Habits
Summary: new and old habits and ice peach.
Old Habits
Tears dried up. Choice of location reached. Face shadowed with the help of cap she took on the way out of her apartment.
Jessica licked her dry lips and cautiously walked into the bar. She propped herself onto one of the high stools. The bartender came to her attention while wiping the counter out of habit.
“Whisk-.. I mean, ice peach.” Her head hung low, unwilling to let herself known to anyone. Especially in her current state.
Her nails scratched the surface of the counter, leaving marks. A mixed of anger and hurt convulsed through her body. Her heart ached while her mind screamed to kill Taeyeon.
Someone came up to her side and ordered the same drink coincidentally. Jessica glanced sideways at the person out of curiosity. The wavy black hair flowed effortlessly as the person leaned over the counter and then positioned herself back onto the stool.
A smile spread across her lips and her eyes disappeared as it takes shape into two moon crescents. Tiffany.
Jessica contemplated whether she should make herself known to the woman.
Noticing the stares, Tiffany looked to her right and gave another megawatt smile. It soon fell into a knowing grin. “Jessica.” Jessica tensed at her own name being mentioned.
“The infamous Hwang.” Jessica responded with a steady tone, putting her game face on. She leveled her gaze on the woman.
Tiffany chuckled and shook her head mildly. “So you still remember me.”
“How could I not.”
“What brings you here?” Tiffany asked.
“Ice peach.”
With that, two identical drinks were served in front of them. “What brings you here?” Jessica mimicked Tiffany’s tone.
“The same as yours.”
Tired of one short answer, the air fell into a comfortable silence. A minute later, Tiffany spoke up, “Good to see you again.”
“Answer my question.”
Tiffany arched an eyebrow, not grasping the meaning behind Jessica’s request. “What?”
“Why are you here? In goddamn South Korea. Don’t tell me ice peach.”
“Am I not allowed?”
Jessica shot her a look. The latter remained unfazed.
“New environment. New people. All of that. A fresh start.” Tiffany grabbed the tip of Jessica’s cap and tilted it upwards, uncovering more of the woman’s face. She smiled at the pretty sight.
“No such thing. Here I am…a blast of your past.” She said sarcastically and took off the cap, shooing Tiffany’s hand away.
**
“This is where you live? Not bad.” Jessica scanned the area and nodded in approval. Tiffany sat on the couch with leg crossed as her eyes followed wherever the woman went.
“You’re married?” It was not so much of a question but rather a way to raise the topic.
Jessica held up her hand and blankly stared at her ring. “Yea.” She said half-heartedly. The curious look was replaced with a tired one. She joined Tiffany on the couch.
“Let me guess, Taeyeon.” Tiffany expected a warm smile from her, only to receive a tight-lipped one. “How long?”
“Three years or so.” Jessica answered flatly and sank back onto the couch. “Still with that worthless husband of yours?”
Tiffany pretended to look hurt by the comment. She dissolved into a quiet laughter. “No. How did you know?”
“Your name gets around.” Jessica said bitterly, rolling her eyes. “Thought you would say that.”
“Why?” Tiffany leaned forward to Jessica. Her head rested on her palm with an arm flexed onto the cushion.
“Knowing you.,,” Jessica smirked and looked at her intently. “Interests would always run short.” She said in a low husky voice. “I get it now.” Nodding to herself.
Tiffany gave her a questioning look. “What do you get? Feel free to psychoanalyze me.”
“You’re technically married and somehow technically divorced. The evidence is on your finger. You’re still wearing the ring. But now you’re here, I don’t see his pictures anywhere. I’m guessing you’re in that process of divorcing. Except that you haven’t signed it. So you come here, hoping to start fresh. But you and I know that’s not really true. You escaped. Because he finished the race first. Not you.”
A look of astonishment confirmed Jessica’s analysis. Tiffany parted her lips mildly as she was taken aback at how précised it was. “You haven’t changed one bit.” She said with a sigh and gave a small smile.
