Fic: O', Warrior Angel, Mine! (complete)
Title: O', Warrior Angel, Mine!
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Devilicus/Warrior Angel 0:)
Rating: R (for teh concept of man-on-man slash... and language, sorta)
Spoilers: for the entire series; takes place some indeterminate time after the series finale, but before the seven-years-later
Word count: 3200+
Summary: ...And they all lived happily ever after. --I kid, I kid. What actually happened was that there were dreams, and nightmares, and a lot of yelling and screaming. This kind of thing happens in 'real life', you know.
Warnings: Un-beta'd. Crackfic. Oh, the crackfic. ...Er, and some accidentally nonconsentual bondage.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
Comments: Yes, please! :)
Author's Note: Written for bradygirl_12's 2012 DCU Angel challenge. Prompt: Warrior Angel! And Devilicus! Hell yeahs! *g*
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Mmmmmm," Lex sighed happily into his pillow. He was having one of those nice dreams again, one of those ones where he was Warrior Angel -- though sometimes he was Devilicus, and that was ok, too, but mostly he was: Warrior Angel, protector of the Guardian Realm! He liked them because they were lucid dreams and he could direct them. It may be that he couldn't read the comic anymore in his waking moments, being a decidedly un-Luthor like thing to do, and certainly not anything a 30-something-year-old CEO of a global corporation could be proud of, let alone caught dead doing. (And people thought things like embezzlement and fraud were bad publicity... but a geeky CEO? Never! Shunning and horror! Or worse! Now that was the stuff of nightmares.)
Yes, it may be the case that he could not find comfort in his waking life anymore in black-and-white-and-grey scenarios and benign-or-ultimately-futile choices to be made, but in his dreams...
In his dreams he had wings and he could fly.
...And he could also slowly strip the leotard off of a highly-protesting, very irate and squirming Devilicus, who was having a hard time reconciling his do-gooder nemesis with the man currently tormenting him so, who had him tied to a post with thrice-bespelled purple silk rope, of all the most humiliating things imaginable, and was eyeing him like he wanted to... well, Devilicus wasn't sure what exactly, but it didn't look good, especially when his thrice-damned tormentor stretched his hand out, reached over, and pulled out...
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lex was humming to himself as he walked down the window-walled hallway into the main conference room at work. He might have been afraid of heights as a boy, but a fear of falling had lost its edge over time. He'd learned that there were worse things out there in the world to fear than that.
He rather thoroughly ignored the floating Devilicus effectively stalking him around the perimeter of his building from the outside. After having dealt with a psychotic Louis, his own verbally-abusive 'younger conscience', the 'ghost' of his mother, and other various hallucinations over the years, he'd gotten rather adept at ignoring them, and did so just as easily with this one.
He'd just gotten settled at the head of the table when one of the wall-to-wall windows seemed to smash inwards, and Devilicus roared at him through the gap, inches from his face.
He heard screams of panic, and looked up in time to see the rest of his staff rushing for the doors in fear.
Lex blinked.
He turned.
Huh, he thought. Not a hallucination.
His next thought was, Damn, and I only just got the insurance to start covering Superman-related damages; they'll never go for this...
"YOU!" Devilicus thundered at him, eyes glowing red. "I know that tune. You were humming it earlier! It was you!" he hissed.
"...I'm sorry?" Lex said in confusion. He couldn't remember the last time he'd hummed the Birks of St. Kilda out loud, let alone to a deranged Devilicus lookalike who was intent on finding him... for... what?
But no, he'd left off humming that song for years. Not out loud. Not awake.
...But asleep?
Oh, no way, Lex thought, blankly looking up at the flying monstrous menace.
"Sorry? Sorry??? No apology shall save you now, dastardly mortal-pretender! I shall have my revenge!"
Uh oh.
Lex slid on a polite mask and calmly said, "You misunderstand me, I was not apologizing."
Devilicus openly stared at him in disbelief. "...What?" he growled in surprise.
"I wasn't apologizing," Lex explained, casually sliding his hands into his pants pockets, and tilting his head up to get a better look at Devilicus' face. "I was expressing confusion. It's a common turn of phrase in English, though I suppose it might be confusing to someone who is a non-native speaker and new to this planet," he said, letting only a little derision seep into his tone.
"That-- you--" the beast sputtered. "INSOLENCE!" Devilicus screamed, shaking his fists. "FROM YOU! NOW!" He looked like he was about to give himself an aneurysm.
"...Is there a problem here?" a very familiar voice asked, off to the side.
Oh god, no. Not him. Anybody but him!
Lex and Devilicus turned as one.
Superman was calmly floating in the air next to Devilicus.
