thanks!; I tried my best. I'm using betas. Everything must be perfect. Many people said the same on ff.net: "hope you update soon!" "I want to know what happens next"
Really cute story, but just one thing that irks me; don't use “AHAHAHAHA!”. Really, don't. It kills the mood you built. You should just say 'He laughed ...' or something, it sounds infinitely better. There are also sentences that are confusing because of the typos, like these; 'I think what I surprised you was that we were almost the same height.' or 'Smoke filled Yamamoto’s room that turned to see that sadly it was no longer necessary to look for clothes.' Don't get me wrong, you're a good writer, but unfortunately you make too many mistakes, which kinda breaks the flow of reading and makes it somewhat unenjoyable. Again, I don't mean this in any bad way^^;
My my my. It's the first time i drop by your LJ and what a surprise! Because, in fact, i like most pairings (my favourite is 8018 btw XD) except the one with Tsuna. In most of the doujins and fics i read, Tsuna is just too, well... shota uke. And i hate shotacon. That's why i usually DON'T read any fic with a pairing including tsuna because most of the time, he's gonna be raped, or it will look like he's being raped. But well, since i never read a fic of yours, i tried this one. And i have to say I liked it. Well, I'm a Yamamoto fangirl and the character was pretty... in character. XD He's just so sweet and funny. Tsuna is very "uke-ish" in this fic too and way too innocent for his age, but well, i guess i can bear with it, just for the sake of seeing young yamamoto's reaction when tsuna come back. And surprisingly enough, i expected (not that i wanted it) TYL yamamoto to do er... naughty things to young Tsuna but he didn't, which i have to say, i'm really really glad because i can hardly imagine TYL Yamamoto having that kind of "
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Comments 10
the story is cute...
and the interaction is nice...
hope you continue it...
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hope you really update soon...
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Really, don't. It kills the mood you built. You should just say 'He laughed ...' or something, it sounds infinitely better.
There are also sentences that are confusing because of the typos, like these;
'I think what I surprised you was that we were almost the same height.' or 'Smoke filled Yamamoto’s room that turned to see that sadly it was no longer necessary to look for clothes.'
Don't get me wrong, you're a good writer, but unfortunately you make too many mistakes, which kinda breaks the flow of reading and makes it somewhat unenjoyable.
Again, I don't mean this in any bad way^^;
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