiration. “What is it with this place and ex-girlfriends?” Rhys nodded even though he didn’t understand and sat down again before frowning.
“Ex-girlfriend? Hang on, I thought Jack was gay?”
“I never said he was gay.” Gwen sighed and kept banging at the door even though she knew it wouldn’t do any good.
“You said he and Ianto were...” Rhys waved his hands in a limp wristed motion and pulled a slight face. “You know.” Looking heavenward again Gwen reflected idly that as much as she loved Rhys, and knew he was actually an open-minded bloke, his mouth didn’t always show that.
“They are. Jack is just a bit...flexible.”
“Flexible eh? So he plays for both teams?” Rhys stood up, visibly puffing up as he came over to her. “Well he had just better behave himself and not try to make a play for you or I’ll bloody ‘ave him!” Closing her eyes and biting her lip to keep from laughing at the way he had put it, Gwen straightened her face and turned to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“Rhys, you have nothing to worry about. Just because I’m irresistible...” Grinning and wrapping his arms around her Rhys raised an eyebrow questioningly.
“Irresistible are you? Well you know what they say about being in love with a beautiful woman; maybe I’d better watch my back...”
“Oh no you don’t.” Pushing him away with a smile Gwen held her hand out warningly. “This is no time for singing. Now, help me figure out a way out of here.” Taking off his shoe Rhys gently pushed her aside and began smacking it against the door in a regular three dots, three dashes, and three dots pattern. “What the hell?” Gwen shouted, covering her ears against the noise and looking at him as though he had gone crazy.
“You said Ianto was still out there,” he explained. “Maybe if he comes back he will hear us. Can’t hurt.” Shaking her head Gwen stood back and yelled at him over the noise.
“Hang on, where did you learn how to do an SOS?” Pausing for a moment Rhys looked back over his shoulder and grinned wickedly.
“Titanic of course. I was dating this bird that had a thing for Leonardo Di Caprio and made me watch it like three times.”
“This bird eh?” Folding her arms Gwen gave him her best ‘you have some explaining to do look’ and watched as he hastily got back to work to avoid further questioning. She leaned back against the wall and just hoped that his efforts would do some good.
*********************************
By the time the police car reached the Plass the grey blob was taking up an entire seat on it’s own and Ianto was being forced a lot closer to John than he would ever choose. The finally indignity of having to wait for Andy to come round and let them out was just one more thing to set Ianto’s mood firmly to pissed off. John slid out first and stretched in the early evening sunlight of the Plass before shivering slightly and dropping his arm to rest on the doorframe, closer to Ianto and within the cuffs range again.
“Eye Candy,” John asked quietly, “this might seem a bit like stating the obvious but do you not think parking under the CCTV might let them know we’re coming?”
Sliding his way out of the car Ianto looked around and wished for probably the hundredth time since regaining consciousness that afternoon that he was fully dressed again. Or at least that the little clothing he was wearing could be menswear. The pink tracksuit bottoms ended abruptly at the socks Andy had found him but his feet complained at the lack of shoes and the gravel of the Plass.
“No John,” Ianto replied with the trace of sarcasm that was rapidly becoming a standard when talking to Captain John, “it had never occurred to me that they might use the CCTV to track us arriving. Obviously I am completely new to this whole sneaking around thing and have never worked for a secret agency before. It would also never have occurred to me that she may be tracking you through your wrist strap as well as making you into a bigger Weevil magnet than Owen ever was.” Slamming the car door closed he shifted his sock clad feet carefully.
“And I would naturally never think that,” Ianto continued, “as the Hub is in lockdown, the instant we lift the lockdown to get in it will of course restore power, phones and all manner of other equipment and generally give the game away in great big brilliant Technicolor even if the sight of my pink tracksuit making its way through the Plass didn’t.”
“Ianto, hang on a minute,” Andy quickly cut in, “you two can’t go running off and leave me here with this-” He stood by the open door on the other side of the car and pointed at the blob that he had been trying to wrestle out of the car before it grew too big and had to be cut out.
“It will be fine,” Ianto reassured him, “just keep an eye on it and we’ll come back and get it later.”
“Assuming we survive of course.” John sniffed and folded his arms across his bare chest.
“Look Andy consider it... an initiation.” Ianto couldn’t believe he was saying this. “If you can take good care of that... creature then I’m sure I can put in a good word with Jack about those vacancies.” Andy perked up visibly to the extent that Ianto was sure if the cop had a tail it would be wagging.
