GLEE: The Grass is Always Greener
Title: The Grass is Always Greener
Chapter: 3/?
Rating: overall NC-17, this chapter PG-13
Characters: Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, Quinn Fabray, ensemble
Pairing: Quinn/Puck
Warnings: Body swap, teen pregnancy
Spoilers: Blanket Season 2
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money. No affiliation.
A/N: from the glee_angst_meme, prompt here
Summary: Somehow, Quinn and Puck somehow end up in each others bodies. It's not as fun as it sounds either. The really horrifying thing? Puck ends up pregnant and seeing how the other half lives. This is not how he wanted to spend his senior year.
Secondary Note: Really, really, really confusing pronouns ahead.
Except he totally doesn't. Because they get the ice cream that he really wants first and then walk around the mall. When they go to Old Navy he figures it's about his wardrobe that she's talking about -and that's bullshit because his clothes are fine, okay. Fucking fine. But she's not exactly listening when he tells her this. So they end up shopping for clothes for the whole morning and he's totally not on board with it (although he has to admit she doesn't go all flouncy on him and she does stick to simple jeans and plain t-shirts and a few new plaid shirts and he's only complaining because she's spending his money on clothes when he'd totally use it on something else).
"Your turn." Those two words totally made him hate her again.
He officially hates shopping, even if she's just sort of walking around and thankfully doesn't make him try all this shit on. It's all put on her credit card and Puck's two steps away from making her carry all this shit when he just takes a fucking breath and lets it go. They'll be back in their own bodies before he needs to wear any of them, it's not like he's going to have to figure this shit out with hair and make-up, right? It'll be fixed long before that becomes an issue. Only, they sit down to lunch in this little sandwich place where Quinn has a standing order or something since they smile when they see Puck and ask if it's the 'usual'. He just nods, because whatever, and Quinn actually orders something different before they take a table and he's pretty sure this is where that serious 'talking about things' stuff comes in.
"So, we're probably going to school on Monday like this." It doesn't matter that Puck already sort of knew it, having it confirmed in his own voice pretty much made his stomach drop in that annoying and awkward way. "And you're going to need to be nice to Rach and San." She's acting like he's a kid, he's not too pleased -although realistically, his glare on her face, it might actually be a little more effective.
"I am not a pre-schooler; do not start this shit, Q." He knows that he needs to keep up her appearance -God, he'll need to do her fucking hair won't he- and he knows he's going to have to do her stupid 'holier than thou' bullshit and play the 'nice sweet' cheerleader -or former cheerleader, he's still not sure about that because really, he wants to stay on the football team, but he can't ask her to put up with that if he's not going to try the whole Cheerio's thing.
"We need to get some things ironed out." So they sit there and talk, like actually talk about stuff -usually Puck just lets someone else talk and he zones out, but shit he needs to pay attention. She calls Rachel and Santana by shortened names, he calls Rachel a slew of nicknames he has to remember for Quinn and her last name.
"And only, and I mean only, if Satan is in a funk you whip out Lo'. You over use that shit and she'll figure something out. Or think I wanna date her." It was difficult to explain his relationship with Santana -he was the one she cried on when Brittany didn't break up with Artie, she crawled into his house when she was supposed to be on Britt's little talk thing, she stayed with him on Prom night when she didn't win. It was like she didn't mind him seeing her all vulnerable and stuff. "So, if she climbs up the guttering, just make comment on her being a fucking spider-monkey or something and then just let her vent."
Puck needs to learn how to actually listen to Rachel, and to do French plaits because apparently, Rach and San can't but Quinn can and on occasion, they ask for one. Fuck his life.
"You need to keep up my grades. If this is a long term thing," Oh sweet mother of, don't let it be a long term thing, "I need those grades to get into college."
"Well, you need to not be nice to everyone or whatever; I'm not having my rep go down the pan just because you've lost your bitch or whatever."
"So, dating."
"I am not making love eyes at Sam, okay. He's with Mercedes, he's not single, he's a boy and I am not doing it."
"You're friends with him, right?"
"If you use me, and I mean my body, to break up Sam and Mercedes I will shave your damn head."