“Nobody changes.”
“You should have become a psychologist.” Tiffany suggested with a laugh.
“Maybe I should have.” Jessica grinned at her playfully. All sense of tension and awkwardness dissipated into thin air. Subconsciously, Tiffany reached out her hand to twirl the ends of Jessica’s hair. “Old habits die hard.”
“Yeah.”
**
Habit #1: I keep coming back to you.
You could get rid of habits if you’re only willing to. But neither Jessica and Tiffany wanted to. It was what kept their relationship going. Having arguments was a bad habit in Jessica’s and Taeyeon’s relationship. On nights Jessica fought with Taeyeon, Jessica would visit Tiffany after. Soon, even on normal nights, Jessica kept coming back to Tiffany. It was a habit of hers. To be so comfortable in someone else’s home. Especially if it was Tiffany’s.
“You keep coming back. What am I going to do with you?” Tiffany asked, leaning against the door frame.
“I can go.” Jessica turned to leave but Tiffany grabbed her wrist. She still had her pride left. The Jessica Jung pride. There was not a chance she’ll let Tiffany strip her naked.
“Don’t. I like having you here.”
Jessica’s heart faltered. It always did with Tiffany.
**
Whenever Jessica and Taeyon argues, Jessica would leave the apartment and never come back for a day. After a day, she’ll be in the living room, ignoring Taeyeon. The problem was that Taeyeon didn’t care.
Whenever Tiffany and Jessica argues, Jessica would leave the apartment and come back in the next minute into Tiffany’s arms. And the problem was that the hugs were so comfortable. They fit so well in each other’s embrace. The gloves would be jealous.
“I don’t know why.” Jessica said as she hugged Tiffany. “Why I keep coming back to you. And I hate the fact that I can’t do anything about it. I’m supposed to hate you or at least despise you.”
Tiffany kept quiet and smiled.
**
“Not now, Jessica.” Tiffany massaged her temples, eyes screwed shut. Trying to process through what happened in the hospital. She didn’t want someone to remind her of it.
“It’s not your fault.” Jessica’s voice grew quiet towards the end of the sentence.
“She freaking died on my watch. The girl was only 10. She died. I killed her.”
“You didn’t kill her.” Jessica assured.
Patients die everyday. Frustrations built up by every death. Statistics increased on your records. Emotions get in the way, it’s the sum of all it in one go. You feel like dying because of dead patients, you feel frustrated because you pent it all up, statistics gets depressing because that’s all you care about. Emotions are the only one thing left that makes doctors human.
“Shut up. Leave me alone.” Tiffany said in harsh tone, brushing Jessica’s hand off her arm.
**
Jessica did and went to the apartment which she used to call home. Few hours later, the rain had subsided and there was a knock on the door. It was 2 o’clock in the morning and Jessica couldn’t sleep.
She came to the door and assumed it was Taeyeon, probably drunk, but the result was different. “Tiffany?” Tiffany’s clothes were drenched and her teeth were chattering in cold.
Her eyes were empty and her skin had gone paler. Jessica thought she was seeing a ghost. A beautiful ghost, that was. She wanted to close the door.
Tiffany was hugging herself and looked down to her feet. “Come back to the apartment.” She murmured. “It’s cold without you.”
“That’s because your clothes are soaked.” Jessica rolled her eyes at her. “What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that you could take them off for me.”
**
Habit #2: Staring
“It’s rude to stare.” The corner of Tiffany’s lips curled, still in the midst of writing a report. Whereas Jessica had done hers and was now staring at Tiffany like a hawk.
“There’s a gallery opening later. Want to go?” Jessica peered over her shoulder, arms resting on the counter, and knew Taeyeon was nowhere to be found. Then she looked back at Tiffany.
“Art is a snoozefest.” Tiffany closed the file and turned on her side to meet Jessica’s eyes. “Your wife don’t mind me going with you?” She knew the answer to it already.