“Right, well...” Andy patted the blob carefully. “I suppose I can handle this on my own. You sure you won’t need a hand down there though?” He paused, the crackle of his radio making him frown and shake his head. “Hang on a tick.” Sighing Ianto rubbed his arms, trying to keep warm as he fidgeted on the spot. “That’s great, I’ll let them know.” As Andy signed off Ianto looked up hopefully. “They’ve found your SUV, spotted it whilst on patrol a few minutes ago. It’s actually just round the corner in the Red Dragon centre car park.”
Grinning, Ianto grabbed John’s wrist to keep him close and dragged him around the car towards Andy. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day, I could kiss you Andy!” Hesitating, he stepped back and let go of John, folding his arms across his chest quickly. “I won’t though, obviously.” Shrugging carelessly John stepped forwards, grabbing the cop in a tight hug.
“I wouldn’t say no to a quick snog though....” John said with a grin before darting in and kissing Andy full on the lips; much to the policeman’s disgust. Ianto hastily pulled him off and shot Andy an apologetic look before dragging John away towards the car park, his unwilling helper shouting back across the Plass. “Mmm I do love a man in uniform!”
“That’s, that’s, that’s...” Andy blustered as he blushed bright red, trying to think. “That’s assaulting a police officer I’ll have you know! I could arrest you for that!” Pulling out his truncheon he waved it at John angrily.
Captain John glanced back over his shoulder, his mouth opening into a wide O at the sight of the policeman waving his truncheon. Spotting the look Andy hastily put it away again and looked around to see if anyone had seen. Turning to the blob he sighed heavily and set to work pulling it loose again.
“Snogged by a half naked man, blob wrestling, high speed driving and the city in danger.” Andy leaned on the blob for a moment as he regarded it with a slightly deflated expression. “If this is what working for Torchwood is really like maybe I’ll stick with the police after all.”
******************************
“Oh yes!” John exclaimed. “My jacket! I never realised how much I missed this thing.” Shrugging his way back into the red jacket John watched as Ianto grabbed his clothes hastily and pulled on his jacket and shoes, simply bundling the rest up. “Shit no weapons.” Looking under the seat John laughed as he pulled out a small pearl handled gun. “Well, almost no weapons. I guess her ladyship didn’t want to hang on to this one.”
“Better than nothing I suppose,” John admitted. Shrugging and sticking the gun into his waistband he grabbed his boots and began pulling them on. “Although what are we going to do, run in there with our fingers pointed and yell bang bang at her?” Smoothing down his jacket, he automatically began checking the pockets for any of his hidden armoury. “Nope, she really did clean me out. I am getting really sick of her doing this to me.” Ianto looked round and froze, checking the car park quickly.
“John?” The thief looked at him but carried on checking his boots. “When was the last time we had any new guests?”
“Huh?” John looked confused then glanced at his wrist strap. “Oh. Huh.” Ianto gestured impatiently for him to continue. “Well the good news is the random ones have stopped. The rift is quiet for the moment.”
“I sense a but...” John grinned, his eyes travelling down Ianto’s hips to where his trousers were slipping down.
“If you don’t hitch those lovely trousers up soon Eye Candy I’ll be sensing one too.” Scowling Ianto pulled up his borrowed pink tracksuit bottoms and ignored the leer on John’s face.
“The rift?” Ianto prompted. Nodding quickly John returned to his clothes as he answered.
“It’s still giving off a hell of a strong signal. So whilst it’s possible she’s been stopped and someone just hasn’t shut it down yet I’m guessing our luck isn’t that good. I suspect those early ones were just practice runs for something and now she’s powering up for the main event.”
“Fabulous. Any idea how lo-” Ianto yelled and dropped his clothes at the electric shock shooting through his wrist. Instinctively he turned and grabbed John to stop the other man from trying to get away. To his relief John had simply staggered in his boots, losing his balance a moment. Grabbing him by his jacket Ianto pulled him back again, slamming the thief against the SUV in a move that made the older man chuckle and grin at him.
“Easy on the threads Eye Candy. Unless of course,” John added, “you’ve changed your mind about that going out in style offer?”
“Do you and Jack naturally have a talent for innuendo or did they teach you that too?”
“Oh I’m very naturally gifted.” Shrugging off the younger man’s arms John slid his hand down to grab Ianto’s wrist. “But you’d be surprised what they taught us. And what we taught each other. I wonder, how many of my old tricks has Jack taught you...” Shifting Ianto brought his arm up to press his forearm against John’s throat, forcing him back against the side of the car.