Goddamnit!
Lex made a glare at Clark that clearly said Go away! Go away NOW! and only got ignored for his trouble.
"Who are you? Who dares to interrupt me so, in the taking of my good, right, and meet vengeance?!" Devilicus demanded of Superman.
"Vengeance, huh?" Clark said, glancing at Lex. "What did he do this time?" he said, sounding exasperated.
"This time?? This time?!? He has inflicted such... such things upon others???" Devilicus reared back, looking horribly shocked and appalled.
Lex clenched his teeth and wished he hadn't picked this week to be upgrading his building defenses. He really could've used the laserbeams and deathrays at the moment.
"Um, I'm not quite sure. What 'things' has he... inflicted, exactly?" Superman asked carefully, glancing at Lex again.
"You do not know my shame? It burns within me, and makes pale my rage against all others!" he gasped. "Is it not evident, marked upon me for all to see? That this man," he hissed, "this mere mortal, who dares to cloak himself as my nemesis in form, yet who refuses to act in similar deed, does yet torment me every fortnight, and sometimes nightly," he squirmed in place in the air as he floated, "with but the most horrifying and horrendous acts. Truly, he is evil!" Devilcus exclaimed loudly to Superman. "I must slay him, for the good of all!" he cried, desperately.
Oh, god, Lex moaned to himself, I've turned Devilicus good. This cannot possibly get any worse. Lex wanted to crawl under the conference table and die now. Yes, now would be a great time for that. Right now.
"Nightly? Really?" Superman said mildly, frowning a little. "But, um... what exactly did he do?"
"He... he cloaked himself as the Warrior Angel," Devilicus hissed out, in shame. "He does so, and I cannot tell them apart. No, not until he... he captures me. My everlasting shame," he moaned, "He captures me and he... he... does things. With... with..." he whimpered, "With feathers," he whispered furtively.
"Feathers," Superman repeated, slowly.
"And syrup," Devilicus whined.
Oh god. It got worse.
"Huh," said Superman neutrally, slowing crossing his arms.
Right, perfect time to sink into the floor and die, now.
"And then there was the knife," Devilicus shuddered.
"...Knife?"
Or now, now would also be good.
"Yesssss. Double-bladed. Silver. Sharpened to perfection. He would lay it against my chest and..."
Or now.
"...and then he would slide it downwards and cut... cut away my... my leggings and.. and.. why would he do that?" Devilicus sniffled, ending in a confused whine.
Lex closed his eyes and tried not to scream.
He had to stand there and listen to Devilicus narrate half the things he'd done while he was asleep, thinking it wasn't real, and perfectly safe and harmless to do so and that no-one would ever find out, and wait until Devilicus ran down and had no more to say. To Superman. Argh!
But he also couldn't help but thank god that he'd not done half the things he'd wanted to do while he was asleep.
When Lex had control of himself again, his opened his eyes, turned to Superman, looked him in the eye, and said in his most authoritative voice, "I have no idea what this person is talking about. I've never seen him before in my life."
And when Superman raised an eyebrow, ever-so-slightly, he realized his fatal mistake. Clark knew Lex used to read the Warrior Angel comics. Clark knew what Devilicus looked like in the Warrior Angel comics, because he'd had to do research that once when someone had been threatening that actress when they'd been filming at his farm. And Clark knew Lex knew. And Clark was Superman, so Superman knew, too.
So Lex saying he'd never seen Devilicus before was a lie, ergo...
Crap.
I will not blush, I will not blush, I will not blush...
"So, um," Superman said gently, turning back to Devilicus, "What you're saying is that you'd like him to stop."
"NO!" Devilicus yellled. Lex jumped, and Superman blinked at him. "He will not stop, he will never stop!"
Aaaaaand that was why Lex hadn't done half of what he'd wanted to, right there. It had seemed a bit wrong to force anyone, even in his dreams. ...And this was also why he had sometimes liked being Devilicus in his dreams, instead.
"And this is why I must destroy him! Not just for myself, but for all those upon whom he would inflict his madness!" Devilicus declared, nearly in tears.
Lex sighed and was very happy that at least no Warrior Angel was going to come careening out of nowhere, bawling about mistreatment at the hands of a fake nemesis!
"Well, what if I could promise you that he wouldn't, um, inflict this sort of thing on anyone ever again? Unless they wanted him to," he added at the end, belatedly.
Lex slowly looked up at Clark, while Devilicus stared at him in shock. "Who would want him to do such... such horrible things to them?" the comic-book villain blurted out.
"You'd be surprised," Superman said mildly. Lex looked at him suspiciously.
