Fic: And Lo, The Stubborn Shall Inherit The Clark (1/4, complete)
...Yeah, I got tired of feeling like I was getting nowhere and nothing properly done today, so I finally decided to finish smashing this one out instead. (I started this blasted thing in early July, if you can believe it.) The Lex-voice isn't real consistent, especially the beginning vs. the end, but oh well. Hope y'all enjoy it anyway! :)
For the clexmas Bingo! Challenge
Shape: Individual Fill (to-be Blackout, eventually, we hope)
Prompts: Costumes (yes, it contains others, but this was the original prompt)
Title: And Lo, The Stubborn Shall Inherit The Clark
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: pre-Clex
Rating: R (to be safe)
Spoilers: general for early seasons, with a dash of in-joke or two for later-season madness :)
Word count: >11,300 total
Summary: Bunnies, drive-by-shootings, and guy chick flicks, Smallville-style. Also, scheming!Lana! (nooooooo! …wait, um, nm. We might be ok with this after all.)
Warnings: Un-beta'd. Except by the bunnies and redheads. Who only sometimes talk back, maybe.
Author's Note: Rating for sexual inclinations, and some language. Wacky timeline, story occurs sometime mid-season 2 (post-2x09, prior to 2x10 (and 2x13)) -- please assume 'events' from ‘real-life’ occurred earlier in the SVU:) Oh sweet brevity, why dost thou elude me so? No additional author’s notes at the end of the fic! Holy camoley!
Installments: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Related sillyfic version of this work: Inheriting Clark -- The Happy Bunny Version!
Next fic in the Easter!Clark series: Don't Quote Me On This
Next fic after that (immediately follows this one): Solve This Equation: Movie Night + Popcorn + Clark = ?
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lex debated the merits of what he was thinking about doing.
He had a feeling it might be wrong, in an oddly grounded-in-physical-sensation way that was unusual for him. He wondered if he had started to develop a conscience at such a late date.
Of course, a vague somewhat-fleeting “feeling” was not enough data upon which to base what might be a very important decision. He needed a much stronger foundation than that.
The general behavior of individuals acting within a group was usually an indicator of something being socially acceptable but not necessarily morally acceptable. He usually ignored peer pressure, but it didn’t mean he didn’t notice it was there. Lex was fairly sure that his action would fall squarely in the former, but not so clearly in the latter. And certain people he associated with paid very close attention to the latter. A misstep could decide for him the company he would be keeping in the future.
He supposed he could ask Clark, but that would defeat the purpose of the exercise, would it not?
He’d known other people in Clark’s social circle to do this sort of thing - Chloe and Pete, especially. Certainly, they would even laugh while doing so. Lana, on the other hand, might not. Clark… probably would not, were their situations reversed and Clark was the one in a position to do such an act himself. Would he? Lex actually had to think about that for a moment. “What Would Clark Do?” was usually a rather good metric for black-and-white wrong-and-right for him, but this time he was drawing a rather distressingly grey sort of blank.
Well, apparently a moral decision was out, then. Lex smirked quietly to himself. This would be a much easier choice to make then.
Weigh the pros and cons. Cons were, as always, tallied first, as insufficient disincentive could always short-circuit the process and lead to a speedy resolution. So: someone might notice and thus he could be caught in the act, further leading to that possible misstep and disassociation he would nearly die to avoid. But, it was only a possibility, and a weak one at that -- he’d avoided such a fate despite having done worse, or what he believed was worse, than what he was currently contemplating doing... Revenge on his victim’s behalf was probably off the table, at least in an overt form that he’d recognize as such. No monetary losses he could think of, other than his valuable time that was being wasted on this decision that he could probably be using more constructively. Although, there was that vague feeling he had that, while not as strong as before, was still present, though now more a feeling of discomfort and unease. Was this really ok to do?
Ah, to hell with it -- Clark would understand, he hoped. Lex slipped a hand into his coat to retrieve his phone. A Clark in a very very strange looking bunny suit was just too much to resist taking a picture!
Lex looked on with an artist’s eye and tried to make a decision on how he wanted to frame the shot. Should he focus solely on Clark, or try to get some of the gaily-decorated Talon in the background? The Easter décor did seem to almost match him -- the old worn white felt costume bunny head looked very made-for-TV Easter Bunny, though the light-blue Victorian-era-esque clothing really did not. Lex couldn’t see Clark’s face through the one-way ‘eyes’ from across the street but he knew it was Clark from his carriage: the slight nonassuming slump of his shoulders, the aura of approachability and friendliness that still shone through the vague gloominess of what he assumed must have been a conscripted bunnyhood, the height that no-one else in town could hope to match. He made a decision and started to casually move into position, but then realized that his bunny was looking right at him.