“Do these bracelets still work if one of us is dead?” Ianto asked. John nodded as best he could but in spite of the pressure on his throat his grin still remained. “Then just shut up and come with me. There are weapons in the office. As for stopping Lady Justine...” Ianto shrugged and pulled back, grabbing John’s wrist tight and dragging him across the car park back towards the Hub. “You’ll find I’ve learned more from Jack than the Kalbraxian tongue twist.”
****************************
Ianto stopped at the small wooden door and set to work on unlocking it whilst John looked around with an incredulous look on his face, taking in the faded newspaper on the window and generally shabby look of the place.
“This is it?” John asked disappointedly. “Time was Jack would take more care over how his back entrance looked.”
Ianto ignored him and concentrated on getting them in as quickly as possible. The shoppers were already heading home but the evening tourists were only just starting to trickle in, taking a stroll around the Bay before dinner or grabbing a drink after work. He did not want to be spotted, not least of all because of the trousers he was still wearing. After struggling for a moment to juggle his armful of clothes and the key, he turned and thrust the bundle into John’s arms.
“Hold,” Ianto ordered. “And is there anything you won’t turn into a sex joke?” Returning to his work he added, “I was just wondering in case there is some kind of innuendo per minute record contest we could enter you for. You’re worse than The Todd.”
“Who?” John asked in confusion as Ianto shook his head quickly, not wanting to get into a discussion on 21st century television shows. Pushing the door open he grabbed John’s arm to push him in ahead.
“Never mind.” Grabbing the bundle back Ianto hastily slid behind the counter, placing the clothes to one side and taking in the darkness of the office, a single red light from behind the beaded curtain all the glow they had to move by. Ianto grabbed John’s wrist and pulled his arm to stretch across the counter, making sure they would still be in range, before he crouched down behind it. He delved through the cupboards before re-emerging with a pair of torches.
“Hold this,” Ianto said as he thrust one of them at John. “Point it behind the counter so I can see.” Raising his eyebrows at the tone, John tossed off a salute before leaning fully over the countertop, his jacket rising up his back as he gazed down at Ianto and shone the torch down for him.
“So where’s this magic button of yours?” John asked suggestively. “Need a hand finding it?”
Ianto decided to let that one go and instead pulled a box of leaflets out from under the counter and shoved them to one side before pulling out a sleek grey metal case with a small metal plate on the top just above the handle. Pressing his thumb to the plate a soft glow shone from the scanner as it read his print before popping the case open. Hesitating a moment Ianto pulled out one of the guns, holding it in his hands as he looked up at John and ignored the other matching gun and a third smaller weapon still in the case.
“Double-cross me John and I will make sure you suffer for it.”
“Nice to know how you feel.” John shrugged and held out a hand for the gun. “If I was trying to stop you I could have taken you out at the house. And if I was working with her would she have left me there?” Smiling softly, John waved his hand at Ianto again, encouraging him to hand over the weapon. “Whether you arm me or not I’ve got to come down there with you and believe me, I want her too. That’s twice she’s got me naked now without making with the goods so I’m not impressed.” Ianto nodded slightly and held out the gun by the handle.
“You ready for this?”
John shifted the torch to his mouth, biting down on the slim tube and grinning wickedly as he sucked on it gently, hollowing his cheeks around it as he raised his eyebrows suggestively. Checking the weapon he swung it around his fingers gunslinger style before holding it properly. Whilst John was distracted Ianto slid the smaller weapon from the case into the back of his waistband.
“Forget I asked,” Ianto said, not waiting for whatever innuendo John would come up with this time. Returning to his work Ianto pulled out a small hand held scanner and held it up to his eye, trying not to blink as the light shone from it. Pulling it away he blinked rapidly, trying to clear the dark spot in his vision, as he connected the scanner up to a small panel under the counter. John pulled the torch out of his mouth and leaned closer.
“You’d think for an emergency override it would be a bit simpler,” John said. Ianto shrugged.
“If it was simple...” Ianto fought to keep his balance as he reached deep under the counter and pressed down on a hidden switch. “Then anyone could use it.” Tapping out a pattern Ianto grinned as a soft beep sounded from the panel and it lit up, the soft blue glow of the Hub computers showing in a tiny screen. “Last step. As soon as I do this power comes back up and she will know we are coming. You ready for this?” John nodded and moved around the counter to stand closer to Ianto, shifting his grip so the torch was in his grip under the gun, shining wherever he aimed.
“Let’s party Eye Candy.”
Ianto pulled the remaining gun from the case and, holding his free hand over the panel, he nodded at John.
“Let’s go,” Ianto said as he pressed the button.
Part 14