"But-- but how could you do such a thing? How could you stop him? He is pure evil! You cannot stop pure evil! You must destroy it!" Devilicus declared.
Ah, and now they were back to this again.
"Well, he is my nemesis," Clark said sheepishly. "It's kind of my job to--"
"NOOOOOO!" Devilicus cried in horror, grasping Superman's shoulders. "No! This cannot be! Such a horrid man-mortal! What things he must have done to you! No! My brother!" he cried out, taking up Superman's hands and clapsing them together, "We shall join forces! Yes!? And together we will be free of him, and rule our lives as our own, without fear of a sneaking-in-the-darkness, and strong purple ropes and ties!" he crowed.
"Er, what's all this about joining forces and ruling?" a voice asked from above.
The three of them looked up, and a second figure in a resplendent red cape floated down next to Superman and Devilicus, lightly stretching his wings.
"I'm not sure, but I think he might be cheating on you," Lex said, with a faint smile, as he felt his cheeks flame. He recognized the newcomer, and from the look in his eye, he certainly recognized him.
"...Cheating?" Devilicus echoed, confused.
"Well, sure, didn't you want to rule the Guardian Realm with him?" Lex asked, gesturing at Warrior Angel.
"Of course I do! But he refuses me always!" Devilicus huffed.
"Oh. Well then, what are you doing here?" Warrior Angel asked of Devilicus.
"I am joining forces to smite a horrible evil!" Devilicus said firmly.
"...You're fighting on the side of good? Without me?" Warrior Angel asked, pouting just a little.
"I..." Devilicus blinked, while Lex tried not to grin. So manipulative! "I..." He turned to Superman, realized he was still clasping his hands, and dropped them like they were burning him like the Holy Pritsen of Amaroth. "That's not... you misunderstand..." he stammered, then seemed to collect himself. "I am not on the side of good!" he declared, drawing his darkness back about him like a cloak. "I am power! I am might!"
" 'You are' going to get the feather if you keep this up," Lex muttered, crossing his arms, and Devilicus shut his mouth with an audible snap! and turned a paler blue, because he recognized that tone...
Warrior Angel looked on in thinly-disguised interest. Lex shrugged absently, pretending indifference. "He said something about feathers and syrup earlier. Went into great detail, in fact. And Superman knows how I hate to disappoint," he remarked innocently, uncrossing his arms and manitaining a neutral pose.
Warrior Angel smiled slightly, while Devilicus twitched and blushed a dark black. Lex wondered how long Devilicus' nemesis had been around and listening in, actually.
"Sooo," Lex said, slapping his hands together. "It seems that apparently I am evil, Devilicus actually wants to be good, and-- for the record, do you want to smite me? no? --ok then, and Warrior Angel does not want to smite evil. Since evil doesn't smite evil, Warrior Angel must actually want to be evil, and I think we're done here!" he ended, rubbing his hands together while trying not to cry inside, because while he thought he knew what was up, he really didn't have it in him to stop it.
"What?" Devilicus said, looking horrendously confused. "No! No, he's not evil! --And I'm not evil, either!" he added. "I just want to conquer and rule."
"Tch, no you don't, trust me -- it's boring," said Lex. "You'll hate it. People always telling you what to do, where to go, who needs what, and you're supposed to be the one doing it for them?" He waved a hand. "Far too much work."
"Then I'll just kill them for defying me," Devilicus growled.
"Ah? But they won't be defying you, they'll be trying to help you. Ruling your subjects is hard work and takes a lot of skill. Do you know how to balance a budget? Fix a failing economy? Which crops are most suitable to grow in what types of land? How high to set the rates for tariffs on interplanetary commerce? No? Then you'll either be stuck doing just that, or have to settle for killing off every population you ever thought about ruling."
Devilicus looked at him like he didn't believe him.
"Ugh, please don't bring up interplanetary commerce and tariffs," Warrior Angel groaned. "Some things just can't be fixed." Devilicus turned in midair and stared at him.
"You? Giving up on something?" Devilicus asked slowly, incredulously.
"Have you looked at the economic basis for some planets' trade systems?" Warrior Angel said, raising his eyes skyward. "I wouldn't know how to save something like that if I tried. It's all so broken."
"But you always try to save things! It's what you do!" Devilicus protested, looking alarmed.
"Not everything!" Warrior Angel sighed back. "I like saving people, and I like grand adventures. Everything else is just too..." he shrugged his wings. "I like having fun. I don't feel like I should have to take responsibility for every last sentient being under my charge. People should live their own lives; I don't want to live them for them."
Devilicus just stared like he was seeing a total stranger in front of him for the first time. "You... don't want to save everyone?"