Everyone knew about their relationship even though there wasn’t really much going on yet. Not even a kiss. And yet, Taeyeon didn’t mind. She was too busy drinking to even care.
“Why do I care what she thinks?”
“Okay. Let’s go.” Tiffany didn’t like any sorts of exhibition but Jessica was going.
Both of them shoved their hands into their pockets, collars raised to cover their necks, and were prepared to walk in the cold.
**
“I’m glad that you came.” Sunny had this crazy colour hair dye going on, it was eye-grabbing. Tiffany couldn’t stop staring at her hair. Jessica nudged her in the ribs.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Sun.” Jessica answered, giving a tight smile.
“Have a look. If there’s anything you like, I’ll give a special discount on Jessica’s account. She saved my life. And I’ll save her some money. Got it?” Sunny said before leaving the two alone to cater the newcomers.
“She’s interesting.” Tiffany remarked quietly.
**
Jessica was busy examining some of the paintings while Tiffany had no idea what the hell was going on. She had no interest in these kind of things. And she wasn’t going to try to understand.
The only worth looking at was.. Jessica. Tiffany dressed and undressed Jessica with her eyes. “Now, who’s staring?” Jessica smirked slightly, her eyes squinting at the painting before her.
“If I say some cheesy shit, will you let me?”
“Go ahead.” Jessica raised a brow at Tiffany before returning her attention onto another painting. It had weird lines on them and some triangle in the corner of the canvas.
Tiffany cleared her throat and neared Jessica from behind. Her mouth inches away from Jessica’s ear shell, her hands resting on Jessica’s waist, and whispered, “You’re an art. A masterpiece. You worth ten gazillion times more than all the paintings here combined. I’ll look at you forever.”
She could feel Jessica stiffened and then relaxed. Jessica looked over her shoulder to meet Tiffany’s eyes. “You’re only saying that because you want to get out of here right?”
“I do mean it though.” Tiffany grinned. “And yes.”
**
The next morning, Taeyeon left a note on Jessica’s pillow that she’ll be going somewhere and a vague line ‘Take care’. Didn’t say how how long she’ll be gone exactly. And Jessica didn’t know what to make of that. She did see brochures on Europe maps and such a week ago.
“Tiff, she left. She gave her resignation letter this morning.” Still, Jessica’s lips trembled. Because Taeyeon was no longer here to fight with. Or to know that Taeyone will always come back to the apartment, drunk or not drunk.
“I know.” It was only thing Tiffany could offer her for now.
**
Habit #3: Kissing
A week passed after Taeyeon’s absence (with a possibility that she might never come back) and Tiffany suggested something to Jessica over a coffee at some obscured café.
It was their place to go to after a day at the hospital. They had the usual black coffee and were so used to drinking it right after it was served, the burn on the tongue was left unfelt.
“Move in with me.” Tiffany looked down to her coffee, ringless hands around the mug. Jessica stopped abruptly from taking the sugar out of the coffee with a teaspoon. She had forgotten to tell the waiter about no sugar. Now, she had forgotten about taking the rest of the sugar out.
Jessica had the subtle startled look on her which Tiffany always recognized of. “We haven’t kiss or hold hands on an official date, and you’re asking me to move in with you?”
“I’m not asking.” Tiffany glanced up and gave a small smile. “I’m telling you to move in with me.”
After an hour spent at the café, they left with no location in mind. Tiffany stood closer to Jessica, enough to have their arms brushed against each other, and slid her hand down to grab Jessica’s.
“This was a date?”Jessica gave her a questioning look. Tiffany just laughed in response.
**
“You were wrong.” Tiffany said out of the blue, her concentration still on the road ahead. Jessica was with her. They were going back to the apartment after packing all of Jessica’s stuff.
“Wrong about what?” Jessica turned her in Tiffany’s direction.