It's settled that they just won't date until things are back to normal. Puck's pretty sure he can deal with that, because it's not like he's looking to hook up with anyone. There's been one girl since Lauren and he broke up at the start of Summer, and that was just some stupid three date rebound. He's fine with Quinn not using his junk, because let’s face it, he's got a rep and if he suddenly sucks at sex there will be questions, and he will kill Quinn. And there's no way he's trying to get with Sam for Quinn. No fucking way.
"Do you boys share any secrets that might come up in conversation?"
"Not really, but Finn hits out with some random ass stuff sometimes, and Artie likes statistics, so that happens from time to time. Just, try and watch the original three Star Wars movies so that when Sam mentions something you're not blinking clueless at him, okay?"
---
Quinn pulls up outside her house and Puck's got to admit, she's getting much better at handling his truck. He's going to make a go of her car tomorrow -although he's sure it'll be simple, it's just figuring out the finer points and the size of the thing. She kills the engine and he figures there's one more thing.
"I want to be on the Cheerio's again." Yup, knew it was coming.
"Well, um," he wants to be on the team too, so, "Compromise? I'll try out, if you try and stick with football?" Quinn actually knows about football. She's been dating the QB for most of her high school life and she's been a cheerleader just as long. It's pretty safe to say she won't totally fuck it up. "I know some of your cheers. Maybe, are you still friends with Britt?" Because getting Brittany to run through cheers with him would be so much easier than Santana, because Brittany will ask fewer questions.
"Yeah. Yeah, she'd help. Okay, so we're doing this?"
"Looks like." Quinn just nods at him, so he climbs out. "Hey, um, will you come over tomorrow? I'm gonna need hair and make-up help if this goes on for too long." Right now, Quinn's hair is a bit of a mess, she said it was okay so long as he didn't get lazy with it. That means he needs to actually straighten or curl it sometimes. Quinn just smirks and nods and Puck figures he's in for hell tomorrow.
Ms Fabray does the same thing again. "How was your day?" And Puck is nice and calm as he runs down the shopping spree for Quinn's mom. He even pulls out a pair of the ballet flats that apparently, go with anything, in case Puck gets stuck. "You're spending a lot of time with that Puckerman boy." And Puck recognises the question in it, because his Ma does the same thing.
"We're trying to not hate each other." It's pretty much the standard answer Puck's going to give to anyone who asks him about him and Quinn hanging out. Because yeah, they've gone two whole days without arguing about anything -except that one pink baby doll dress that Puck was absolutely not wearing ever.
"That's good," Ms Fabray smiles at him, like she's proud or whatever, and cups his cheeks in her hands, "I'm glad you're both making an effort."
"Really? You, you don't mind?" This is weird, Puck had always thought that Ms Fabray would rather Puck and Quinn were never in the same township together never mind sitting in his truck together. "I sort of thought you would hate him." After everything with Beth, Ms Fabray had reason to hate him.
"Oh, sweetie, no." There's no more elaboration on that fact and Puck just sort of heads up to Quinn's room in a bit of a daze. Ms Fabray doesn't hate him. Weird.
He puts away all Quinn's new clothes -because he's not that much of a douche that he'll just leave them lying around her room- and then lays out on the bed to figure out what to do now. Fifteen minutes, one Google search and one of Quinn's Cabbage Patch Dolls later and Puck's a fucking French plait Jedi. He texts Quinn to inform her as such. He gets a smiley face in return.
---
What really irritates Puck is how he's starting to get used to waking up in Quinn's body. Quinn texts to say she'll be over after lunch, so Puck spends the morning pottering around with Ms Fabray before she goes out. Surprisingly, it's easy to relax around Quinn's mom this time. She talks about her job -and Puck didn't realise that Ms Fabray had a job, but it seems she likes having work now that Mr Fabray is out of the picture- about her friends and their plans for a long weekend in the next few weeks, about a potential dye job on her hair. "But you look pretty with blond. We match." Puck doesn't know what Quinn's opinion would be, but he personally thinks Ms Fabray looks fine. He gets that chicks are all about their appearance and stuff, and Puck's all for that cause hot chicks are hot, but when they overdo it, fuck. Puck doesn't get it.