"Great Beings, no! I wouldn't know where to start! Besides, there's no way to guarantee perfect peace without absolute control, and absolute control doesn't leave much space for personal happiness, my old friend. And I'd rather not be spending all of my time fiddling over all the tiny details of the individual lives of others. Who else would be heroes, if they had not the choice to make it for themselves?"
Devilicus frowned, and looked like he was thinking things over.
Warrior Angel gave Lex a furtive wink, and Lex knew exactly how he'd been having 'real dreams' the past few weeks, and who had given them to him. Magic-based comic-book superheroes. Bah.
But even he didn't have a heart of stone, and, after all, someone ought to have a happily-ever-after.
Even if it wasn't him.
He was going to miss the Warrior Angel dreams. He'd certainly had no complaints there. The pillow talk had certainly been enlightening, as well.
Devilicus looked up and slowly said, "I think that you, my nemesis, are good, and I shall triumph over you here and now, and obtain the power I need to rule the entirety of the Guardian Realm, once and for all."
Oh, dear. Or not.
"Well, if that's the way you want it...?" Warrior Angel asked.
"It is," Devilicus said firmly. "We shall battle, and it shall be epic!" He said thunderously, gaining momentum. "I challenge you here and now, in the presence of this world's inhabitants! You cannot deny my might!"
Well, I tried, Lex mentally sighed, and strolled over to the gaping hole in the window-wall, to watch the two of them fly up into the stratosphere and do battle with an unimpeded view.
"Huh," he said after they ended. "That actually was kind of an epic battle."
"You think?" said Superman.
Lex glanced over at him. "You don't?"
"Eh," Superman shrugged. "I've seen better."
Lex gave him a dubious look.
"So," Superman opened nonchalantly. "Feathers and syrup, huh?"
"Still don't know anything about that," Lex said. Don't blush, don't blush!
"Hmm," said Superman. "Too bad."
Um, thought Lex, and his brain locked up for a second or two.
"You know, it's kind of weird," Superman added casually, floating slightly closer to Lex, coming up next to him sideways.
"What is?" Lex asked, unable to clamp down on the question before it slipped out.
"Well," said Clark, "it's just that what Devilicus thought Warrior Angel was wanting and trying to do seemed to not really mesh up with what Warrior Angel actually wanted at all."
"Mmm," said Lex.
"In fact," Clark said, drifting closer, "It seems to me that what Devilicus said he was trying to do matched up pretty well with what he thought Warrior Angel wanted to do, but not what he actually wanted."
"Yes, I believe I noticed that," Lex said, carefully not meeting Clark's gaze.
"And I think that maybe Devilicus lost up there a little too easily," Clark ended with a slight smile.
Lex turned and blinked at him, and met his eyes. Big mistake.
"And you know what else?" Superman asked, drifting just a little closer.
"What?" Lex breathed out quietly, unable to look away.
"Well, it's a bit of a silly thing," he began. "You see, what Warrior Angel was saying, and all those misconceptions about him... well, it sounded a little like those misconceptions that Lois has about me."
"...Lois has misconceptions about you?" Lex said slowly, feeling his heart wrench at the change in topic.
"Yes."
"Oh."
"Turns out she thinks I want to spend all my time with the world, and none with someone I love."
"Oh."
"Yes."
"That's a... pretty big misconception," Lex said slowly.
"Mmm," Clark replied. "Turns out she doesn't believe me when I try to explain otherwise."
"Pity that," Lex choked out. Great, no more nemesis, he thought despairingly.
"I guess," he said smoothly. "Some things just don't work out, you know?" he said softly.
"No, I guess they don't," Lex said carefully, barely keeping his voice level, but swallowing hard.
"Too bad Lois and I had to break up," Superman finished.
"Right... what?" Lex said, startled.
"Lois and I broke up," Clark said quite calmly. "It didn't work out."
"Oh," said Lex, eyes wide.
"You ok, Lex?"
"Uh-huh," he managed.
"Well, anyway, I just thought you might want to know, being my nemesis and all."
"Oh. --Uh, yes! Pertinent information! Very good to know," Lex said, wondering if he sounded as dazed as he felt at the moment.
"So..." Superman drifted forward, very close. "I'll see you later."
"Sure," Lex gulped.
Superman smiled, closed his eyes, and... drifted slowly away. He opened his eyes and looked at Lex, then both their heads squiveled towards a 'boom!' of an explosion in the distance, and... Superman was gone.
Damnit! thought Lex.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lex was right about one thing -- no more Warrior Angel or Devilicus dreams.
But as he got to discover later, he didn't really have a reason to miss them all that much...