“I wore the ring because it was beautiful despite the history behind it and I was already officially divorced. I came back not because he finished the race. I came back because I’d rather be in a race with you where there is no finish line.”
She gaped a little, trying to process what Tiffany was refering to. Then she remembered.
**
On a Saturday afternoon, Tiffany and Jessica went to the homeware store. They needed a new bed because the one back home was a single kind.
Jessica looked around to make sure there were no staffs and then climbed onto one of the beds. She bounced on it, testing its stability and comfort. Tiffany was busy finding the price.
“Come lie with me.” Jessica fell back onto the back, arms spread out on the sheets.
Tiffany hesitated but decided to join her in the end. She rested her head on Jessica’s arm and felt the firmness of the bed. “This one’s fine.”
“We should try kissing on this bed.” Jessica smiled playfully and pulled back her arm back from under Tiffany’s head. She moved down a little just and met Tiffany at eye level. “Kiss me.” She turned on her side and smiled.
Like shy teenagers, they haven’t really kiss yet. There were kisses on the cheeks and that was it. It was making Jessica impatient. But neither of them really initiated so they were both at fault.
“We shouldn’t.. There’s people.” Tiffany said even though she wasn’t counting on it. Her eyes were already on Jessica’s mouth. “And you know what happens if we do. I don’t think I could ever stop. Kissing you will be a habit that I can’t get rid of.”
“I don’t really care..” It meant both things. Jessica moved closer until their lips met. They continued kissing until a staff came and kicked them out.
The next day, they bought the bed and ignored the glare received from the same staff.
**
Habit #4: You as a whole
They were each other’s habit. It was like an addiction. A drug that they kept taking. They would go through a serious withdrawal without seeing each other just for an hour, kissing each other, looking at each other, and touching each other. And they’ll die happily if they overdosed. Correction - when they overdose.
“You should see a psychiatrist.” One of the colleagues joked after Tiffany accidentally wrongly called one of her patients Jessica. She gave an icy glare at him which Jessica always did with her interns. “You even do that ‘look’. Just like her.” He grimaced.
“Maybe you should see an orthopedic doctor later.” She said. After getting the hint, he quickly left.
**
“I think I’m rubbing off on you.” Tiffany said with a grin. Jessica was singing to one of Tiffany’s favourite songs; Safe & Sound by Sheryl Crow while vacuuming the place.
Being raised pampered, Jessica wasn’t the kind to clean or tidy. But ever since she moved into Tiffany’s apartment and learned the girl had some kind of cleaning OCD, Jessica developed it a little as well.
“Your fault.”
**
Tiffany used to be good at cooking. But after countless of nights ordering delivery food because of Jessica, Tiffany’s cooking skill dwindled.
“Don’t even remember how to cook rice anymore.” Tiffany said. It was night and they were hungry after the movie ended. Not that they watched the movie. Too busy watching each other and too much kissing.
Jessica rose from the couch and said, “I have a habit of collecting food menus. The best ones are kept. So what do you want?” She bent down and opened a drawer. Tiffany didn’t answer due to a certain distraction.
“Tiffany?” Jessica looked over her shoulder and rolled her eyes when she noticed Tiffany was looking at her back.
“Chinese food tonight.” Tiffany met her gaze with a sly smile and got up from the couch. She put her arms around Jessica from behind and kissed her neck. “We can have the desert now.”
**
Habit #5: Loving
Months after Taeyeon had sent Jessica the divorce papers and both of them signed, Jessica talked about marriage with Tiffany in bed one morning.
Tiffany stopped reading and took her glasses off. “We don’t need stupid papers to prove the world that we love each other. You know what happens in a signed marriage contract. It’s like being trapped. I love you and that’s all that matters.”
“But -” Jessica was interrupted as her lips were captured by Tiffany’s.
“I like the way it is. I like waking up next to you every morning. I love loving you. I hate when we argue but we’ll always come back to each other. It has become a habit of ours.”