Well, drat. He supposed he could fall back on the original discarded plan and ask him directly for a picture close up. That sort of thing was expected of Easter Bunnies on duty for the holiday, wasn’t it? Would Clark say no? Lex was fairly sure that he could convince Clark otherwise, but, if all else failed, he could probably convince someone else to surreptitiously take a picture for him. Lex furtively slid the palmed cellphone back into his pocket and strolled across the street to greet his friend.
Up close, he realized that the costume head’s gigantic eyes were worn enough that he could peer in and see Clark’s face rather clearly. Lex realized that it must be quite old.
“Um, hi Lex.”
“Good afternoon, Clark,” Lex smiled brightly.
“…Ok. Just go ahead.”
“Go ahead?” Lex felt a bit off-put -- had Clark known about his desire for picture-taking all along?
“And laugh.”
Oh. “Clark, I wouldn’t laugh at you. You look…” he searched for a proper appellative.
“Stupid?”
“No, Clark! Rather… dashing, in that suit, I should think.”
“I --huh? Really?” Clark straightened, and his demeanor seemed to brighten significantly.
Hmm. Well, now was probably as good a time as any to go on the attack. “Actually,” Lex added, trying to be very casual about it, “I was hoping to take a picture of you. --And,” he added quickly, seeing Clark start to look defensive, “me together.”
“I, uh, not for blackmail?” Clark seemed faintly hopeful at the thought.
Oh, Clark, thy name is insecurity. “Only in that it could be used against me,” Lex smiled. He had a strategy now; he knew he was going to win this. He wouldn’t even have to lie. “I’ve never had my picture taken with an Easter Bunny before.”
That got him a fairly incredulous look. “You haven’t??” Clark paused, trying to imagine an Easter without people dressed up as bunnies, and failing rather miserably at it, too, Lex suspected. Then he continued, slightly suspiciously. “This isn’t like one of those Luthor-family-Christmas things where you didn’t celebrate so you didn’t have a tree or decorations or tinsel or lights or wrapped presents or snowmen or snowball fights, only it’s Easter and you didn’t have Easter Bunnies or chocolate bunnies or jellybeans or marshmallow Peeps or face painting or egg dying or egg hunts, is it?”
Lex felt a little nonplussed. Chocolate candy presents? Wasn’t that supposed to be Valentine’s Day? Face painting -- what? Why--? Egg hunts? “People actually do that?”
Clark groaned. “Leeeeex! You should have told me!” No doubt so that his young friend could have introduced him properly to the spirit of the season. “Easter candy is gonna be on-sale for half-price this week, and if we go tomorrow we can still get the good stuff, but I’m pretty sure the church has finished all the egg hunts for the older kids by now.”
Oh dear lord. “Older kids?”
“Yeah, they-- um.” Apparently Clark had forgotten their relative age difference for a moment, though Lex really couldn’t imagine too many sixteen-year-olds being excited at the prospect of hunting for hidden eggs, unless it was a clever euphemism. He watched Clark think through alternatives and try again. “Well, they set up egg hunts for all the different age groups and look for adult volunteers to hide the eggs for everybody else. Hiding them and watching kids try to find them is almost as fun as looking for them,” though, from Clark’s reaction, clearly the second-best choice in his veteran-experience opinion.
Well, he’d been thoroughly derailed, but he wasn’t about to let his original intent go unrealized. “Does that mean it’s too late for a picture, too?” He even made a valiant attempt to look put-out.
“What? No! I mean, well,” Clark shuffled his feet standing still. Lex still hadn’t figured out how he managed it -- one of those Clark Kent mysteries. “It’s just that… I’m not a real Easter bunny.”
Lex stifled a laugh, and somehow managed to keep a straight face. “Yes, Clark, I understand. You’re like one of Santa’s helpers, only for the Great Bunny.”
He could almost feel the heat emanating from Clark’s half-hidden blush, which was a magnificent red. Now he really wanted a picture! “Uh, no. That’s not what I--“ Then he stopped and looked at Lex with an odd expression. “Wait, didn’t Lana--?”
The door to the Talon chimed as it opened. Well, speak of the devil (woman). “Hey, Clark are you-- Oh! Lex! Hi!” she ended with a big smile. Lex would probably be happy, too, if he was gussied up in fine dress and color-coordinated with Clark. Or even gussied up in a fine dress with Clark -- he wasn’t picky, so long as Clark looked that way at him. As if that would ever happen. Though this was perhaps the only time he’d seen Lana in something without a large portion of pink. That was a first.