~*~*~*~*~*~
END
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Devilicus/Warrior Angel 0:)
Rating: R (for teh concept of man-on-man slash... and language, sorta)
Spoilers: for the entire series; takes place some indeterminate time after the series finale, but before the seven-years-later
Word count: 3200+
Summary: ...And they all lived happily ever after. --I kid, I kid. What actually happened was that there were dreams, and nightmares, and a lot of yelling and screaming. This kind of thing happens in 'real life', you know.
Warnings: Un-beta'd. Crackfic. Oh, the crackfic. ...Er, and some accidentally nonconsentual bondage.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
Comments: Yes, please! :)
Author's Note: Written for bradygirl_12's 2012 DCU Angel challenge. Prompt: Warrior Angel! And Devilicus! Hell yeahs! *g*
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Mmmmmm," Lex sighed happily into his pillow. He was having one of those nice dreams again, one of those ones where he was Warrior Angel -- though sometimes he was Devilicus, and that was ok, too, but mostly he was: Warrior Angel, protector of the Guardian Realm! He liked them because they were lucid dreams and he could direct them. It may be that he couldn't read the comic anymore in his waking moments, being a decidedly un-Luthor like thing to do, and certainly not anything a 30-something-year-old CEO of a global corporation could be proud of, let alone caught dead doing. (And people thought things like embezzlement and fraud were bad publicity... but a geeky CEO? Never! Shunning and horror! Or worse! Now that was the stuff of nightmares.)
Yes, it may be the case that he could not find comfort in his waking life anymore in black-and-white-and-grey scenarios and benign-or-ultimately-futile choices to be made, but in his dreams...
In his dreams he had wings and he could fly.
...And he could also slowly strip the leotard off of a highly-protesting, very irate and squirming Devilicus, who was having a hard time reconciling his do-gooder nemesis with the man currently tormenting him so, who had him tied to a post with thrice-bespelled purple silk rope, of all the most humiliating things imaginable, and was eyeing him like he wanted to... well, Devilicus wasn't sure what exactly, but it didn't look good, especially when his thrice-damned tormentor stretched his hand out, reached over, and pulled out...
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lex was humming to himself as he walked down the window-walled hallway into the main conference room at work. He might have been afraid of heights as a boy, but a fear of falling had lost its edge over time. He'd learned that there were worse things out there in the world to fear than that.
He rather thoroughly ignored the floating Devilicus effectively stalking him around the perimeter of his building from the outside. After having dealt with a psychotic Louis, his own verbally-abusive 'younger conscience', the 'ghost' of his mother, and other various hallucinations over the years, he'd gotten rather adept at ignoring them, and did so just as easily with this one.
He'd just gotten settled at the head of the table when one of the wall-to-wall windows seemed to smash inwards, and Devilicus roared at him through the gap, inches from his face.
He heard screams of panic, and looked up in time to see the rest of his staff rushing for the doors in fear.
Lex blinked.
He turned.
Huh, he thought. Not a hallucination.
His next thought was, Damn, and I only just got the insurance to start covering Superman-related damages; they'll never go for this...
"YOU!" Devilicus thundered at him, eyes glowing red. "I know that tune. You were humming it earlier! It was you!" he hissed.
"...I'm sorry?" Lex said in confusion. He couldn't remember the last time he'd hummed the Birks of St. Kilda out loud, let alone to a deranged Devilicus lookalike who was intent on finding him... for... what?
But no, he'd left off humming that song for years. Not out loud. Not awake.
...But asleep?
Oh, no way, Lex thought, blankly looking up at the flying monstrous menace.
"Sorry? Sorry??? No apology shall save you now, dastardly mortal-pretender! I shall have my revenge!"
Uh oh.
Lex slid on a polite mask and calmly said, "You misunderstand me, I was not apologizing."
Devilicus openly stared at him in disbelief. "...What?" he growled in surprise.
"I wasn't apologizing," Lex explained, casually sliding his hands into his pants pockets, and tilting his head up to get a better look at Devilicus' face. "I was expressing confusion. It's a common turn of phrase in English, though I suppose it might be confusing to someone who is a non-native speaker and new to this planet," he said, letting only a little derision seep into his tone.
"That-- you--" the beast sputtered. "INSOLENCE!" Devilicus screamed, shaking his fists. "FROM YOU! NOW!" He looked like he was about to give himself an aneurysm.
"...Is there a problem here?" a very familiar voice asked, off to the side.
Oh god, no. Not him. Anybody but him!
Lex and Devilicus turned as one.
Superman was calmly floating in the air next to Devilicus.
Goddamnit!