"Puck's coming over this afternoon," Puck figures that if Ms Fabray doesn't mind him and Quinn hanging out then he should do the whole 'honesty with parents' thing. "We're going to finish up our Glee project." Not that they have one, but Quinn's really coming over to help Puck out with all these pesky girl-stuff things that he needs to know so that she doesn't kill him when they're back to normal.
So the day is spent showing Puck how to do the basics, and Puck is rather grateful that Quinn doesn't wear a lot of make-up. "Why do you even need this crap? Is not like you don't look good without it." He's pretty sure that he's said something right, because Quinn is in a pretty good mood for the rest of the day -even when she has to explain three times what goes with what and what clashes in her wardrobe. Puck never thought getting dressed could be so awkward.
"We can discuss waxing and shaving in a few days."
"Um, you need to shave every morning." Puck uses one of Quinn's delicately manicured nails to poke his own cheek. "Stubble is not something I am comfortable rocking." But that descended into a talk on grooming -seriously, she called it grooming- and Puck put his fingers in his ears and started singing Led Zeppelin really loudly until Quinn stopped.
"So, you'll meet Rach and San in front of the school tomorrow? Early, because Rach is always early."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll be there at 8. Why the hell she gets there for 8 I will never understand. You're lucky, you get free reign to sleep in. Although Sarah needs to be at school before half past, okay? You need to drop her off." They've already compared their schedules, and Puck's fairly certain that he can cope with her classes and actually paying attention for a little while. He's fairly certain that his teachers are just going to be stunned that he actually shows up for class.
"Are you nervous?" He's not overly nervous, they've known each other long enough and well enough to manage to act like the other where they need. His biggest worry is someone -like Santana or Finn or Rachel- asking questions if they screw up somewhere.
"Not really, a little?" It's weird when Quinn hugs him, because he's pretty much hugging himself and he's the girl in this hug and frankly, it's the first weird thing he's felt since the boob thing. "You starting to freak out yet?" He expects that she might finally freak out at the worst time, because he has a tendency to ignore things until they explode -like when Beth was born.
"No, I'm fine. We're fine. It's going to be fine." Maybe if she says it enough times, it'll be true.
---
Part Four
Chapter: 3/?
Rating: overall NC-17, this chapter PG-13
Characters: Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, Quinn Fabray, ensemble
Pairing: Quinn/Puck
Warnings: Body swap, teen pregnancy
Spoilers: Blanket Season 2
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money. No affiliation.
A/N: from the glee_angst_meme, prompt here
Summary: Somehow, Quinn and Puck somehow end up in each others bodies. It's not as fun as it sounds either. The really horrifying thing? Puck ends up pregnant and seeing how the other half lives. This is not how he wanted to spend his senior year.
Secondary Note: Really, really, really confusing pronouns ahead.
Except he totally doesn't. Because they get the ice cream that he really wants first and then walk around the mall. When they go to Old Navy he figures it's about his wardrobe that she's talking about -and that's bullshit because his clothes are fine, okay. Fucking fine. But she's not exactly listening when he tells her this. So they end up shopping for clothes for the whole morning and he's totally not on board with it (although he has to admit she doesn't go all flouncy on him and she does stick to simple jeans and plain t-shirts and a few new plaid shirts and he's only complaining because she's spending his money on clothes when he'd totally use it on something else).
"Your turn." Those two words totally made him hate her again.
He officially hates shopping, even if she's just sort of walking around and thankfully doesn't make him try all this shit on. It's all put on her credit card and Puck's two steps away from making her carry all this shit when he just takes a fucking breath and lets it go. They'll be back in their own bodies before he needs to wear any of them, it's not like he's going to have to figure this shit out with hair and make-up, right? It'll be fixed long before that becomes an issue. Only, they sit down to lunch in this little sandwich place where Quinn has a standing order or something since they smile when they see Puck and ask if it's the 'usual'. He just nods, because whatever, and Quinn actually orders something different before they take a table and he's pretty sure this is where that serious 'talking about things' stuff comes in.
"So, we're probably going to school on Monday like this." It doesn't matter that Puck already sort of knew it, having it confirmed in his own voice pretty much made his stomach drop in that annoying and awkward way. "And you're going to need to be nice to Rach and San." She's acting like he's a kid, he's not too pleased -although realistically, his glare on her face, it might actually be a little more effective.