Lex made sure he’d put back on his public face before turning to her. “You’re dressed up nicely for Easter Sunday,” Lex commented smoothly.
“Hm?” She looked down at herself for a moment. “Oh! It’s for the-- Mrs. Kent didn’t tell you?”
Good God, it was like a game of telephone -- another foreign custom that he still found rather odd, also learned from his association with the Kent boy. Lex felt slightly faint. “Told me what?”
“About the Tea Party!”
“...Tea party.” At a coffee shop? He knew they sold teabags and hot water, but...
Lana just stood there and smiled expectantly, as though he should be perfectly capable of discerning all meaning in life from those four words with enough reflection. Lex turned to Clark, who also smiled, then bent down, nabbed, held up a white cardboard sign that had been at his feet, and nodded at him. Lex had missed seeing it before. On the sign was a picture of a fancy porcelain teacup and a large arrow pointing towards the doorway. Helpful, just not to him.
Right. He turned back to Lana. “Why are we having a tea party at the Talon?” Which is a coffee shop?
“Well, with all the kids events going on at church,” and Lex was now grateful that he’d had that brief but somewhat-illuminating conversation with Clark just prior so he wasn’t completely lost on that point, “it’s sort of like a mini daycare, and I thought of doing something just for the moms. So I thought about hosting an afternoon tea, with scones and little sandwiches, because I thought it’d be fun, but when I talked to Mrs. Kent about it,” and here Lana paused and gave Clark a grin, “she thought up all sorts of cool things!”
Clark took it up at that point. “Mom thought it’d be a good idea to expand it to a sort of lunch buffet and a full-blown tea party, not just for the moms but for all the older kids and adults in the entire town. The sandwiches and a lot of the baked things were pretty easy, since the Talon already does those or has local suppliers, and since mom made it into a town function thing she got a lot of people to participate.”
“A lot of the doilies, fancier teapots, and cups are donations from the community in return for discounts at the Talon today, and a lot of the town shops even gave us things as free advertising. Donated food items are free, but we’re also selling some of the more expensive things on a special menu, so we’re making some money today since we’re a big gathering place. If it goes really well, we might even add some of the most popular things to the regular menu or start having tea services every couple Sundays!” Lana smiled excitedly.
Business sense, thy name is Martha Kent. She really was wasted on that farm.
“So, the dress and suit are… necessary for this informal gathering?” he vaguely gestured at the two of them, feeling slightly confused. This wasn't exactly a Metropolis ladies society high tea.
“Well, it’s a Tea Party! Like Alice in Wonderland,” Lana said, twirling around in her blue pinafore dress. “Customers don't have to wear costumes, obviously, but we thought it'd be fun if the servers did. All of the girls on wait staff today are dressed up as Alices. We don’t have too many guys, though,” she pouted.
“…Which is why I got drafted as the White Rabbit,” Clark ended with a slight sigh.
And therefore was not an Easter Bunny. “Ah.” That made a little more sense, but the way Lana suddenly looked him up and down like a slab of meat, quickly and very clinically, did not. He almost believed he must have imagined it. “Is there anything you need help with?” he asked neutrally, trying to politely bring the conversation to a close.
Lana brightened. “Oh, yes! If you really don’t mind coming inside for a minute?” and was that a slight bit of calculation in her eyes?
Lex blinked. He’d meant that as a rhetorical question, expecting a ‘no,’ but, as part owner of the establishment, touring the inside for a moment to see how things were going couldn’t hurt. “Of course,” he answered coolly. In return he was graced with an unbelievably wide grin, which seemed a bit anomalous, even for Lana.
“Great!” Lana half-shouted excitedly, and grabbed his arm.
Wh--? Lex had not been prepared for such a dramatic response. As he glanced down at the death grip on his arm, up at Lana with a start as he was jerked forward almost off-balance before he recovered, then back at Clark as he was dragged along, he noticed his friend’s eyes were rather wide. Suddenly he got the feeling that Lana had meant a little more than coming inside just to put in an appearance.
What had he just agreed to?
He couldn’t simply leave, though -- he hadn’t gotten his picture of Clark yet. He’d just have to take care of whatever it was Lana wanted inside, and then he’d be back. Surely it couldn’t be that bad, and Clark was right there. If he wasn’t back in five minutes, Clark would come rescue him from certain danger, just like he always did. Wouldn’t he?
~*~*~*~*~*~
Part 2