Lex made a glare at Clark that clearly said Go away! Go away NOW! and only got ignored for his trouble.
"Who are you? Who dares to interrupt me so, in the taking of my good, right, and meet vengeance?!" Devilicus demanded of Superman.
"Vengeance, huh?" Clark said, glancing at Lex. "What did he do this time?" he said, sounding exasperated.
"This time?? This time?!? He has inflicted such... such things upon others???" Devilicus reared back, looking horribly shocked and appalled.
Lex clenched his teeth and wished he hadn't picked this week to be upgrading his building defenses. He really could've used the laserbeams and deathrays at the moment.
"Um, I'm not quite sure. What 'things' has he... inflicted, exactly?" Superman asked carefully, glancing at Lex again.
"You do not know my shame? It burns within me, and makes pale my rage against all others!" he gasped. "Is it not evident, marked upon me for all to see? That this man," he hissed, "this mere mortal, who dares to cloak himself as my nemesis in form, yet who refuses to act in similar deed, does yet torment me every fortnight, and sometimes nightly," he squirmed in place in the air as he floated, "with but the most horrifying and horrendous acts. Truly, he is evil!" Devilcus exclaimed loudly to Superman. "I must slay him, for the good of all!" he cried, desperately.
Oh, god, Lex moaned to himself, I've turned Devilicus good. This cannot possibly get any worse. Lex wanted to crawl under the conference table and die now. Yes, now would be a great time for that. Right now.
"Nightly? Really?" Superman said mildly, frowning a little. "But, um... what exactly did he do?"
"He... he cloaked himself as the Warrior Angel," Devilicus hissed out, in shame. "He does so, and I cannot tell them apart. No, not until he... he captures me. My everlasting shame," he moaned, "He captures me and he... he... does things. With... with..." he whimpered, "With feathers," he whispered furtively.
"Feathers," Superman repeated, slowly.
"And syrup," Devilicus whined.
Oh god. It got worse.
"Huh," said Superman neutrally, slowing crossing his arms.
Right, perfect time to sink into the floor and die, now.
"And then there was the knife," Devilicus shuddered.
"...Knife?"
Or now, now would also be good.
"Yesssss. Double-bladed. Silver. Sharpened to perfection. He would lay it against my chest and..."
Or now.
"...and then he would slide it downwards and cut... cut away my... my leggings and.. and.. why would he do that?" Devilicus sniffled, ending in a confused whine.
Lex closed his eyes and tried not to scream.
He had to stand there and listen to Devilicus narrate half the things he'd done while he was asleep, thinking it wasn't real, and perfectly safe and harmless to do so and that no-one would ever find out, and wait until Devilicus ran down and had no more to say. To Superman. Argh!
But he also couldn't help but thank god that he'd not done half the things he'd wanted to do while he was asleep.
When Lex had control of himself again, his opened his eyes, turned to Superman, looked him in the eye, and said in his most authoritative voice, "I have no idea what this person is talking about. I've never seen him before in my life."
And when Superman raised an eyebrow, ever-so-slightly, he realized his fatal mistake. Clark knew Lex used to read the Warrior Angel comics. Clark knew what Devilicus looked like in the Warrior Angel comics, because he'd had to do research that once when someone had been threatening that actress when they'd been filming at his farm. And Clark knew Lex knew. And Clark was Superman, so Superman knew, too.
So Lex saying he'd never seen Devilicus before was a lie, ergo...
Crap.
I will not blush, I will not blush, I will not blush...
"So, um," Superman said gently, turning back to Devilicus, "What you're saying is that you'd like him to stop."
"NO!" Devilicus yellled. Lex jumped, and Superman blinked at him. "He will not stop, he will never stop!"
Aaaaaand that was why Lex hadn't done half of what he'd wanted to, right there. It had seemed a bit wrong to force anyone, even in his dreams. ...And this was also why he had sometimes liked being Devilicus in his dreams, instead.
"And this is why I must destroy him! Not just for myself, but for all those upon whom he would inflict his madness!" Devilicus declared, nearly in tears.
Lex sighed and was very happy that at least no Warrior Angel was going to come careening out of nowhere, bawling about mistreatment at the hands of a fake nemesis!
"Well, what if I could promise you that he wouldn't, um, inflict this sort of thing on anyone ever again? Unless they wanted him to," he added at the end, belatedly.
Lex slowly looked up at Clark, while Devilicus stared at him in shock. "Who would want him to do such... such horrible things to them?" the comic-book villain blurted out.
"You'd be surprised," Superman said mildly. Lex looked at him suspiciously.