"I am not a pre-schooler; do not start this shit, Q." He knows that he needs to keep up her appearance -God, he'll need to do her fucking hair won't he- and he knows he's going to have to do her stupid 'holier than thou' bullshit and play the 'nice sweet' cheerleader -or former cheerleader, he's still not sure about that because really, he wants to stay on the football team, but he can't ask her to put up with that if he's not going to try the whole Cheerio's thing.
"We need to get some things ironed out." So they sit there and talk, like actually talk about stuff -usually Puck just lets someone else talk and he zones out, but shit he needs to pay attention. She calls Rachel and Santana by shortened names, he calls Rachel a slew of nicknames he has to remember for Quinn and her last name.
"And only, and I mean only, if Satan is in a funk you whip out Lo'. You over use that shit and she'll figure something out. Or think I wanna date her." It was difficult to explain his relationship with Santana -he was the one she cried on when Brittany didn't break up with Artie, she crawled into his house when she was supposed to be on Britt's little talk thing, she stayed with him on Prom night when she didn't win. It was like she didn't mind him seeing her all vulnerable and stuff. "So, if she climbs up the guttering, just make comment on her being a fucking spider-monkey or something and then just let her vent."
Puck needs to learn how to actually listen to Rachel, and to do French plaits because apparently, Rach and San can't but Quinn can and on occasion, they ask for one. Fuck his life.
"You need to keep up my grades. If this is a long term thing," Oh sweet mother of, don't let it be a long term thing, "I need those grades to get into college."
"Well, you need to not be nice to everyone or whatever; I'm not having my rep go down the pan just because you've lost your bitch or whatever."
"So, dating."
"I am not making love eyes at Sam, okay. He's with Mercedes, he's not single, he's a boy and I am not doing it."
"You're friends with him, right?"
"If you use me, and I mean my body, to break up Sam and Mercedes I will shave your damn head."
It's settled that they just won't date until things are back to normal. Puck's pretty sure he can deal with that, because it's not like he's looking to hook up with anyone. There's been one girl since Lauren and he broke up at the start of Summer, and that was just some stupid three date rebound. He's fine with Quinn not using his junk, because let’s face it, he's got a rep and if he suddenly sucks at sex there will be questions, and he will kill Quinn. And there's no way he's trying to get with Sam for Quinn. No fucking way.
"Do you boys share any secrets that might come up in conversation?"
"Not really, but Finn hits out with some random ass stuff sometimes, and Artie likes statistics, so that happens from time to time. Just, try and watch the original three Star Wars movies so that when Sam mentions something you're not blinking clueless at him, okay?"
---
Quinn pulls up outside her house and Puck's got to admit, she's getting much better at handling his truck. He's going to make a go of her car tomorrow -although he's sure it'll be simple, it's just figuring out the finer points and the size of the thing. She kills the engine and he figures there's one more thing.
"I want to be on the Cheerio's again." Yup, knew it was coming.
"Well, um," he wants to be on the team too, so, "Compromise? I'll try out, if you try and stick with football?" Quinn actually knows about football. She's been dating the QB for most of her high school life and she's been a cheerleader just as long. It's pretty safe to say she won't totally fuck it up. "I know some of your cheers. Maybe, are you still friends with Britt?" Because getting Brittany to run through cheers with him would be so much easier than Santana, because Brittany will ask fewer questions.
"Yeah. Yeah, she'd help. Okay, so we're doing this?"
"Looks like." Quinn just nods at him, so he climbs out. "Hey, um, will you come over tomorrow? I'm gonna need hair and make-up help if this goes on for too long." Right now, Quinn's hair is a bit of a mess, she said it was okay so long as he didn't get lazy with it. That means he needs to actually straighten or curl it sometimes. Quinn just smirks and nods and Puck figures he's in for hell tomorrow.
Ms Fabray does the same thing again. "How was your day?" And Puck is nice and calm as he runs down the shopping spree for Quinn's mom. He even pulls out a pair of the ballet flats that apparently, go with anything, in case Puck gets stuck. "You're spending a lot of time with that Puckerman boy." And Puck recognises the question in it, because his Ma does the same thing.