"But-- but how could you do such a thing? How could you stop him? He is pure evil! You cannot stop pure evil! You must destroy it!" Devilicus declared.
Ah, and now they were back to this again.
"Well, he is my nemesis," Clark said sheepishly. "It's kind of my job to--"
"NOOOOOO!" Devilicus cried in horror, grasping Superman's shoulders. "No! This cannot be! Such a horrid man-mortal! What things he must have done to you! No! My brother!" he cried out, taking up Superman's hands and clapsing them together, "We shall join forces! Yes!? And together we will be free of him, and rule our lives as our own, without fear of a sneaking-in-the-darkness, and strong purple ropes and ties!" he crowed.
"Er, what's all this about joining forces and ruling?" a voice asked from above.
The three of them looked up, and a second figure in a resplendent red cape floated down next to Superman and Devilicus, lightly stretching his wings.
"I'm not sure, but I think he might be cheating on you," Lex said, with a faint smile, as he felt his cheeks flame. He recognized the newcomer, and from the look in his eye, he certainly recognized him.
"...Cheating?" Devilicus echoed, confused.
"Well, sure, didn't you want to rule the Guardian Realm with him?" Lex asked, gesturing at Warrior Angel.
"Of course I do! But he refuses me always!" Devilicus huffed.
"Oh. Well then, what are you doing here?" Warrior Angel asked of Devilicus.
"I am joining forces to smite a horrible evil!" Devilicus said firmly.
"...You're fighting on the side of good? Without me?" Warrior Angel asked, pouting just a little.
"I..." Devilicus blinked, while Lex tried not to grin. So manipulative! "I..." He turned to Superman, realized he was still clasping his hands, and dropped them like they were burning him like the Holy Pritsen of Amaroth. "That's not... you misunderstand..." he stammered, then seemed to collect himself. "I am not on the side of good!" he declared, drawing his darkness back about him like a cloak. "I am power! I am might!"
" 'You are' going to get the feather if you keep this up," Lex muttered, crossing his arms, and Devilicus shut his mouth with an audible snap! and turned a paler blue, because he recognized that tone...
Warrior Angel looked on in thinly-disguised interest. Lex shrugged absently, pretending indifference. "He said something about feathers and syrup earlier. Went into great detail, in fact. And Superman knows how I hate to disappoint," he remarked innocently, uncrossing his arms and manitaining a neutral pose.
Warrior Angel smiled slightly, while Devilicus twitched and blushed a dark black. Lex wondered how long Devilicus' nemesis had been around and listening in, actually.
"Sooo," Lex said, slapping his hands together. "It seems that apparently I am evil, Devilicus actually wants to be good, and-- for the record, do you want to smite me? no? --ok then, and Warrior Angel does not want to smite evil. Since evil doesn't smite evil, Warrior Angel must actually want to be evil, and I think we're done here!" he ended, rubbing his hands together while trying not to cry inside, because while he thought he knew what was up, he really didn't have it in him to stop it.
"What?" Devilicus said, looking horrendously confused. "No! No, he's not evil! --And I'm not evil, either!" he added. "I just want to conquer and rule."
"Tch, no you don't, trust me -- it's boring," said Lex. "You'll hate it. People always telling you what to do, where to go, who needs what, and you're supposed to be the one doing it for them?" He waved a hand. "Far too much work."
"Then I'll just kill them for defying me," Devilicus growled.
"Ah? But they won't be defying you, they'll be trying to help you. Ruling your subjects is hard work and takes a lot of skill. Do you know how to balance a budget? Fix a failing economy? Which crops are most suitable to grow in what types of land? How high to set the rates for tariffs on interplanetary commerce? No? Then you'll either be stuck doing just that, or have to settle for killing off every population you ever thought about ruling."
Devilicus looked at him like he didn't believe him.
"Ugh, please don't bring up interplanetary commerce and tariffs," Warrior Angel groaned. "Some things just can't be fixed." Devilicus turned in midair and stared at him.
"You? Giving up on something?" Devilicus asked slowly, incredulously.
"Have you looked at the economic basis for some planets' trade systems?" Warrior Angel said, raising his eyes skyward. "I wouldn't know how to save something like that if I tried. It's all so broken."
"But you always try to save things! It's what you do!" Devilicus protested, looking alarmed.
"Not everything!" Warrior Angel sighed back. "I like saving people, and I like grand adventures. Everything else is just too..." he shrugged his wings. "I like having fun. I don't feel like I should have to take responsibility for every last sentient being under my charge. People should live their own lives; I don't want to live them for them."
Devilicus just stared like he was seeing a total stranger in front of him for the first time. "You... don't want to save everyone?"