"We're trying to not hate each other." It's pretty much the standard answer Puck's going to give to anyone who asks him about him and Quinn hanging out. Because yeah, they've gone two whole days without arguing about anything -except that one pink baby doll dress that Puck was absolutely not wearing ever.
"That's good," Ms Fabray smiles at him, like she's proud or whatever, and cups his cheeks in her hands, "I'm glad you're both making an effort."
"Really? You, you don't mind?" This is weird, Puck had always thought that Ms Fabray would rather Puck and Quinn were never in the same township together never mind sitting in his truck together. "I sort of thought you would hate him." After everything with Beth, Ms Fabray had reason to hate him.
"Oh, sweetie, no." There's no more elaboration on that fact and Puck just sort of heads up to Quinn's room in a bit of a daze. Ms Fabray doesn't hate him. Weird.
He puts away all Quinn's new clothes -because he's not that much of a douche that he'll just leave them lying around her room- and then lays out on the bed to figure out what to do now. Fifteen minutes, one Google search and one of Quinn's Cabbage Patch Dolls later and Puck's a fucking French plait Jedi. He texts Quinn to inform her as such. He gets a smiley face in return.
---
What really irritates Puck is how he's starting to get used to waking up in Quinn's body. Quinn texts to say she'll be over after lunch, so Puck spends the morning pottering around with Ms Fabray before she goes out. Surprisingly, it's easy to relax around Quinn's mom this time. She talks about her job -and Puck didn't realise that Ms Fabray had a job, but it seems she likes having work now that Mr Fabray is out of the picture- about her friends and their plans for a long weekend in the next few weeks, about a potential dye job on her hair. "But you look pretty with blond. We match." Puck doesn't know what Quinn's opinion would be, but he personally thinks Ms Fabray looks fine. He gets that chicks are all about their appearance and stuff, and Puck's all for that cause hot chicks are hot, but when they overdo it, fuck. Puck doesn't get it.
"Puck's coming over this afternoon," Puck figures that if Ms Fabray doesn't mind him and Quinn hanging out then he should do the whole 'honesty with parents' thing. "We're going to finish up our Glee project." Not that they have one, but Quinn's really coming over to help Puck out with all these pesky girl-stuff things that he needs to know so that she doesn't kill him when they're back to normal.
So the day is spent showing Puck how to do the basics, and Puck is rather grateful that Quinn doesn't wear a lot of make-up. "Why do you even need this crap? Is not like you don't look good without it." He's pretty sure that he's said something right, because Quinn is in a pretty good mood for the rest of the day -even when she has to explain three times what goes with what and what clashes in her wardrobe. Puck never thought getting dressed could be so awkward.
"We can discuss waxing and shaving in a few days."
"Um, you need to shave every morning." Puck uses one of Quinn's delicately manicured nails to poke his own cheek. "Stubble is not something I am comfortable rocking." But that descended into a talk on grooming -seriously, she called it grooming- and Puck put his fingers in his ears and started singing Led Zeppelin really loudly until Quinn stopped.
"So, you'll meet Rach and San in front of the school tomorrow? Early, because Rach is always early."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll be there at 8. Why the hell she gets there for 8 I will never understand. You're lucky, you get free reign to sleep in. Although Sarah needs to be at school before half past, okay? You need to drop her off." They've already compared their schedules, and Puck's fairly certain that he can cope with her classes and actually paying attention for a little while. He's fairly certain that his teachers are just going to be stunned that he actually shows up for class.
"Are you nervous?" He's not overly nervous, they've known each other long enough and well enough to manage to act like the other where they need. His biggest worry is someone -like Santana or Finn or Rachel- asking questions if they screw up somewhere.
"Not really, a little?" It's weird when Quinn hugs him, because he's pretty much hugging himself and he's the girl in this hug and frankly, it's the first weird thing he's felt since the boob thing. "You starting to freak out yet?" He expects that she might finally freak out at the worst time, because he has a tendency to ignore things until they explode -like when Beth was born.
"No, I'm fine. We're fine. It's going to be fine." Maybe if she says it enough times, it'll be true.
---
Part Four