"Great Beings, no! I wouldn't know where to start! Besides, there's no way to guarantee perfect peace without absolute control, and absolute control doesn't leave much space for personal happiness, my old friend. And I'd rather not be spending all of my time fiddling over all the tiny details of the individual lives of others. Who else would be heroes, if they had not the choice to make it for themselves?"
Devilicus frowned, and looked like he was thinking things over.
Warrior Angel gave Lex a furtive wink, and Lex knew exactly how he'd been having 'real dreams' the past few weeks, and who had given them to him. Magic-based comic-book superheroes. Bah.
But even he didn't have a heart of stone, and, after all, someone ought to have a happily-ever-after.
Even if it wasn't him.
He was going to miss the Warrior Angel dreams. He'd certainly had no complaints there. The pillow talk had certainly been enlightening, as well.
Devilicus looked up and slowly said, "I think that you, my nemesis, are good, and I shall triumph over you here and now, and obtain the power I need to rule the entirety of the Guardian Realm, once and for all."
Oh, dear. Or not.
"Well, if that's the way you want it...?" Warrior Angel asked.
"It is," Devilicus said firmly. "We shall battle, and it shall be epic!" He said thunderously, gaining momentum. "I challenge you here and now, in the presence of this world's inhabitants! You cannot deny my might!"
Well, I tried, Lex mentally sighed, and strolled over to the gaping hole in the window-wall, to watch the two of them fly up into the stratosphere and do battle with an unimpeded view.
"Huh," he said after they ended. "That actually was kind of an epic battle."
"You think?" said Superman.
Lex glanced over at him. "You don't?"
"Eh," Superman shrugged. "I've seen better."
Lex gave him a dubious look.
"So," Superman opened nonchalantly. "Feathers and syrup, huh?"
"Still don't know anything about that," Lex said. Don't blush, don't blush!
"Hmm," said Superman. "Too bad."
Um, thought Lex, and his brain locked up for a second or two.
"You know, it's kind of weird," Superman added casually, floating slightly closer to Lex, coming up next to him sideways.
"What is?" Lex asked, unable to clamp down on the question before it slipped out.
"Well," said Clark, "it's just that what Devilicus thought Warrior Angel was wanting and trying to do seemed to not really mesh up with what Warrior Angel actually wanted at all."
"Mmm," said Lex.
"In fact," Clark said, drifting closer, "It seems to me that what Devilicus said he was trying to do matched up pretty well with what he thought Warrior Angel wanted to do, but not what he actually wanted."
"Yes, I believe I noticed that," Lex said, carefully not meeting Clark's gaze.
"And I think that maybe Devilicus lost up there a little too easily," Clark ended with a slight smile.
Lex turned and blinked at him, and met his eyes. Big mistake.
"And you know what else?" Superman asked, drifting just a little closer.
"What?" Lex breathed out quietly, unable to look away.
"Well, it's a bit of a silly thing," he began. "You see, what Warrior Angel was saying, and all those misconceptions about him... well, it sounded a little like those misconceptions that Lois has about me."
"...Lois has misconceptions about you?" Lex said slowly, feeling his heart wrench at the change in topic.
"Yes."
"Oh."
"Turns out she thinks I want to spend all my time with the world, and none with someone I love."
"Oh."
"Yes."
"That's a... pretty big misconception," Lex said slowly.
"Mmm," Clark replied. "Turns out she doesn't believe me when I try to explain otherwise."
"Pity that," Lex choked out. Great, no more nemesis, he thought despairingly.
"I guess," he said smoothly. "Some things just don't work out, you know?" he said softly.
"No, I guess they don't," Lex said carefully, barely keeping his voice level, but swallowing hard.
"Too bad Lois and I had to break up," Superman finished.
"Right... what?" Lex said, startled.
"Lois and I broke up," Clark said quite calmly. "It didn't work out."
"Oh," said Lex, eyes wide.
"You ok, Lex?"
"Uh-huh," he managed.
"Well, anyway, I just thought you might want to know, being my nemesis and all."
"Oh. --Uh, yes! Pertinent information! Very good to know," Lex said, wondering if he sounded as dazed as he felt at the moment.
"So..." Superman drifted forward, very close. "I'll see you later."
"Sure," Lex gulped.
Superman smiled, closed his eyes, and... drifted slowly away. He opened his eyes and looked at Lex, then both their heads squiveled towards a 'boom!' of an explosion in the distance, and... Superman was gone.
Damnit! thought Lex.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lex was right about one thing -- no more Warrior Angel or Devilicus dreams.
But as he got to discover later, he didn't really have a reason to miss them all that much...
~*~*~*~*~*~
END